During this interruption, Mr. Hatchway's wit display'd itself in several practical jokes upon the commodore, with whom, he knew, it was dangerous to tamper in any other way. Being without the sphere of his vision, he securely pilfered his tobacco, drank his rumbo, made wry faces, and (to use the vulgar phrase) cocked his eye at him, to the no small entertainment of the spectators, Mr. Pickle himself not excepted, who gave evident tokens of uncommon satisfaction at the dexterity of this marine pantomime.

Mean while, the captain's choler gradually subsided, and he was pleased to desire Hatchway by the familiar and friendly diminutive of Jack, to read a news-paper that lay on the table before him. This task was accordingly undertaken by the lame lieutenant, who, among other paragraphs, read that which follows, with an elevation of voice that seemed to prognosticate something extraordinary. »We are informed that admiral Bower will very soon be created a British peer, for his eminent services during the war, particularly in his late engagement with the French fleet.« Trunnion was thunderstruck at this piece of intelligence. The mug dropt from his hand, and shivered into a thousand pieces; his eye glistened like that of a rattle-snake, and some minutes elapsed before he could pronounce, »Avast! overhaul that article again.« It was no sooner read the second time, than smiting the table with his fist, he started up, and with the most violent emphasis of rage and indignation, exclaimed, »D–n my heart and liver! 'tis a land lie, d'ye see; and I will maintain it to be a lie, from the sprit sail-yard to the mizzen top-sail haulyards! blood and thunder! Will. Bower a peer of this realm! a fellow of yesterday, that scarce knows a mast from a manger; a snotty-nose boy, whom I myself have ordered to the gun, for stealing eggs out of the hen-coops! and I, Hawser Trunnion, who commanded a ship before he could keep a reckoning, am laid aside, d'ye see, and forgotten! If so be, as this be the case, there is a rotten plank in our constitution, which ought to be hove down and repaired, damn my eyes! For my own part, d'ye see, I was none of your Guinea-pigs; I did not rise in the service by parliamenteering interest, or a handsome bitch of a wife. I was not hoisted over the bellies of better men, nor strutted athwart the quarter-deck in a laced doublet and thingumbobs at the wrists. Damn my limbs! I have been a hard-working man, and served all offices on board from cook's shifter to the command of a vessel. Here, you Tunley, there's the hand of a seaman, you dog.« So saying, he laid hold on the landlord's fist, and honoured him with such a squeeze, as compelled him to roar with great vociferation, to the infinite satisfaction of the commodore, whose features were a little unbended, by this acknowledgment of his vigour; and he thus proceeded in a less outrageous strain: »They make a damned noise about this engagement with the French: but, agad! it was no more than a bum-boat battle, in comparison with some that I have seen. There was old Rook and Jennings, and another whom I'll be damned before I name, that knew what fighting was. As for my own share, d'ye see, I am none of those that hollow in their own commendation: but if so be that I were minded to stand my own trumpeter, some of those little fellows that hold their heads so high, would be taken all aback, as the saying is; they would be ashamed to shew their colours, d–n my eyes! I once lay eight glasses along-side of the Floor de Louse, a French man of war, tho' her metal was heavier, and her complement larger by an hundred hands than mine. You, Jack Hatchway, damn ye, what d'ye grin at? D'ye think I tell a story, because you never heard it before?«

»Why, look ye, Sir, (answered the lieutenant) I'm glad to find you can stand your own trumpeter, on occasion; thof I wish you would change the tune; for that is the same you have been piping every watch, for these ten months past. Tunley himself will tell you, he has heard it five hundred times.« »God forgive you, Mr. Hatchway; (said the landlord, interrupting him) as I'm an honest man, and a housekeeper, I never heard a syllab of the matter.«

This declaration, tho' not strictly true, was extremely agreeable to Mr. Trunnion, who, with an air of triumph, observed, »Aha! Jack, I thought I should bring you up, with your gibes and your jokes. But suppose you had heard it before, is that any reason why it shouldn't be told to another person? There's the stranger, belike he has heard it five hundred times too; han't ye, brother?« addressing himself to Mr. Pickle; who, replying with a look expressing curiosity, »No, never;« he thus went on: »Well, you seem to be an honest, quiet sort of a man; and therefore, you must know, as I said before, I fell in with a French man of war, Cape Finisterre bearing about six leagues on the weather-bow, and the chace three leagues to leeward, going before the wind: whereupon I set my studding-sails, and coming up with her, hoisted my jack and ensign, and poured in a whole broadside, before you could count three rattlins in the mizzen shrouds; for I always keep a good look-out, and love to have the first fire.« »That I'll be sworn; (said Hatchway) for the day we made the Triumph, you ordered the men to fire, when she was hull-to, by the same token we below pointed the guns at a flight of gulls; and I won a cann of punch from the gunner, by killing the first bird.« Exasperated at this sarcasm, he replied with great vehemence, »You lie, lubber! d–n your bones! what business have you to come always athwart my hawse in this manner? You, Pipes, was upon deck, and can bear witness, whether or not I fired too soon. Speak, you blood of a –– and that upon the word of a seaman: how did the chace bear of us, when I gave orders to fire?«

