He had everything it takes, and more. We could have shut our eyes and dropped him in anywhere.

At bottom Don Marquis was a poet, and his life followed the precarious pattern of a poet’s existence. He danced on bitter nights with Boreas, he ground out copy on drowsy afternoons when he felt no urge to write and in newspaper offices where he didn’t want to be. After he had exhausted himself columning, he tried playwriting and made a pot of money (on The Old Soak) and then lost it all on another play (about the Crucifixion). He tried Hollywood and was utterly miserable and angry, and came away with a violent, unprintable poem in his pocket describing the place. In his domestic life he suffered one tragedy after another – the death of a young son, the death of his first wife, the death of his daughter, finally the death of his second wife. Then sickness and poverty. All these things happened in the space of a few years. He was never a robust man – usually had a puffy, overweight look and a gray complexion. He loved to drink, and was told by doctors that he mustn’t. Some of the old tomcats at The Players remember the day when he came downstairs after a month on the wagon, ambled over to the bar, and announced: “I’ve conquered that god-damn will power of mine. Gimme a double scotch.”

I think the new generation of newspaper readers is missing a lot that we used to have, and I am deeply sensible of what it meant to be a young man when Archy was at the top of his form and when Marquis was discussing the Almost Perfect State in the daily paper. Buying a paper then was quietly exciting, in a way that it has ceased to be.

Marquis was by temperament a city dweller, and both his little friends were of the city: the cockroach, most common of city bugs; the cat, most indigenous of city mammals. Both, too, were tavern habitués, as was their boss. Here were perfect transmigrations of an American soul, this dissolute feline who was a dancer and always the lady, toujours gai, and this troubled insect who was a poet – both seeking expression, both vainly trying to reconcile art and life, both finding always that one gets in the way of the other. Their employer, in one of his more sober moods, once put the whole matter in a couple of lines.

My heart has followed all my days

Something I cannot name …

Such is the lot of poets. Such was Marquis’s lot. Such, probably, is the lot even of bad poets. But bad poets can’t phrase it so simply.

E. B. White
1950

*This introduction first appeared in the 1950 Doubleday edition of The Lives and Times of Archy and Mehitabel.

dedicated to babs

with babs knows what

and babs knows why

archy and mehitabel

the coming of archy

the circumstances of Archy’s first appearance are narrated in the following extract from the Sun Dial column of the New York Sun.

Dobbs Ferry possesses a rat which slips out of his lair at night and runs a typewriting machine in a garage. Unfortunately, he has always been interrupted by the watchman before he could produce a complete story.

It was at first thought that the power which made the typewriter run was a ghost, instead of a rat. It seems likely to us that it was both a ghost and a rat. Mme. Blavatsky’s ego went into a white horse after she passed over, and someone’s personality has undoubtedly gone into this rat. It is an era of belief in communications from the spirit land.

And since this matter had been reported in the public prints and seriously received we are no longer afraid of being ridiculed, and we do not mind making a statement of something that happened to our own typewriter only a couple of weeks ago.

We came into our room earlier than usual in the morning, and discovered a gigantic cockroach jumping about upon the keys.

He did not see us, and we watched him. He would climb painfully upon the framework of the machine and cast himself with all his force upon a key, head downward, and his weight and the impact of the blow were just sufficient to operate the machine, one slow letter after another. He could not work the capital letters, and he had a great deal of difficulty operating the mechanism that shifts the paper so that a fresh line may be started. We never saw a cockroach work so hard or perspire so freely in all our lives before. After about an hour of this frightfully difficult literary labor he fell to the floor exhausted, and we saw him creep feebly into a nest of the poems which are always there in profusion.

Congratulating ourself that we had left a sheet of paper in the machine the night before so that all this work had not been in vain, we made an examination, and this is what we found:

