A man has to keep some money for cigarettes. I think I’ll just have an apple!”

Smirnov ordered an apple and began eating it, looking enviously at his friends eating cabbage soup and tasty dishes of poultry. But the thought that he had managed to save some money comforted him. One can imagine his astonishment when the bill came: Two full meals—one ruble and twenty kopecks. One apple—seventy-five kopecks. From that day on he ceased being a miser, and never again bought fruit at taverns.

Taunt Not Thy Neighbor

A five-ruble coin struck up a conversation with a one-ruble plate of food, and began to taunt it.

“My friend!” he said to the one-ruble plate of food. “Take a look at me! I am a lot smaller than you, but worth quite a bit more, not to mention the shine I give off! Though my actual value is set at five rubles and fifteen kopecks, people are already paying a good eight rubles for me!”

The coin continued taunting the one-ruble plate of food for quite a long time. The plate of food listened and listened, but said nothing. A little later the plate of food came across a one-ruble banknote and said to it: “I feel so sorry for you, you poor piece of paper, you! How ridiculous you look! Though my actual value is set at one ruble, people are already paying a ruble and a quarter for me in taverns, while you are now worth even less than your official value! Shame on you!”

“My dear friend,” the one-ruble banknote replied, “you and your friend the five-ruble coin have reached your grandeur on account of my fall. But nevertheless I’m glad to have been of some service to you.”

The one-ruble plate of food blushed with shame.

Blatant Ingratitude

Once upon a time a pious man gathered together in his courtyard on his name day all the lame, blind, crippled, and purulent of the town and gave them food. He offered them watery cabbage soup, peas, and raisin pies.

“Eat and rejoice in the Lord, my brothers and sisters!” he told the beggars. They ate without a hint of gratitude. After the meal, the crippled, lame, blind, and purulent said a hasty prayer and left.

“Well? How was the pious man’s food?” a constable standing near the pious man’s gate said to one of the lame beggars.

The lame man waved dismissively and limped on. The constable asked one of the purulent beggars the same question.

“All he did was spoil our appetite!” the purulent beggar replied indignantly. “They’re burying Yarlikov the merchant today, and we’re all going to his funeral feast.”

A Fitting Retribution

There once was a naughty boy who was in the habit of scribbling indecent words on walls. He scribbled them convinced he would not be punished. But, dear children, all bad deeds are punished. One day the naughty boy walked along a wall, took out a piece of chalk, and wrote for all to see: “Fool! Fool! Fool!” People walked past and read it. A clever man walked by, read the words, and went on his way. A fool walked by, read the words, and took the naughty boy to court for defamation.

“I am not taking him to court because his words have insulted me,” the fool maintained, “but out of principle!”

Excessive Diligence

There once was a newspaper plagued with maggots. The editor in chief called in the marsh birds and told them: “Gobble up all those maggots!” The birds began pecking away, and pecked up not only all the maggots but the whole editorial office, along with the editor in chief.

Truth Will Out

As he lay dying, King Darius of Persia called his son Ataxerxes to his side. “My son, I am dying,” he said to him. “After my death you must call together all the wise men of the world and have them solve the riddle I will tell you. Appoint the men who solve the riddle as your ministers.”

Leaning forward, Darius whispered the riddle into his son’s ear.

After his father’s death, Ataxerxes called together all the wise men of the world.

“Wise men!” he proclaimed.