Falkland, to be little accessible to sentiments
of awkwardness and confusion. But for this Mr. Tyrrel was indebted
to a self-satisfied effrontery, and a boisterous and over-bearing
elocution, by which he was accustomed to discomfit his assailants;
while Mr. Falkland, with great ingenuity and candour of mind, was
enabled by his extensive knowledge of the world, and acquaintance
with his own resources, to perceive almost instantaneously the
proceeding it most became him to adopt.
Mr. Tyrrel contemplated the progress of his rival with
uneasiness and aversion. He often commented upon it to his
particular confidents as a thing altogether inconceivable. Mr.
Falkland he described as an animal that was beneath contempt.
Diminutive and dwarfish in his form, he wanted to set up a new
standard of human nature, adapted to his miserable condition. He
wished to persuade people that the human species were made to be
nailed to a chair, and to pore over books. He would have them
exchange those robust exercises which make us joyous in the
performance, and vigorous in the consequences, for the wise labour
of scratching our heads for a rhyme and counting our fingers for a
verse. Monkeys were as good men as these. A nation of such animals
would have no chance with a single regiment of the old English
votaries of beef and pudding. He never saw any thing come of
learning but to make people foppish and impertinent; and a sensible
man would not wish a worse calamity to the enemies of his nation,
than to see them run mad after such pernicious absurdities. It was
impossible that people could seriously feel any liking for such a
ridiculous piece of goods as this outlandish foreign-made
Englishman. But he knew very well how it was: it was a miserable
piece of mummery that was played only in spite of him. But God for
ever blast his soul, if he were not bitterly revenged upon them
all!
If such were the sentiments of Mr. Tyrrel, his patience found
ample exercise in the language which was held by the rest of his
neighbours on the same subject. While he saw nothing in Mr.
Falkland but matter of contempt, they appeared to be never weary of
recounting his praises. Such dignity, such affability, so perpetual
an attention to the happiness of others, such delicacy of sentiment
and expression! Learned without ostentation, refined without
foppery, elegant without effeminacy! Perpetually anxious to prevent
his superiority from being painfully felt, it was so much the more
certainly felt to be real, and excited congratulation instead of
envy in the spectator. It is scarcely necessary to remark, that the
revolution of sentiment in this rural vicinity belongs to one of
the most obvious features of the human mind. The rudest exhibition
of art is at first admired, till a nobler is presented, and we are
taught to wonder at the facility with which before we had been
satisfied. Mr. Tyrrel thought there would be no end to the
commendation; and expected when their common acquaintance would
fall down and adore the intruder. The most inadvertent expression
of applause inflicted upon him the torment of demons. He writhed
with agony, his features became distorted, and his looks inspired
terror. Such suffering would probably have soured the kindest
temper; what must have been its effect upon Mr. Tyrrel's, always
fierce, unrelenting, and abrupt?
The advantages of Mr. Falkland seemed by no means to diminish
with their novelty. Every new sufferer from Mr. Tyrrel's tyranny
immediately went over to the standard of his adversary. The ladies,
though treated by their rustic swain with more gentleness than the
men, were occasionally exposed to his capriciousness and insolence.
They could not help remarking the contrast between these two
leaders in the fields of chivalry, the one of whom paid no
attention to any one's pleasure but his own, while the other seemed
all good-humour and benevolence.
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