And all those fathers, holders of office, all that set of theirs who fawn on everyone and push their way to court, and call themselves patriots and what not,—it’s bonuses, bonuses, all these patriots want! They’d sell their father and mother and God for money,—ambitious snobs, Judases! All this is caused by ambition, and ambition is caused by a little vessel situated under the tongue, and in the vessel there is a small worm no bigger than a pin’s head, and all this is made by a barber who lives in Gorokhovaya Street. I forget his name, but I know for a fact that in concert with a certain midwife he is trying to spread Mahomedanism all over the world, and I am told that in France the majority of the people have already adopted the religion of Mahomet.

NO DATE. THE DAY WAS DATELESS

I WALKED incognito in the Nevsky. The Emperor drove past. All the town took off their hats, and I did the same, without, however, letting any sign escape me that I was the King of Spain. I thought it improper to disclose my identity in this way before the crowd, because I ought to begin by being presented at Court. The only thing that has prevented my doing so is that I have not got a Spanish national dress. Some kind of mantle is indispensable. I was going to order one from a tailor, but they are perfect asses; besides, they pay no attention to their work, they have started profiteering, and most of them are now engaged in paving the streets. So I decided to make a mantle out of my new uniform, which I have only worn twice. But in order that those rascals should not ruin it I decided to do the work myself, locking the door so that no one might see me at it. I cut it all to pieces with scissors, because the cut has to be quite different.

I FORGET THE DATE. NOR WAS THERE ANY MONTH: WHAT IT WAS, THE DEVIL ALONE KNOWS

THE mantle is ready. Mavra shrieked when I put it on. Nevertheless, I can’t yet be presented at Court: the deputation from Spain has not arrived yet. It would not be proper to go without the delegates: my dignity would be cheapened. I am expecting them any minute.

The 1st

I AM exceedingly surprised at the tardiness of the delegates. What can have detained them? Can it be France? Probably, she is the most unfriendly power. I went to inquire at the post office whether the Spanish delegates had arrived; but the postmaster was extraordinarily stupid and knew nothing. “No,” he said, “we have had no Spanish delegates, but if you wish to post a letter, we will take it at the existing rates.” Damn it! what’s in a letter? Letters are rot. Only druggists write letters, and then only after dipping their tongues in vinegar, or else their faces would be all covered with warts.

MADRID. FEBRUARIUS 30

SO here I am in Spain, and it happened so quickly that I have scarcely had the time to recover. This morning the Spanish delegates presented themselves, and we started together in a carriage. The extraordinary rapidity of our journey struck me as strange. We drove so fast that within half an hour we had reached the Spanish frontier. But of course now there are iron railways all over Europe, and steamers go very rapidly. A singular country this Spain! In the first room we entered there were a number of people with shaved heads. However, I realized at once that they were either grandees or soldiers, because they shave their heads. The behaviour of the Lord Chancellor, who led me by the arm, struck me as exceedingly strange. He pushed me into a little room and said: “Sit there, and if you go on calling yourself King Ferdinand, I’ll knock that nonsense out of you.” But I knew that this was only an ordeal, so I answered in the negative, whereupon the Chancellor struck me twice on the back with a stick, and it hurt so that I almost cried out, but I restrained myself, recollecting that it was a custom of chivalry, on the admission to any high dignity, for Spain still practises customs of chivalry.