[To the STAGE MANAGER] Is anyone missing?

STAGE MANAGER. The leading lady.

DIRECTOR. As usual. [Looks at his watch] We’re already ten minutes late. Do me a favour: make a note of it. That’ll teach her to be on time for rehearsals.

Before he has even finished this reprimand, the voice of the LEADING LADY is heard from the back of the theatre.

LEADING LADY. No, no. Please don’t! Here I am, here I am!

Dressed in white from head to foot, with a dashing broad hat on her head and a charming lapdog in her arms, she runs down the central aisle and hurries up the steps onto the stage.

DIRECTOR. You never miss an opportunity to keep us waiting.

LEADING LADY. So sorry. I tried so hard to find a taxi and get here on time. But I can see you haven’t started yet. And I’m not on stage straightaway. [Calls the STAGE MANAGER by name and hands him the dog] Please lock him in my dressing room.

DIRECTOR [grumbling]. And now the dog as well. As if there weren’t enough dogs here already! [Clapping his hands again and turning to the PROMPTER] Right then, let’s go: Act Two of The Rules of the Game. [Sits in the armchair] Your attention, ladies and gentleman! Who’s on stage?

The ACTORS and ACTRESSES clear the front of the stage and go to sit at the side—all except for the three who are supposed to be on stage and the LEADING LADY who, paying no attention to the DIRECTOR, has gone to sit at one of the two small tables.

DIRECTOR [to the LEADING LADY]. So you’re on stage, are you?

LEADING LADY. Me? No, sir.

DIRECTOR [annoyed]. Then get out of the way, for God’s sake!

The LEADING LADY gets up and goes to sit with the other ACTORS who have already withdrawn to one side.

DIRECTOR [to the PROMPTER]. Let’s get started, let’s get started.

PROMPTER [reading from the script]. ‘In the house of Leone Gala. A strange room, both dining-room and study.’

DIRECTOR [turning to the STAGE MANAGER]. We’ll use the red set.

STAGE MANAGER [noting it down on a piece of paper]. The red one. Right.

PROMPTER [still reading from the script]. ‘Table ready laid and desk with books and papers. Bookshelves and china cabinets displaying precious ware. Exit rear leads to Leone’s bedroom. Side exit left for the kitchen.