She had to admit
that nothing had turned out as she had expected; even her own power of
loving appeared feeble in comparison to the wealth of affection she had
imagined herself lavishing upon Dick. Something seemed to separate them;
even when she lay back and he held her in his arms, she was not as near to
him as she had dreamed of being; and try as she would, she found it
impossible to wipe out of her mind the house in Hanley. It rose before her,
a dark background with touches of clear colour: the little girls working by
the luminous window with the muslin curtains and the hanging pot of
greenstuff; the stiff-backed woman moving about with plates and dishes in
her hands; the invalid wheezing on the little red calico sofa. The past was
still reality, and the present a fable. It didn't seem true: lying with a
man who was still strange to her; rising when she pleased; getting even her
meals when she pleased. She could not realize the fact that she had left
for ever her quiet home in the Potteries, and was travelling about the
country with a company of strolling actors. The spider that had spun itself
from the ceiling did not seem suspended in life by a less visible thread
than herself. Supposing Dick were never to return! The thought was
appalling, and on more than one occasion she fell down on her knees to pray
to be preserved from such a terrible misfortune.
But her hours of solitude were not the worst she had to bear. Impelled by
curiosity to hear all the details of the elopement, and urged by an
ever-present desire to say unpleasant things, Miss Beaumont paid Kate many
visits, and sitting with her thick legs crossed, she insinuated all she
dared. She did not venture upon a direct statement, but by the aid of a
smile and an indirect allusion it was easy to suggest that love in an
actor's heart is brief. As long as Miss Beaumont was present Kate repressed
her feelings, but when she found herself alone tears flowed down her
cheeks, and sobs echoed through the dusty sitting-room.
It was in one of these trances of emotion that Dick found her when he
returned, and that night she accompanied him to the theatre. The piece
played was Les Cloches de Corneville. Miss Beaumont as Germaine
disappointed her, and she could not understand how it was that the Marquis
was not in love with Serpolette. But the reality that most grossly
contradicted her idea was that Dick should be playing the part of the
Baillie; and when she saw her hero fall down in the middle of the stage and
heard everybody laugh at him, she felt both ashamed and insulted. The
romantic character of her mind asserted itself, and, against her will,
forced her to admire the purple-cloaked Marquis. Then her thoughts turned
to considering if she would be able to act as well as any one of the ladies
on the stage. It did not seem to her very difficult, and Dick had told her
that, with a little teaching, she would be able to sing as well as
Beaumont. The sad expression that her face wore disappeared, and she grew
impatient for the piece to finish so that she might speak to Dick about
taking lessons. They were now in the third act, and the moment the curtain
was rung down she hurried away, asking as she went the way to the
stage-door. It was by no means easy to find. She lost herself once or twice
in the back streets, and when she at last found the right place, the
hall-keeper refused her admittance.
'Do you belong to the company?'
After a moment's hesitation Kate replied that she did not; but that
moment's hesitation was sufficient for the porter, and he at once said,
'Pass on; you'll find Mr. Lennox on the stage.'
Timidly she walked up a narrow passage filled with men talking at the top
of their voices, and from thence made her way into the wings. There she was
told that Mr. Lennox was up in his room, but would be down shortly.
For a moment Kate could not realize where she was, so different was the
stage now from what it had been whenever she had seen it before. The
present aspect was an entirely new one.
It was dark like a cellar, and in the flaring light that spurted from an
iron gas-pipe, the stage carpenter carried rocking pieces of scenery to and
fro. The auditorium was a round blank overclouded in a deep twilight,
through which Kate saw the long form of a grey cat moving slowly round the
edge of the upper boxes.
Getting into a corner so as to be out of the way of the people who were
walking up and down the stage, she matured her plans for the cultivation of
her voice, and waited patiently for her lover to finish dressing. This he
took some time to do, and when he did at length come downstairs, he was of
course surrounded; everybody as usual wanted to speak to him, but,
gallantly offering her his arm, and bending his head, he asked in a whisper
how she liked the piece, and insisted on hearing what she thought of this
and that part before he replied to any one of the crowd of friends who in
turn strove to attract his attention. This was very flattering, but she was
nevertheless obliged to relinquish her plan of explaining to him there and
then her desire to learn singing. He could not keep his mind fixed on what
she was saying. Mortimer was telling a story at which everybody was
screaming, and just at her elbow Dubois and Montgomery were engaged in a
violent argument regarding the use of consecutive fifths.
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