She said she was embarrassed, and I’d like to know why.

And then, without my asking, she tells me.

6.

12:30 a.m.

“HE WAS NAKED.”

I know I promised not to look at Jessie’s face, but it’s not easy. Nor can I come up with a proper response. So I wait till she says, “Completely naked. And that’s not the worst part…” her words trail off and she starts huffing to keep from crying, but it doesn’t work and she suddenly hugs me and starts sobbing. I comfort her as best I can and now I’m looking into her eyes and she does the last possible thing I expect: she kisses me.

On the lips.

Sensually.

And now I’m thinking, What the fuck is it with this family’s reaction to grief? What’s next? Is Alison gonna wake up and come at me with a strapon?

Jessie recoils in horror and says, “Omigod! I don’t know why I did that!”

“It’s okay.”

“No, seriously, I—I don’t know what happened just now. I’ve never—”

I wave her off. “It’s okay. You’re under a lot of stress. It’s nothing. Forget it.”

She nods, but says nothing, and I give her time to think about what to say next. Obviously, I want to hear about David’s suicide, but she says, “I’m glad that happened just now.”

I look at her.

“Don’t laugh,” she says, “but I’ve obsessed over you for months. I always looked forward to seeing you. Especially the times you came into my room to talk.”

“I’ve always enjoyed those talks.”

“It showed. You really listened to what I had to say. You’re the first—and only—person in the world who really understands me.”

Not knowing what else to say, I come up with: “There’s nothing I’d rather do than be with you, Jess. You’re amazing. I was so pleased you always made time for me.”

She blushes. “I really shouldn’t say this, but…I think about you all the time. I honestly think I’m gay. At least where you’re concerned.”

“Um…”

She laughs. “Omigod, your face! You’re so cute right now! And I’m like, ‘Omigod Jessie, shut up! She’ll think you’re a stalker! She’ll never speak to you again.’ But the floodgates are open, Nicki, and I can’t stop. I know I’m babbling, and don’t know where all this is coming from. I can’t believe I’m telling you all this. I’m sure it’s the vodka I sneaked. It’s the vodka, right? Please don’t hate me, Nicki. I’d just die if you do.”

I put my hand on her cheek and say, “I could never hate you, Jess.”

“Even after hearing me say I love you and how I constantly fantasize about us being together sexually?”

I laugh. “Actually, you didn’t say those things till just now.”

“I didn’t? Oh, God! I think I’ve gone stark raving mad. I mean, holy shit, you’re going to marry my brother! I’m like the worst person ever!”

I remove my hand from her cheek and say, “Relax. You’ve been very open with me just now, and whether it was due to the vodka or because of everything that’s happened today I think you were incredibly brave to tell me how you feel.”

I notice she’s looking at me with elevated interest and wide, hopeful eyes, so I add: “I know you want me to respond, but you’ve had these thoughts for a while, and I’m hearing them for the first time. I honestly had no idea you felt this way, and it’s a lot for me to process.