But now those party invitations are probably coming directly to you. Sometimes a friend will simply say, “My birthday party is next Saturday. Can you come?” Other invitations will be written and will come to you through the mail, or as an e-mail.
Either way, it is important for you to respond to the invitation as quickly as possible. (If you or your parents have ever hosted a party, you know how important it is for the hosts to know how many people to expect, so they can have enough food for everybody.) If a friend simply invites you to a party face-to-face, it might be best for you to say, “That sounds like fun. Let me check with my parents.”
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A gentleman may not want to go to every party to which he is invited. But even though it is fine for him to say no, he makes sure he does not hurt another person’s feelings. He never says, “Don’t count on me. I’ll probably have something better to do,” or “I don’t think so. That doesn’t sound like much fun to me,” or “I don’t know if I want to go. Who is going to be there?”
Instead, he simply says, “I’m sorry but I won’t be able to make it to your party. Thanks for the invitation.” There’s no reason to say anything else.
There are two different types of written invitations. Here is how you deal with each type.
YOU DO
Nothing, if the invitation says, “Regrets only”—unless you are not planning to attend. “Regrets only” simply means “Let us know if you’re not going to be there. Otherwise, we’ll be expecting to see you.” If you are not planning to go to the party, you must call the host and let him know you won’t be attending.
YOU DON’T
Wait until the day before the party to decide whether you will attend.
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Why
The hosts are probably already counting on your being there. Just think what it would be like if ten people waited that late before they declined the same invitation. That could mean four or five large pizzas going to waste.
YOU DO
Call and let the hosts know whether you are planning to attend the party, if the invitation says “RSVP.” (RSVP is short for répondez s’il vous plaît, which is French for “please respond.”) There will probably be a deadline for responding to the invitation. Be sure to reply before the deadline has passed.
YOU DON’T
Simply assume your hosts won’t care if you just show up.
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Why
It is very inconsiderate not to respect the deadline for replies to a party. Of course, there’s always the chance that an emergency will come up and keep you from attending. People understand when that happens. But they will have a harder time understanding if it appears that you’ve simply changed your mind at the last minute—or if you were simply too lazy to respond to the invitation by the deadline.
A gentleman feels free to accept or decline a party invitation by e-mail if an e-mail address is provided.
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Chapter 29
USING A NAPKIN
What we are talking about here are napkins that are made out of real cloth. This is the type of napkin you will find in most restaurants where the drinks are served in real, breakable glasses. Your mother probably wants everybody to think your family uses cloth napkins—even if you really use paper towels most of the time, except when you have company. But regardless of what type of napkin you are using, the rules are pretty much the same—except that you never put a paper napkin in the washing machine.
Knowing the right way to use a napkin should be a no-brainer. You just use the napkin to wipe your hands and your mouth, and then you’re done, right? But it’s not that easy. What do you do with your napkin when you need to stand up from the table? What about when you are finished with your meal? And what if you drop it?
Fortunately, you are old enough, smart enough, and cool enough to learn the rules.
YOU DO
Put your napkin in your lap as soon as you sit down at the table.
YOU DON’T
Tuck your napkin into your shirt.
Why
People will think you are a hillbilly and it will embarrass those who love you most. What’s more, if you tuck your napkin into your shirt, it will look like you are wearing a bib.
YOU DO
Use your napkin to wipe your hands and your mouth.
YOU DON’T
Use your napkin to blow your nose.
Why
If you blow your nose in your napkin, there is a really good chance you will have to use it again. Gross. If you need to use a tissue or handkerchief, ask for one or excuse yourself and head for the restroom.
YOU DO
Put your napkin in your seat when you have to leave the table for any reason during the meal.
YOU DON’T
Put your napkin on the table, if you’re planning to come back.
Why
The other people sitting at your table don’t want to look at your dirty napkin while they are trying to eat.
YOU DO
Put your napkin on the table when you are leaving the table at the end of the meal.
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YOU DON’T
Put the napkin in your chair or on your plate when you are finished eating.
Why
When you put your napkin on the table, it means you are finished with your meal. If you are in a restaurant, it means the server can go ahead and start removing the dirty dishes.
A gentleman does not worry if he drops his napkin on the floor. He picks it up and quickly puts it back in his lap.
If the napkin has become soiled while it was on the floor, however, he asks for a clean one.
A gentleman may find himself in some restaurants where the server will place the napkin in his lap for him.
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