She - the tender mother, the guide of both.
It seemed to him that their future depended on this
letter and the answer to it, and he wrote in that spirit. Never had
he so fully depicted himself, so fully searched his own heart.
It was the outcome of what he had lived through
during these last few days, the mellowing influence of his
struggles during the night watches. Nothing could have been more
candid.
He was pained that he did not receive an answer at
once, although he realised what a blow it would be to her. He
understood that, to begin with, it would destroy all her dreams, as
it had already destroyed. But he relied on her optimistic nature,
which he had never known surpassed, and on the depth of her purpose
in all that she undertook. He knew that she drew strength and
resolution from all that was deepest in their common life.
Therefore he gave her time, notwithstanding
Angelika's restlessness, which could hardly be controlled. She even
began to sneer; but there was something holy in his anticipation:
her words fell unheeded.
When on the third day he had received no letter, he
telegraphed, merely these words: "Mother, send me an answer." The
wires had never carried anything more fraught with unspoken
grief.
He could not return home. He remained alone outside
the town until the evening, by which time the answer might well
have arrived. It was there.
"My beloved son, YOU are always welcome; most of all
when you are unhappy!" The word YOU was underlined. He grew deadly
pale, and went slowly into his own room. There Angelika let him
remain for a while in peace, then came in and lit the lamp. He
could see that she was much agitated, and that every now and then
she cast hasty glances at him.
"Do you know what, Rafael? you ought simply to go
straight to your mother. It is too bad, both on account of our
future and hers. We shall be ruined by gossip and trash."
He was too unhappy to be contemptuous. She had no
respect for anybody or anything, he thought; why, then, should he
be angry because she felt none, either for his mother or for his
position in regard to her? But how vulgar Angelika seemed to him,
as she bent over a troublesome lamp and let her impatience break
out! Her mouth but too easily acquired a coarse expression. Her
small head would rear itself above her broad shoulders with a
snake-like expression, and her thick wrist -
"Well," she said, "when all is said and done, that
disgusting Hellebergene is not worth making a fuss over."
Now she is annoyed with herself, he thought, and
must have her say. She will not rest until she has picked a
quarrel; but she shall not have that satisfaction.
"After all that has been said and all that has
happened there - "
But this, too, missed fire. "How could I have
supposed that she could manage my mother?" He got up and paced the
room. "Is that what mother felt? Yet they were such good friends. I
suspected nothing then. How is it that mother's instinct is always
more delicate? have I blunted mine?"
When, a little later, Angelika came in again, he
looked so unhappy that she was struck by it, and she then showed
herself so kind and fertile in resource on his behalf, and there
was such sunshine in her cheerfulness and flow of spirits during
the evening, that he actually brightened up under it, and thought -
If mother could have brought herself to try the experiment, perhaps
after all it might have answered. There is so much that is good and
capable in this curious creature.
He went to the children. From the first day he and
they had taken to each other. They had been unhappy in the great
pension, with a mother who seldom came near them or took any notice
of them, except as clothes to be patched, mouths to feed, or faults
to be punished.
Rafael had in his nature the unconventionality which
delights in children's confidence, and he felt a desire to love and
to be loved. Children are quick to feel this.
They only wasted Angelika's time. They were in her
way now more than ever; for it may be said at once that, Rafael had
become EVERYTHING to her. This was the fascination in her, and
whatever happened, it never lost its power. Her tenderness, her
devotion, were boundless. By the aid of her personal charm, her
resourceful ingenuity, she obtained every advantage for him within
her range, and even beyond it. It was felt in her devotion by night
and day, when anything was to be done, in an untiring zeal such as
only so strong and healthy a woman could have had in her power to
render.
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