Say that I’m guilty
of what I’m here for, but you can add, if you like, that I’m not personally a
vile character… That is, if you agree that I’m not.”
“Wouldn’t that be very hard for her to understand at her age?”
“At any age, Emily. Sometimes even I find it hard to grasp. But I’d rather
have her puzzled about me than indignant on my behalf.”
But Emily, distressed as she was, nevertheless declined to accept that
alternative herself. To be puzzled was the one thing she abhorred, and to
avoid it she could almost always discover a romantic formula. That accounted
for her mood when, towards twilight as she returned home after the interview,
she saw Livia wandering in the road below the clough; it was why she failed
to scold her, or to listen to her prattle about ghosts; and it was why, next
morning, after long consultations with Sarah and Miss Fortescue, she told
Livia the only possible romantic lie about her father except that he was
innocent; and that was, that he was dead. He had been killed, she said, in
South Africa, and the war for which he had given his life had ended in
victory. Emily found it possible to say all this convincingly, with genuine
tears, and without going into awkward details. Doubtless in a few years (she
reckoned) the truth would have to come out, but when it did it might even
seem relatively GOOD news to a child of maturer intelligence; while for the
time being it surely could not upset Livia too much to think that a father
whom she did not remember had died a hero. Pride more than grief seemed the
likely emotion.
Livia felt neither, however, so much as a queer kind of relief. She wept
easily when her mother wept, for much the same reason that she made imitative
noises when the dog barked or the cat mewed; but she had stared out of the
drawing-room window with such protracted hopes of her father’s return that it
was almost pleasanter not to have to expect him any more. Instead, she
promptly added a new legend to that of the three little girls whose ghosts
were supposed to haunt the neighbourhood. She persisted in telling people
(the people at Stoneclough, for she never met anyone else) that she often saw
her father’s ghost in the clough, smoking and walking slowly and looking at
the trees. She was so circumstantial in describing all this that Miss
Fortescue grew nervous about driving to Browdley after dark, though there
were several flaws in Livia’s story when Miss Fortescue analysed it. For
instance, how could Livia, who did not remember her father, even pretend to
recognize his ghost? And then, too, the detail about the smoking. Not only
had John Channing been a non-smoker, but Miss Fortescue was also sure that
ghosts could not smoke. Livia, however, replied stoutly: “My daddy’s ghost
DOES.”
Which presented a problem that Emily, Miss Fortescue, Sarah, Dr. Whiteside
(the family physician), and a few others were wholly unable to evaluate, much
less to solve. Could it be that the child, in addition to BELIEVING a lie
(which was only right and proper, in the circumstances), was also capable of
TELLING one? Miss Fortescue thought not, again adducing the ‘smoking’ detail.
If Livia had uttered a falsehood with deliberate intent to deceive, surely
she would not have invented such an incongruity; therefore, did it not prove
that she was speaking what at least she regarded as the truth?
In fact, it was neither a lie nor the truth, but some halfway vision in a
child’s-eye view of the world, a vision that could start as easily from a lie
deliberately told, and as easily end by sincerely believing it. Those three
children, for instance; Livia had undoubtedly lied in claiming to have seen
them, but later her fancy convinced her that she DID see them, more than
once; and this made her forget that she had lied in the first place. Nor was
it ever a conscious lie that she saw her father, for by that time the clough
was a place where she could see anything and anybody. The high trees arching
over the stream as it tumbled from the moorland, the ruins of the old
cottages where grass grew through the cracks of the hearthstones, the winding
path leading down from the Stoneclough garden to the road—these were
the limits of a world that did not exist elsewhere save in Grimm and Hans
Andersen and the Tanglewood Tales—a world as young as the children who
lived in it and the belief that alone made it real.
And in the other world, meanwhile, she continued to learn Mathematics,
Spelling, Geography, History and ‘Scripture’ from Miss Fortescue, who was
everlastingly thrilled by the secret that could not yet be told and by her
own forbearance in not telling it; she also understood children just enough
to feel quite certain that she understood Livia completely, which she never
did. Old Sarah, who professed no subtleties, came much closer when she
remarked, leaning over the child’s first attempts at arithmetic— “Queer
stuff they put into your head, Livia—no wonder you see ghosts after
it.” And it was Sarah who saw nothing queer at all in Livia’s question, when
Miss Fortescue had informed her that Ben Nevis was the highest mountain in
the United Kingdom: “Please, Miss Fortescue, what’s the LOWEST?”
* * * * *
Another war did begin, as Emily had envisaged (but it was
between Russia
and Japan, and so not one in which an English household had to take sides);
meanwhile Livia passed her sixth birthday; meanwhile also the cotton trade
boomed and then slumped. This would have mattered more at Stoneclough had not
Emily possessed a little money of her own; indeed, it was a subject of bitter
comment throughout Browdley, where hundreds had been ruined as a result of
the Channing crash, that the family responsible for it seemed to be
flourishing just as formerly. But this was not quite accurate. Browdley did
not realize how much had been abandoned—the town house in London, the
holidays at Marienbad, the platoon of servants; and while to Browdley life at
Stoneclough was itself a luxury, to Emily it was an economy enforced by the
fact that the house was of a size and style that made it practically
unsaleable, and thus cheaper to stay in than to give up. So they stayed
—she and Livia and Miss Fortescue and Watson the gardener-coachman-
handyman (a truly skeleton staff for such an establishment); and the blacker
the looks of Browdley people, as trade worsened and times became harder, the
more advantageous it seemed that Stoneclough was so remote although so close
—a moorland fastness that no one from the town need approach save in
the mood and on the occasions of holidays. All of which, in its own way,
conditioned Livia’s childhood. Sundays in summer-time were the days when she
must, above all things, remain within the half-mile of garden fence;
week-days in winter-time permitted her the greatest amount of freedom. It was
easy, by this means, to keep her ignorant of everything except Miss
Fortescue’s teachings and a general impression that all nature was kind and
all humanity to be avoided.
And Emily, who liked to put things off anyway, kept putting off the time
for correcting all this. “Next year perhaps,” she would say, whenever Dr.
Whiteside mentioned the matter.
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