And went ts-ts-ts at me. If I hadn’t been sloshed I’d probably have fired at it; but, old chap, I was as drunk as a lord and so I said: Come here, you, come here, tapa-boy, I’m not going to hurt you.’

‘You spoke Czech to it?’

‘No, Malay. Malay is what’s spoken most in those parts. He didn’t say anything and merely shuffled from one foot to the other, squirming, just like a child being bashful. And all round in the water were several hundred of those lizards, poking their mugs out of the water and staring at me. And I - as I said, I was sloshed - sat down on my heels and began to twist like that lizard, so he shouldn’t be afraid of me, see? And then another lizard came out of the water, about as tall as a 10-year-old, and also started waddling. And in his front paw he was holding that pearl-oyster.’ The captain took a drink. ‘Cheers, Mr Bondy. Of course, I was absolutely pissed and so I said to him: OK, smart guy, you want me to open that shell for you? Well, come over here then, I can open it for you with my knife. But he didn’t move, he was still afraid. So I started twisting again, as if I were a little girl who’s bashful of somebody. Then he waddled up closer and I slowly put out my hand and took the shell from his paw. True, we were both scared, as you’ll appreciate, Mr Bondy, but I of course was drunk. So I took out my knife and opened that shell. With my finger I felt if there was a pearl in it, but there wasn’t, only that nasty snail, that slimy mollusc which lives in those shells. So I said: ts-ts-ts, eat it if you like. And I threw the shell to him. Boy, you should have seen him licking it clean. Must be a great tit-bit - what d’you call it - for those lizards.’

‘A delicacy.’

‘That’s it, a delicacy. Except that those poor little buggers couldn’t get inside those shells with their little fingers. It’s a hard life, sure is.’ The captain took another swig. ‘So I turned things over in my mind a bit. When those lizards saw the Singhalese cutting off those shells they probably said to themselves: Aha, they eat those things - and they wanted to see how the Singhalese would open them. You know, a Singhalese like that, when he’s in the water, looks a bit like a lizard, except that those lizards have more brains than a Singhalese or a Batak because they tried to learn something. Whereas a Batak will never learn anything except some crookery,’ Captain van Toch added angrily. ‘So when I went ts-ts-ts on the shore, and twisted like a lizard, they probably thought I was some kind of big salamander. That’s why they weren’t too frightened and came up to me to get me to open that shell. That’s the kind of intelligent and trustful creatures they are.’ Captain van Toch blushed. ‘When I came to know them better, Mr Bondy, I stripped naked so as to be more like them, naked, you know. But they were still surprised that I had such a hairy chest and some other things.