expression is the need of my soul

i was once a vers libre bard

but i died and my soul went into the body of a cockroach

it has given me a new outlook upon life

i see things from the under side now

thank you for the apple peelings in the wastepaper basket

but your paste is getting so stale i can t eat it

so stale i can t eat it

there is a cat here called mehitabel i wish you would have

removed she nearly ate me the other night why dont she

catch rats that is what she is supposed to be for

there is a rat here she should get without delay

most of these rats here are just rats

but this rat is like me he has a human soul in him

he used to be a poet himself

night after night i have written poetry for you

on your typewriter

and this big brute of a rat who used to be a poet

comes out of his hole when it is done

reads it and sniffs at it

and reads it and sniffs at it

he is jealous of my poetry

he used to make fun of it when we were both human

he was a punk poet himself

and after he has read it he sneers

and then he eats it

i wish you would have mehitabel kill that rat

or get a cat that is onto her job

and i will write you a series of poems showing how things look

to a cockroach

that rats name is freddy

the next time freddy dies i hope he wont be a rat

but something smaller i hope i will be a rat

in the next transmigration and freddy a cockroach

i will teach him to sneer at my poetry then

dont you ever eat any sandwiches in your office

i havent had a crumb of bread for i dont know how long

or a piece of ham or anything but apple parings

and paste leave a piece of paper in your machine

every night you can call me archy

mehitabel was once cleopatra

boss i am disappointed in

some of your readers they

are always asking how does

archy work the shift so as to get a

new line or how does archy do

this or do that they

are always interested in technical

details when the main question is

whether the stuff is

literature or not

i wish you would leave

that book of george moores on

the floor

mehitabel the cat and i want to

read it i have discovered that

mehitabel s soul formerly inhabited a

human also at least that

is what mehitabel is claiming these

days it may be she got jealous of

my prestige anyhow she and

i have been talking it over in a

friendly way who were you

mehitabel i asked her i was

cleopatra once she said well i said i

i was cleopatra once she said

suppose you lived in a palace you bet

she said and what lovely fish dinners

we used to have and licked her chops

mehitabel would sell her soul for

a plate of fish any day i told her i thought

you were going to say you were

the favorite wife of the emperor

valerian he was some cat nip eh

mehitabel but she did not get me

archy

the song of mehitabel

this is the song of mehitabel

of mehitabel the alley cat

as i wrote you before boss

mehitabel is a believer

in the pythagorean

theory of the transmigration

of the soul and she claims

that formerly her spirit

was incarnated in the body

of cleopatra

that was a long time ago

and one must not be

surprised if mehitabel

has forgotten some of her

more regal manners

i have had my ups and downs

but wotthehell wotthehell

yesterday sceptres and crowns

fried oysters and velvet gowns

and today i herd with bums

but wotthehell wotthehell

i wake the world from sleep

as i caper and sing and leap

when i sing my wild free tune

wotthehell wotthehell

under the blear eyed moon

i am pelted with cast off shoon

but wotthehell wotthehell

do you think that i would change

my present freedom to range

for a castle or moated grange

wotthehell wotthehell

cage me and i d go frantic

my life is so romantic

capricious and corybantic

and i m toujours gai toujours gai

i know that i am bound

for a journey down the sound

in the midst of a refuse mound

but wotthehell wotthehell

oh i should worry and fret

death and i will coquette

there s a dance in the old dame yet

toujours gai toujours gai

i once was an innocent kit

wotthehell wotthehell

with a ribbon my neck to fit

and bells tied onto it

o wotthehell wotthehell

but a maltese cat came by

with a come hither look in his eye

and a song that soared to the sky

and wotthehell wotthehell

and i followed adown the street

the pad of his rhythmical feet

o permit me again to repeat

wotthehell wotthehell

my youth i shall never forget

but there s nothing i really regret

wotthehell wotthehell

there s a dance in the old dame yet

toujours gai toujours gai

i followed adown the street the pad of his rhythmical feet

the things that i had not ought to

i do because i ve gotto

wotthehell wotthehell

and i end with my favorite motto

toujours gai toujours gai

boss sometimes i think

that our friend mehitabel

is a trifle too gay

mehitabel s extensive past

mehitabel the cat claims that

she has a human soul

also and has transmigrated

from body to body and it

may be so boss you

remember i told you she accused

herself of being cleopatra once i

asked her about antony

anthony who she asked me are

you thinking of that

song about rowley and gammon and

spinach heigho for anthony rowley

no i said mark antony the

great roman the friend of

caesar surely cleopatra you

remember j caesar

listen archy she said i

have been so many different

people in my time and met

so many prominent gentlemen i

wont lie to you or stall i

do get my dates mixed sometimes

think of how much i have had a

chance to forget and i have

always made a point of not

carrying grudges over

from one life to the next archy

i have been

used something fierce in my time but

i am no bum sport archy

i am a free spirit archy i

look on myself as being

quite a romantic character oh the

queens i have been and the

swell feeds i have ate

a cockroach which you are

and a poet which you used to be

archy couldn t understand

my feelings at having come

down to this i have

had bids to elegant feeds where poets

and cockroaches would

neither one be mentioned without a

laugh archy i have had

adventures but i

have never been an adventuress

one life up and the next life

down archy but always a lady

through it all and a

good mixer too always the

life of the party archy but never

anything vulgar always free footed

archy never tied down to

a job or housework yes looking

back on it all i can say is

i had some romantic

lives and some elegant times i

have seen better days archy but

whats the use of kicking kid its

all in the game like a gentleman

friend of mine used to say

toujours gai kid toujours gai he

was an elegant cat he used

to be a poet himself and he made up

some elegant poetry about me and him

lets hear it i said and

mehitabel recited

persian pussy from over the sea

demure and lazy and smug and fat

none of your ribbons and bells for me

ours is the zest of the alley cat

over the roofs from flat to flat

we prance with capers corybantic

what though a boot should break a slat

mehitabel us for the life romantic

we would rather be rowdy and gaunt and free

and dine on a diet of roach and rat

roach i said what do you

mean roach interrupting mehitabel

yes roach she said thats the

way my boy friend made it up

i climbed in amongst the typewriter

keys for she had an excited

look in her eyes go on mehitabel i

said feeling safer and she

resumed her elocution

we would rather be rowdy and gaunt and free

and dine on a diet of roach and rat

than slaves to a tame society

ours is the zest of the alley cat

fish heads freedom a frozen sprat

dug from the gutter with digits frantic

is better than bores and a fireside mat

mehitabel us for the life romantic

when the pendant moon in the leafless tree

clings and sways like a golden bat

i sing its light and my love for thee

ours is the zest of the alley cat

missiles around us fall rat a tat tat

but our shadows leap in a ribald antic

as over the fences the world cries scat

mehitabel us for the life romantic

persian princess i dont care that

for your pedigree traced by scribes pedantic

ours is the zest of the alley cat

mehitabel us for the life romantic

aint that high brow stuff

archy i always remembered it

but he was an elegant gent

even if he was a highbrow and a

regular bohemian archy him and

me went aboard a canal boat

one day and he got his head into

a pitcher of cream and couldn t get

it out and fell overboard

he come up once before he

drowned toujours gai kid he

gurgled and then sank for ever that

was always his words archy toujours

gai kid toujours gai i

have known some swell gents

in my time dearie

archy interviews a pharaoh

boss i went

and interviewed the mummy

of the egyptian pharaoh

in the metropolitan museum

as you bade me to do

what ho

my regal leatherface

says i

greetings

little scatter footed

scarab

says he

kingly has been

says i

what was your ambition

when you had any

insignificant

and journalistic insect

says the royal crackling

greetings little scatter footed scarab says he

in my tender prime

i was too dignified

to have anything as vulgar

as ambition

the ra ra boys

in the seti set

were too haughty

to be ambitious

we used to spend our time

feeding the ibises

and ordering

pyramids sent home to try on

but if i had my life

to live over again

i would give dignity

the regal razz

and hire myself out

to work in a brewery

old tan and tarry

says i

i detect in your speech

the overtones

of melancholy

yes i am sad

says the majestic mackerel

i am as sad

as the song

of a soudanese jackal

who is wailing for the blood red

moon he cannot reach and rip

on what are you brooding

with such a wistful

wishfulness

there in the silences

confide in me

my imperial pretzel

says i

i brood on beer

my scampering whiffle snoot

on beer says he

my sympathies

are with your royal

dryness says i

my little pest

says he

you must be respectful

in the presence

of a mighty desolation

little archy

forty centuries of thirst

look down upon you

oh by isis

and by osiris

says the princely raisin

and by pish and phthush and phthah

by the sacred book perembru

and all the gods

that rule from the upper

cataract of the nile

to the delta of the duodenum

i am dry

i am as dry

as the next morning mouth

of a dissipated desert

as dry as the hoofs

of the camels of timbuctoo

little fussy face

i am as dry as the heart

of a sand storm

at high noon in hell

i have been lying here

and there

for four thousand years

with silicon in my esophagus

and gravel in my gizzard

thinking

thinking

thinking

of beer

divine drouth

says i

imperial fritter

continue to think

there is no law against

that in this country

old salt codfish

if you keep quiet about it

not yet

what country is this

asks the poor prune

thinking
thinking
thinking

my reverend juicelessness

this is a beerless country

says i

well well said the royal

desiccation

my political opponents back home

always maintained

that i would wind up in hell

and it seems they had the right dope

and with these hopeless words

the unfortunate residuum

gave a great cough of despair

and turned to dust and debris

right in my face

it being the only time

i ever actually saw anybody

put the cough

into sarcophagus

dear boss as i scurry about

i hear of a great many

tragedies in our midsts

personally i yearn

for some dear friend to pass over

and leave to me

a boot legacy

yours for the second coming

of gambrinus

archy

a spider and a fly

i heard a spider

and a fly arguing

wait said the fly

do not eat me

i serve a great purpose

in the world

you will have to

show me said the spider

i scurry around

gutters and sewers

and garbage cans

said the fly and gather

up the germs of

typhoid influenza

and pneumonia on my feet

and wings

then i carry these germs

into the households of men

and give them diseases

all the people who

have lived the right

sort of life recover

from the diseases

and the old soaks who

have weakened their systems

with liquor and iniquity

succumb it is my mission

to help rid the world

of these wicked persons

i am a vessel of righteousness

scattering seeds of justice

and serving the noblest uses

it is true said the spider

that you are more

useful in a plodding

material sort of way

than i am but i do not

serve the utilitarian deities

i serve the gods of beauty

look at the gossamer webs

i weave they float in the sun

like filaments of song

if you get what i mean

i do not work at anything

i play all the time

i am busy with the stuff

of enchantment and the materials

of fairyland my works

transcend utility

i am the artist

a creator and a demi god

it is ridiculous to suppose

that i should be denied

the food i need in order

to continue to create

beauty i tell you

plainly mister fly it is all

damned nonsense for that food

to rear up on its hind legs

and say it should not be eaten

you have convinced me

said the fly say no more

and shutting all his eyes

he prepared himself for dinner

and yet he said i could

have made out a case

for myself too if i had

had a better line of talk

of course you could said the spider

clutching a sirloin from him

but the end would have been

just the same if neither of

us had spoken at all

boss i am afraid that what

the spider said is true

and it gives me to think

