Jennings produced a great revolution in the affairs of Keypstick, which declined from that moment, because he had neither authority to enforce obedience, nor prudence to maintain order among his scholars; so that the school degenerated into anarchy and confusion, and he himself dwindled in the opinion of his imployers, who looked upon him as superannuated, and withdrew their children from his tuition.

Peregrine seeing this dissolution of their society, and finding himself every day deprived of some companion, began to repine at his situation, and resolved, if possible, to procure his release from the jurisdiction of a person whom he both detested and despised. With this view he went to work, and composed the following billet, addressed to the commodore, which was the first specimen of his composition in the epistolary way.

 

Honoured and loving uncle,

Hoping you are in good health, this serves to inform you, that Mr. Jennings is gone, and Mr. Keypstick will never meet with his fellow. The school is already almost broke up, and the rest daily going away; and I beg of you of all love to have me fetched away also, for I cannot bear to be any longer under one who is a perfect ignoramus, who scarce knows the declination of musa, and is more fit to be a scarecrow than a schoolmaster; hoping you will send for me soon, with my love to my aunt and my duty to my honoured parents, craving their blessing and yours. And this is all at present from, honoured uncle, your well-beloved and dutiful nephew and godson, and humble servant to command 'till death

PEREGRINE PICKLE

 

Trunnion was overjoyed at the receit of this letter, which he looked upon as one of the greatest efforts of human genius, and as such communicated the contents to his lady, whom he had disturbed for the purpose in the middle of her devotion, by sending a message to her closet, whither it was her custom very frequently to retire. She was out of humour at being interrupted, and therefore did not peruse this specimen of her nephew's understanding with all the relish that the commodore himself had enjoyed; on the contrary, after sundry paralytical endeavours to speak, (for her tongue sometimes refused its office) she observed that the boy was a pert jackanapes, and deserved to be severely chastised for treating his betters with such disrespect. Her husband undertook his godson's defence, representing with great warmth that he knew Keypstick to be a good for nothing pimping old rascal, and that Perry shewed a great deal of spirit and good sense in desiring to be taken from under his command; he therefore declared that the boy should not live a week longer with such a shambling son of a bitch, and sanctioned his declaration with abundance of oaths.

Mrs. Trunnion composing her countenance into a look of religious demureness, rebuked him for his profane way of talking, and asked in a magisterial tone if he intended never to lay aside that brutal behaviour? Irritated at this reproach, he answered in terms of indignation, that he knew how to behave himself as well as e'er a woman that wore a head, bad her mind her own affairs, and with another repetition of oaths gave her to understand that he would be master in his own house.

This insinuation operated upon her spirits like friction upon a glass globe, her face gleamed with resentment, and every pore seemed to emit particles of flame. She replied with incredible fluency of the bitterest expressions. He retorted equal rage in broken hints and incoherent imprecations. She rejoined with redoubled fury, and in conclusion he was fain to betake himself to flight, ejaculating curses against her; and muttering something concerning the brandy-bottle, which, however, he took care should never reach her ears.

From his own house he went directly to visit Mrs. Pickle, to whom he imparted Peregrine's epistle with many encomiums upon the boy's promising parts; and finding his commendations but coldly received, desired she would permit him to take his godson under his own care.

This lady, whose family was now increased by another son that seemed to engross her care for the present, had not seen Perry during a course of four years, and with regard to him, was perfectly weaned of that infirmity known by the name of maternal fondness; she therefore consented to the commodore's request with great condescension, and a polite compliment to him on the concern he had all along manifested for the welfare of the child.

 

 

Chapter XIV

The Commodore takes Peregrine under his own Care. The Boy arrives at the Garrison; – is strangely received by his own Mother; – enters into a Confederacy with Hatchway and Pipes, and executes a Couple of waggish Enterprizes upon his Aunt

 

