The marriage of
her children was her next care; but she could never come to a
decisive resolve as to which alliance would be the most
advantageous to her family, and at the same time most promote the
cause of the Guelphs in Italy.
"When my father died, she sent for my eldest brother from
Naples; and for several months her mind was occupied by his
accession, and the dignity that the houses of Adimari and Valperga
would acquire by having a young warrior at their head, instead of a
woman and a blind philosopher. My brother was a soldier, a brave
man, full of ambition and party spirit; and a new field was opened
to my mother's politics by him, when he detailed the intrigues
of the Neapolitan court; she was for ever occupied in sending
messengers, receiving dispatches, calculating imposts, and all the
pygmy acts of a petty state.
"When I was nineteen years of age, we heard that my younger
brother had fallen ill at Rome, and desired to see some one of his
family. My uncle, the abbot of St. Maurice, was on the point of
going to Rome; and I obtained my mother's leave to accompany
him. Oh, what long draughts of joy I drank in on that journey! I
did not think that my brother's illness was dangerous, and
indeed considered that circumstance more as the pretext, than the
object of my journey; so I fearlessly gave myself up to the
enthusiasm that deluged my soul. Expression lags, as then my own
spirit flagged, beneath the influence of these thoughts: it was to
Rome I journeyed, to see the vestiges of the mistress of the world,
within whose walls all I could conceive of great, and good, and
wise, had breathed and acted: I should draw in the sacred air which
had vivified the heroes of Rome; their shades would surround me;
and the very stones that I should tread were marked by their
footsteps. Can you conceive what I felt? You have not studied the
histories of ancient times, and perhaps know not the life that
breathes in them; a soul of beauty and wisdom which had penetrated
my heart of hearts. When I descended the hills of the Abruzzi, and
first saw the Tiber rolling its tranquil waters glistening under
the morning sun; I wept;--why did not Cato live?--why was I not
going to see her consuls, her heroes, and her poets? Alas! I was
about to approach the shadow of Rome, the inanimate corse, the
broken image of what was once great beyond all power of speech to
express. My enthusiasm again changed; and I felt a kind of sacred
horror run through my veins. Thou, oh! Tiber, ever rollest, ever
and for ever the same! yet are not thy waters those which flowed
here when the Scipios and the Fabii lived on thy shores; the grass
and the herbage which adorn thy banks have many thousand times been
renewed since it was pressed on by their feet; all is changed, even
thou art not the same!
"It was night when we entered Rome; I dared hardly breathe;
the stars shone bright in the deep azure of heaven, and with their
twinkling beams illuminated the dark towers which were black and
silent, seeming like animated beings asleep. A procession of monks
passed by chaunting in a sweet and solemn tone, in that language
which once awoke the pauses of this Roman air with words of fire.
Methought they sang their city's requiem; methought I was
following to their last narrow home all that had existed of great
and good in this god-inhabited city.
"I remained in Rome three months; when I arrived, my
brother was considerably better, and we entertained every hope of
his recovery. I spent my life among the ruins of Rome; and I felt,
as I was told that I appeared to be, rather a wandering shade of
the ancient times, than a modern Italian. In my wild enthusiasm I
called on the shadows of the departed to converse with me, and to
prophesy the fortunes of awakening Italy. I can never forget one
evening that I visited the Pantheon by moonlight: the soft beams of
the planet streamed through its open roof, and its tall pillars
glimmered around. It seemed as if the spirit of beauty descended on
my soul, as I sat there in mute ecstasy; never had I before so felt
the universal graspings of my own mind, or the sure tokens of other
spiritual existences, as at that moment. Oh! could I even now pour
forth in words the sentiments of love, and virtue, and divinest
wisdom, that then burst in upon my soul, in a rich torrent--such as
was the light of the moon to the dark temple in which I stood--the
whole world would stand and listen: but fainter than the moon-beams
and more evanescent are those deep thoughts; my eyes glisten, my
cheeks glow, but words are denied me. I feel as it were my own soul
at work within me, and surely, if I could disclose its secret
operations, and lay bare the vitals of my being, in that moment,
which would be one of overwhelming ecstasy--in that moment I should
die.
"Well; to return to the events that sealed my residence in
Rome, and by shedding the softness of affectionate sorrow over my
feelings, added to their deep holiness. The last month of my
residence there, I was a constant attendant on the sick bed of my
dying brother: he did not suffer pain; his illness was lethargic;
and I watched with breathless anxiety the change from life to
death. Sometimes, when the Ave Maria had sounded, and the heats of
the day had subsided, I stole out into the air to refresh my
wearied spirits. There is no sky so blue as that of Rome; it is
deep, penetrating, and dazzling: but at this hour it had faded, and
its soft airs, that made wild and thrilling music among the
solitudes of its hills and ruins, cooled my fevered cheeks, and
soothed me in spite of sorrow. I then enjoyed grief; I may now say
so, although I then felt anguish alone; truly I wept, and bitterly
over the illness of my brother: but, when the soul is active, it
brings a certain consolation along with it: I was never so much
alive as then, when my wanderings, which seldom exceeded one or at
most two hours, seemed to be lengthened into days and weeks. I
loved to wander by the banks of the Tiber, which were solitary,
and, if the scirocco blew, to mark the clouds as they sped over St.
Peter's and the many towers of Rome: sometimes I walked on the
Quirinal or Pincian mounts which overlook the city, and gazed,
until my soul was elevated by poetic transport. Beautiful city, thy
towers were illuminated by the orange tints of the fast-departing
sunset, and the ghosts of lovely memories floated with the night
breeze, among thy ruins; I became calm; amidst a dead race, and an
extinguished empire, what individual sorrow would dare raise its
voice? subdued, trembling, and overcome, I crept back to the sick
bed of my brother.
"He died; and I left this city of my soul. I know not
whether I shall ever again breathe its air; but its memory is a
burning cloud of sunset in the deep azure of the sky: it is that
passage in my life since my father's death, on which my
intellectual eye rests with emotion, pleasurable now, although I
then endured poignant sorrow.
"The passenger that carried the intelligence of my younger
brother's death to my mother, was crossed on the road by one
who came to inform me that the eldest also was no more. He was
killed in an assault on Pistoia. Thus death quickly mowed down the
ranks of our family; and at last I have become a solitary scion of
the stock.
"I returned home by very slow journeys, and in my way was
detained a fortnight at Perugia. When I arrived, I was met by my
mother at our palace in Florence; she burst into tears as she
folded me in her arms, and wept for some time, lamenting with
bitter grief her sad losses. I mingled my tears with hers, and
alas! I soon shed them alone; doubly an orphan through her death, I
mourned over the last of my family. So many losses, following swift
one upon the other, astounded me; and I passed many months, as one
who had wandered from the true path, and had no guide to set her
right. I retreated to my castle, and the solitude frightened me; I
returned to Florence; but the gaieties of that city only told me
more plainly that I was alone, since I sympathized with none there.
But time has healed these wounds, leaving only a tinge of
melancholy in my character which had not belonged to it till
now."
CHAPTER XI
THE winter passed away, and with the summer the toils of the
soldier began.
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