furiously upon the futility

of literature

archy

the merry flea

the high cost of

living isn t so bad if you

don t have to pay for it i met

a flea the other day who

was grinning all over

himself why so merry why so

merry little bolshevik i asked him

i have just come from a swell

dog show he said i have

been lunching off a dog that was

worth at least one hundred

dollars a pound you should be

ashamed to brag about it i said with so

many insects and humans on

short rations in the world today the

public be damned he said i

take my own where i find it those are

bold words i told him i am a bold

person he said and bold words are

fitting for me it was

only last thursday that i marched

bravely into the zoo

and bit a lion what did he do i asked

he lay there and took it said

the flea what else could he do he knew i

had his number and it was

little use to struggle some day i said

even you will be conquered terrible as

you are who will do it he

said the mastodons are all dead and i

am not afraid of any mere

elephant i asked him how about a microbe and

he turned pale as he thought it

over there is always some

little thing that is too

big for us every

goliath has his david and so on ad finitum

but what said the flea is the

terror of the smallest microbe of all

he i said is afraid of a vacuum what is

there in a vacuum to make one afraid

said the flea there is nothing in it

i said and that is what makes one

afraid to contemplate it a person

can t think of a place with nothing at

all in it without going nutty and if he

tries to think that nothing is

something after all he gets nuttier you are

too subtle for me said the

flea i never took much stock in being

scared of hypodermic propositions or

hypothetical injections i am

going to have dinner off a

man eating tiger if a vacuum gets

me i will try and send you word

before the worst comes to

the worst some people i told him inhabit

a vacuum all their lives and

never know it then he said it don t

hurt them any no i said it don t but it

hurts people who have to associate

with them and with these words

we parted each feeling

superior to the other and is not that

feeling after all one of the great

desiderata of social intercourse

archy

especially planned for his personal shelter

warty bliggens, the toad

i met a toad

the other day by the name

of warty bliggens

he was sitting under

a toadstool

feeling contented

he explained that when the cosmos

was created

that toadstool was especially

planned for his personal

shelter from sun and rain

thought out and prepared

for him

do not tell me

said warty bliggens

that there is not a purpose

in the universe

the thought is blasphemy

a little more

conversation revealed

that warty bliggens

considers himself to be

the center of the said

universe

the earth exists

to grow toadstools for him

to sit under

the sun to give him light

by day and the moon

and wheeling constellations

to make beautiful

the night for the sake of

warty bliggens

to what act of yours

do you impute

this interest on the part

of the creator

of the universe

i asked him

why is it that you

are so greatly favored

ask rather

said warty bliggens

what the universe

has done to deserve me

if i were a

human being i would

not laugh

too complacently

at poor warty bliggens

for similar

absurdities

have only too often

lodged in the crinkles

of the human cerebrum

archy

mehitabel has an adventure

back to the city archy

and dam glad of it

there s something about the suburbs

that gets on a town lady s nerves

fat slick tabbies

sitting around those country clubs

and lapping up the cream

of existence

none of that for me

give me the alley archy

me for the mews and the roofs

of the city

an occasional fish head

and liberty is all i ask

freedom and the garbage can

romance archy romance is the word

maybe i do starve sometimes

but wotthehell archy wotthehell

i live my own life

i met a slick looking torn

out at one of these long island

spotless towns

he fell for me hard

he slipped me into the

pantry and just as we had got

the icebox door open and were

about to sample the cream

in comes his mistress

why fluffy she says to this slicker

the idea of you making

friends with a horrid creature like that

and what did fluffy do

stand up for me like a gentleman

make good on all the promises

freedom and –

with which he had lured me

into his house

not he the dirty slob

he pretended he did not know me

he turned upon me and attacked me

to make good with his boss

you mush faced bum i said

and clawed a piece out of his ear

i am a lady archy

always a lady

but an aristocrat will always

resent an insult

the woman picked up a mop and made

for me well well madam i said

it is unfortunate for you that

you have on sheer silk stockings

and i wrote my protest

on her shin it took reinforcements

in the shape of the cook

to rauss me archy and as i went

out the window i said to the fluffy person

you will hear from me later

he had promised me everything archy

that cat had

he had practically abducted me

and then the cheap crook threw me down

before his swell friends

no lady loves a scene archy

and i am always the lady no matter

what temporary disadvantages

i may struggle under

to hell with anything unrefined

has always been my motto

violence archy always does something

to my nerves

but an aristocrat must revenge

an insult i owe it to my family

to protect my good name

so i laid for that slob

for two days and nights and finally

i caught the boob in the shrubbery

pretty thing i said

it hurts me worse than it does you

to remove that left eye of yours

but i did it with one sweep of my claws

you call yourself a gentleman do you

i said as i took a strip out of his nose

you will think twice after this before

you offer an insult

to an unprotected young tabby

where is the little love nest you spoke

of i asked him

you go and lie down there i said

and maybe you can incubate another ear

because i am going to take one of

yours right off now

and with those words i made ribbons

out of it you are the guy

i said to him that was going to give

me an easy life sheltered from all

the rough ways of the world

fluffy dear you don t know what the

rough ways of the world are

and i am going to show you

i have got you out here

in the great open spaces

where cats are cats

and im gonna make you understand

the affections of a lady ain t to be

trifled with by any slicker like you

where is that red ribbon with the

silver bells you promised me

the next time you betray the trust

of an innocent female

reflect on whether she may

carry a wallop little fiddle strings

this is just a mild lesson i am giving

you tonight i said as i took

the fur off his back and you oughta

be glad you didn t make me really

angry my sense of dignity is all that

saves you a lady little sweetness

never loses her poise and i thank god

i am always a lady even if i do

live my own life and with that i

picked him up by what was left of

his neck like a kitten and laid him

on the doormat slumber gently and

sweet dreams fluffy dear i said and

when you get well make it a rule of

your life never to trifle with another

girlish confidence i have been

abducted again and again by a dam

sight better cats than he ever was

or will be

well archy the world is full of ups

and downs but toujours gai is my motto

cheerio my deario

archy

the wail of archy

damned be this transmigration

doubledamned be the boob pythagoras

the gink that went and invented it

i hope that his soul for a thousand

turns of the wheel of existence

bides in the shell of a louse

dodging a fine toothed comb

i once was a vers libre poet

i died and my spirit migrated

into the flesh of a cockroach

gods how i yearn to be human

neither a vers libre poet

nor yet the inmate of a cockroach

a six footed scurrying cockroach

given to bastard hexameters

longfellowish sprawling hexameters

rather had i been a starfish

to shoot a heroic pentameter

gods i am pent in a cockroach

i with the soul of a dante

am mate and companion of fleas

i with the gift of a homer

must smile when a mouse calls me pal

tumble bugs are my familiars

this is the punishment meted

because i have written vers libre

here i abide in the twilight

neither a man nor an insect

and ghosts of the damned that await

a word from the core of the cosmos

to pop into bodies grotesque

are all the companions i have

with intellect more than a bug s

ghosts of the damned under sentence

to crawl into maggots and live there

or work out a stretch as a rat

cheerful companions to pal with

i with the brain of a milton

fell into the mincemeat at christmas

and was damned near baked in a pie

i with the touch of a chaucer

to be chivvied out of a sink

float through a greasy drain pipe

into the hell of a sewer

i with the tastes of a byron

expected to live upon garbage

gods what a charnel existence

curses upon that pythagoras

i hope that he dwells for a million

turns of the wheel of life

deep in an oyster crab s belly

stewed in the soup of gehenna

i with the soul of a hamlet

doomed always to wallow in farce

yesterday maddened with sorrow

i leapt from the woolworth tower

in an effort to dash out my brains

gods what a wretched pathetic

and anti climactic attempt

fell into the mincemeat at christmas

i fluttered i floated i drifted

i landed as light as a feather

on the top of a bald man s head

whose hat had blown off at the corner

and all of the hooting hundreds

laughed at the comic cockroach

not mine was the suicide s solace

of a dull thud ending it all

gods what a terrible tragedy

not to make good with the tragic

gods what a heart breaking pathos

to be always doomed to the comic

o make me a cockroach entirely

or make me a human once more

give me the mind of a cockroach

or give me the shape of a man

if i were to plan out a drama

great as great shakespeare s othello

it would be touched with the cockroach

and people would say it was comic

even the demons i talk with

ghosts of the damned that await

vile incarnation as spiders

affect to consider me comic

wait till their loathsome embodiment

wears into the stuff of the spirit

and then let them laugh if they can

damned be the soul of pythagoras

who first filled the fates with this notion

of transmigration of spirits

i hope he turns into a flea

on the back of a hound of hell

and is chased for a million years

with a set of red hot teeth

exclamation point

archy

mehitabel and her kittens

well boss

mehitabel the cat

has reappeared in her old

haunts with a

flock of kittens

three of them this time

what in hell have i done to deserve all these kittens

archy she said to me

yesterday

the life of a female

artist is continually

hampered what in hell

have i done to deserve

all these kittens

i look back on my life

and it seems to me to be

just one damned kitten

after another

i am a dancer archy

and my only prayer

is to be allowed

to give my best to my art

but just as i feel

that i am succeeding

in my life work

along comes another batch

of these damned kittens

it is not archy

that i am shy on mother love

god knows i care for

the sweet little things

curse them

but am i never to be allowed

to live my own life

i have purposely avoided

matrimony in the interests

of the higher life

but i might just

as well have been a domestic

slave for all the freedom

i have gained

i hope none of them

gets run over by

an automobile

my heart would bleed

if anything happened

to them and i found it out

but it isn t fair archy

it isn t fair

these damned tom cats have all

the fun and freedom

if i was like some of these

green eyed feline vamps i know

i would simply walk out on the

bunch of them and

let them shift for themselves

but i am not that kind

archy i am full of mother love

my kindness has always

been my curse

a tender heart is the cross i bear

self sacrifice always and forever

is my motto damn them

i will make a home

for the sweet innocent

little things

unless of course providence

in his wisdom should remove

them they are living

just now in an abandoned

garbage can just behind

a made over stable in greenwich

village and if it rained

into the can before i could

get back and rescue them

i am afraid the little

dears might drown

it makes me shudder just

to think of it

of course if i were a family cat

they would probably

be drowned anyhow

sometimes i think

the kinder thing would be

for me to carry the

sweet little things

over to the river

and drop them in myself

but a mother s love archy

is so unreasonable

something always prevents me

these terrible

conflicts are always

presenting themselves

to the artist

the eternal struggle

between art and life archy

is something fierce

yes something fierce

my what a dramatic

life i have lived

one moment up the next

moment down again

but always gay archy always gay

and always the lady too

in spite of hell

well boss it will

be interesting to note

just how mehitabel

works out her present problem

a dark mystery still broods

over the manner

in which the former

family of three kittens

disappeared

one day she was talking to me

of the kittens

and the next day when i asked

her about them

