The ardent Eddie Fislinger, now president of the Y.M.C.A. and ready to bring his rare
talents to the Baptist ministry, asserted after an enjoyable private prayer-meeting in his room that he was going to face
Elmer and forbid him to run.
“Gwan! You don’t dare!” observed a Judas who three minutes before had been wrestling with God under Eddie’s coaching.
“I don’t, eh? Watch me! Why, everybody hates him, the darn’ hog!” squeaked Eddie.
By scurrying behind trees he managed to come face to face with Elmer on the campus. He halted, and spoke of football,
quantitative chemistry, and the Arkansas spinster who taught German.
Elmer grunted.
Desperately, his voice shrill with desire to change the world, Eddie stammered:
“Say—say, Hell-cat, you hadn’t ought to run for president again. Nobody’s ever president twice!”
“Somebody’s going to be.”
“Ah, gee, Elmer, don’t run for it. Ah, come on. Course all the fellows are crazy about you but—Nobody’s ever been
president twice. They’ll vote against you.”
“Let me catch ’em at it!”
“How can you stop it? Honest, Elm—Hell-cat—I’m just speaking for your own good. The voting’s secret. You can’t tell—”
“Huh! The nominations ain’t secret! Now you go roll your hoop, Fissy, and let all the yellow coyotes know that anybody
that nominates anybody except Uncle Hell-cat will catch it right where the chicken caught the ax. See? And if they tell me
they didn’t know about this, you’ll get merry Hail Columbia for not telling ’em. Get me? If there’s anything but an
unanimous vote, you won’t do any praying the rest of this year!”
Eddie remembered how Elmer and Jim had shown a Freshman his place in society by removing all his clothes and leaving him
five miles in the country.
Elmer was elected president of the senior class—unanimously.
He did not know that he was unpopular. He reasoned that men who seemed chilly to him were envious and afraid, and that
gave him a feeling of greatness.
Thus it happened that he had no friend save Jim Lefferts.
Only Jim had enough will to bully him into obedient admiration. Elmer swallowed ideas whole; he was a maelstrom of
prejudices; but Jim accurately examined every notion that came to him. Jim was selfish enough, but it was with the
selfishness of a man who thinks and who is coldly unafraid of any destination to which his thoughts may lead him. The little
man treated Elmer like a large damp dog, and Elmer licked his shoes and followed.
He also knew that Jim, as quarter, was far more the soul of the team than himself as tackle and captain.
A huge young man, Elmer Gantry; six foot one, thick, broad, big handed; a large face, handsome as a Great Dane is
handsome, and a swirl of black hair, worn rather long. His eyes were friendly, his smile was friendly—oh, he was always
friendly enough; he was merely astonished when he found that you did not understand his importance and did not want to hand
over anything he might desire. He was a barytone solo turned into portly flesh; he was a gladiator laughing at the comic
distortion of his wounded opponent.
He could not understand men who shrank from blood, who liked poetry or roses, who did not casually endeavor to seduce
every possibly seducible girl. In sonorous arguments with Jim he asserted that “these fellows that study all the time are
just letting on like they’re so doggone high and mighty, to show off to those doggone profs that haven’t got anything but
lemonade in their veins.”
4
Chief adornment of their room was the escritoire of the first Gritzmacher, which held their library. Elmer owned two
volumes of Conan Doyle, one of E. P. Roe, and a priceless copy of “Only a Boy.” Jim had invested in an encyclopedia which
explained any known subject in ten lines, in a “Pickwick Papers,” and from some unknown source he had obtained a complete
Swinburne, into which he was never known to have looked.
But his pride was in the possession of Ingersoll’s “Some Mistakes of Moses,” and Paine’s “The Age of Reason.” For Jim
Lefferts was the college freethinker, the only man in Terwillinger who doubted that Lot’s wife had been changed into salt
for once looking back at the town where, among the young married set, she had had so good a time; who doubted that
Methuselah lived to nine hundred and sixty-nine.
They whispered of Jim all through the pious dens of Terwillinger. Elmer himself was frightened, for after giving minutes
and minutes to theological profundities Elmer had concluded that “there must be something to all this religious guff if all
these wise old birds believe it, and some time a fellow had ought to settle down and cut out the hell-raising.” Probably Jim
would have been kicked out of college by the ministerial professors if he had not had so reverent a way of asking questions
when they wrestled with his infidelity that they let go of him in nervous confusion.
Even the President, the Rev. Dr. Willoughby Quarles, formerly pastor of the Rock of Ages Baptist Church of Moline, Ill.,
than whom no man had written more about the necessity of baptism by immersion, in fact in every way a thoroughly than-whom
figure—even when Dr. Quarles tackled Jim and demanded, “Are you getting the best out of our instruction, young man? Do you
believe with us not only in the plenary inspiration of the Bible but also in its verbal inspiration, and that it is the only
divine rule of faith and practise?” then Jim looked docile and said mildly:
“Oh, yes, Doctor. There’s just one or two little things that have been worrying me, Doctor. I’ve taken them to the Lord
in prayer, but he doesn’t seem to help me much. I’m sure you can. Now why did Joshua need to have the sun stand still? Of
course it happened—it SAYS so right in Scripture. But why did he need to, when the Lord always helped those Jews, anyway,
and when Joshua could knock down big walls just by having his people yell and blow trumpets? And if devils cause a lot of
the diseases, and they had to cast ’em out, why is it that good Baptist doctors today don’t go on diagnosing
devil-possession instead of T.
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