– I had once saved Gawky's life, by plunging into a river where he was on the point of being drowned, and by the help of swimming, dragging him ashore; I had often rescued him from the clutches of those whom his insufferable arrogance had provoked, to a resentment he was not able to sustain; – and I had many times saved his reputation and posteriors, by performing his exercises at school; so that it is not to be wondered at, if he had a particular regard for me and my interests. The attachment of Strap, flowed from a voluntary, disinterested inclination, which had manifested itself on many occasions in my behalf, having once rendered me the same service as I had afforded to Gawky, by saving my life at the risk of his own; and often fathered offences I had committed, for which he suffered severely, rather than I should feel the weight of the punishment I deserved. – These two champions were the more willing to engage in this enterprize, as they intended to leave the school next day, as well as I; the first being ordered by his father to return into the country, and the other being bound apprentice to a barber, at a market town not far off.

In the mean time, my uncle being informed of my master's behaviour to me, was enraged beyond all composition, and vowed revenge so heartily, that I could not refrain from telling him the scheme I had concerted, which he heard with great satisfaction, at every sentence squirting out a mouthful of spittle, tinctured with tobacco, of which he constantly chewed a large quid. – At last, pulling up his breeches, he cried, »No, no, Z–ds! that won't do neither, –– howsomever, 'tis a bold undertaking, my lad, – that I must say, i' faith! – but lookée, lookée, how dost propose to get clear off? – won't the enemy give chace, my boy? – ay, ay, that he will, I warrant – and alarm the whole coast – ah! G–d help thee, more sail than ballast, Rory. – Let me alone for that – leave the whole to me – I'll shew him the foretop-sail, I will. – If so be that your ship-mates are jolly boys, and won't flinch, you shall see, you shall see; egad, I'll play him a salt-water trick – I'll bring him to the gang-way, and anoint him with a cat and nine tails, – he shall have a round dozen doubled, my lad, he shall – and be left lashed, to his meditations.« – We were very proud of our associate, who immediately went to work, and prepared the instrument of his revenge with great skill and expedition; after which, he ordered our baggage to be packed up and sent off, a day before our attempt, and got horses ready to be mounted, as soon as the affair should be over. At length the hour arrived, when our auxiliary, seizing the opportunity of the usher's absence, bolted in, secured the door, and immediately laid hold of the pedant by his collar, who bawled out »Murder! Thieves!« – with the voice of a stentor. Though I trembled all over like an aspen-leaf, I knew there was no time to be lost, and accordingly got up, and summoned our associates to my assistance. Strap without any hesitation obeyed the signal, and seeing me leap upon the master's back, ran immediately to one of his legs, which pulling with all his force, this dreadful adversary was soon humbled to the ground; upon which Gawky, who had hitherto remained in his place, under the influence of an universal trepidation, hastened to the scene of action, and insulted the fallen tyrant with a loud huzza, in which the whole school joined. – This noise alarmed the usher, who finding himself shut out, endeavoured, partly by threats, and partly by entreaties, to procure admission. – My uncle bid him have a little patience, and he would let him in presently; but if he pretended to move from that place, it should fare the worse with the son of a b–ch his superior, on whom he intended only to bestow a little wholesome chastisement, for his barbarous usage of Rory, »to which (said he) you are no stranger.« – By this time we had dragged the criminal to a post, to which Bowling tied him with a rope he had provided on purpose, after having fastened his hands behind his back, pulled down his breeches, and tucked up his garments and shirt, as far as they would go. – In this ludicrous posture he stood (to the no small entertainment of the boys, who crowded about him, and shouted with great exultation at the novelty of the sight) venting bitter imprecations against the lieutenant, and reproaching his scholars with treachery and rebellion: when the usher was admitted, whom my uncle accosted in this manner: »Harkée, Mr. Syntax, I believe you are an honest man, d'ye see – and I have a respect for you – but for all that, we must for our own security (d'ye see) belay you for a short time.« – With these words, he pulled out some fathoms of cord, which the honest man no sooner saw, than he protested with great earnestness, that he would allow no violence to be offered to him, at the same time accusing me of perfidy and ingratitude. But Bowling representing, that it was in vain to resist, and that he did not mean to use him with violence and indecency; but only to hinder him from raising the hue and cry against us, before we should be out of their power; he allowed himself to be bound to his own desk, where he sat a spectator of the punishment inflicted on his principal. My uncle having upbraided this arbitrary wretch with his inhumanity to me, told him, that he proposed to give him a little discipline for the good of his soul: which he immediately put in practice, with great vigour and dexterity. This smart application to the pedant's withered posteriors, gave him such exquisite pain, that he roared like a mad bull, danced, cursed, blasphemed, and acted to the life, the part of a frantick bedlamite. When the lieutenant thought himself sufficiently revenged, he took his leave of him in these words, »Now, friend, you'll remember me the longest day you have to live – I have given you a lesson, that will let you know what flogging is, and teach you to have more sympathy for the future – shout, boys, shout.« – This ceremony was no sooner over, than my uncle proposed they should quit the school, and convoy their old comrade Rory to a public house, about a mile from the village, where he would treat them all. – This offer being joyfully embraced, he addressed himself to Mr. Syntax, and begged him to accompany us, which he refused with great disdain, telling my benefactor, that he was not the man he took him to be. – »Well, well, old surly (replied my uncle, shaking his hand) thou art an honest fellow notwithstanding; and if ever I have the command of a ship, thou shalt be school master, i' faith.« So saying, he dismissed the boys, and locking the door, left the two preceptors to console one another; while we moved forwards on our journey, attended by a numerous retinue, whom he treated according to his promise. – We parted with many tears, and lay that night at an inn on the road, about ten miles short of the town where I was to remain, at which we arrived next day, and I found I had no cause to complain of the accommodations provided for me; being boarded at the house of an apothecary, who had married a distant relation of my mother. In a few days after, my uncle set out for his ship, after having settled the necessary funds for my maintenance and education.

