However, he did not long hesitate; for being perfectly well acquainted with his father's disposition, he did not doubt that he was glad of this pretence to get rid of him; and as his resolves were invariable like the laws of the Medes and Persians, he knew it would be to no purpose to attempt him by prayers and intreaties; so without any farther application, he betook himself with his disconsolate bedfellow, to a farm-house, where an old servant of his mother dwelt; there they remained some time in a situation but ill adapted to the elegance of their desires and tenderness of their love; which nevertheless, my father endured, rather than supplicate an unnatural and inflexible parent: but my mother, foreseeing the inconveniencies she would be exposed to, if she must be delivered in this place (and her pregnancy was very far advanced) without communicating her design to her husband, went in disguise to the house of my grandfather, hoping that her tears and condition would move him to compassion, and reconcile him to an event which could not otherwise be amended. – She found means to deceive the servants, and was introduced as an unfortunate lady, who wanted to complain of some matrimonial grievances, it being my grandfather's particular province to decide in all cases of scandal. She was accordingly admitted into his presence, where discovering herself, she fell at his feet, and in the most affecting manner, implored his forgiveness; at the same time, representing the danger that threatned not only her life, but that of his own grandchild which was about to see the light. – He told her, he was sorry that the indiscretion of her and his son had compelled him to make a vow, which put it out of his power to give them any assistance – That he had already imparted his thoughts on that subject to her husband, and was surprised that they should disturb his peace with any further importunity. – This said, he retired. – The violence of my mother's affliction had such an effect on her constitution, that she was immediately seized with the pains of childbed; and had not an old maid-servant to whom she was very dear, afforded her pity and assistance, at the hazard of incurring my grandfather's displeasure, she and the innocent fruit of her womb must have fallen miserable victims to his rigour and inhumanity. – By the friendship of this poor woman, she was carried up to a garret, and immediately delivered of a man-child, the story of whose unfortunate birth, he himself now relates. – My father being informed of what had happened, flew to the embraces of his darling spouse, and while he loaded his off-spring with paternal caresses, could not forbear shedding a flood of tears, on beholding the dear partner of his heart (for whose ease he would have sacrificed the treasures of the east) stretched upon a flock-bed, in a miserable apartment, unable to protect her from the inclemencies of the weather. – It is not to be supposed that the old gentleman was ignorant of what passed, tho' he affected to know nothing of the matter, and pretended to be very much surprized, when the son of his deceased eldest son, a pert boy, who lived with him as his heir apparent, acquainted him with the affair; he determined therefore to preserve no medium, but immediately (on the third day after her delivery) sent her a peremptory order to begone, and turned off the servant who had preserved her life. This behaviour so exasperated my father, that he had recourse to the most dreadful imprecations, and on his bare knees implored that heaven would renounce him, if ever he should forget or forgive the barbarity of his sire. – The injuries which this unhappy mother received from her removal in such circumstances, and the want of necessaries where she lodged, together with her grief and anxiety of mind, soon threw her into a languishing disorder which put an end to her life. My father, who loved her tenderly, was so affected with her death, that he remained six weeks deprived of his senses; during which time, the people where he lodged, carried the infant to the old man, who relented so far, on hearing the melancholy story of his daughter-in-law's death, and the deplorable condition of his son, that he sent the child to nurse, and ordered my father to be carried home to his house, where he soon recovered the use of his reason. – Whether this hard-hearted judge felt any remose for his cruel treatment of his son and daughter; or (which is more probable) was afraid his character would suffer in the neighbourhood; he professed great sorrow for his conduct to my father, whose delirium was succeeded by a profound melancholy and reserve. At length he disappeared, and notwithstanding all imaginable inquiry, could never be heard of, which confirmed most people in the opinion of his having made away with himself in a fit of despair. – How I understood the particulars of my birth, will appear in the course of these memoirs.

