I have learned to
desire for others what I can never hope for myself,
and trv to find pleasure in their success, unembittered by regrets for my own
defeat. Let this explain my readiness to help you, my interest in your work and
my best wishes for your present happiness and future fame.”
The
look of resignation, which accompanied her words, touched me more than a flood
of complaints, and the thought of all she had lost woke such sympathy and pity
in my frosty heart, that I involuntarily pressed the hand that could never
wield a brush again. Then for the first time I saw those keen eyes soften and
grow dim with unshed tears; this gave them the one charm they needed to be
beautiful as w ell as penetrating, and as they met my own, so womanly sweet and
grateful, I felt that one might love her while that mood remained. But it
passed as rapidly as it came, and when we parted in the anteroom the cold,
quiet lady bowled me out, and the tender-faced girl wds gone.
I
never told Louis all the incidents of that first sitting, but began my story
where the real interest ended; and Miss Eure was equally silent, through
forgetfulness or for some good reason of her own. I went sev eral times again,
‘vet though the conservatory door stood open I felt no ill effects from the
Indian plants that still bloomed there, dreamed no more dreams, and Miss Eure
no more enacted the somnambulist. I found an indefinable charm in that pleasant
room, a curious interest in studying its mistress, who always met me with a
smile, and parted with a look of unfeigned regret. Louis rallied me upon my
absorption, but it caused me no uneasiness, for it was not love that led me there,
and Miss Eure knew it. I never had forgotten our conversation on that first
night, and with every interview the truth of my friend’s suspicions grew more
and more apparent to me. Agatha Eure was a strong-willed, imperious woman, used
to command all about her and see her last wish gratified; but now she was
conscious of a presence she could not command, a wish she dare not utter, and,
though her womanlv pride sealed her lips, her eyes often traitorously betrayed
the longing of her heart. She was sincere in her love for art, and behind that
interest in that concealed, even from herself, her love for the artist; but the
most indomitable passion given humanitv cannot long be hidden. Agatha soon felt
her weakness, and vainly struggled to subdue it. I soon knew my power, and
owned its subtle charm, though I disdained to use it.
The
picture was finished, exhibited and won me all, and more than I had dared to
hope; for rumor served me a good turn, and whispers of Miss Eure’s part in mv
success added zest to public curiosity and warmth to public praise. I enjoyed
the little stir it caused, found admiration a sweet draught after a laborious
year, and felt real gratitude to the woman who had helped me win it. If my work
had proved a failure I should have forgotten her, and been an
humbler, happier man; it did not, and she became a part of my success. Her name
was often spoken in the same breath with mine, her image was kept before me bv
no exertion of mv own, till the memories it brought with it grew familiar as old
friends, and slowly ripened into a purpose which, being born of ambition and
not love, bore bitter fruit, and wrought out its own retribution for a sin
against myself and her.
The Painting Finished

The
more I won the more I demanded, the higher I climbed the more eager I became;
and, at last, seeing how much I could gain by a single step, resolved to take
it, even though I knew it to be a false one. Other men married for the
furtherance of their ambitions, why should not I? Years ago I had given up love
of home for love of fame, and the woman who might have made me what I should be
had meekly yielded all, wished me a happv future, and faded from my world,
leaving me only a bitter memory, a veiled picture and a quiet grave my feet
never visited but once. Miss Eure loved me, sympathised in my aims, understood
my tastes; she could give all I asked to complete the purpose of mv life, and
lift me at once and for ever from the hard lot I had struggled with for thirty
years. One word would win the miracle, whv should 1 hesitate to utter
it?
I
did not long — for three months from the day I first entered that shadowy room
I stood there intent on asking her to be mv wife. As I waited I lived again the
strange hour once passed there, and felt as if it had been the beginning of
another dream whose awakening was vet to come. I asked myself if the hard
healthful reality was not better than such feverish visions, however brilliant,
and the voice that is never silent when we interrogate it with sincerity answered,
“Yes.” “No matter, I choose to dream, so let the phantom of a wife come to me
here as the phantom of a lover came to me so long ago.” As I uttered these
defiant words aloud, like a visible reply, Agatha appeared upon the threshold
of the door. I knew she had heard me — for again 1 saw’ the soft-eyed, tender
girl, and opened my arms to her without a word. She came at once, and clinging
to me with unwonted tears upon her cheek, unwonted fervor in her voice, touched
my forehead, as she had done in that earlier dream, whispering like one still
doubtful of her happiness —
“Oh,
Max! be kind to me, for in all the world I have only
you to love.”
I
promised, and broke that promise in less than a year.
We
were married quietly, went away till the nine days gossip was over, spent our
honeymoon as that absurd month is usually spent, and came back to town with the
first autumnal frosts; Agatha regretting that I was no longer entirely her own,
I secretly thanking heaven that I mjght drop the lover, and begin my work
again, for I was as an imprisoned creature in that atmosphere of “love in
idleness,” though my bonds were only a pair of loving arms. Madame Snow and son
departed, we settled ourselves in the fine house and then endowed with every
worldly blessing, I looked about me, believing myself master of my fate, but
found I was its slave.
If
Agatha could have joined me in my work we might have been happy; if she could
have solaced herself with other pleasures and left me to my own, we might have
been content; if she had loved me less, we might have gone our separate ways,
and yet been friends like many another pair; but I soon found that her
affection was of that exacting nature which promises but little peace unless
met by one as warm. I had nothing but regard to give her, for it was not in her
power to stir a deeper passion in me; I told her this before our marriage, told
her I was a cold, hard man, wrapt in a single purpose; but what woman believes
such confessions while her heart still beats fast with the memory of her
betrothal? She said everything was possible to love, and prophesied a speedy
change; I knew it would not come, but having given my warning left the rest to
time. I hoped to lead a quiet life and prove that adverse circumstances, not
the want of power, had kept me from excelling in the profession I had chosen;
but to my infinite discomfort Agatha turned jealous of my art, for finding the
mistress dearer than the wife, she tried to wean me from it, and seemed to feel
that having given me love, wealth and ease, I should ask no more, but play the
obedient subject to a generous queen. I rebelled against this, told her that
one-half my time should be hers, the other belonged to me, and I would so
employ it that it should bring honor to the name I had given her. But, Agatha
was not used to seeing her will thwarted or her pleasure sacrificed to another,
and soon felt that though I scrupulously fulfilled my promise, the one task was
irksome, the other all absorbing; that though she had her husband at her side
his heart was in his studio, and the hours spent with her were often the most
listless in his day. Then began that sorrowful experience old as Adam’s
reproaches to Eve; we both did wrong, and neither repented; both
were self-willed, sharp tongued and proud, and before six months of
wedded life had passed we had known many of those scenes which so belittle
character and lessen self-respect.
Agatha’s
love lived through all, and had I answered its appeals by patience, self-denial
and genial friendship, if no warmer tie could exist, I might have spared her an
early death, and myself from years of bitterest remorse; but I did not. Then
her forbearance ended and mv subtle punishment began.
“Away again to-night, Max? You have been shut up all dav, and I hoped to have you to myself this evening. Hear
how the storm rages without, see how cheery I have made all within for you, so
put your hat away and stay, for this hour belongs to me, and I claim it.”
Agatha
took me prisoner as she spoke, and pointed to the cosy nest she had prepared
for me.
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