And just so you know, I would have done a lot more.”

I decided not to tell her she’s mentally disturbed. It wouldn’t make a difference. Mentally disturbed people don’t know they’re disturbed.

She looked at me and said, “I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

“Me too.”

She put her hand on my shoulder. “Do you need a moment?”

I nodded, placed the plastic bags in my pocket, took a seat on the couch, covered my face with my hands and reviewed everything she said about how Alison and I let her slip from our lives and never bothered to find out what happened to her. And you know what? Everything she said about us was true. I think what happened, we felt so guilty bringing her into the world and giving her away that we convinced ourselves it was for the best, and that she was happy somewhere with a nice family, and it wouldn’t be fair to take her away from that life.

But as Nicki would say, that’s a copout. Because Alison and I never had a single conversation about Katie in all these years. We simply put her out of our minds. She was part of the system, and we had our own lives to lead.

I finally said, “If we’d known what you were going through all those years, we would have done something.”

“I believe you. But you still should have checked.”

I couldn’t argue the point. We weren’t wrong to let her go, but we were monsters for ceasing to care.

Nicki agreed to keep her throwaway phone and I agreed never to text her. I told her I’d call to let her know the DNA results and coordinate the payment, if it came to that. Then I said something that surprised both of us and revealed how selfish and insensitive I truly am: “If the tests come back negative,” I said, “can we resume the affair? I’m willing to double my offer.”

She said, “You are one sick puppy, David. And by the way, I saw you grinning on the tape while you were giving me anal.”

We said our goodbyes and I started to leave, then said, “I’d feel better if you gave me a second swab.”

She showed me a sad smile and said, “That’s why I gave you the extra bags: I knew you wouldn’t trust me. Would you like to do it?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Go ahead. It only works if you’re convinced the process is fair and accurate.”

She opened her perfect mouth and I swabbed her inner cheek and placed it in one of the extra plastic bags. Then I took them home, made some calls and found a lab that does DNA testing. Unfortunately, they told me it could take two months to get the results. Nevertheless, I swabbed myself, placed it in the bag labeled David, and took all three bags to the lab.

Eight weeks later the results were in, and as Maury Povich would say, “David, when it comes to 23-year-old Nicki Hill, you are the father!”

23.

WELL OF COURSE I had to pay Nicki the money. It’s one thing to tell Alison I had an affair with our son’s ex-girlfriend, but quite another to say “The tapes you’re about to see will show me butt-fucking our birth daughter!” Nor would I want her to learn Michael had carnal knowledge of his actual sister, and nor would I want Michael to know. Or Jessie. Or any of my friends and business associates.

Nicki was right: I did want to stop seeing her. What’s really fucked up is before I threw my fit, she would have been willing to keep seeing me! This young lady might be beautiful, but she’s as mentally deranged and sexually damaged as a person can be. I believe she latched on to me and Michael for no other reason than because we were the family she never had. I’d bet money she would have been willing to have sex with Alison and even Jessie, had the opportunity presented itself.

While I waited for the DNA results, Nicki made good on her promise to go back to Michael, and I was dismayed to hear him say they were talking about getting married. Her willingness to use him knew no bounds. Yes, I could have stopped it by paying her the money immediately, but how stupid would I feel if she wound up clipping me for two million dollars and all I had to show for it was three cotton swabs?

The one thing I’m thankful for is she hasn’t talked him into bringing her home for a visit yet. That said, they’re planning to come next weekend, but she’ll be long gone by then, since I’m wiring the balance of her money tomorrow.

I miss the affair.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it’s over. It’s just that I miss the “being in love” part. All those months with Nicki gave my life purpose.