 

 

Chapter II

I grow up – am hated by my relations – sent to school – neglected by my grandfather – maltreated by my master – seasoned to adversity – form cabals against the pedant – debarred access to my grandfather – hunted by his heir – demolish the teeth of his tutor

 

There were not wanting some, who suspected my uncles of being concerned in my father's fate, on the supposition that they would all share in the patrimony destined for him: and this conjecture seemed supported by reflecting, that in all his calamities they never discovered the least inclination to serve him; but, on the contrary, by all the artifices in their power, fed his father's resentment, and strengthened his resolution of leaving him to misery and want. – But people of judgment treated this insinuation as an idle chimera; because had my relations been so wicked as to consult their interest by committing such an atrocious crime, the fate of my father would have extended to me too, whose life was another obstacle to their expectation. – Mean while, I grew apace, and as I strongly resembled my father, who was the darling of the tenants, I wanted nothing which their indigent circumstances could afford: but their favour was a weak resource against the jealous enmity of my cousins; who, the more my infancy promised, conceived the more implacable hatred against me; and before I was six years of age, had so effectually blockaded my grandfather, that I never saw him but by stealth; when I sometimes made up to his chair as he sat to view his labourers in the field: on which occasions, he would stroak my head, bid me be a good boy, and promise he would take care of me. – I was soon after sent to school at a village hard by, of which he had been dictator time out of mind: but as he neither paid for my board, nor supplied me with clothes, books, and other necessaries I required, my condition was very ragged and contemptible, and the school-master, who through fear of my grandfather taught me gratis, gave himself no concern about the progress I made under his instruction. – In spite of all these difficulties and disgraces, I became a good proficient in the Latin tongue; and as soon as I could write tolerably, pestered my grandfather with letters to such a degree, that he sent for my master, and chid him severely for bestowing such pains on my education, telling him, that if ever I should be brought to the gallows for forgery, which he had taught me to commit, my blood should lie on his head. – The pedant, who dreaded nothing more than the displeasure of his patron, assured his honour that the boy's ability was more owing to his own genius and application, than to any instruction or encouragement he received; that, although he could not divest him of the knowledge he had already imbibed, unless he would impower him to disable his fingers, he should endeavour, with G–d's help, to prevent his future improvement. And indeed, he punctually performed what he had undertaken: for, on pretence that I had wrote impertinent letters to my grandfather, he caused a board to be made with five holes in it, through which he thrust the fingers and thumb of my right hand, and fastened it by whip-cord to my wrist, in such a manner, that I was effectually debarr'd the use of my pen. But this restraint I was freed from in a few days, by an accident which happened in a quarrel between me and another boy, who taking upon him to insult my poverty, I was so incensed at this ungenerous reproach, that with one stroke of my machine, I cut him to the skull, to the great terror of myself and school-fellows, who left him bleeding on the ground, and ran to inform the master of what had happened. I was so severely punished for this trespass, that, were I to live to the age of Methusalem, the impression it made on me would not be effaced; no more than the antipathy and horror I conceived for the merciless tyrant who inflicted it. The contempt which my appearance naturally produced, in all who saw me, the continual wants I was exposed to, and my own haughty disposition, impatient of affronts, involved me in a thousand troublesome adventures, by which I was at length enured to adversity, and emboldened to undertakings far above my years. I was often inhumanly scourged for crimes I did not commit, because having the character of a vagabond in the village, every piece of mischief whose author lay unknown, was charged upon me. – I have been found guilty of robbing orchards I never entered, of killing cats I never hurted, of stealing gingerbread I never touched, and of abusing old women I never saw. – Nay, a stammering carpenter had eloquence enough to persuade my master, that I fired a pistol loaded with small shot, into his window; though my landlady and the whole family bore witness, that I was a-bed fast asleep at the time when this outrage was committed. – I was flogged for having narrowly escaped drowning, by the sinking of a ferry-boat in which I was passenger. – Another time for having recovered of a bruise occasioned by a horse and cart running over me. – A third time, for being bit by a baker's dog.