Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter, in way of thy excuse. My lady will hang thee for thy absence.

CLO. Let her hang me! He that is well hang'd in this world needs to fear no colors.

MAR. Make that good.

CLO. He shall see none to fear.

MAR. A good lenten answer. I can tell thee where that saying was born, of »I fear no colors.«

CLO. Where, good Mistress Mary?

MAR. In the wars, and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.

CLO. Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that are fools, let them use their talents.

MAR. Yet you will be hang'd for being so long absent, or to be turn'd away – is not that as good as a hanging to you?

CLO. Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and for turning away, let summer bear it out.

MAR. You are resolute then?

CLO. Not so, neither, but I am resolv'd on two points –

MAR. That if one break, the other will hold; or if both break, your gaskins fall.

CLO. Apt, in good faith, very apt. Well, go thy way, if Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria.

MAR. Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my lady. Make your excuse wisely, you were best.

 

[Exit.]

 

Enter Lady Olivia with Malvolio [and Attendants].

 

CLO. Wit, and't be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits that think they have thee do very oft prove fools; and I that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus? »Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.« – God bless thee, lady!

OLI. Take the fool away.

CLO. Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.

OLI. Go to, y' are a dry fool; I'll no more of you. Besides, you grow dishonest.

CLO. Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend; for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the dishonest man mend himself: if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Any thing that's mended is but patch'd; virtue that transgresses is but patch'd with sin, and sin that amends is but patch'd with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve, so; if it will not, what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty's a flower. The lady bade take away the fool, therefore I say again, take her away.

OLI.