While we were
waiting for the time when we could afford to set up house together,
another man came along. He was nearly as young as I was, and
handsome, and a gentleman, with all a gentleman's attractive ways
for a woman of our class. He would go fishing, and she would meet
him while I was at my work in school. I reasoned with her and
implored her to give him up. I offered to get married at once and
go away and begin the world in a strange country; but she would not
listen to anything I could say, and I could see that she was
infatuated with him. Then I took it on myself to meet the man and
ask him to deal well with the girl, for I thought he might mean
honestly by her, so that there might be no talk or chance of talk
on the part of others. I went where I should meet him with none by,
and we met!" Here Jacob Settle had to pause, for something seemed
to rise in his throat, and he almost gasped for breath. Then went
on-
"Sir, as God is above us, there was no selfish thought in my
heart that day, I loved my pretty Mabel too well to be content with
a part of her love, and I had thought of my own unhappiness too
often not to have come to realise that, whatever might come to her,
my hope was gone. He was insolent to me-you, sir, who are a
gentleman, cannot know, perhaps, how galling can be the insolence
of one who is above you in station-but I bore with that. I implored
him to deal well with the girl, for what might be only a pastime of
an idle hour with him might be the breaking of her heart. For I
never had a thought of her truth, or that the worst of harm could
come to her-it was only the unhappiness to her heart I feared. But
when I asked him when he intended to marry her his laughter galled
me so that I lost my temper and told him that I would not stand by
and see her life made unhappy. Then he grew angry too, and in his
anger said such cruel things of her that then and there I swore he
should not live to do her harm. God knows how it came about, for in
such moments of passion it is hard to remember the steps from a
word to a blow, but I found myself standing over his dead body,
with my hands crimson with the blood that welled from his torn
throat. We were alone and he was a stranger, with none of his kin
to seek for him and murder does not always out-not all at once. His
bones may be whitening still, for all I know, in the pool of the
river where I left him. No one suspected his absence, or why it
was, except my poor Mabel, and she dared not speak. But it was all
in vain, for when I came back again after an absence of months-for
I could not live in the place-I learned that her shame had come and
that she had died in it. Hitherto I had been borne up by the
thought that my ill deed had saved her future, but now, when I
learned that I had been too late, and that my poor love was
smirched with that man's sin, I fled away with the sense of my
useless guilt upon me more heavily than I could bear. Ah! Sir, you
that have not done such a sin don't know what it is to carry it
with you. You may think that custom makes it easy to you, but it is
not so. It grows and grows with every hour, till it becomes
intolerable, and with it growing, too, the feeling that you must
for ever stand outside Heaven. You don't know what that means, and
I pray God that you never may. Ordinary men, to whom all things are
possible, don't often, if ever, think of Heaven. It is a name, and
nothing more, and they are content to wait and let things be, but
to those who are doomed to be shut out for ever you cannot think
what it means, you cannot guess or measure the terrible endless
longing to see the gates opened, and to be able to join the white
figures within.
"And this brings me to my dream. It seemed that the portal was
before me, with great gates of massive steel with bars of the
thickness of a mast, rising to the very clouds, and so close that
between them was just a glimpse of a crystal grotto, on whose
shinning walls were figured many white-clad forms with faces
radiant with joy. When I stood before the gate my heart and my soul
were so full of rapture and longing that I forgot. And there stood
at the gate two mighty angels with sweeping wings, and, oh! so
stern of countenance. They held each in one hand a flaming sword,
and in the other the latchet, which moved to and fro at their
lightest touch. Nearer were figures all draped in black, with heads
covered so that only the eyes were seen, and they handed to each
who came white garments such as the angels wear.
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