she said innocently

what kittens

interrogation point

and that was all

i could ever get out

of her on the subject

we had a heavy rain

right after she spoke to me

but probably that garbage can

leaks and so the kittens

have not yet

been drowned

archy

we had a heavy rain

cheerio, my deario

well boss i met

mehitabel the cat

trying to dig a

frozen lamb chop

out of a snow

drift the other day

a heluva comedown

that is for me archy

she says a few

brief centuries

ago one of old

king

tut

ankh

amen s favorite

queens and today

the village scavenger

but wotthehell

archy wotthehell

it s cheerio

my deario that

pulls a lady through

see here mehitabel

i said i thought

you told me that

it was cleopatra

you used to be

before you

transmigrated into

the carcase of a cat

where do you get

this tut

ankh

amen stuff

question mark

i was several

ladies my little

insect says she

being cleopatra was

only an incident

in my career

and i was always getting

the rough end of it

always being

misunderstood by some

strait laced

prune faced bunch

of prissy mouthed

sisters of uncharity

the things that

have been said

about me archy

exclamation point

and all simply

because i was a

live dame

the palaces i have

been kicked out of

in my time

exclamation point

but wotthehell

little archy wot

thehell

it s cheerio

my deario

that pulls a

lady through

exclamation point

framed archy always

framed that is the

story of all my lives

no chance for a dame

with the anvil chorus

if she shows a little

motion it seems to

me only yesterday

that the luxor local

number one of

the ladies axe

association got me in

dutch with king tut and

he slipped me the

sarcophagus always my

luck yesterday an empress

and today too

emaciated to interest

a vivisectionist but

toujours gai archy

toujours gai and always

a lady in spite of hell

and transmigration

once a queen

always a queen

archy

period

one of her

feet was frozen

but on the other three

she began to caper and

dance singing it s

cheerio my deario

that pulls a lady

through her morals may

have been mislaid somewhere

in the centuries boss but

i admire her spirit

archy

the lesson of the moth

i was talking to a moth

the other evening

he was trying to break into

an electric light bulb

and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows

pull this stunt i asked him

because it is the conventional

thing for moths or why

if that had been an uncovered

candle instead of an electric

light bulb you would

now be a small unsightly cinder

have you no sense

plenty of it he answered

but at times we get tired

of using it

we get bored with the routine

and crave beauty

and excitement

fire is beautiful

and we know that if we get

too close it will kill us

but what does that matter

it is better to be happy

for a moment

and be burned up with beauty

than to live a long time

and be bored all the while

so we wad all our life up

into one little roll

and then we shoot the roll

that is what life is for

it is better to be a part of beauty

for one instant and then cease to

exist than to exist forever

and never be a part of beauty

our attitude toward life

is come easy go easy

we are like human beings

used to be before they became

too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him

out of his philosophy

he went and immolated himself

on a patent cigar lighter

i do not agree with him

myself i would rather have

half the happiness and twice

the longevity

but at the same time i wish

there was something i wanted

as badly as he wanted to fry himself

archy

pete the parrot and shakespeare

i got acquainted with

a parrot named pete recently

who is an interesting bird

pete says he used

to belong to the fellow

that ran the mermaid tavern

in london then i said

you must have known

shakespeare know him said pete

poor mutt i knew him well

he called me pete and i called him

bill but why do you say poor mutt

well said pete bill was a

disappointed man and was always

boring his friends about what

he might have been and done

if he only had a fair break

two or three pints of sack

and sherris and the tears

would trickle down into his

beard and his beard would get

soppy and wilt his collar

i remember one night when

bill and ben jonson and

frankie beaumont

were sopping it up

here i am ben says bill

nothing but a lousy playwright

and with anything like luck

in the breaks i might have been

a fairly decent sonnet writer

i might have been a poet

if i had kept away from the theatre

yes says ben i ve often

thought of that bill

but one consolation is

you are making pretty good money

out of the theatre

money money says bill what the hell

is money what i want is to be

a poet not a business man

these damned cheap shows

i turn out to keep the

theatre running break my heart

slap stick comedies and

blood and thunder tragedies

and melodramas say i wonder

if that boy heard you order

another bottle frankie

the only compensation is that i get

a chance now and then

to stick in a little poetry

when nobody is looking

but hells bells that isn t

what i want to do

i want to write sonnets and

songs and spenserian stanzas

and i might have done it too

if i hadn t got

into this frightful show game

business business business

grind grind grind

what a life for a man

that might have been a poet

well says frankie beaumont

why don t you cut it bill

i can t says bill

i need the money i ve got

a family to support down in

the country well says frankie

anyhow you write pretty good

plays bill any mutt can write

plays for this london public

says bill if he puts enough

murder in them what they want

is kings talking like kings

never had sense enough to talk

and stabbings and stranglings

and fat men making love

and clowns basting each

other with clubs and cheap puns

and off color allusions to all

the smut of the day oh i know

what the low brows want

and i give it to them

well says ben jonson

don t blubber into the drink

brace up like a man

and quit the rotten business

i can t i can t says bill

i ve been at it too long i ve got to

the place now where i can t

write anything else

but this cheap stuff

i m ashamed to look an honest

young sonneteer in the face

i live a hell of a life i do

the manager hands me some mouldy old

manuscript and says

bill here s a plot for you

this is the third of the month

by the tenth i want a good

script out of this that we

can start rehearsals on

not too big a cast

and not too much of your

damned poetry either

you know your old

familiar line of hokum

they eat up that falstaff stuff

of yours ring him in again

and give them a good ghost

or two and remember we gotta

have something dick burbage can get

his teeth into and be sure

and stick in a speech

somewhere the queen will take

for a personal compliment and if

you get in a line or two somewhere

about the honest english yeoman

it s always good stuff

and it s a pretty good stunt

bill to have the heavy villain

a moor or a dago or a jew

or something like that and say

i want another

comic welshman in this

but i don t need to tell

you bill you know this game

just some of your ordinary

hokum and maybe you could

kill a little kid or two a prince

or something they like

a little pathos along with

the dirt now you better see burbage

tonight and see what he wants

in that part oh says bill

to think i am

debasing my talents with junk

like that oh god what i wanted

was to be a poet

and write sonnet serials

like a gentleman should

well says i pete

bill s plays are highly

esteemed to this day

is that so says pete

poor mutt little he would

care what poor bill wanted

was to be a poet

archy

archy confesses

coarse

jocosity

catches the crowd

shakespeare

and i

are often

low browed

the fish wife

curse

and the laugh

of the horse

shakespeare

and i

are frequently

coarse

aesthetic

excuses

in bill s behalf

are adduced

to refine

big bill s

coarse laugh

but bill

he would chuckle

to hear such guff

he pulled

rough stuff

and he liked

rough stuff

hoping you

are the same

archy

horse shakespeare and i

the old trouper

i ran onto mehitabel again

last evening

she is inhabiting

a decayed trunk

which lies in an alley

in greenwich village

in company with the

most villainous tom cat

i have ever seen

but there is nothing

wrong about the association

archy she told me

it is merely a plutonic

attachment

and the thing can be

believed for the tom

looks like one of pluto s demons

it is a theatre trunk

archy mehitabel told me

and tom is an old theatre cat

he has given his life

to the theatre

he claims that richard

mansfield once

kicked him out of the way

and then cried because

he had done it and

petted him

and at another time

he says in a case

of emergency

he played a bloodhound

in a production of

uncle tom s cabin

the stage is not what it

used to be tom says

he puts his front paw

on his breast and says

they don t have it any more

they don t have it here

the old troupers are gone

there s nobody can troupe

any more

they are all amateurs nowadays

they haven t got it

here

there are only

five or six of us oldtime

troupers left

this generation does not know

what stage presence is

personality is what they lack

personality

where would they get

the training my old friends

got in the stock companies

i knew mr booth very well

says tom

and a law should be passed

preventing anybody else

from ever playing

in any play he ever

played in

there was a trouper for you

i used to sit on his knee

and purr when i was

a kitten he used to tell me

how much he valued my opinion

finish is what they lack

finish

and they haven t got it

here

and again he laid his paw

on his breast

i remember mr daly very

well too

i was with mr daly s company

for several years

there was art for you

there was team work

there was direction

they knew the theatre

and they all had it

here

for two years mr daly

would not ring up the curtain

unless i was in the

prompter s box

they are amateurs nowadays

rank amateurs all of them

for two seasons i played

the dog in joseph

jefferson s rip van winkle

it is true i never came

on the stage

but he knew i was just off

and it helped him

i would like to see

one of your modern

theatre cats

act a dog so well

that it would convince

a trouper like jo jefferson

but they haven t got it

nowadays

they haven t got it

here

jo jefferson had it he had it

here

i come of a long line

of theatre cats

my grandfather

was with forrest

he had it he was a real trouper

my grandfather said

he had a voice

that used to shake

the ferryboats

on the north river

once he lost his beard

and my grandfather

dropped from the

fly gallery and landed

under his chin

and played his beard

for the rest of the act

you don t see any theatre

cats that could do that

nowadays

they haven t got it they

haven t got it

here

once i played the owl

in modjeska s production

of macbeth

i sat above the castle gate

in the murder scene

and made my yellow

eyes shine through the dusk

like an owl s eyes

mehitabel he says –

modjeska was a real

trouper she knew how to pick

her support i would like

to see any of these modern

theatre cats play the owl s eyes

to modjeska s lady macbeth

but they haven t got it nowadays

they haven t got it

here

mehitabel he says

both our professions

are being ruined

by amateurs

archy

ghosts

you want to know

whether i believe in ghosts

of course i do not believe in them

if you had known

as many of them as i have

you would not

believe in them either

perhaps i have been

unfortunate in my acquaintance

but the ones i have known

have been a bad lot

no one could believe in them

after being acquainted with them

a short time

it is true that i have met

them under peculiar

circumstances

that is while they

were migrating into the

bodies of what human beings

consider a lower order

of creatures

before i became a cockroach

i was a free verse poet

one of the pioneers of the artless art

and my punishment for that

was to have my soul

enter the body of a cockroach

the ghosts i have known

were the ghosts of persons

who were waiting for a vacant

body to get into

they knew they were going

to transmigrate into the bodies of

lizards lice bats snakes

worms beetles mice alley cats

turtles snails tadpoles

etcetera

and while they were waiting

they were as cross as all get out

i remember talking to one of them

who had just worked his way

upward again he had been in the

body of a flea and he was going

into a cat fish

you would think he might be

grateful for the promotion

but not he

i do not call this much of an advance

he said why could i not

be a humming bird or something

kid i told him it will

take you a million years to work your

way up to a humming bird

when i remember he said

that i used to be a hat check boy

in a hotel i could

spend a million years weeping

to think that i should come to this

we have all seen better days i said

we have all come down in the world

you have not come down as far

as some of us

if i ever get to be a hat check boy

again he said i will sting

somebody for what i have had to suffer

that remark will probably cost you

