I wondered
whether it was my duty to advise the man to go to the best doctor he
knew, and without delay. Then Secretan Jones began again:
"I won't tell you any more of these absurdities. I know they are
drivel, pantomime tricks and traps, children's conjuring;
contemptible, all of it.
"But it made me afraid. I felt like a man walking in the dark,
beset with uncertain sounds and faint echoes of his footsteps that
seem to come from a vast depth, till he begins to fear that he is
treading by the edge of some awful precipice. There was something
unknown about me; and I was holding on hard to what I knew, and
wondering whether I should be sustained.
"One afternoon I was in a very miserable and distracted state. I
could not attend to my work. I went out into the garden, and walked
up and down trying to calm myself. I opened the garden door and
looked into the narrow passage which runs at the end of all the
gardens on this side of the square. There was nobody
there—except three children playing some game or other. They
were queer, stunted little creatures, and I turned back into the
garden and walked into the study. I had just sat down, and had turned
to my work hoping to find relief in it, when Mrs. Sedger, my servant,
came into the room and cried out, in an excited sort of way, that she
was glad to see me back again.
"I made up some story. I don't know whether she believes it. I
suppose she thinks I have been mixed up in something
disreputable."
"And what had happened?"
"I haven't the remotest notion."
We sat looking at each other for some time.
"I suppose what happened was just this," I said at last. "Your
nervous system had been in a very bad way for some time. It broke
down utterly; you lost your memory, your sense of
identity—everything. You may have spent the six weeks in
addressing envelopes in the City Road."
He turned to one of the books on the table and opened it. Between
the leaves there were the dimmed red and white petals of some flower
that looked like an anemone.
"I picked this flower," he said, "as I was walking down the path
that afternoon. It was the first of its kind to be in
bloom—very early. It was still in my hand when I walked back
into this room, six weeks later, as everybody declares. But it was
quite fresh."
There was nothing to be said. I kept silent for five minutes, I
suppose, before I asked him whether his mind was an utter blank as to
the six weeks during which no known person had set eyes on him;
whether he had no sort of recollection, however vague.
"At first, nothing at all. I could not believe that more than a
few seconds came between my opening the garden door and shutting it.
Then in a day or two there was a vague impression that I had been
somewhere where everything was absolutely right. I can't say more
than that. No fairyland joys, or bowers of bliss, or anything of that
kind; no sense of anything strange or unaccustomed. But there was no
care there at all. Est enim magnum chaos."
But that means "For there is a great void," or "A great gulf."
We never spoke of the matter again. Two months later he told me
that his nerves had been troubling him, and that he was going to
spend a month or six weeks at a farm near Llanthony, in the Black
Mountains, a few miles from his old home. In three weeks I got a
letter, addressed in Secretan Jones's hand. Inside was a slip of
paper on which he had written the words:
Est enim magnum chaos.
The day on which the letter was posted he had gone out in wild
autumn weather, late one afternoon, and had never come back.
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