Grizzle was loud in her acknowledgments, embraced the terms of the loan, in consequence of which, an hundred guineas were deposited, and brought home this illustrious Jordan, with as much pleasure and satisfaction, as the Argonauts enjoyed when they made themselves masters of the golden fleece. True it is, her success was attended with a small disaster, which she could not possibly foresee: next day it was, at the desire of Mrs. Pickle, committed to the charge of a trusty servant, who, in carrying it back to the right owner, had the misfortune to be overturned by one of her ladyship's valets who ran against him in the court; and this superb piece of porcelain falling upon the pavement, was dashed into a thousand pieces. In vain did the poor carrier urge his own innocence, by representing the true cause of this misadventure; her ladyship was deaf to all his proofs and protestations, and without any ceremony, detained the pledge which had been left in her hands; not without violent suspicion of having acted as the auxiliary of chance, to which this calamity was imputed.

Be this as it will, Mr. Pickle began to be out of humour at the expence to which he was exposed by the caprice of his wife, who was herself alarmed at this last accident, and for the future kept her fancy within bounds, insomuch, that without being subject to any more extraordinary trouble, Mrs. Grizzle reaped the long wished fruits of her dearest expectation in the birth of a fine boy, whom her sister in a few months brought into the world.

I shall omit the description of the rejoicings, which were infinite on this important occasion, and only observe that Mrs. Pickle's mother and aunt stood godmothers, and the commodore assisted at the ceremony as godfather to the child, who was christened by the name of Peregrine, in compliment to the memory of a deceased uncle. While the mother was confined to her bed, and incapable of maintaining her own authority, Mrs. Grizzle took charge of the infant by a double claim; and superintended with surprizing vigilance the nurse and midwife in all the particulars of their respective offices, which were performed by her express direction. But no sooner was Mrs. Pickle in a condition to re-assume the management of her own affairs, than she thought proper to alter certain regulations concerning the child, which had obtained in consequence of her sister's orders, directing, among other innovations, that the bandages with which the infant had been so neatly rolled up, like an Ægyptian mummy, should be loosened and laid aside, in order to rid nature of all restraint, and give the blood free scope to circulate; and with her own hands she plunged him headlong every morning in a tub-full of cold water. This operation seemed so barbarous to the tender-hearted Mrs. Grizzle, that she not only opposed it with all her eloquence, shedding abundance of tears over the sacrifice when it was made; but took horse immediately, and departed for the habitation of an eminent country physician, whom she consulted in these words. »Pray, doctor, is it not both dangerous and cruel to be the means of letting a poor tender infant perish, by sousing it in water as cold as ice?« »Yes, (replied the doctor) downright murder, I affirm.« »I see you are a person of great learning and sagacity; (said the other) and I must beg you will be so good as to signify your opinion in your own hand-writing.« The doctor immediately complied with her request, and expressed himself upon a slip of paper to this purpose.

 

These are to certify whom it may concern, that I firmly believe, and it is my unalterable opinion, that whosoever letteth an infant perish, by sousing it in cold water, even though the said water should not be so cold as ice, is in effect, guilty of the murder of the said infant, as witness my hand

Comfit Colocynth

 

Having obtained this certificate, for which the physician was handsomely acknowledged, she returned in triumph, hoping, with such authority, to overthrow all opposition; and accordingly next morning, when her nephew was about to undergo his diurnal baptism, produced the commission, whereby she conceived herself impowered to overrule such inhuman proceedings. But she was disappointed in her expectation, confident as it was; not that Mrs. Pickle pretended to differ in opinion from Dr. Colocynth, »for whose character and sentiments (said she) I have such veneration, that I shall carefully observe the caution implied in this very certificate, by which, far from condemning my method of practice, he only asserts that killing is murder; an asseveration, the truth of which, it is to be hoped, I shall never dispute.«

