I’d told ’em time and again I didn’t want the Indians to know I was travelin’ with eight women. Now their screamin’ had ruined that.

Three more shots peppered the rocks around me. With rifle in hand, I spread my arms wide apart and shouted, “Fox Indians are weak! Their women have pox! They fornicate with dogs!”

Nothin’.

I went all in with the biggest insult possible: “Fox warriors clean the camp and take care of the children!”

Four Indians jumped to their feet, screamin’ furiously, and I shot three of ’em. Then I shouted, “This is a forty-four caliber Henry Repeatin’ Rifle. A resolute man, armed with one a’ these, partic’larly on horseback, cannot be captured!” 

They had no idea what I was talkin’ about, but I’d read them words on the hand bill advertisin’ the Henry Repeatin’ Rifle, and liked the way they sounded.

“Look!” I shouted at the Indians. “I’m fearless. Shoot me! Do your best, but know I cannot be killed!”

There was no movement from the rocks, just the cries of two gut-shot Fox Indians bleedin’ out. The third was either unconscious or dead. I heard some of ’em scramblin’ about, attemptin’ to transport the dyin’ men without becomin’ targets themselves.

“Go back to Iowa!” I shouted. “And take your dead with you!”

Their blood-curdlin’ death sounds had reduced to moanin’, but I continued shoutin’ threats and oaths ’til I heard Shrug’s whistle, tellin’ me the danger had passed.

“You can come out now,” I said to the women. “I’m sorry for yellin’ at you.”

“That was the bravest thing I ever seen!” Gentry cooed.

Scarlett noticed the way Gentry was eyeballin’ me, and whispered, “Looks like you hooked one. But be careful reelin’ her in tonight. She’s a famous screamer.”

The whores gathered round me and Major and expressed their gratitude. Phoebe held off expressin’ her opinion ’til I’d buried Ira and gotten us miles away from the Indian attack.

“That was the most irresponsible behavior I have ever witnessed,” she said. “You were daring those Indians to shoot you. And what if they had? Where would we be then? What would have become of us?”

“Why, Shrug would’ve taken you to Springfield,” I said.

“It was a foolish, ill-thought thing to do.”

“The others thought I was brave.”

“You were foolish. You showed bad judgment, and could’ve been killed.”

I laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“Them Indians couldn’t have shot me, ’cept by accident.”

“What do you mean?”

“Indians can’t shoot for shit. Pardon the expression.”

“I don’t understand.”

“They were usin’ old muzzleloaders and single-shot rifles.”

“I still don’t understand.”

“Their guns ain’t accurate at that distance. They were shootin’ straight out, hopin’ the bullets would fall on our heads. They got no skill.”

“How can that be true?”

“Well, they don’t get much practice.”

“Why not?”

“Ain’t got bullets enough to practice. And even if they did, they got no tools to keep their guns oiled and cleaned. I’m surprised their rifles didn’t blow up in their faces today.”

I turned to glance at Phoebe and saw her face turnin’ red.

“What?” I said.

She gestured behind her. “You accepted the women’s accolades and pronouncements of bravery and gave them no accounting of the true nature of the events. Same as you did with the fish Wayne gave you yesterday. You’re trying to falsely impress us, Emmett Love, and sadly, it seems to be working with the others.”

“But not you.”

“Of course not. I can spot counterfeit courage a mile away.”

“Of course you can.”

“But some cannot, especially the younger girls among us.