Pipes, who hitherto had sat silent, being thus called upon to give his evidence, after diverse strange gesticulations, opened his mouth like a gasping cod, and with a cadence like that of the east wind singing through a cranny, pronounced, »Half a quarter of a league right upon our lee-beam.« »Nearer, you porpuss-fac'd swab! (cried the commodore) nearer by twelve fathom: but, howsomever, that's enough to prove the falsehood of Hatchway's jaw – and so, brother, d'ye see, (turning to Mr. Pickle) I lay along-side of the Floor de Louse, yard-arm and yard-arm, plying our great guns and small arms, and heaving in stink-pots, powder-bottles, and hand-grenades, till our shot was all expended, double-headed, partridge and grape: then we loaded with iron crows, marlin spikes, and old nails, but finding the Frenchman took a great deal of drubbing, and that he had shot away all our rigging, and killed and wounded a great number of our men, d'ye see, I resolved to run him on board upon his quarter, and so ordered our grapplings to be got ready; but Monsieur perceiving what we were about, filled his topsails and sheered off, leaving us like a log upon the water, and our scuppers running with blood.«

Mr. Pickle and the landlord paid such extraordinary attention to the rehearsal of this exploit, that Trunnion was encouraged to entertain them with more stories of the same nature, after which he observed by way of encomium on the government, that all he had gained in the service was a lame foot and the loss of an eye. The lieutenant, who could not find in his heart to lose any opportunity of being witty at the expence of his commander, gave a loose to his satirical talent once more, saying, »I have heard as how you came by your lame foot, by having your upper-decks overstowed with liquor, whereby you became crank, and rolled, d'ye see, in such a manner, that by a pitch of the ship, your starboard heel was jammed in one of the scuppers; and as for the matter of your eye, that was knocked out by your own crew when the Lightning was paid off: there's poor Pipes, who was beaten into all the colours of the rainbow for taking your part, and giving you time to sheer off; and I don't find as how you have rewarded him according as he deserves.« As the commodore could not deny the truth of these anecdotes, however unseasonably they were introduced, he affected to receive them with good humour, as jokes of the lieutenant's own inventing; and reply'd, »Ay, ay, Jack, every body knows your tongue is no slander; but, howsomever, I'll work you to an oil for this, you dog.« So saying, he lifted up one of his crutches, intending to lay it gently a-cross Mr. Hatchway's pate; but, Jack, with great agility, tilted up his wooden leg, with which he warded off the blow, to the no small admiration of Mr. Pickle, and utter astonishment of the landlord, who, by the bye, had expressed the same amazement, at the same feat, at the same hour, every night, for three months before. Trunnion then directing his eye to the boatswain's mate, »You, Pipes, (said he) do you go about and tell people that I did not reward you for standing by me, when I was hussled by those rebellious rapscallions; damn you, ha'n't you been rated on the books ever since?« Tom, who indeed had no words to spare, sat smoaking his pipe with great indifference, and never dreamed of paying any regard to these interrogations, which being repeated and reinforced with many oaths, that (however) produced no effect, the commodore pulled out his purse, saying, »Here, you bitch's baby, here's something better than a smart ticket;« and threw it at his silent deliverer, who received and pocketed his bounty, without the least demonstration of surprize or satisfaction; while the donor turning to Mr. Pickle, »You see brother, (said he) I make good the old saying, we sailors get money like horses, and spend it like asses; come, Pipes, let's have the boatswain's whistle, and be jovial.« This musician accordingly, applied to his mouth the silver instrument that hung at a button-hole of his jacket, by a chain of the same metal, and though not quite so ravishing as the pipe of Hermes, produced a sound so loud and shrill, that the stranger (as it were instinctively) stopped his ears, to preserve his organs of hearing from such a dangerous invasion. The prelude being thus executed, Pipes fixed his eyes upon the egg of an ostrich that depended from the ceiling, and without once moving them from that object, performed the whole cantata in a tone of voice that seemed to be the joint issue of an Irish bagpipe, and a sow-gelder's horn; the commodore, the lieutenant and landlord joined in the chorus, repeating this elegant stanza,

 

Bustle, bustle, brave boys!

Let us sing, let us toil,

And drink all the while,

Since labour's the price of our joys.

 

The third line was no sooner pronounced, than the cann was lifted to every man's mouth with admirable uniformity; and the next word taken up at the end of their draught, with a twang equally expressive and harmonious. In short, the company began to understand one another; Mr. Pickle seemed to relish the entertainment, and a correspondence immediately commenced between him and Trunnion, who shook him by the hand, drank to further acquaintance, and even invited him to a mess of pork and pease in the garrison.