It was huge. And very comfortable.

ANTHONY: That sofa went to Zero Church Street, but I did see a bench …

JEREMY: That’ll be perfect. It doesn’t matter. Who cares?

STEPDAUGHTER: What do you mean, who cares? That was Emilio Paz’s famous balling couch.

JEREMY: I dare say it was, dear, but this is only a rehearsal, so let me do it my way. Now, they want a window piece …

SCOTT: I’m sure there are frames left over from something back there.

STEPDAUGHTER: Don’t forget that little mahogany table for the blue envelope.

ANTHONY: (to Jeremy) Case has a prop table offstage.

JEREMY: Mahogany?

FATHER: We need a mirror.

STEPDAUGHTER: And a screen. I have to have the screen or I can’t do the scene.

SCOTT: No problem, we have a folding change screen offstage right.

FATHER: (insistent) And a mirror.

STEPDAUGHTER: Very important for the customers.

SCOTT: There’s a dance mirror in the flies.

JEREMY: But that’s huge.

SCOTT: The only other thing we’ve got is a little makeup mirror.

JEREMY: The dance mirror will have to do. Okay … what else do they want… they want a clothes rack with some costumes for the strippers.

STEPDAUGHTER: Yes, lots of them, please.

SCOTT: The King Stag rack is right offstage. I’ll pull some stuff out of stock. What kind of costumes do you want, Jeremy?

JEREMY: I don’t know. Whatever it is that strippers wear these days. It’s been so long. (Scott goes off to get the costumes while Anthony sets up the furniture and props for the scene) Okay, Tommy, here is a breakdown of the play, scene by scene, (he hands out sheets to the actors)

TOMMY: Oh great, (looking at his sheet) Hey, Will, you’re going to love this—no lines to learn.

JEREMY: That’s the thing. We’re going to take them down as they go along. As they say them…. Oh, Scott, have you got a tape recorder?

SCOTT: No, but there’s some blank yellow paper on the table….

JEREMY: All right. Tommy, you know speedwriting, don’t you? (Tommy nods) Okay, we’ll write the lines down as they say them. That’ll be great.

KAREN: Excuse me, Jeremy, but do you want me to pay more attention to what they’re saying or what they’re doing?

JEREMY: (anticipating her) Well, both actually—what they’re saying and what they’re doing. It’ll all be written down, don’t worry. You won’t have to improvise.

CHUCK: What are we doing?

JEREMY: Oh, Chuck, take off those earphones. (Chuck: “What?”) Take off those earphones. (Chuck: “Oh, charades”) No, not charades. This is a rehearsal—and they’re the ones (pointing to the Characters) who’ll do the rehearsing….

FATHER: (bewildered) Us? I’m sorry, but what do you mean, we rehearse?

JEREMY: I mean you’ll be rehearsing for the benefit of the actors.

FATHER: But we are the characters….

JEREMY: That’s right. You’re the characters. But characters don’t do the acting here. The actors do the acting … the characters stay where they belong, in the script—when there is a script.

FATHER: That’s exactly what I mean. There isn’t any script. You’re lucky enough to have the actual characters right here in front of you.

TOMMY: Terrific! They want to write it, act in it, direct it…

FATHER: But that’s what we’re here for.

WILL: What do you think we get paid for? The little we do get paid.

CHUCK: I’m an actor, not a member of the audience. (actually, he is sprawled out in one of the seats)

JEREMY: You could have fooled me. (the actors laugh)

SCOTT: Mirror coming in.

JEREMY: Okay, let’s get on with it. First we have to give your wife a name.

FATHER: Emilia.

JEREMY: But isn’t that her real name? We can’t use her real name.

FATHER: But why not, if that’s what she’s called? Still, if somebody else is going to play the part… I’ve always thought of her as … but it’s up to you.