Mrs. Grizzle, who, sooth to say, had rather too superficially considered the clause by which she thought herself authorized, perused the paper with more accuracy, and was confounded at her own want of penetration. Yet, though she was confuted, she was by no means convinced that her objections to the cold bath were unreasonable; on the contrary, after having bestowed sundry opprobrious epithets on the physician, for his want of knowledge and candour, she protested in the most earnest and solemn manner against the pernicious practice of dipping the child; a piece of cruelty, which with God's assistance, she should never suffer to be inflicted on her own issue; and washing her hands of the melancholy consequence that would certainly ensue, shut herself up in her closet, to indulge her sorrow and vexation. She was deceived, however, in her prognostic; the boy, instead of declining in point of health, seemed to acquire fresh vigour from every plunge, as if he had been resolved to discredit the wisdom and foresight of his aunt, who, in all probability, could never forgive him for this want of reverence and respect. This conjecture is founded upon her behaviour to him in the sequel of his infancy, during which she was known to torture him more than once, when she had opportunities of thrusting pins into his flesh, without any danger of being detected. In a word, her affections were in a little time altogether alienated from this hope of her family, whom she abandoned to the conduct of his mother, whose province it undoubtedly was to manage the nurture of her own child; while she herself resumed her operations upon the commodore, whom she was resolved at any rate to captivate and inslave. And it must be owned, that Mrs. Grizzle's knowledge of the human heart never shone so conspicuous as in the methods she pursued for the accomplishment of this important aim.

Through the rough unpolished husk that cased the soul of Trunnion, she could easily distinguish a large share of that vanity and self-conceit that generally predominate even in the most savage breast; and to this she constantly appealed. In his presence she always exclaimed against the craft and dishonest dissimulation of the world; and never failed of uttering particular invectives against those arts of chicanry, in which the lawyers are so conversant to the prejudice and ruin of their fellow creatures: observing that in a seafaring life, so far as she had opportunities of judging or being informed, there was nothing but friendship, sincerity, and a hearty contempt for every thing that was mean or selfish.

This kind of conversation, with the assistance of certain particular civilities, insensibly made an impression on the mind of the commodore; and that the more effectual, as his former prepossessions were built upon very slender foundations: his antipathy to old maids, which he had conceived upon hearsay, began gradually to diminish, when he found they were not quite such infernal animals as they had been represented; and it was not long before he was heard to observe at the club, that Pickle's sister had not so much of the core of bitch in her as he had imagined. This negative compliment, by the medium of her brother, soon reached the ears of Mrs. Grizzle, who thus encouraged, redoubled all her arts and attention; so that in less than three months after, he in the same place distinguished her with the epithet of a damned sensible jade.

Hatchway taking the alarm at this declaration, which he feared foreboded something fatal to his interest, told his commander with a sneer, that she had sense enough to bring him to, under her stern; and he did not doubt but that such an old crazy vessel would be the better for being taken in tow. »But howsomever, (added this arch adviser) I'd have you take care of your upper works; for if once you are made fast to her poop, agad! she'll spank it away, and make every beam in your body crack with straining.« Our she-projector's whole plan had like to have been ruined by the effect which this malicious hint had upon Trunnion, whose rage and suspicion being wakened at once, his colour changed from tawny to a cadaverous pale, and then shifting to a deep and dusky red, such as we sometimes observe in the sky when it is replete with thunder, he after his usual preamble of unmeaning oaths, answered in these words. »Damn ye, you jury-legg'd dog, you would give all the stowage in your hold to be as sound as I am; and as for being taken in tow, d'ye see, I'm not so disabled but that I can lie my course, and perform my voyage without any assistance; and, agad! no man shall ever see Hawser Trunnion lagging a-stern in the wake of e'er a bitch in christendom.«

Mrs. Grizzle, who every morning interrogated her brother with regard to the subject of his night's conversation with his friends, soon received the unwelcome news of the commodore's aversion to matrimony; and justly imputing the greatest part of his disgust to the satyrical insinuations of Mr.