'The Baroness is beneath your brother.'

'Is she ever!' Mr. O'Reilly replied. 'Every time you turn your back.’

 

*What few phrases of English His Royal Highness knew he had learned in the company of Mr. Boris Alexandrovich Korsky-Rimsakov in Paris. The details have been recorded for students of Arabian-American socio-economic affairs in M*A*S*H Goes to Morocco (Sphere Books).

**His Highness here referred to the Baroness d’Iberville, one of Mr. Korsky-Rimsakov's very good friends.

***For those whose pig Latin is a little rusty, this, freely translated, is, 'Stop it, shut up !'

 

Before the conversation could deteriorate further, decorum was restored by the bell announcing that the curtain would ascend in three minutes.

'I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me, Mrs. Sattyn-Whiley,' Kristina said.

'I understand perfectly, Your Highness,' Mrs. Sattyn-Whiley said. 'Thank you for receiving us.'

She made a double curtsy, first to Shiekh Abdullah and then to Madame Korsky-Rimsakov, and then made her exit, pulling her husband and her son after her.

'And she denies being a grand duchess!' she said, as she walked rapidly toward the Sattyn-Whiley box. 'Well, I'll tell you this, I saw His Highness' picture in the paper today. He's in San Francisco, it said, to visit old friends. And now we know who the old friend is, don't we ? The grand duchess, that's who!'

'I got the impression, Mother Dear,' Cornelius Dear said, 'that he had come to see Mr. O'Reilly.'

'Don't be absurd, Cornelius Dear,' his mother said. 'Whatever would someone of noble blood see in that horrid man ?'

They got to their box just as the conductor entered the orchestra pit and the caterwauling of the instruments being tuned died with an agonized whimper.

Mounted directly above the proscenium arch in the San Francisco Opera is a small electrical device that, when activated, flashes a number on and off. Each practitioner of the medical arts is assigned a number, so that in case of medical emergency he can be summoned from his seat without the necessity of broadcasting his name over the public-address system, thereby disturbing the music lovers.

As the conductor rapped his baton on his music stand and then raised it preparatory to beginning the overture, the electrical device came to life. Number thirteen flashed on, then off, and then on again.

'Cornelius Dear,' Mrs. Sattyn-Whiley said, 'Mommy has another little surprise for you. Whenever that thing flashes number one, that will be for you.'

'Number one? But Mother Dear, there are hundreds of physicians registered.'

'That's true, Cornelius Dear,' his mother said. 'But their mommies aren't the chairperson of the Opera Guild and their daddies don't sit on the board of directors.'

The music began as the house lights went down. Number thirteen stopped flashing, indicating that healer number thirteen had seen it, and, true-blue to the Hippocratic oath, had left his seat to bring aid and comfort to his fellow man.

There was some Japanese-sounding music, and then the curtain rose. A Japanese gentleman and an officer of the United States Navy were at stage left.

Number one started to flash on and off on the device over the proscenium arch.

'Cornie,' Colonel Whiley said, 'they're flashing your number’

'I wish you wouldn't call him that,' Mrs. Sattyn-Whiley hissed. 'It's undignified for a doctor of medicine, not to mention someone named Sattyn-Whiley.'

'I'll have to go,' Dr. Sattyn-Whiley said.

'If I'd known they would call you from the opera,' Mother Dear said, 'I would have gotten you an unlisted number.'

Dr. Cornelius Sattyn-Whiley made his way from the Sattyn-Whiley box down to the grand lobby in search of whoever had summoned him. He had no idea what it was all about, but, truth to tell, he really didn't mind at all being called away from his Sattyn-Whiley box.

'Dr. Sattyn-Whiley?' an usher asked. He was a venerable gentleman whose purplish-veined nose told Dr. Sattyn-Whiley's trained eye that he had for years been rather over-fond of the grape.

'Yes,' Dr. Sattyn-Whiley replied.

'Come with me, please, Doctor,' the usher said.