She had waited—waited for a sound, an
exclamation; waited for him to open the letter; but he had slipped it into his
pocket without a word and followed her into the library. And there they had sat
down by the fire and lit their cigarettes, and he had remained silent, his head
thrown back broodingly against the armchair, his eyes fixed on the hearth, and
presently had passed his hand over his forehead and said: “Wasn’t it unusually
hot at my mother’s tonight? I’ve got a splitting head. Mind if I take myself
off to bed?”
That
was the first time. Since then Charlotte had never been present when he had
received the letter. It usually came before he got home from his office, and
she had to go upstairs and leave it lying there. But even if she had not seen
it, she would have known it had come by the change in his face when he joined
her—which, on those evenings, he seldom did before they met for dinner.
Evidently, whatever the letter contained, he wanted to be by himself to deal
with it; and when he reappeared he looked years older, looked emptied of life
and courage, and hardly conscious of her presence. Sometimes he was silent for
the rest of the evening; and if he spoke, it was usually to hint some criticism
of her household arrangements, suggest some change in the domestic
administration, to ask, a little nervously, if she didn’t think Joyce’s nursery
governess was rather young and flighty, or if she herself always saw to it that
Peter—whose throat was delicate—was properly wrapped up when he went to school.
At such times Charlotte would remember the friendly warnings she had received
when she became engaged to Kenneth Ashby: “Marrying a heartbroken widower!
Isn’t that rather risky?
You
know Elsie Ashby absolutely dominated him”; and how she had jokingly replied:
“He may be glad of a little liberty for a change.” And in this respect she had
been right. She had needed no one to tell her, during the first months, that
her husband was perfectly happy with her. When they came back from their
protracted honeymoon the same friends said: “What have you done to Kenneth? He
looks twenty years younger”; and this time she answered with careless joy: “I
suppose I’ve got him out of his groove.”
But
what she noticed after the gray letters began to come was not so much his
nervous tentative faultfinding—which always seemed to be uttered against his
will—as the look in his eyes when he joined her after receiving one of the
letters. The look was not unloving, not even indifferent; it was the look of a
man who had been so far away from ordinary events that when he returns to
familiar things they seem strange. She minded that more than the faultfinding.
Though
she had been sure from the first that the handwriting on the gray envelope was
a woman’s, it was long before she associated the mysterious letters with any
sentimental secret. She was too sure of her husband’s love, too confident of
filling his life, for such an idea to occur to her. It seemed far more likely
that the letters—which certainly did not appear to cause him any sentimental
pleasure—were addressed to the busy lawyer than to the private person. Probably
they were from some tiresome client—women, he had often told her, were nearly
always tiresome as clients—who did not want her letters opened by his secretary
and therefore had them carried to his house. Yes; but in that case the unknown
female must be unusually troublesome, judging from the effect her letters
produced. Then again, though his professional discretion was exemplary, it was
odd that he had never uttered an impatient comment, never remarked to
Charlotte, in a moment of expansion, that there was a nuisance of a woman who
kept badgering him about a case that had gone against her. He had made more
than one semi-confidence of the kind—of course without giving names or details;
but concerning this mysterious correspondent his lips were sealed.
There
was another possibility: what is euphemistically called an “old entanglement”.
Charlotte Ashby was a sophisticated woman. She had few illusions about the
intricacies of the human heart; she knew that there were often old
entanglements. But when she had married Kenneth Ashby, her friends, instead of
hinting at such a possibility, had said: “You’ve got your work cut out for you.
Marrying a Don Juan is a sinecure to it. Kenneth’s never looked at another
woman since he first saw Elsie Corder. During all the years of their marriage
he was more like an unhappy lover than a comfortably contented husband. He’ll
never let you move an armchair or change the place of a lamp; and whatever you
venture to do, he’ll mentally compare with what Elsie would have done in your
place.”
Except
for an occasional nervous mistrust as to her ability to manage the children—a
mistrust gradually dispelled by her good humour and the children’s obvious
fondness for her—none of these forebodings had come true. The desolate widower,
of whom his nearest friends said that only his absorbing professional interests
had kept him from suicide after his first wife’s death, had fallen in love, two
years later, with Charlotte Gorse, and after an impetuous wooing had married
her and carried her off on a tropical honeymoon. And ever
since he had been as tender and loverlike as during those first radiant weeks.
Before asking her to marry him he had spoken to her frankly of his great love
for his first wife and his despair after her sudden death; but even then he had
assumed no stricken attitude, or implied that life offered no possibility of
renewal. He had been perfectly simple and natural, and had confessed to
Charlotte that from the beginning he had hoped the future held new gifts for
him. And when, after their marriage, they returned to the house where his
twelve years with his first wife had been spent, he had told Charlotte at once
that he was sorry he couldn’t afford to do the place over for her, but that he
knew every woman had her own views about furniture and all sorts of household
arrangements a man would never notice, and had begged her to make any changes
she saw fit without bothering to consult him. As a result, she made as few as
possible; but his way of beginning their new life in the old setting was so
frank and unembarrassed that it put her immediately at her ease, and she was
almost sorry to find that the portrait of Elsie Ashby, which used to hang over
the desk in his library, had been transferred in their absence to the children’s
nursery. Knowing herself to be the indirect cause of this banishment, she spoke
of it to her husband; but he answered: “Oh, I thought they ought to grow up
with her looking down on them.” The answer moved Charlotte, and satisfied her;
and as time went by she had to confess that she felt more at home in her house,
more at ease and in confidence with her husband, since that long coldly
beautiful face on the library wall no longer followed her with guarded eyes. It
was as if Kenneth’s love had penetrated to the secret she hardly acknowledged
to her own heart—her passionate need to feel herself the sovereign even of his
past.
With
all this stored-up happiness to sustain her, it was curious that she had lately
found herself yielding to a nervous apprehension. But there the apprehension
was; and on this particular afternoon—perhaps because she was more tired than
usual, or because of the trouble of finding a new cook or, for some other
ridiculously trivial reason, moral or physical—she found herself unable to
react against the feeling.
1 comment