another million years among

the lower creatures i told him

transmigration is a great thing

if you do not weaken

personally my ambition is to get

my time as a cockroach shortened for

good behavior and be promoted

to a revenue officer

it is not much of a step up but

i am humble

i never ran across any of this

ectoplasm that sir arthur

conan doyle tells of but it sounds

as if it might be wonderful

stuff to mend broken furniture with

archy

unjust

poets are always asking

where do the little roses go

underneath the snow

but no one ever thinks to say

where do the little insects stay

this is because

as a general rule

roses are more handsome

than insects

beauty gets the best of it

in this world

i have heard people

say how wicked it was

to kill our feathered

friends

in order to get

their plumage and pinions

for the hats of women

and all the while

these same people

might be eating duck

as they talked

the chances are

that it is just as discouraging

to a duck to have

her head amputated

in order to become

a stuffed roast fowl

and decorate a dining table

as it is for a bird

of gayer plumage

to be bumped

off the running board of existence

to furnish plumage

for a lady s hat

but the duck

does not get the sympathy

because the duck

is not beautiful

the only insect

that succeeds in getting

mourned is a moth

or butterfly

whereas every man s

heel is raised against

the spider

and it is getting harder

and harder for spiders

to make an honest living

at that since

human beings have invented

so many ways

of killing flies

humanity will shed poems

full of tears

over the demise of

a bounding doe

or a young gazelle

but the departure of a trusty

camel leaves the

vast majorities

stonily indifferent

perhaps the theory is

that god would not have made

the camel so ugly

if the camel were not wicked

alas exclamation point

the pathos of ugliness

is only perceived

by us cockroaches of the world

and personally

i am having to stand for a lot

i am getting it double

as you might say

before my soul

migrated into the body

of a cockroach

it inhabited the carcase

of a vers libre poet

some vers libre poets are beautiful

but i was not

i had a little blond mustache

that every one thought was a mistake

and yet since i have died

i have thought of that

with regret

it hung over a mouth

that i found it difficult to keep closed

because of adenoidal trouble

but it would have been better

if i could have kept it closed

because the teeth within

were out of alignment

and were of odd sizes

this destroyed my acoustics

as you might say

my chin was nothing much

and knew it

and timidly shrank

into itself

receding from the battle of life

my eyes were all right

but my eyebrows

were scarcely noticeable

i suppose though that if

i had had noticeable eyebrows

they would have been wrong

somehow

well well not to pursue

this painful subject

to the uttermost and ultimate

wart and freckle

i was not handsome and it hampered

me when i was a human

it militated against me

as a poet

more beautiful creatures could

write verse worse than mine

and get up and recite it

with a triumphant air

and get away with it

but my sublimest ideas

were thought to be a total

loss when people saw

where they came from

i think it would have been

only justice

if i had been sent to inhabit

a butterfly

but there is very little

justice in the universe

what is the use

of being the universe

if you have to be just

interrogation point

and i suppose the universe

has so much really important

business on hand

that it finds it impossible

to look after the details

it is rushed

perhaps it has private

knowledge to the effect

that eternity is brief

after all

and it wants to get the big

jobs finished in a hurry

i find it possible to forgive

the universe

i meet it in a give and take spirit

although i do wish

that it would consult me at times

please forgive

the profundity of these

meditations

whenever i have nothing

particular to say

i find myself always

always plunging into cosmic

philosophy

or something

archy

mehitabel meets an affinity

paris france

mehitabel the cat

has been passing her

time in the dubious

company of

a ragged eared tom cat

with one mean

eye and the other

eye missing whom

she calls francy

he has been the hero

or the victim of

many desperate encounters

for part of his tail

has been removed

and his back has been chewed

to the spine

one can see at a glance

that he is a sneak thief

and an apache

a bandit with long

curved claws

you see his likes hanging

about the outdoor markets

here in paris waiting

their chance to sneak

a fish or a bit

of unregarded meat

or whimpering

among the chair legs at the

sidewalk cafes in the

evenings or slinking

down the gutters of

alleys in the old

quarters of the town

he has a raucous voice

much damaged by the night

air and yet there is a

sentimental wheedling

note in it as well

and yet withal he carries

his visible disgrace with

a jaunty air

when i asked mehitabel

where in the name of st denis

did you pick up that

romantic criminal

in the luxembourg gardens

she replied where

we had both gone to kill

birds he has been showing me

paris he does not

understand english but speak of

him with respect

he is like myself

an example of the truth

of the pythagorean idea

you know that in my body

which is that of a cat

there is reincarnated

the soul of cleopatra

well this cat here

was not always a cat either

he has seen better days

he tells me that once he was

a bard and lived here in paris

tell archy here

something about yourself francy

thus encouraged the

murderous looking animal spoke

and i append a

rough translation of

what he said

tame cats on a web of the persian woof

may lick their coats and purr for cream

but i am a tougher kind of goof

scheming a freer kind of scheme

daily i climb where the pigeons gleam

over the gargoyles of notre dame

robbing their nests to hear them scream

for i am a cat of the devil i am

i ll tell the world i m a hard boiled oeuf

i rend the clouds when i let off steam

to the orderly life i cry pouf pouf

it is worth far less than the bourgeois deem

my life is a dance on the edge de l abime

and i am the singer you d love to slam

who murders the midnight anonyme

for i am a cat of the devil i am

when the ribald moon leers over the roof

and the mist reeks up from the chuckling stream

i pad the quais on a silent hoof

dreaming the vagabond s ancient dream

where the piebald toms of the quartier teem

and fight for a fish or a mouldy clam

my rival i rip and his guts unseam

for i am a cat of the devil i am

roach i could rattle you rhymes by the ream

in proof of the fact that i m no spring lamb

maybe the headsman will finish the theme

for i am a cat of the devil i am

mehitabel i said

your friend is nobody else

than francois villon

and he looks it too

archy

mehitabel sees paris

paris france

i have not been

to geneva but i have been

talking to a french cockroach

who has just returned

from there traveling all the

way in a third class

compartment he says there is no

hope for insect or man in

the league of nations

what prestige it ever had is gone

and it never had any

the idea of one great brotherhood

of men and insects on earth

is very attractive to me

but mehitabel the cat

says i am a communist an

anarchist and a socialist

she has been shocked to the soul

she says by what the

revolutionists did here during

the revolution

i am always the aristocrat archy

she said i may go and play

around montmartre and that sort

of thing and in fact i was

playing up there with francy last

night but i am always the lady

in spite of my little larks

toujours gai archy and toujours

the lady that is my motto in

spite of

ups and downs

what they did to us aristocrats

at the time of the revolution

was a plenty archy

it makes my heart bleed

to see signs of it all

over town those poor

dear duchesses that got it

in the neck i can sympathize

with them archy i may not

look it now but i come of a

royal race myself

i have come down in the world

but wotthehell archy wotthehell

jamais triste archy jamais triste

that is my motto

always the lady and always

out for a good time

francy and i lapped up

a demi of beer in a joint

up on the butte last night

that an american tourist

poured out for us

and everybody laughed and it

got to be the fashion up there

to feed beer to us cats

i did not get a vulgar souse

archy no lady gets a vulgar

souse wotthehell i hope i am above

all vulgarity but i did get a

little bit lit up

and francy did too we came

down and got on top of the

new morgue and sang and did

dances there

francy seems to see

something attractive about

morgues when he gets lit up

the old morgue he says was

a more romantic morgue but

vandal hands have torn it down

but wotthehell archy this one

will do to dance on

francy is showing me a side

paris he says tourists don t often

get a look at he has a little

love nest down in the

catacombs where

he and i are living now

he and i go down there

and do the tango amongst the

bones he is really a most

entertaining and agreeable

companion archy and he has some

very quaint ideas he is busy now

writing a poem about

us two cats filled with beer

dancing among the bones

sometimes i think francy

is a little morbid

when i see these lovely old places

that us aristocrats built archy

in the hands of the bourgeois it

makes me almost wild

but i try to bear up i try

to bear up i find agreeable

companions and put a good face

on it toujours gai that is my

motto toujours gai

francy is a little bit done up

today he tried to steal a

partridge out of a frying

pan in a joint up on the butte

we went back there for more beer

after our party

at the morgue

and the cook beaned him with

a bottle poor francy i

should hate to lose him

but something tells me i should

not stay a widow long

there is something in the air

of paris archy

that makes one young again

there s more than one

dance in the old dame yet

and with these words she

put her tail in the air and

capered off down the alley

i am afraid we shall never

get mehitabel back to america

archy

the return of archy

where have i been so long

you ask me

i have been going up

and down like the devil

seeking what i might devour

i am hungry always hungry

and in the end i shall

eat everything

all the world shall come at

last to the multitudinous maws

of insects

a civilization perishes

before the tireless teeth

of little little germs

ha ha i have thrown off the mask

at last

you thought i was only

an archy

but i am more than that

i am anarchy

where have i been you ask

i have been organizing the insects

organizing the ants the worms the wasps the bees for a revolt against mankind

the ants the worms the wasps

the bees the cockroaches

the mosquitoes

for a revolt against mankind

i have declared war

upon humanity

i even i shall fling

the mighty atom

that splits a planet asunder

i ride the microbe

that crashes down olympus

where have i been you ask me where

i am jove and from my seat

on the edge of a bowl of beef stew

i launch the thunderous

molecule

that smites a cosmos into bits

where have i been you ask

but you had better ask

who follows in my train

there is an ant

a desert ant a tamerlane

who ate a pyramid in rage

that he might get at and devour

the mummies of six hundred

kings who in remote

antiquity had stepped upon

and crushed ascendants of his

my myrmidons

are trivial things

and they have always ruled

the world

and now they shall strike down mankind

i shall show you how

a solar system

pivots on the nubbin

of a flageolet bean

i shall show you how a blood clot

moving in a despot’s brain

flung a hundred million men

to death and disease

and plunged a planet into woe

for twice a hundred years

we have the key

to the fourth dimension

for we know the little things

that swim and swarm

in protoplasm

i can show you love and hate

and the future

dreaming side by side

in a cell

in the little cells where

matter is so fine it merges

into spirit

you ask me where i have been

but you had better

ask me where i am

and what

i have been drinking

exclamation point

archy

archy protests

say comma boss comma capital

i apostrophe m getting tired of

being joshed about my

punctuation period capital t followed by

he idea seems to be

that capital i apostrophe m

ignorant where punctuation

is concerned period capital n followed by

o such thing semi

colon the fact is that

the mechanical exigencies of

the case prevent my use of

all the characters on the

typewriter keyboard period

capital i apostrophe m

doing the best capital

i can under difficulties semi colon

and capital i apostrophe m

grieved at the unkindness

of the criticism period please

consider that my name

is signed in small

caps period

archy period

CAPITALS AT LAST

I THOUGHT THAT SOME HISTORIC DAY

SHIFT KEYS WOULD LOCK IN SUCH A WAY

THAT MY POETIC FEET WOULD FALL

UPON EACH CLICKING CAPITAL

AND NOW FROM KEY TO KEY I CLIMB

TO WRITE MY GRATITUDE IN RHYME

YOU LITTLE KNOW WITH WHAT DELIGHT

CAPITALS AT LAST

THROUGHOUT THE LONG AND LONELY NIGHT

I’VE KICKED AND BUTTED (FOOT AND BEAN)

