Bowling, that his nephew should have all manner of justice; that a day should be appointed, after the funeral, for examining the papers of the deceased, in presence of all his relations; till such time every desk and cabinet in the house should remain close sealed; and that he was very welcome to be witness of this ceremony, which was immediately performed to his satisfaction. – In the mean time, orders were given to provide mourning for all the relations, in which number I was included: but my uncle would not suffer me to accept of it, until I should be assured whether or no I had reason to honour his memory so far. – During this interval, the conjectures of people, with regard to the old gentleman's will, were various: as it was well known, he had, besides his landed estate, which was worth 700 l. per annum, six or seven thousand pounds at interest. Some imagined, that the whole real estate (which he had greatly improved) would go to the young man whom he always entertained as his heir; and that the money would be equally divided between my female cousins (five in number) and me. – Others were of opinion, that as the rest of his children had been already provided for, he would only bequeath two or three hundred pounds to each of his grand-daughters, and leave the bulk of the sum to me, to atone for his unnatural usage towards my father. – At length the important hour arrived, and the will was produced in the midst of the expectants, whose looks and gestures formed a groupe that would have been very entertaining to an unconcerned spectator. – But the reader can scarce conceive the astonishment and mortification that appeared, when an attorney pronounced aloud, the young 'squire sole heir of all his grandfather's estate personal and real. – My uncle, who had listened with great attention, sucking the head of his cudgel all the while, accompanied these words of the attorney with a stare, and whew, that alarmed the whole assembly. The eldest and pertest of my female competitors, who had been always very officious about my grandfather's person, enquired with a faultering accent, and visage as yellow as an orange, »if there were no legacies?« she was answered, »none at all.« – Upon which she fainted away. – The rest, whose expectations (perhaps) were not so sanguine, supported their disappointment with more resolution; though not without giving evident marks of indignation, and grief at least as genuine as that which appeared in them at the old gentleman's death. My conductor, after having kicked with his heel for some time against the wainscot, began: »So there's no legacy, friend, ha! – here's an old Succubus; – but somebody's soul howls for it, d–n me!« – The parson of the parish, who was one of the executors, and had acted as ghostly director of the old man, no sooner heard this, than he cried out, »Avaunt, unchristian reveler! avaunt! wilt thou not allow the soul of his honour to rest in the grave till the resurrection?« – But this zealous pastor did not find himself so warmly seconded, as formerly, by the young ladies, who now joined my uncle against him, and accused him of having acted the part of a busy-body with their grandpapa, whose ears he had most certainly abused by false stories to their prejudice, or else he would not have neglected them, in such an unnatural manner. – The young 'squire was much diverted with this scene, and whispered to my uncle, that if he had not murdered his dogs, he would have shewn him glorious fun, by hunting a black badger (so he term'd the clergyman). – The surly lieutenant, who was not in an humour to relish this amusement, replied, »you and your dogs may be damned. – I suppose you'll find them with your old dad, in the latitude of hell. – Come, Rory – about ship, my lad, we must steer another course, I think.« – and away we went.

 

 

Chapter V

The School-master uses me barbarously. – I form a project of revenge, in which I am assisted by my uncle. –– I leave the village –– am settled at an university by his generosity

 

On our way back to the village, my uncle spoke not a word during the space of a whole hour, but whistled with great vehemence, the tune of, Why should we quarrel for riches, &'c. his visage being contracted all the while into a most formidable frown. At length his pace was increased to such a degree, that I was often left behind a considerable way, which when he perceived, he would wait for me; and when I was almost up with him, call out in a surly tone, »Bear a hand, damme! – must I bring to every minute for you, you lazy dog.« – Then laying hold of me by the arm, haul me along, until his good nature (of which he had a good share) and reflection, getting the better of his passion, he would say, »Come, my boy, don't be cast down, – the old rascal is in hell, – that's some satisfaction; – you shall go to sea with me, my lad. – A light heart and a thin pair of breeches, goes thro' the world, brave boys; as the song goes – eh!« – Though this proposal did not at all suit my inclination, I was afraid of discovering my aversion to it, lest I should disoblige the only friend I had in the world; and he was so much a seaman, that he never dreamt I could have any objection to his design; consequently, gave himself no trouble in consulting my approbation. But this resolution was soon dropt, at the advice of our usher, who assured Mr. Bowling, it would be a thousand pities to baulk my genius, which would certainly, one day, make my fortune on shore, provided it received due cultivation. – Upon which, this generous tar determined (though he could ill afford it) to give me university education; and accordingly settled my board and other expences, at a town not many miles distant, famous for its colleges, whither we repaired in a short time. – But before the day of our departure, the school-master, who no longer had the fear of my grandfather before his eyes, laid aside all decency and restraint, and not only abused me in the grossest language his rancour could suggest, as a wicked profligate, dull, beggarly miscreant, whom he had taught out of charity; but also inveighed in the most bitter manner against the memory of the judge (who by the bye had procured that settlement for him) hinting, in pretty plain terms, that the old gentleman's soul was damn'd to all eternity, for his injustice in neglecting to pay for my learning. – This brutal behaviour, added to the sufferings I had formerly undergone, made me think it high time to be revenged of this insolent pedagogue. Having consulted my adherents, I found them all staunch in their promises to stand by me; and our scheme was this: – In the afternoon preceeding the day of departure for the university, I was to take the advantage of the usher's going out to make water (which he regularly did at four o'clock) and shut the great door, that he might not come to the assistance of his superior. This being done, the assault was to be begun, by my advancing to the master and spitting in his face. I was to be seconded by two of the strongest boys in the school, who were devoted to me; their business was to join me in dragging the tyrant to a bench, over which he was to be laid, and his bare posteriors heartily flogged with his own birch, which we proposed to wrest from him in the struggle; but if we should find him too many for us all three, we were to demand the assistance of our competitors, who should be ready to reinforce us, or oppose any thing that might be undertaken by the rest of the boys for the master's relief. One of my principal assistants was called Jeremy Gawky, son and heir of a wealthy gentleman in the neighbourhood; and the name of the other, Hugh Strap, the cadet of a family which had given shoemakers to the village time out of mind.