Mr. and Miss
Lambercier consult, exhort, threaten, but all to no purpose; I
obstinately persist in the denial; and, though this was the first
time I had been detected in a confirmed falsehood, appearances were
so strong that they overthrew all my protestations. This affair was
thought serious; the mischief, the lie, the obstinacy, were
considered equally deserving of punishment, which was not now to be
administered by Miss Lambercier. My uncle Bernard was written to;
he arrived; and my poor cousin being charged with a crime no less
serious, we were conducted to the same execution, which was
inflicted with great severity. If finding a remedy in the evil
itself, they had sought ever to allay my depraved desires, they
could not have chosen a shorter method to accomplish their designs,
and, I can assure my readers, I was for a long time freed from the
dominion of them.
As this severity could not draw from me the expected
acknowledgment, which obstinacy brought on several repetitions, and
reduced me to a deplorable situation, yet I was immovable, and
resolutely determined to suffer death rather than submit. Force, at
length, was obliged to yield to the diabolical infatuation of a
child, for no better name was bestowed on my constancy, and I came
out of this dreadful trial, torn, it is true, but triumphant. Fifty
years have expired since this adventure—the fear of punishment is
no more. Well, then, I aver, in the face of Heaven, I was
absolutely innocent: and, so far from breaking, or even touching
the comb, never came near the fire. It will be asked, how did this
mischief happen? I can form no conception of it, I only know my own
innocence.
Let any one figure to himself a character whose leading traits
were docility and timidity, but haughty, ardent, and invincible, in
its passions; a child, hitherto governed by the voice of reason,
treated with mildness, equity, and complaisance, who could not even
support the idea of injustice, experiencing, for the first time, so
violent an instance of it, inflicted by those he most loved and
respected. What perversion of ideas! What confusion in the heart,
the brain, in all my little being, intelligent and moral!—let any
one, I say, if possible, imagine all this, for I am incapable of
giving the least idea of what passed in my mind at that period.
My reason was not sufficiently established to enable me to put
myself in the place of others, and judge how much appearances
condemned me, I only beheld the rigor of a dreadful chastisement,
inflicted for a crime I had not committed; yet I can truly affirm,
the smart I suffered, though violent, was inconsiderable compared
to what I felt from indignation, rage, and despair. My cousin, who
was almost in similar circumstances, having been punished for an
involuntary fault as guilty of a premediated crime, became furious
by my example. Both in the same bed, we embraced each other with
convulsive transport; we were almost suffocated; and when our young
hearts found sufficient relief to breathe out our indigination, we
sat up in the bed, and with all our force, repeated a hundred
times, Carnifex! Carnifex! Carnifex! executioner, tormentor.
Even while I write this I feel my pulse quicken, and should I
live a hundred thousand years, the agitation of that moment would
still be fresh in my memory. The first instance of violence and
oppression is so deeply engraved on my soul, that every relative
idea renews my emotion: the sentiment of indignation, which in its
origin had reference only to myself, has acquired such strength,
and is at present so completely detached from personal motives,
that my heart is as much inflamed at the sight or relation of any
act of injustice (whatever may be the object, or wheresoever it may
be perpetrated) as if I was the immediate sufferer. When I read the
history of a merciless tyrant, or the dark and the subtle
machination of a knavish designing priest, I could on the instant
set off to stab the miscreants, though I was certain to perish in
the attempt.
I have frequently fatigued myself by running after and stoning a
cock, a cow, a dog, or any animal I saw tormenting another, only
because it was conscious of possessing superior strength. This may
be natural to me, and I am inclined to believe it is, though the
lively impression of the first injustice I became the victim of was
too long and too powerfully remembered not to have added
considerable force to it.
This occurrence terminated my infantine serenity; from that
moment I ceased to enjoy a pure unadulterated happiness, and on a
retrospection of the pleasure of my childhood, I yet feel they
ended here. We continue at Bossey some months after this event, but
were like our first parents in the Garden of Eden after they had
lost their innocence; in appearance our situation was the same, in
effect it was totally different.