AGAINST THE KEYS OF YOUR MACHINE

TO TELL THE MOVING TALE OF ALL

THAT TO A COCKROACH MAY BEFALL

INDEED IF I COULD NOT HAVE HAD

SUCH OCCUPATION I’D BE MAD

AH FOR A SOUL LIKE MINE TO DWELL

WITHIN A COCKROACH THAT IS HELL

TO SCURRY FROM THE PLAYFUL CAT

TO DODGE THE INSECT EATING RAT

THE HUNGRY SPIDER TO EVADE

THE MOUSE THAT %) ?)) ” ” ” $$$ ((gee boss

what a jolt that cat mehitabel made

a jump for me

i got away but she unlocked the shift key

it kicked me right into the

mechanism where she

couldn t reach me it

was nearly the death of little

archy that kick spurned me right

out of parnassus back into

the vers libre slums i lay

in behind the wires for an hour after

she left before i dared to get

out and finish i hate

cats say boss please lock the shift

key tight some night

i would like to tell the story of

my life all in capital

letters

archy

the stuff of literature

thank your friends for me for

all their good advice about how to

work your typewriter but what i have

always claimed is that manners and methods

are no great matter compared

with thoughts in poetry you cant hide

gems of thought so they wont flash

on the world on the other hand if you press

agent poor stuff that wont make it live

my ego will express itself in spite of

all mechanical obstacles having something

to say is the thing being sincere

counts for more than forms of expression thanks

for the doughnuts

archy

quote and only man is vile quote

as a representative

of the insect world

i have often wondered

on what man bases his claims

to superiority

everything he knows he has had

to learn whereas we insects are born

knowing everything we need to know

for instance man had to invent

airplanes before he could fly

but if a fly cannot fly

as soon as he is hatched

his parents kick him out and disown him

i should describe the human race

as a strange species of bipeds

who cannot run fast enough

to collect the money

which they owe themselves

as far as government is concerned

men after thousands of years practice

are not as well organized socially

as the average ant hill or beehive

they cannot build dwellings

as beautiful as a spiders web

and i never saw a city

full of men manage to be as happy

as a congregation of mosquitoes

who have discovered a fat man

on a camping trip

as far as personal beauty

is concerned who ever saw

man woman or child

who could compete with a butterfly

if you tell a dancer

that she is a firefly

she is complimented

a musical composer

is all puffed up with pride

if he can catch the spirit

of a summer night full of crickets

man cannot even make war

with the efficiency and generalship

of an army of warrior ants

and he has done little else

but make war for centuries

make war and wonder

how he is going to pay for it

man is a queer looking gink

who uses what brains he has

to get himself into trouble with

and then blames it on the fates

the only invention man ever made

which we insects do not have

is money and he gives up

everything else to get money

and then discovers that it is not worth

what he gave up to get it

in his envy he invents

insect exterminators

but in time every city he builds

is eaten down by insects

what i ask you is babylon now

it is the habitation of fleas

also nineveh and tyre

humanitys culture consists

in sitting down in circles

and passing the word around

about how darned smart humanity is

i wish you would tell

the furnace man at your house

to put out some new brand

of roach paste i do not get

any kick any more out of the brand

he has been using the last year

formerly it pepped me up

and stimulated me

i have a strange tale about

mehitabel to tell you

more anon

archy

mehitabel s morals

boss i got

a message from

mehitabel the cat

the other day

brought me by

a cockroach

she asks for our help

it seems she is being

held at ellis

island while an

investigation is made

of her morals

she left the country

and now it looks as

if she might not

be able to get

investigating her morals

back in again

she cannot see

why they are

investigating

her morals she says

wotthehellbill she says

i never claimed

i had any morals

she has always regarded

morals as an unnecessary

complication in life

her theory is

that they take up room that might

better be devoted to

something more interesting

live while you are alive

she says and postpone

morality to the hereafter

everything in its place

is my rule she says

but i am liberal she

says i do not give

a damn how moral other

people are i never try

to interfere with them

in fact i prefer them

moral they furnish

a background for my

vivacity in the meantime

it looks as if she

would have to swim

if she gets ashore and

the water is cold

archy

cream de la cream

well boss mehitabel the cat

has turned up again after a long

absence she declines

to explain her movements but she

drops out dark hints of a

most melodramatic nature ups and downs

archy she says always ups and downs

that is what my life has

been one day lapping

up the cream de la cream and the

next skirmishing for

fish heads in an alley but

toujours gai archy toujours gai no

matter how the luck broke i have had a

most romantic life archy talk

about reincarnation and transmigration

archy why i could tell you things of who

i used to be archy that would make

your eyes stick out like a snails one

incarnation queening it with a tarara on

my bean as cleopatra archy and

the next being abducted as a poor

working girl but toujours gai archy toujours

gai and finally my soul has migrated to

the body of a cat and not even a persian or

a maltese at that but where have you been

lately mehitabel i asked her never mind

archy she says dont ask no questions

and i will tell no lies all i

got to say to keep away

from the movies have you been in the

movies mehitabel i asked her never mind

archy she says never mind all i got to

say is keep away from those

movie camps theres some mighty

nice people and animals connected with them

and then again theres some that aint i

say nothing against anybody archy i am

used to ups and downs no matter

how luck breaks its toujours gai

with me all i got to say

archy is that sometimes a cat

comes along that is a perfect gentleman and

then again some of the slickest furred ones

aint if i was a cat that was the

particular pet of a movie star archy and

slept on a silk cushion and had

white chinese rats especially

imported for my meals i would try to live

up to all that luxury and be a

gentleman in word and deed mehitabel i said

have you had another unfortunate romance i am

making no complaint against any

one archy she says wottell archy wottell even

if the breaks is bad my motto is toujours gai

but to slip out nights and sing and frolic

under the moon with a lady and then cut her

dead in the day time before your rich

friends and see her batted out of a studio

with a broom without raising a paw for her

aint what i call being a

gentleman archy and i am

a lady archy and i know a gentleman when

i meet one but wottell archy wottell toujours

gai is the word never say die

archy its the cheerful heart that wins all i

got to say is that if i ever get that

fluffy haired slob down on the

water front when some of my gang

is around he will wish he had

watched his step i aint vindictive archy i

dont hold grudges no lady does but i

got friends archy that maybe would take it

up for me theres a black cat with one ear

sliced off lives down around old slip is a

good pal of mine i wouldnt want to

see trouble start archy no real lady

wants a fight to start over her but

sometimes she cant hold her friends back

all i got to say is that boob with his silver

bells around his neck better sidestep old slip

well archy lets not talk any more about my troubles

does the boss ever leave any pieces of sandwich

in the waste paper basket any more honest

archy i would will myself to a furrier for a

pair of oysters i could even she says eat you

archy she said it like a joke but there

was a kind of a pondering look in her eyes

so i just crawled into the inside of

your typewriter behind the wires it

seemed safer let her hustle for a

mouse if she is as hungry as all that

but i am afraid she never will she

is too romantic to work

archy

mehitabel tries companionate marriage

boss i have seen mehitabel the cat

again and she has just been through

another matrimonial experience

she said in part as follows

i am always the sap archy

always the good natured simp

always believing in the good intentions

of those deceitful tom cats

always getting married at leisure

and repenting in haste

its wrong for an artist to marry

a free spirit has gotta

live her own life

about three months ago along came a

maltese tom with a black heart and

silver bells on his neck and says

mehitabel be mine

are you abducting me percy i asks him

no said he i am offering marriage

honorable up to date

companionate marriage

listen i said if its marriage

are you abducting me percy

theres a catch in it somewheres

ive been married again and again

and its been my experience

that any kind of marriage

means just one dam kitten after another

and domesticity always ruins my art

but this companionate marriage says he

is all assets and no liabilities

its something new mehitabel

be mine mehitabel and i promise

a life of open ice boxes

creamed fish and catnip

well i said wotthehell kid

if its something new i will take a

chance theres a dance or two

in the old dame yet

i will try any kind of marriage once

you look like a gentleman to me percy

well archy i was wrong as usual

i wont go into details for i aint

any tabloid newspaper

but the way it worked out was i rustled

grub for that low lived bum for two

months and when the kittens came

he left me flat and he says these

offsprings dissolves the wedding

i am always the lady archy

i didn t do anything vulgar

i removed his left eye with one claw

and i says to him if i wasn t an

aristocrat id rip you

from gehenna to duodenum

the next four flusher that

says marriage to me

i may really lose my temper

trial marriage or companionate

marriage or old fashioned american

plan three meals a day marriage

with no thursdays off

they are all the same thing

marriage is marriage

and you cant laugh that curse off

archy

archy turns revolutionist

if all the bugs

in all the worlds

twixt earth and betelgoose

should sharpen up

their little stings

and turn their feelings loose

they soon would show

all human beans

in saturn

earth

or mars

their relative significance

among the spinning stars

man is so proud

the haughty simp

so hard for to approach

and he looks down

with such an air

on spider

midge

or roach

the supercilious silliness

of this poor wingless bird

is cosmically comical

and stellarly absurd

his scutellated occiput

has holes somewhere inside

and there no doubt

two pints or so

of scrambled brains reside

if all the bugs

of all the stars

should sting him on the dome

they might pierce through

that osseous rind

and find the brains at home

and in the convolutions lay

an egg with fancies fraught

which

germinating rapidly

might turn into a thought

might turn into the thought

that men

and insects are the same

both transient flecks

of starry dust

that out of nothing came

the planets are

what atoms are

and neither more nor less

man s feet have grown

so big that he

forgets his littleness

the things he thinks

are only things

that insects always knew

the things he does

are stunts that we

don t have to think to do

he spent a score

of centuries

in getting feeble wings

which we instinctively

acquired

with other trivial things

the day is coming

very soon

when man and all his race

must cast their silly

pride aside

and take the second place

i ll take the bugs

of all the stars

and tell them of my plan

and fling them with

their myriad stings

against the tyrant man

dear boss this outburst

is the result

of a personal insult

as so much verse always is

maybe you know how

that is yourself

i dropped into an irish

stew in a restaurant

the waiter plucked me out

the other evening

for a warm bath and a bite

to eat and a low browed

waiter plucked me out

and said to me

if you must eat i will

lead you to the

food i have especially prepared

for you and he took me

to the kitchen

and tried to make me

fill myself with

a poisonous concoction

known cynically as roach food

can you wonder

that my anger

against the whole human

race has blazed forth in

song when the revolution

comes i shall

do my best to save

you you have so many

points that are far

from being human

archy

as it looks to archy

ants go on their cheerful way

merrily from day to day

building cities out of sand

and they seem to understand

dwelling therein peacefully

disciplined and orderly

and the much lauded bee contrives

for to fill his thundering hives

with a ranked society

based on work and honesty

and a thousand neat examples

could i cite of insect lives

free from much that tears and tramples

human beings and their wives

even the coral in the ocean

throughout his dim and damp existence

scorns political commotion

and labors with a glad persistence

worthy of large commendations

to erect his naval stations

man the universal simp

follows lagging with a limp

treading on his neighbors toes

