But in words it did not show itself, hardly even in looks:
except, perhaps, while she fought to win him, but never since
then.
Had she been able to adhere to one line of conduct,
if only for a few weeks at a time, and let herself be guided by her
never-failing love, he would, in this stimulating atmosphere, have
made of his married life what his mother, in spite of all, had made
of hers.
Why did not this happen? Because the jealousy which
she had aroused in him and which had drawn him to her again was now
reversed.
They were hardly married before it was she who was
jealous! Was it strange? A middle-aged woman, even though she be
endowed with the strongest personality and the widest sympathy,
when she wins a young husband who is the fashion - wins him as
Angelika won hers - begins to live in perpetual disquietude lest
any one should take him from her. Had she not taken him
herself?
If we were to say that she was jealous of every
human being who came there, man or woman, old or young, beside
those whom he met elsewhere, it would be an exaggeration, but this
exaggeration throws a strong light upon the state of things, which
actually existed.
If he became at all interested in conversation with
any one, she always interrupted. Her face grew hard, her right foot
began to move; and if this did not suffice, she struck in with
sulky or provoking remarks, no matter who was there.
If something were said in praise of any one, and it
seemed to excite his interest, she would pooh-pooh it, literally
with a "pooh!" a shrug of the shoulders, a toss of the head, or an
impatient tap of the foot.
At first he imagined that she really knew something
disadvantageous about all those whom she thus disparaged, and he
was filled with admiration at her acquaintance with half Norway. He
believed in her veracity as he believed in few things. He believed,
too, that it was unbounded like so many of her qualities. She said
the most cynical things in the plainest manner without apparent
design.
But little by little it dawned upon him that she
said precisely what it pleased her to say, according to the humour
that she was in.
One day, as they were going to table - he had come
in late and was hungry - he was delighted to see that there were
oysters.
"Oysters! at this time of the year," he cried. "They
must be very expensive."
"Pooh! that was the old woman, you know. She
persuaded me to take them for you. I got them for next to
nothing."
"That was odd; you have been out, then, too?"
"Yes, and I saw YOU; you were walking with Emma
Ravn."
He understood at once, by the tone of her voice,
that this was not permitted, but all the same he said, "Yes; how
sweet she is! so fresh and candid."
"She! Why, she had a child before she was
married."
"Emma? Emma Ravn?"
"Yes! But I do not know who by."
"Do you know, Angelika, I do not believe that," he
said solemnly.
"You can do as you please about that, but she was at
the pension at the time, so you can judge for yourself if I am
right."
He could not believe that any human being could so
belie themselves. Emma's eyes, clear as water in a fountain where
one can count the pebbles at the bottom, rose to his mind, in all
their innocence. He could not believe that such eyes could lie. He
grew livid, he could not eat, he left the table. The world was
nothing but a delusion, the purest was impure.
For a long time after this, whenever he met Emma or
her white-haired mother, he turned aside, so as not to come face to
face with them.
He had clung to his relations: their weak points
were apparent to every one, but their ability and honesty no less
so. This one story destroyed his confidence, impaired his
self-reliance, shattered his belief, and thus made him the poorer.
How could he be fit for anything, when he so constantly allowed
himself to be befooled?
There was not one word of truth in the whole
story.
His simple confidence was held in her grasp, like a
child in the talons of an eagle; but this did not last much
longer.
Fortunately, she was without calculation or
perseverance. She did not remember one day what she had said the
day before; for each day she coolly asserted whatever was demanded
by the necessity of the moment. He, on the contrary, had an
excellent memory; and his mathematical mind ranged the evidence
powerfully against her. Her gifts were more aptness and quickness
than anything else, they were without training, without cohesion,
and permeated with passion at all points. Therefore he could, at
any moment, crush her defence; but whenever this happened, it was
so evident that she had been actuated by jealousy that it flattered
his vanity; which was the reason why he did not regard it seriously
enough - did not pursue his advantage. Perhaps if he had done so,
he would have discovered more, for this jealousy was merely the
form which her uneasiness took. This uneasiness arose from several
causes.
The fact was that she had a past and she had debts
which she had denied, and now she lived in perpetual dread lest any
one should enlighten him. If any one got on the scent, she felt
sure that this would be used against her. It merely depended on
what he learned - in other words, with whom he associated.
She could disregard anonymous letters because he did
so, but there were plenty of disagreeable people who might make
innuendoes.
She saw that Rafael too, to some extent, avoided his
countless friends of old days. She did not understand the reason,
but it was this: that he, as well, felt that they knew more of her
than it was expedient for HIM to know. She saw that he made
ingenious excuses for not being seen out with her. This, too, she
misconstrued. She did not at all understand that he, in his way,
was quite as frightened as she was of what people might say. She
believed that he sought the society of others rather than hers. If
nothing more came of such intercourse, stories might be told. This
was the reason for her slanders about almost every one he spoke to.
If they had vilified her, they must be vilified in return.
She had debts, and this could not be concealed
unless she increased them; this she did with a boldness worthy of a
better cause. The house was kept on an extravagant scale, with an
excellent table and great hospitality.
1 comment