Gall This is a great pleasure

Alquist It’s nice to see you here, Miss Glory

(Enter Busman, right)

Busman Hello, what’s going on here?

Domin Come in, Busman. This is Busman, and this is Mr. Glory’s daughter.

Helena Pleased to meet you.

Busman Oh, that’s wonderful! Miss Glory, would you mind if we send a telegram to the newspapers to say you’ve come?

Helena No, no, please don’t do that!

Domin Please, do sit down.

(Fabry, Busman and Dr. Gall pull up armchairs)

Fabry Please...

Busman After you...

Dr. Gall Beg your pardon...

Alquist Miss Glory, did you have a good journey?

Dr. Gall Will you be staying here, with us, for long?

Fabry What do you think of our factory, Miss Glory?

Hallemeier Came over on the Amelia, did you?

Domin Quiet, let Miss Glory speak.

Helena (to Domin) What am I supposed to say to them?

Domin (surprised) Whatever you like.

Helena Should I... should I be open with them?

Domin Of course you should.

Helena (hesitant, then decided) Tell me, do you not mind the way you’re treated?

Fabry Treated by whom?

Helena Any of these people.

(All look at each other in bewilderment)

Alquist The way we’re treated?

Dr. Gall How do you mean?

Hallemeier Oh my God!

Busman But Miss Glory, dear me!

Helena Do you not think you could have a better kind of existence?

Dr. Gall That all depends, Miss Glory, what do you mean?

Helena What I mean is... (in an outburst)... this is all horrible, it’s vile! (standing) The whole of Europe is talking about what’s going on here and the way you’re treated. That’s why I’ve come here, to see for myself, and I find it’s a thousand times worse than anyone ever thought! How can you bear it?

Alquist What is it you think we have to bear?

Helena Your position here. You are people just like we are, for God’s sake, just like anyone else in Europe, anyone else in the world! It’s a scandal, the way you have to live, it isn’t worthy of you!

Busman My word, Miss Glory!!

Fabry But I think there might be something in what Miss Glory says, lads. We really do live here like a camp of Indians.

Helena Worse than Indians! May I, oh, may I call you ‘brothers’?

Busman Well, why on Earth not?

Helena Brothers, I haven’t come here on behalf of my father. I’m here on behalf of the League of Humanity. Brothers, the League of Humanity now has more than two thousand members. There are two thousand people who are standing up for you and want to help you.

Busman Two thousand people! Dear me, that’s quite a decent number, that’s very nice indeed.

Fabry I always say that old Europe hasn’t had its day yet. Do you hear, lads, they haven’t forgotten about us, they want to help us.

Dr. Gall What sort of help do you have in mind? A theatre performance, perhaps?

Hallemeier An orchestra?

Helena More than that.

Alquist Yourself?

Helena Oh, never mind myself! I’ll stay here for as long as it’s needed.

Busman Dear me, that is good news!

Alquist I’ll go and get the best room ready for Miss Glory then, Domin.

Domin Wait a second, Alquist, I’ve a feeling Miss Glory hasn’t quite finished speaking yet.

Helena No, I haven’t finished, not unless you mean to shut me up by force.

Dr. Gall Harry, how dare you!

Helena Thank you. I knew you’d protect me.

Domin Excuse me, Miss Glory, but are you sure you’re talking to robots?

Helena (taken aback) Who else would I be talking to?

Domin I’m afraid these gentlemen are people, just like you are. Just like the whole of Europe.

Helena (to the others) You aren’t robots?

Busman (laughing) God forbid!

Hallemeier The idea’s disgusting!

Dr. Gall (laughing) Well thank you very much!

Helena But... but that’s impossible.

Fabry On my word of honour, Miss Glory, we are not robots.

Helena (to Domin) Then why did you tell me that all your staff are robots?

Domin All the staff are robots, but not the management. Let me introduce them: Mr. Fabry, general technical director, Rossum’s Universal Robots. Doctor Gall, director of department for physiology and research. Doctor Hallemeier, director of the institute for robot behaviour and psychology. Mr. Busman, commercial director, and Mr. Alquist, our builder, head of construction at Rossum’s Universal Robots.

Helena I’m sorry gentlemen. I... I... oh, that’s terrible, what have I done?

Alquist Oh, it doesn’t matter, Miss Glory, please sit down.

Helena (sitting) What a stupid girl I am. Now, now you’ll send me back on the next ship.

Dr. Gall Not for the world. Why would we want to send you back?

Helena Because now you know... you know... you know I want to destroy your business.

Domin But there’ve already been hundreds of saviours and prophets here. More of them arrive with every ship; missionaries, anarchists, the Salvation Army, everything you can think of. It’s astonishing just how many churches and madmen there are in the world.

Helena And you let them talk to the robots?

Domin Why not? We’ve let them all do it so far. The robots remember everything, but that’s all they do. They don’t even laugh at what people tell them. It’s really quite incredible. If you feel like it, I can take you down to the storeroom and you can talk to the robots there.

Busman Three hundred and forty-seven thousand.

Domin Alright then. You can lecture them on whatever you like. Read them the Bible, logarithmic tables, anything. You can even preach to them about human rights.

Helena But I thought that... if they were just shown a little love...

Fabry That’s impossible, Miss Glory. There’s nothing more different from people than a robot.

Helena Why do you make them?

Busman Hahaha, that’s a good one! Why do we make robots!

Fabry So that they can work for us, Miss Glory. One robot can take the place of two and a half workers. The human body is very imperfect; one day it had to be replaced with a machine that would work better.

Busman People cost too much.

Fabry They were very unproductive. They weren’t good enough for modern technology. And besides,... besides... this is wonderful progress that... I beg your pardon.

Helena What?

Fabry Please forgive me, but to give birth to a machine is wonderful progress. It’s more convenient and it’s quicker, and everything that’s quicker means progress. Nature had no notion of the modern rate of work. From a technical point of view, the whole of childhood is quite pointless. Simply a waste of time. And thirdly...

Helena Oh, stop it!

Fabry As you like. Can I ask you, what actually is it that your League... League of Humanity stands for?

Helena It’s meant to... actually it’s meant to protect the robots and make sure... make sure they’re treated properly.

Fabry That’s not at all a bad objective. A machine should always be treated properly. In fact I agree with you completely. I never like it when things are damaged. Miss Glory, would you mind enrolling all of us as new paying members of your organisation.

Helena No, you don’t understand. We want, what we actually want is to set the robots free!

Hallemeier To do what?

Helena They should be treated... treated the same as people.

Hallemeier Aha. So you mean they should have the vote! Do you think they should be paid a wage as well?

Helena Well of course they should!

Hallemeier We’ll have to see about that. And what do you think they’d do with their wages?

Helena They’d buy...