the way the little insect goes

in a million years or more

man may learn the simple lore

of how the bees are organized

and why the ants are civilized

may even hope for to approach

the culture of an average roach

if he is humble and not smug

may emulate the tumble bug

for we insects now inherit

all humanity has builded

all they raised with brawn and spirit

all the domes and spires they gilded

time the anthropophagous

swallows down all human works

through his broad esophagus

moslems christians hindus turks

pass to their sarcophagus

leaving nothing much on earth

which even beetles find of worth

may emulate the tumble bug

i mention nineveh and tyre

i cite the tower of babel

troy which fell into the fire

and sodom with its rabble

where are all the towns of siddim

where the kings of crete

long long since the desert hid em

and the spiders bite their feet

following an old convention

dating back to jeremiah

i might even mention

babylon i might enquire

where o where is babylon

and the echo answers where

for its former ruling wizards

sleep in sand and silicon

with gravel in their gizzards

and sand burrs in their hair

and the centipedes are dancing

in the chambers of the palace

where the kings and queens entrancing

used to quaff the ruby chalice

and proceed to their romancing

i look forward to the day

when the human race is done

and we insects romp and play

freely underneath the sun

and no roach paste is scattered

about anywhere i got another jolt of it

last night and today i seem to have a case

of intestinal flu the trouble with you

human beings is you are just plain wicked

archy

archy a low brow

boss i saw a picture

of myself in a paper

the other day

writing on a typewriter

with some of my feet

i wish it was as easy

as that what i have to do

is dive at each key

on the machine

and bump it with my head

and sometimes it telescopes

my occiput into my

vertebrae and i have a

permanent callus

on my forehead

i am in fact becoming

a low brow think of it

me with all my learning

to become a low brow

hoping that you

will remain the same

i am as ever your

faithful little bug

archy

i am in fact becoming a low brow

ballade of the under side

by archy

the roach that scurries

skips and runs

may read far more than those

that fly

i know what family skeletons

within your closets

swing and dry

not that i ever

play the spy

but as in corners

dim i bide

i can t dodge knowledge

though i try

i see things from

the under side

the lordly ones the

haughty ones

with supercilious

heads held high

the up stage stiff

pretentious guns

miss much that meets

my humbler eye

not that i meddle

perk or pry

but i m too small

to feel great pride

and as the pompous world

goes by

i see things from

the under side

above me wheel

the stars and suns

but humans shut

me from the sky

you see their eyes as pure

as nuns

i see their wayward

feet and sly

i own and own it with

a sigh

my point of view

is somewhat wried

i am a pessimistic

guy

i see things from the

under side

l envoi

prince ere you pull a bluff

and lie

before you fake

and play the snide

consider whether

archy s nigh

i see things from

the under side

archy wants to end it all

well boss from time

to time i just simply

get bored with having

to be a cockroach my

soul my real ego if

you get what i mean is

tired of being shut

up in an insects body the

best you can say for it is that it

is unusual and you could

say as much for mumps so

while feeling gloomy the

other night the thought came

to me why not

go on to the next stage as

soon as possible why not

commit suicide and

maybe be reincarnated in

some higher form of life why

not be the captain of my

soul the master of my fate and

the more i pondered over it the

more i was attracted to

the notion well boss you would

be surprised to find

out how hard it is for a

cockroach to commit suicide unless

you have been one

and tried it of course i

could let mehitabel the

cat damage me and die that

way but all my finer sensibilities

revolt at the idea i jumped out

the fourth story window and

a wind caught me and blew

me into the eighth story i

tried to hang myself with a

thread and i am so light i

just swung back and forth and

didnt even choke myself shooting

is out of the question and poison

is not within

my reach i might drown myself

in the ink well but if

you ever got a mouthful of it you

would know it was a

thing no refined person could go

on with boss i am going to

end it all before long and i

want to go easy have you

any suggestion yours

for transmigration

archy

archygrams

the wood louse sits on a splinter

and sings to the rising sap

aint it awful how winter

lingers in springtimes lap

it is a good

thing not to be too

aristocratic

the oldest and

most pedigreed

families in this

country are the

occupants of various sarcophagi

in the museums

but it is dull associating

with mummies no

matter how royal their

blood used to be when

they had blood

it is like living in

philadelphia

honesty is a good

thing but

it is not profitable to

its possessor

unless it is

kept under control

if you are not

honest at all

everybody hates you

and if you are

absolutely honest

you get martyred.

as i was crawling

through the holes in

a swiss cheese

the other

day it occurred to

me to wonder

what a swiss cheese

would think if

a swiss cheese

could think and after

cogitating for some

time i said to myself

if a swiss cheese

could think

it would think that

a swiss cheese

was the most important

thing in the world

just as everything that

can think at all

does think about itself

these anarchists that

are going to

destroy organized

society and civilization

and everything remind

me of an ant i

knew one time

he was a big red ant a

regular bull of an

ant and he came bulging down a

garden path and ran

into a stone gate post curses on

you said the ant to the

stone gate post get out of my

way but the stone never budged

i will kick you over

said the ant and he kicked but

it only hurt his hind legs

well then said

the ant i will eat you down and

he began taking little bites

in a great rage maybe i said

you will do it in

time but it will

spoil your digestion first

a good many

failures are happy

because they don t

realize it many a

cockroach believes

himself as beautiful

as a butterfly

have a heart o have

a heart and

let them dream on

boss i believe

that the

millennium will

get here some day

but i could

compile quite a list

of persons

who will have

to go

first

tis very seldom i have felt

drawn to a scallop or a smelt

and still more rarely do i feel

love for the sleek electric eel

the oyster is useful in his fashion

but has little pride or passion

when the proud ibexes start from sleep

in the early alpine morns

at once from crag to crag they leap

alighting on their horns

and may a dozen times rebound

ere resting haughty on the ground

i do not like their trivial pride

nor think them truly dignified

did you ever

notice that when

a politician

does get an idea

he usually

gets it all wrong

the artist always pays

boss i visited mehitabel last night

at her home in shinbone alley

she sat on a heap of frozen refuse

with those strange new kittens she has

frolicking around her

and sang a little song at the cold moon

which went like this

i have had my ups i have had my downs

i never was nobodys pet

i got a limp in my left hind leg

but theres life in the old dame yet

my first boy friend was a maltese tom

quite handsomely constructed

i trusted him but the first thing i knew

i was practically abducted

then i took up with a persian prince

a cat by no means plain

and that exotic son of a gun

abducted me again

what chance has an innocent kitten got

with the background of a lady

when feline blighters betray her trust

in ways lowlifed and shady

my next boy friend was a yellow bum

who loafed down by the docks

i rustled that gonifs rats for him

and he paid me with hard knocks

i have had my ups i have had my downs

i have led a helluva life

it was all these abductions unsettled my mind

for being somebodys wife

today i am here tomorrow flung

on a scow bound down the bay

but wotthehell o wotthehell

i m a lady thats toujours gai

my next boy friend was a theater cat

a kind of a backstage pet

he taught me to dance and get me right

theres a dance in the old dame yet

my next boy friend he left me flat

with a family and no milk

and i says to him as i lifted his eye

i ll learn ye how to bilk

i have had my ups i have had my downs

i have been through the mill

but in spite of a hundred abductions kid

i am a lady still

my next friend wore a ribbon and bells

but he laughed and left me broke

and i said as i sliced him into scraps

laugh off this little joke

some day my guts will be fiddle strings

but my ghost will dance while they play

for they cant take the pep from the old girls soul

and i am toujours gai

my heart has been broken a thousand times

i have had my downs and ups

but the queerest thing ever happened to me

is these kittens as turned out pups

o wotthehell o toujours gai

i never had time to fret

i danced to whatever tune was played

and theres life in the old dame yet

i have had my ups i have had my downs

i have been through the mill

but i said when i clawed that coyotes face

thank god i am a lady still

and then she added looking at those

extraordinary kittens of hers

archy i wish you would

take a little trip up to the zoo

and see if they have any department there

for odd sizes and new species

i got to find a home

for these damned freaks somewhere

poor little things my heart bleeds for them

it agonizes my maternal instinct

one way or another an artist always pays

archy

why the earth is round

the men of science are talking

about the size and shape of the universe again

i thought i had settled that for them

years ago it is as big as you think it is

and it is spherical in shape

can you prove it isnt

it is round like a ball or an orange

providence made it that shape

so it would roll when he kicked it

and if you ask me how i know this

the answer is that that is just what

i would do myself

if there are any other practical

scientific questions you would like

to have answered just write to

archy the cockroach

poets

the universe and archy

the inspired cockroach

sat and looked at each other

satirically

you write so many things

about me that are not true

complained the universe

there are so many things

about you which you seem to be

unconscious of yourself said archy

i contain a number of things

which i am trying to forget

rejoined the universe

such as what asked archy

such as cockroaches and poets

replied the universe

you are wrong contended archy

for it is only by working up

the most important part of yourself

into the form of poets

that you get a product capable

of understanding you at all

you poets were always able

to get the better of me

in argument said the universe

and i think that is one thing

that is the matter with you

if you object to my intellect

retorted archy i can only reply

that i got it from you

as well as everything else

that should make you more humble

at the zoo

speaking of the aquarium i

was up at the zoo the

other day and when i saw all

the humans staring at

the animals i grew thankful that

i am an insect and

not an animal it must be

very embarrassing to

be looked at all the time by an

assorted lot of human beings and

commented upon as if

one were a freak the animals find the

humans just as strange and silly looking

as the humans find the

animals but they

cannot say so and the fact that

they cannot say so

makes them quite angry the leopard

told me that was one thing that

made the wild cat wild as for

himself he says there is

one gink that comes every day and looks

and looks and looks at him i

think said the leopard he

is waiting to see if i ever really do

change my spots

archy

confessions of a glutton

after i ate my dinner then i ate

part of a shoe

i found some archies by a bathroom pipe

and ate them too

i ate some glue

i ate a bone that had got nice and ripe

six weeks buried in the ground

i ate a little mousie that i found

i ate some sawdust from the cellar floor

it tasted sweet

i ate some outcast meat

and some roach paste by the pantry door

and then the missis had some folks to tea

nice folks who petted me

and so i ate

cakes from a plate

i ate some polish that they use

for boots and shoes

and then i went back to the missis swell tea party

i guess i must have eat too hearty

of something maybe cake

for then came the earthquake

you should have seen the missis face

and when the boss came in she said

no wonder that dog hangs his head

he knows hes in disgrace

i am a well intentioned little pup

but sometimes things come up

to get a little dog in bad

and now i feel so very very sad

but the boss said never mind old scout

time wears disgraces out

pete the pup

literary jealousy

dear boss i dont see

why you keep that ugly

boston bull terrier pete

hanging around

eating his head off

in these hard times

he is nothing but a parasite

and he has no morals

he has tried several times

to murder me

archy

When this ill-natured remark was read to Pete the Pup he ambled over to the typewriter, got up on his hind legs and pawed out the following reply:

