I was quite clear about my
name and my identity. And I knew my address perfectly well:
Thirty-nine, Tollit Square, Canonbury."
"But you said you forgot where you lived."
"I know; but there's the difficulty of expression we were talking
about the other day. I am looking for the notation, as you called it.
But it was like this: I had been working till the morning in the
Reading Room with the motor danger at the back of my mind, and as I
left the Museum, feeling a sort of heaviness and confusion, I made up
my mind to walk home. I thought the air might freshen me a little. I
set out at a good pace. I knew every foot of the way, as I had often
done the walk before, and I went ahead mechanically, with my mind
wrapt up in a very important matter relating to my proper studies. As
a matter of fact, I had found in a most unexpected quarter a
statement that threw an entirely new light on the Rite of the Celtic
Church, and I felt that I might be on the verge of an important
discovery. I was lost in a maze of conjectures, and when I looked up
I found myself standing on the pavement by the Angel, Islington,
totally unaware of where I was to go next.
"Yes, quite so: I knew the Angel when I saw it, and I knew I lived
in Tollit Square; but the relation between the two had entirely
vanished from my consciousness. For me, there were no longer any
points of the compass; there was no such thing as direction, neither
north nor south, nor left nor right, an extraordinary sensation,
which I don't feel I have made plain to you at all. I was a good deal
disturbed, and felt that I must move somewhere, so I set
off—and found myself at King's Cross railway station. Then I
did the only thing there was to be done: took a hansom and got home,
feeling shaky enough."
I gathered that this was the first incident of significance in a
series of odd experiences that befell this learned and amiable
clergyman. His memory became thoroughly unreliable, or so he thought
at first.
He began to miss important papers from his table in the study. A
series of notes, on three sheets lettered A, B, and C, were placed by
him on the table under a paperweight one night, just before he went
up to bed. They were missing when he went into his study the next
morning. He was certain that he had put them in that particular
place, under the bulbous glass weight with the pink roses embedded in
its depths: but they were not there. Then Mrs. Sedger knocked at the
door and entered with the papers in her hand. She said she had found
them between the bed and the mattress in the master's bedroom, and
thought they might be wanted.
Secretan Jones could not make it out at all. He supposed he must
have put the papers where they were found and then forgotten all
about it, and he was uneasy, feeling afraid that he was on the brink
of a nervous breakdown. Then there were difficulties about his books,
as to which he was very precise, every book having its own place. One
morning he wanted to consult the Missale de Arbuthnott, a big
red quarto, which lived at the end of a bottom shelf near the window.
It was not there. The unfortunate man went up to his bedroom, and
felt the bed all over and looked under his shirts in the chest of
drawers, and searched all the room in vain. However, determined to
get what he wanted, he went to the Reading Room, verified his
reference, and returned to Canonbury: and there was the red quarto in
its place. Now here, it seemed certain, there was no room for loss of
memory; and Secretan Jones began to suspect his servants of playing
tricks with his possessions, and tried to find a reason for their
imbecility or villainy—he did not know what to call it. But it
would not do at all. Papers and books disappeared and reappeared, or
now and then vanished without return. One afternoon, struggling, as
he told me, against a growing sense of confusion and bewilderment, he
had with considerable difficulty filled two quarto sheets of ruled
paper with a number of extracts necessary to the subject he had in
hand. When this was done, he felt his bewilderment thickening like a
cloud about him: "It was, physically and mentally, as if the objects
in the room became indistinct, were presented in a shimmering mist or
darkness." He felt afraid, and rose, and went out into the garden.
The two sheets of paper he had left on his table were lying on the
path by the garden door.
I remember he stopped dead at this point. To tell the truth, I was
thinking that all these instances were rather matter for the ear of a
mental specialist than for my hearing. There was evidence enough of a
bad nervous breakdown, and it seemed to me, of delusions.
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