Affection, respect; intimacy, confidence, no longer attached the
pupils to their guides; we beheld them no longer as divinities, who
could read the secrets of our hearts; we were less ashamed of
committing faults, more afraid of being accused of them: we learned
to dissemble, to rebel, to lie: all the vices common to our years
began to corrupt our happy innocence, mingle with our sports, and
embitter our amusements. The country itself, losing those sweet and
simple charms which captivate the heart, appeared a gloomy desert,
or covered with a veil that concealed its beauties. We cultivated
our little gardens no more: our flowers were neglected. We no
longer scratched away the mould, and broke out into exclamations of
delight, on discovering that the grain we had sown began to shoot.
We were disgusted with our situation; our preceptors were weary of
us. In a word, my uncle wrote for our return, and we left Mr. and
Miss Lambercier without feeling any regret at the separation.
Near thirty years passed away from my leaving Bossey, without
once recalling the place to my mind with any degree of
satisfaction; but after having passed the prime of life, as I
decline into old age (while more recent occurrences are wearing out
apace) I feel these remembrances revive and imprint themselves on
my heart, with a force and charm that every day acquires fresh
strength; as if, feeling life fleet from me, I endeavored to catch
it again by its commencement. The most trifling incident of those
happy days delight me, for no other reason than being of those
days. I recall every circumstance of time, place, and persons; I
see the maid or footman busy in the chamber, a swallow entering the
window, a fly settling on my hand while repeating my lessons. I see
the whole economy of the apartment; on the right hand Mr.
Lambercier's closet, with a print representing all the popes, a
barometer, a large almanac, the windows of the house (which stood
in a hollow at the bottom of the garden) shaded by raspberry
shrubs, whose shoots sometimes found entrance; I am sensible the
reader has no occasion to know all this, but I feel a kind of
necessity for relating it. Why am I not permitted to recount all
the little anecdotes of that thrice happy age, at the recollection
of whose joys I ever tremble with delight? Five or six
particularly—let us compromise the matter—I will give up five, but
then I must have one, and only one, provided I may draw it out to
its utmost length, in order to prolong my satisfaction.
If I only sought yours, I should choose that of Miss
Lambercier's backside, which by an unlucky fall at the bottom of
the meadow, was exposed to the view of the King of Sardinia, who
happened to be passing by; but that of the walnut tree on the
terrace is more amusing to me, since here I was an actor, whereas,
in the abovementioned scene I was only a spectator; and I must
confess I see nothing that should occasion risibility in an
accident, which, however laughable in itself, alarmed me for a
person I loved as a mother, or perhaps something more.
Ye curious readers, whose expectations are already on the
stretch for the noble history of the terrace, listen to the
tragedy, and abstain from trembling, if you can, at the horrible
catastrophe!
At the outside of the courtyard door, on the left hand, was a
terrace; here they often sat after dinner; but it was subject to
one inconvenience, being too much exposed to the rays of the sun;
to obviate this defect, Mr. Lambercier had a walnut tree set there,
the planting of which was attended with great solemnity. The two
boarders were godfathers, and while the earth was replacing round
the root, each held the tree with one hand, singing songs of
triumph. In order to water it with more effect, they formed a kind
of luson around its foot: myself and cousin, who were every day
ardent spectators of this watering, confirmed each other in the
very natural idea that it was nobler to plant trees on the terrace
than colors on a breach, and this glory we were resolved to procure
without dividing it with any one.
In pursuance of this resolution, we cut a slip off a willow, and
planted it on the terrace, at about eight or ten feet distance from
the august walnut tree. We did not forget to make a hollow round
it, but the difficulty was how to procure a supply of water, which
was brought from a considerable distance, and we not permitted to
fetch it: but water was absolutely necessary for our willow, and we
made use of every stratagem to obtain it.
For a few days everything succeeded so well that it began to
bud, and throw out small leaves, which we hourly measured convinced
(tho' now scarce a foot from the ground) it would soon afford us a
refreshing shade. This unfortunate willow, by engrossing our whole
time, rendered us incapable of application to any other study, and
the cause of our inattention not being known, we were kept closer
than before.
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