The poor feeble emotion he
had experienced for Isabella was completely washed out and gone now.
He felt horribly ashamed of himself when he thought about it. His
parents were perfectly right, of course; they had known best, and
fortunately Isabella had not perhaps believed him, and was not a
person of deep feeling anyway.
But the extreme discomfort of the thought of her made him toss in his
bed. What ought he to do? Rush away from Lucerne? To what good? The
die was cast, and in any case he was not bound to Isabella in any
way. But at least he ought to write to her and tell her he had made a
mistake. That was the only honest thing to do. A terrible duty, and
he must brace himself up to accomplish it.
He breakfasted in his sitting-room, his thoughts scourging him the
while, and afterwards, with a bulldog determination, he faced the
writing-table and began.
He tore up at least three sheets to start with—no Greek lines of
punishment in his boyhood had ever appeared such a task as this. He
found himself scribbling profiles on the paper, chiselled profiles
with inky hair—but no words would come.
"Dear Isabella," he wrote at last. No—"My dear Isabella," then he
paused and bit the pen. "I feel I ought to tell you something has
happened to me. I see my parents were right when—" "Oh! dash it all,"
he said to himself, "it's a beastly sneaking thing to do to put it
like that," and he scratched the paragraph out and began again. "I
have made a mistake in my feelings for you; I know now that they were
those of a brother—" "O Lord, what am I to say next, it does sound
bald, this!" The poor boy groaned and ran his hands through his curly
hair, then seized the pen again, and continued—"as such I shall love
you always, dear Isabella. Please forgive me if I have caused you any
pain. It was all my fault, and I feel a beastly cad.—Your very
unhappy PAUL."
This was not a masterpiece! but it would have to do. So he copied it
out on a fresh piece of paper. Then, when it was all finished and
addressed he ran down and posted it himself in the hall, with some of
the emotions Alexander may have experienced when he burnt his ships.
The clock struck eleven. At what time would he see the
lady—his lady he called her now. Some instinct told him she
did not wish the hotel people to be aware of their acquaintance. He
felt it wiser not to send a note. He must wait and hope.
Rain or not, he was too English to stay indoors all day. So out he
went and into the town. The quaint bridge pleased him; he tried to
think how she would have told him to use his eyes. He must not be
stupid, he said to himself, and already he began to perceive new
meanings in things. Coming back, he chanced to stop and look in at
the fur shop under the hotel. There were some nice skins there, and
what caught his attention most was a really splendid tiger. A
magnificent creature the beast must have been. The deepest, most
perfectly marked, largest one he had ever seen. He stood for some time
admiring it. An infinitely better specimen than his lady had over her
couch. Should he buy it for her? Would she take it? Would it please
her to think he had remembered it might be what she would like?
He went into the shop. It was not even dear as tigers go, and his
parents had given him ample money for any follies.
"Confound it, Henrietta! The boy must have his head!" Sir Charles
Verdayne had said.
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