 

 

Chapter VI

I make great progress in my studies –– am caressed by every body –– my female cousins take notice of me –– I reject their invitation –– they are incensed and conspire against me –– I am left destitute by a misfortune that befals my uncle – Gawky's treachery –– my revenge

 

As I was now capable of reflection, I began to consider my precarious situation; that I was utterly abandoned by those whose duty it was to protect me; and that my sole dependance was on the generosity of one man, who was not only exposed by his profession, to continual dangers, which might one day deprive me of him for ever; but also (no doubt) subject to those vicissitudes of disposition, which a change of fortune usually creates; or, which a better acquaintance with the world might produce: – for I always ascribed his benevolence to the dictates of a heart as yet undebauched by a commerce with mankind. – Alarmed at these considerations, I resolved to apply myself with great care to my studies, and enjoy the opportunity in my power: This I did with such success, that in the space of three years, I understood Greek very well, was pretty far advanced in the mathematics, and no stranger to moral and natural philosophy: logick I made no account of; but above all things, I valued myself on my taste in the Belle Lettre, and a talent for poetry, which had already produced some morceaus, that brought me a great deal of reputation. These qualifications added to a good face and shape, acquired the esteem and acquaintance of the most considerable people in town, and I had the satisfaction to find myself in some degree of favour with the ladies; an intoxicating piece of good fortune, to one of my amorous complexion! which I obtained, or at least preserved, by gratifying their propensity to scandal, in lampooning their rivals. – Two of my female cousins lived in this place, with their mother, after the death of their father, who left his whole fortune (which was considerable) equally divided between them; so that if they were not the most beautiful, they were at least the richest toasts in town; and received daily the addresses of all the beaux and cavaliers of the country. – Although I had hitherto been looked upon by them with the most supercilious contempt, which I endeavoured to return by the most perfect neglect, my character now attracted their notice so much, that I was given to understand, I might be honoured with their acquaintance, if I pleased. – The reader will easily perceive, that this condescension either flowed from the hope of making my poetical capacity subservient to their malice, or at least of screening themselves from the lash of my resentment, which they effectually provoked. – I enjoyed this triumph with great rapture; and not only rejected their offer with disdain, but, in all my performances, whether satire or panegyric, industriously avoided mentioning their names, even while I celebrated those of their intimates, which mortified their pride exceedingly, and incensed them to such a degree, that they rendered themselves universally ridiculous in satisfying their resentment against me. – The first stroke of their revenge consisted in their hiring a poor collegian to write verses against me, the subject of which was my own poverty, and the catastrophe of my unhappy parents; but besides the badness of the composition (of which they themselves were ashamed) they did not find their account in endeavouring to reproach me with those misfortunes, which they and their relations had intailed upon me; and which consequently, reflected much more dishonour on themselves, than on me, who was the innocent victim of their barbarity and avarice. – Finding this plan miscarry, they found means to irritate a young gentleman against me, by telling him I had lampooned his mistress; and so effectually succeeded in the quality of incendiaries, that this enraged lover determined to seize me next night, as I returned to my lodgings from a friend's house that I frequented; with this view, he waited in the street, attended by two of his companions, to whom he had imparted his design of carrying me down to the river, in which he proposed to have me heartily ducked, notwithstanding the severity of the weather, it being then about the middle of December.