Trunnion having obtained this permission that very afternoon, dispatched the lieutenant in a post chaise to Keypstick's house, from whence in two days he returned with our young hero; who being now in the eleventh year of his age, had outgrown the expectation of all his family, and was remarkable for the beauty and elegance of his person. His godfather was transported at his arrival, as if he had been actually the issue of his own loins. He shook him heartily by the hand, turned him round and round, surveyed him from top to bottom, bad Hatchway take notice how handsomely he was built; squeezed his hand again, saying, »Damn ye, you dog, I suppose you don't value such an old crazy son of a bitch as me, a rope's end. You have forgot how I wont to dandle you on my knee, when you was a little urchin no higher than the David, and played a thousand tricks upon me, burning my bacco-pouches and poisoning my rumbo: O! damn ye, you can grin fast enough I see; I warrant you have learnt more things than writing and the Latin lingo.« Even Tom Pipes expressed uncommon satisfaction on this joyful occasion; and coming up to Perry, thrust forth his fore-paw, and accosted him with the salutation of »What chear, my young master? I am glad to see thee with all my heart.« These compliments being passed, his uncle halted to the door of his wife's chamber, at which he stood hollowing, »Here's your kinsman Perry, belike you won't come and bid him welcome.« »Lord! Mr. Trunnion, (said she) why will you continually harrass me in this manner with your impertinent intrusion?« »I harrow you, (replied the commodore) 'sblood! I believe your upper works are damaged. I only came to inform you that here was your cousin, whom you have not seen these four long years; and I'll be damned if there is such another of his age within the king's dominions, d'ye see, either for make or mettle; he's a credit to the name, d'ye see, but damn my eyes I'll say no more of the matter; if you come you may, if you won't you may let it alone.« »Well, I won't come then (answered his yoke-fellow) for I am at present more agreeably employed.« »Oho! you are? I believe so too;« cried the commodore, making wry faces and mimicking the action of dram-drinking. Then addressing himself to Hatchway, »Prithee Jack, (said he) go and try thy skill on that stubborn hulk; if any body can bring her about I know you wool.« The lieutenant accordingly taking his station at the door, conveyed his perswasion in these words, »What, won't you turn out and hail little Perry? It will do your heart good to see such a handsome young dog; I'm sure he is the very moral of you, and as like as if he had been spit out of your own mouth, as the saying is; do shew a little respect for your kinsman, can't you.« To this remonstrance she replied in a mild tone of voice, »Dear Mr. Hatchway, you are always teazing one in such a manner; sure I am, no body can tax me with unkindness, or want of natural affection;« so saying, she opened the door, and advancing to the hall where her nephew stood, received him very graciously, and observed that he was the very image of her papa.

In the afternoon he was conducted by the commodore to the house of his parents; and strange to tell, no sooner was he presented to his mother than her countenance changed, she eyed him with tokens of affliction and surprize, and bursting into tears, exclaimed her child was dead, and this was no other than an impostor whom they had brought to defraud her sorrow. Trunnion was confounded at this unaccountable passion, which had no other foundation than caprice and whim; and Gamaliel himself so disconcerted and unsettled in his own belief, which began to waver, that he knew not how to behave towards the boy, whom his godfather immediately carried back to the garrison, swearing all the way that Perry should never cross their threshold again with his good-will. Nay, so much was he incensed at this unnatural and absurd renunciation, that he refused to carry on any further correspondence with Pickle, until he was appeased by his sollicitations and submission, and Peregrine owned as his son and heir. But this acknowledgment was made without the privity of his wife, whose vicious aversion he was obliged, in appearance, to adopt. Thus exiled from his father's house, the young gentleman was left entirely to the disposal of the commodore, whose affection for him daily increased, insomuch, that he could scarce prevail upon himself to part with him, when his education absolutely required that he should be otherwise disposed of.

In all probability, this extraordinary attachment was, if not produced, at least rivetted by that peculiar turn in Peregrine's imagination, which we have already observed; and which, during his residence in the castle, appeared in sundry stratagems he practised upon his uncle and aunt, under the auspices of Mr. Hatchway, who assisted him in the contrivance and execution of all his schemes. Nor was Pipes exempted from a share in their undertakings; for, being a trusty fellow, not without dexterity in some cases, and altogether resigned to their will, they found him a serviceable instrument for their purpose, and used him accordingly.

The first sample of their art was exhibited upon Mrs. Trunnion, from whose chamber Peregrine having secreted a certain utensil, divers holes were drilled through the bottom of it by their operator; and then it was replaced in a curious case that stood by the bedside, in which it was reserved for midnight-occasions. The good lady had that evening made several extraordinary visits to her closet, and that sort of exercise never failed of having a diuretic effect upon her constitution; so that she and her husband were scarce warm in bed, when she found it convenient to reach out her hand, and introduce this receptacle under the cloaths. It was then that Peregrine's roguery took effect.