She was not afraid
of rivals; he and she had seen each other’s souls.
She
turned away, smiling carelessly at her insignificant reflection, and went back
to her arm-chair near the balcony. The room in which she sat was very
beautiful; it pleased Corbett to make all his surroundings beautiful. It was
the drawing-room of his hotel in Paris, and the balcony near which his wife sat
overlooked a small bosky garden framed in ivied walls, with a mouldering
terra-cotta statue in the centre of its cup-shaped lawn. They had now been
married some two months, and, after travelling for several weeks, had both desired
to return to Paris; Corbett because he was really happier there than elsewhere,
Delia because she passionately longed to enter as a wife the house where she
had so often come and gone as a guest. How she used to find herself dreaming in
the midst of one of Corbett’s delightful dinners (to which she and her husband
were continually being summoned) of a day when she might sit at the same table,
but facing its master, a day when no carriage should wait to whirl her away
from the brightly lit porte-cochere, and when, after the guests had gone, he
and she should be left alone in his library, and she might sit down beside him
and put her hand in his! The high-minded reader may infer from this that I am
presenting him, in the person of Delia Corbett, with a heroine whom he would
not like his wife to meet; but how many of us could face each other in the calm
consciousness of moral rectitude if our inmost desire were not hidden under a
convenient garb of lawful observance?
Delia
Corbett, as Delia Benson, had been a very good wife to her first husband; some
people (Corbett among them) had even thought her laxly tolerant of “poor
Benson’s” weaknesses. But then she knew her own; and it is admitted that
nothing goes so far toward making us blink the foibles of others as the wish to
have them extend a like mercy to ourselves. Not that Delia’s foibles were of a
tangible nature; they belonged to the order which escapes analysis by the
coarse process of our social standards. Perhaps their very immateriality, the
consciousness that she could never be brought to book for them before any human
tribunal, made her the more restive under their weight; for she was of a nature
to prefer buying her happiness to stealing it. But her rising scruples were
perpetually being allayed by some fresh indiscretion of Benson’s, to which she
submitted with an undeviating amiability which flung her into the opposite
extreme of wondering if she didn’t really influence him to do wrong—if she
mightn’t help him to do better. All these psychological subtleties exerted,
however, no influence over her conduct which, since the day of her marriage,
had been a model of delicate circumspection. It was only necessary to look at
Benson to see that the most eager reformer could have done little to improve him.
In the first place he must have encountered the initial difficulty, most
disheartening to reformers, of making his neophyte distinguish between right
and wrong. Undoubtedly it was within the measure even of Benson’s primitive
perceptions to recognize that some actions were permissible and others were
not; but his sole means of classifying them was to try both, and then deny
having committed those of which his wife disapproved. Delia had once owned a
poodle who greatly desired to sleep on a white fur rug which she destined to
other uses. She and the poodle disagreed on the subject, and the later, though
submitting to her authority (when reinforced by a whip), could never be made to
see the justice of her demand, and consequently (as the rug frequently revealed)
never missed an opportunity of evading it when her back was turned. Her husband
often reminded her of the poodle, and, not having a whip or its moral
equivalent to control him with, she had long since resigned herself to seeing
him smudge the whiteness of her early illusions. The worst of it was that her
resignation was such a cheap virtue. She had to be perpetually rousing herself
to a sense of Benson’s enormities; through the ever-lengthening perspective of
her indifference they looked as small as the details of a landscape seen
through the wrong end of a telescope. Now and then she tried to remind herself
that she had married him for love; but she was well aware that the sentiment
she had once entertained for him had nothing in common with the state of mind
which the words now represented to her; and this naturally diminished the force
of the argument. She had married him at nineteen, because he had beautiful blue
eyes and always wore a gardenia in his coat; really, as far as she could
remember, these considerations had been the determining factors in her choice.
Delia as a child (her parents were since dead) had been a much-indulged
daughter, with a liberal allowance of pocket-money, and permission to spend it
unquestioned and unadvised. Subsequently, she used sometimes to look, in a
critical humor, at the various articles which she had purchased in her teens;
futile chains and lockets, valueless china knick-knacks, and poor engravings of
sentimental pictures. These, as a chastisement to her taste, she religiously
preserved; and they often made her think of Benson. No one, she could not but
reflect, would have blamed her if, with the acquirement of a fuller
discrimination, she had thrown them all out of the window and replaced them by
some object of permanent merit; but she was expected not only to keep Benson
for life, but to conceal the fact that her taste had long since discarded him.
It
could hardly be expected that a woman who reasoned so dispassionately about her
mistakes should attempt to deceive herself about her preferences. Corbett
personified all those finer amenities of mind and manners which may convert the
mere act of being into a beneficent career; to Delia he seemed the most
admirable man she had ever met, and she would have thought it disloyal to her
best aspirations not to admire him. But she did not attempt to palliate her
warmer feeling under the mask of a plausible esteem; she knew that she loved
him, and scorned to disavow that also. So well, however, did she keep her
secret that Corbett himself never suspected it, until her husband’s death freed
her from the obligation of concealment. Then, indeed,
she gloried in its confession; and after two years of widowhood, and more than
two months of marriage, she was still under the spell of that moment of
exquisite avowal.
She
was reliving it now, as she often did in the rare hours which separated her
from her husband; when presently she heard his step on the stairs, and started
up with the blush of eighteen. As she walked across the room to meet him she
asked herself perversely (she was given to such obliqueness of self-scrutiny)
if to a dispassionate eye he would appear as complete, as supremely
well-equipped as she beheld him, or if she walked in a cloud of delusion, dense
as the god-concealing mist of Homer. But whenever she put this question to
herself, Corbett’s appearance instantly relegated it to the limbo of solved
enigmas; he was so obviously admirable that she wondered that people didn’t
stop her in the street to attest her good fortune.
As
he came forward now, this renewal of satisfaction was so strong in her that she
felt an impulse to seize him and assure herself of his reality; he was so
perilously like the phantasms of joy which had mocked her dissatisfied past.
But his coat-sleeve was convincingly tangible; and, pinching it, she felt the
muscles beneath.
“What—all
alone?” he said, smiling back her welcome.
“No,
I wasn’t—I was with you!” she exclaimed; then fearing to appear fatuous, added,
with a slight shrug, “Don’t be alarmed—it won’t last.”
“That’s
what frightens me,” he answered, gravely.
“Precisely,”
she laughed; “and I shall take good care not to reassure you!”
They
stood face to face for a moment, reading in each other’s eyes the completeness
of their communion; then he broke the silence by saying, “By the way, I’d
forgotten; here’s a letter for you.”
She
took it unregardingly, her eyes still deep in his; but as her glance turned to
the envelope she uttered a note of pleasure.
“Oh,
how nice—it’s from your only rival!”
“Your Aunt Mary?”
She
nodded. “I haven’t heard from her in a month—and I’m afraid I haven’t written
to her either. You don’t know how many beneficent intentions of mine you divert
from their proper channels.”
“But
your Aunt Mary has had you all your life—I’ve only had you two months,” he
objected.
Delia
was still contemplating the letter with a smile. “Dear thing!” she murmured.
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