"Off with it," he said, and remained immovable
in the chair.
"I have never seen more splendid hair," said the
hairdresser diffidently, taking up the scissors but still
hesitating.
Rafael saw that his companions were on the tiptoe of
expectation. "Off with it," he said again with assumed
indifference.
The hairdresser cut the hair into his hand and laid
it carefully in paper.
The boys followed every snip of the scissors with
their eyes, Rafael with his ears; he could not see in the
glass.
When the hairdresser had finished and had brushed
his clothes for him, he offered him the hair. "What do I want with
it?" said Rafael. He dusted his elbows and knees a little, paid,
and left the shop, followed by his companions. They, however,
exhibited no particular admiration. He caught a glimpse of himself
in the glass as he went out, and thought that he looked
frightful.
He would have given all that he possessed (which was
not much), he would have endured any imaginable suffering, he
thought, to have his hair back again.
His mother's wondering eyes rose up before him with
every shade of expression; his misery pursued him, his vanity
mocked him. The end of it all was that he stole up to his room and
went to bed without his supper.
But when his mother had vainly waited for him, and
some one suggested that he might be in the house, she went to his
room.
He heard her on the stairs; he felt that she was at
the door. When she entered he had hidden his head beneath the
bedclothes. She dragged them back; and at the first sight of her
dismay he was reduced to such despair that the tears which were
beginning to flow ceased at once.
White and horror-struck she stood there; indeed she
thought at first that some one had done it maliciously; but when
she could not extract a word of enlightenment, she suspected
mischief.
He felt that she was waiting for an explanation, an
excuse, a prayer for forgiveness, but he could not, for the life of
him, get out a word.
What, indeed, could he say? He did not understand it
himself. But now he began to cry violently. He huddled himself
together, clasping his head between his hands. It felt like a
bristly stubble.
When he looked up again his mother was gone.
A child sleeps in spite of everything. He came down
the next morning in a contrite mood and thoroughly shamefaced. His
mother was not up; she was unwell, for she had not slept a wink. He
heard this before he went to her. He opened her door timidly. There
she lay, the picture of wretchedness.
On the toilet-table, in a white silk handkerchief,
was his hair, smoothed and combed.
She lay there in her lace-trimmed nightgown, great
tears rolling down her cheeks. He had come, intending to throw
himself into her arms and beg her pardon a thousand times. But he
had a strong feeling that he had better not do so, or was he afraid
to? She was in the clouds, far, far away. She seemed in a trance:
something, at once painful and sacred, held her enchained. She was
both pathetic and sublime,
The boy stepped quietly from the room and hurried
off to school.
She remained in bed that day and the next, and made
him sit with the servant in order that she might be alone. When she
was in trouble she always behaved thus, and that he should cross
her in this way was the greatest trial that she had ever known. It
came upon her, too, like a deluge of rain from a clear sky. NOW it
seemed to her that she could foresee his future - and her own.
She laid the blame of all this on his paternal
ancestry. She could not see that incessant artistic fuss and too
much intellectual training had, perhaps, aroused in him a desire
for independence.
The first time that she saw him again with his
cropped head, which grew more and more like his father's in shape,
her tears flowed quietly.
When he wished to come to her side, she waived him
back with her shapely hand, nor would she talk to him; when he
talked she hardly looked at him; till at last he burst into tears.
For he suffered as one can suffer but once, when the childish
penitence is fresh and therefore boundless, and when the yearning
for love has received its first rebuff.
But when, on the fifth day, she met him coming up
the stairs, she stood still in dismay at his appearance: pale,
thin, timid; the effect perhaps heightened by the loss of his hair.
He, too, stood still, looking forlorn and abject, with disconsolate
eyes. Then hers filled; she stretched out her arms. He was once
more in his Paradise, but they both cried as though they must wade
through an ocean of tears before they could talk to each other
again.
"Tell me about it now," she whispered. This was in
her own room. They had spoken the first fond words and kissed each
other over and over again. "How could this have happened, Rafael?"
she whispered again, with her head pressed to his; she did not wish
to look at him while she spoke.
"Mother," he answered, "it is worse to cut down the
woods at home, at Hellebergene, than that I - "
She raised her head and looked at him.
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