srsly Hamlet

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Carbone, Courtney.
Srsly Hamlet / William Shakespeare and Courtney Carbone.
pages  cm.
Summary: “William Shakespeare’s tragedy told in the style of texts, tweets, and status posts.” —Provided by publisher
ISBN 978-0-553-53538-9 (trade) — ISBN 978-0-553-53547-1 (ebook)
[1. Shakespeare, William, 1564–1616—Adaptations.] I. Shakespeare, William, 1564–1616. Hamlet. II. Title. III. Title: Seriously Hamlet. IV. Title: Hamlet.
PZ7.C1863Sr 2015  [Fic]—dc23  2014041937

Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.

v4.1

a

To all my extraordinary English teachers,
I’m sorry.
—C.B.C.

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Who’s Who

Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book

Act 1

Scene 1

Scene 2

Scene 3

Scene 4

Scene 5

Act 2

Scene 1

Scene 2

Act 3

Scene 1

Scene 2

Scene 3

Scene 4

Act 4

Scene 1

Scene 2

Scene 3

Scene 4

Scene 5

Scene 6

Scene 7

Act 5

Scene 1

Scene 2

The 411 for Those Not in the Know

Some Emotions You Might Find in This Book

About the Authors

FOMO? Read on for a peek at YOLO Juliet

Who’s Who

 

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

The Ghost, Hamlet’s dead dad, the old King Hamlet

Queen Gertrude, Hamlet’s mom, now married to Claudius

King Claudius, Hamlet’s dad’s brother, Hamlet’s uncle and stepdad

Ophelia

Laertes, Ophelia’s brother

Polonius, Ophelia and Laertes’s father, councillor to King Claudius

Reynaldo, servant to Polonius

Horatio, Hamlet’s friend

Voltimand, member of the Danish court

Cornelius, member of the Danish court

Rosencrantz, member of the Danish court, Hamlet’s old friend

Guildenstern, member of the Danish court, Hamlet’s old friend

Francisco, Danish soldier

Bernardo, Danish soldier

Marcellus, Danish soldier

Fortinbras, Prince of Norway

Gravedigger

Angry Mob

 

Characters You Won’t Meet in This Book

(aka People w/o Smartphones)

 

Osric, member of the Danish court

Gentlemen

A Lord

A Captain in Fortinbras’s army

Ambassadors to Denmark from England

Players who take the roles of Prologue, Player King, Player Queen, and Lucianus in The Murder of Gonzago

Two Messengers

Sailors

Gravedigger’s companion

Doctor of Divinity

Attendants, Lords, Guards, Musicians, Laertes’s Followers, Soldiers, Officers

 

[Scene 1]

Bernardo

almost there!!

Francisco

Who is this?

Bernardo

sry new #

Francisco

Bernardo?

Bernardo

yep. it’s after . go 2 bed!! i’ll take over.

Francisco

Thx, yeah I’m super .

Bernardo

lmk if you horatio or marcellus. they’re on 2nite 2.

Francisco

K

Group text: Marcellus, Bernardo, Horatio

Marcellus

BRB. Bringing Horatio so he can c u-know-who.

Bernardo

the ?

Marcellus

Yup

Horatio

IF this is real, it’s 4 Denmark.

BTW did you guys see the I posted this morning? www.​NorwegianNews.​com/​article/​Norway-​Pretending-​It-​Won-​War-​Against-​Denmark/

Marcellus

TL;DR. Can I get a recap??

Horatio

The late King Hamlet won a war against Norway’s late King Fortinbras, yes?

Bernardo

yeah, i know…but what were they late 4?

Horatio

SMH. That means dead.

Bernardo

ah…

Horatio

Anyway, King Hamlet defeated King Fortinbras fair and , but his son, Prince Fortinbras, is threatening to attack us to avenge his father’s death.

Bernardo

that can’t be good.

Marcellus

Horatio

Speaking of which, when is this supposed to show? It’s out here!

Bernardo

yesterday he showed rite after the …kinda like the 1 ringing now…

Marcellus

OMG! Did you c that?!

#NoFilter

Bernardo

holy !! it looks like a of the king!

Marcellus

Well, what do u have 2 say now, Horatio?

Horatio

Man. You were right.

Marcellus

And u were…?? Remind me. I forget!

Horatio

Relax. What do we do now?

Marcellus

it?

Bernardo

stab a ? u can’t kill something that’s already !!

Horatio

Too late! It’s gone. We have to tell Hamlet asap.

Bernardo

you’re rite. the will want 2 talk 2 his son.

[Scene 2]

 

Claudius

RIP @KingHamlet. You’ll b missed.

REPLY

 

Claudius

And now that funeral is over, let’s get on w/ the wedding! / Shout-out 2 my beautiful , @Gertrude.