“How tired he is! How
terribly overtired!” Charlotte said to herself, pursuing her own thoughts while he rambled on about
municipal politics, aviation, an exhibition of modern
French painting, the health of an old aunt and the installing of the automatic
telephone. “Good heavens, how tired he is!”
When
they dined alone they usually went into the library after dinner, and Charlotte curled herself up on the divan with her
knitting while he settled down in his armchair under the lamp and lit a pipe.
But this evening, by tacit agreement, they avoided the room in which their
strange talk had taken place, and went up to Charlotte’s drawing-room.
They
sat down near the fire, and Charlotte said: “Your pipe?” after he had put down his hardly tasted coffee.
He
shook his head. “No, not tonight.”
“You
must go to bed early; you look terribly tired. I’m sure they overwork you at
the office.”
“I
suppose we all overwork at times.”
She
rose and stood before him with sudden resolution. “Well, I’m not going to have
you use up your strength slaving in that way. It’s absurd. I can see you’re
ill.” She bent over him and laid her hand on his forehead. “My
poor old Kenneth. Prepare to be taken away soon on a long holiday.”
He
looked up at her, startled. “A holiday?”
“Certainly. Didn’t you know I was going to carry you off at
Easter? We’re going to start in a fortnight on a month’s voyage to somewhere or
other. On any one of the big cruising steamers.” She
paused and bent closer, touching his forehead with her lips. “I’m tired, too,
Kenneth.”
He
seemed to pay no heed to her last words, but sat, his hands on his knees, his
head drawn back a little from her caress, and looked up at her with a stare of
apprehension. “Again? My dear, we can’t; I can’t
possibly go away.”
“I
don’t know why you say ‘again’, Kenneth; we haven’t taken a real holiday this
year.”
“At
Christmas we spent a week with the children in the country.”
“Yes,
but this time I mean away from the children, from servants, from the house.
From everything that’s familiar and fatiguing. Your mother will love to have
Joyce and Peter with her.”
He
frowned and slowly shook his head. “No, dear; I can’t leave them with my
mother.”
“Why,
Kenneth, how absurd! She adores them. You didn’t hesitate to leave them with
her for over two months when we went to the West Indies.”
He
drew a deep breath and stood up uneasily. “That was different.”
“Different?
Why?”
“I
mean, at that time I didn’t realize”—He broke off as if to choose his words and
then went on: “My mother adores the children, as you say. But she isn’t always
very judicious. Grandmothers always spoil children. And she sometimes talks
before them without thinking.” He turned to his wife with an almost pitiful
gesture of entreaty. “Don’t ask me to, dear.”
Charlotte mused. It was true that the elder Mrs.
Ashby had a fearless tongue, but she was the last woman in the world to say or
hint anything before her grandchildren at which the most scrupulous parent
could take offense. Charlotte looked at her husband in perplexity.
“I
don’t understand.”
He
continued to turn on her the same troubled and entreating gaze. “Don’t try to,”
he muttered.
“Not
try to?”
“Not
now—not yet.” He put up his hands and pressed them against his temples. “Can’t
you see that there’s no use in insisting? I can’t go away, no matter how much I
might want to.”
Charlotte still scrutinized him gravely. “The
question is, do
you want to?”
He
returned her gaze for a moment; then his lips began to tremble, and he said,
hardly above his breath: “I want—anything you want.”
“And
yet—”
“Don’t
ask me. I can’t leave—I can’t!”
“You
mean that you can’t go away out of reach of those letters!”
Her
husband had been standing before her in an uneasy half-hesitating attitude; now
he turned abruptly away and walked once or twice up and down the length of the
room, his head bent, his eyes fixed on the carpet.
Charlotte felt her resentfulness rising with her
fears. “It’s that,” she persisted. “Why not admit it? You can’t live without
them.”
He
continued his troubled pacing of the room; then he stopped short, dropped into
a chair and covered his face with his hands. From the shaking of his shoulders,
Charlotte saw that he was weeping. She had never seen
a man cry, except her father after her mother’s death, when she was a little
girl; and she remembered still how the sight had frightened her.
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