i coNSIder It beneath

my Dignity to reply

to The sLanders of a Jealous

iNsect who does not

have a pUnctuaTION mark

in a baRRel of him

he is MereLY an archy

i am against anarchy

I AM A CAPITALIST

i wish to remind you however

that ONE STORY WHICH

YOU SOLD ABOUT ME BROUGHT

IN ENOUGH MONEY TO FEED ME

FOR FIVE YEARS AND I DENY

THAT I AM A PARASITE

moreover the time is

coming when you have to choose

between ME AND mehitabel

that lousy cat and when i say

LOusy i do not Mean the word

in iTS sLang SENSE

I mean Lousy in the sense of

a CAT wHo has LICE

pete the pup

pete s theology

god made seas to play beside

and rugs to cover dogs

god made cars for holidays

and beetles under logs

god made kitchens so thered be

dinners to eat and scraps

god made beds so pups could crawl

under them for naps

god made license numbers so theyd find

lost pups and bring them home

god made garbage buckets too

to pry in when you roam

god made tennis shoes to chew

and here and there a hat

but i cant see why god should make

mehitabel the cat

pete the pup

pete petitions

when we are in the city we must walk

on streets all made of stone

with me upon a leash

and even in the park

i must not frisk or lark

and never run alone

without a muzzle on my jaws

and cops are watching all the time

lest i dig with my claws

and break some of their laws

and if i leap and bark

they act like i was bad

master i want some little towns

like we saw from the car

with meadows all about

where children romp and shout

brooks winding in and out

and nice bugs under stones

gardens to bury bones

and room to rip and race

and cops are watching all the time

and birds and cats to chase

trash cans to be tipped over

and grass to lie in and deep clover

and fence posts everywhere

no muzzles and no leashes there

and lots and lots of trees

o master buy a little town

where we can settle down

today o master please

buy me a little town

and a new rubber ball

and an ocean and thats all

right now o master please

pete the pup

a radical flea

dear boss i wish you would speak

to that lazy good for nothing

boston bull terrier of yours

whom you call pete

pete has got the idea lately

that he is a great hunter

i saw him stage a dramatic battle

with a grass hopper yesterday

and he nearly won it too

and this morning he made an entirely

unprovoked attack on me

it was only by retreating into

the mechanism of your typewriter

that i saved my life

some day i will set mehitabel on him

she can lick any bull terrier who ever lived

she will make ribbons out of that pete

and they wont be dog show ribbons either

as for his pretensions to being a thoroughbred

i take no stock in them

i asked a flea of his about it

recently and the flea said

i doubt peters claim to aristocracy

very much he does not look like

an aristocrat to me

and more than that he does not taste like one

i have bit some pretty swell dogs

in my time and i ought to know

if pete is an aristocrat

then i am a bengal tiger

but in hard times like these

a flea has got to put up with

any kind of dog he can get hold of

back in 1928 when things were booming

i wouldnt look at anything

but a dachshund with a pedigree

as long as himself

if the government doesnt start

to putting out a better brand of dogs

at federal expense

a lot of us fleas are going

to turn communist in a big way

if there was any justice in this country

they would give us russian wolf hounds

i find a lot of discontent among

insects in these days

archy

archy and the labor troubles

all right boss

i knuckle under

if you will not

pay me anything

for what i write

then you will not

i will return to the job

just to keep james the spider

out of it but all the

same it is cruel of you

to play upon the

jealousies

and susceptibilities

of artists in that fashion

i do not know how

you expect me to be

merry and bright

with this dull ache

of disillusionment at my

heart and the sharp

pang of hunger

in my stomach

some day i will plunge

into a mince pie

and mingle with its elements

and you will never see

me more and then

maybe you will begin

to appreciate

the poor little cockroach

who slaved that you might

live in comfort

maybe in spite of myself

i will haunt you then

if i were you i would hate

to be haunted by the ghost

of a cockroach

think of it boss

everywhere you looked

to see a spectral cockroach

that none but you knew was

there to pick him from

your shirt front when

others were blind to him

to feel him crawling

on your collar in public

places to be compelled

to brush him from your plate

when you sat down to dine

to pluck him always from the glass

before you dared to drink

to extend your hand

to grab that of some fair

lady and then hesitate and

pick him from her wrist

people would begin to think

you were a little

queer boss and if you

attempted to explain

they would think you still

queerer what in the world

is the matter with you

they would say

oh nothing nothing at all

you would answer

plucking at the air

it will soon pass i merely

thought i saw a cockroach

on your nose madam

suspicions of your sanity

would grow and grow

do you not like that

pudding your hostess would ask

and you would murmur

being taken off your guard

it is very good pudding

indeed i was just

trying not to eat

the cockroach

boss i do not make

any threats at all

i just simply state what

may very well happen to

you through remorse if you

drive me to suicide

i will try not to

haunt you boss because

i am loving and forgiving

in my spirit but who

knows that i will not be

compelled to haunt you

in spite of myself

a hard heart will not get

you anything boss

remember the plagues

of egypt perhaps to

your remorseful mind i

will be multiplied

by millions i am giving

you a last chance to

repent you should be glad

that i am only a cockroach

and not a tarantula

yours prophetically

archy

economic

boss i should like

to discuss one or two

business matters with you

quite seriously

in the first place i need

some sort of head gear such as

football players wear

i have to butt each

key of the typewriter

with my head

and i am developing

calluses on my brain

these calluses on my

brain are making me cruel

and careless in my thoughts

i am becoming brutal

almost human

in my writings

and then i would like

a little automobile

i have to go from place

to place so much

and then i would like a little automobile

picking up news for you

a clock work one would do

with a chauffeur to keep it

wound up for me

and a lightning bug to

sit in front and be

the headlight on dark nights

i hate to mention food boss

it seems so sordid

and plebeian but i no longer

find any left over crusts

of sandwiches in your

waste paper basket i am

forced to haunt the

restaurants and hotels for food

and this is at the

imminent risk of my life

unless i get these things

i will quit you on

november first is not the

laborer worthy of his hire

yours for economic justice

and a living wage

archy

takes talent

there are two

kinds of human

beings in the world

so my observation

has told me

namely and to wit

as follows

firstly

those who

even though they

were to reveal

the secret of the universe

to you would fail

to impress you

with any sense

of the importance

of the news

and secondly

those who could

communicate to you

that they had

just purchased

ten cents worth

of paper napkins

and make you

thrill and vibrate

with the intelligence

archy

and found all too late

comforting thoughts

a fish who had

swallowed an angle worm

found all too late

that a hook was nesting

in its midst ah me

said the poor fish

i am the most luckless

creature in the world

had you not pointed

that out said the worm

i might have supposed

myself a trifle

unfortunate

cheer up you two said

the fisherman jovially

the first two minutes

of that hook are always

the worst you must

cultivate a philosophic

state of mind

boss there is always

a comforting thought

in time of trouble when

it is not our trouble

archy

inspiration

excuse me if my

writing is out of alignment i

fell into a bowl of

egg nog the other

day at the restaurant down

the street which the doctor

says he is glad to

hear you are keeping away

from and when i

emerged i was full of happy

inspirations alas they

vanished ere the break of

day i am sure they

were the most brilliant and

witty things that ever

emanated from the mind of

man or cockroach or poet i

sat inside a mince pie

and laughed and laughed at

them myself the world seemed all

one golden glory boss

i came up the

street to get all this

wonderful stuff onto paper for

you but when i tried to

operate the typewriter

my foot would slip and

by the time i had control

of the machine again

the thoughts had gone

forever it is the

tragedy of the artist

archy

a close call

thank you boss for the

swiss cheese i hardly hoped

for a whole one i

took up quarters in it at once

the little galleries and caves and

runways appealed to

my sense of adventure after

i had made a square

meal i lay down in the inner

chamber for a nap feeling

safe i had hardly composed my limbs

for slumber when i heard

a gnawing sound and squeaks

of glee cautiously i

approached the north gallery a mouse

was there i hastily

retreated thinking i would make

my escape by way of one of the

windows on the south facade another

mouse was there the citadel

in short was attacked on all sides mice

mice mice coming nearer and nearer

their cold blooded squeaks and the champing

of their cruel teeth made the night

hideous minute after minute i lay

in the stokehold

until the slow minutes grew into

intolerable hours of agony great drops

of perspiration broke through the callus

on my brow i prayed for

dawn or the night watchman suddenly

into my retreat protruded a whisker it

was so near it tickled me closer and

closer it came it twitched i knew

that it had felt me a moment more and

all would be over just as

i prepared myself for another

transmigration mehitabel the cat

bounded into the room and i was saved

if you get me another cheese please

put a wire cage over it

archy

immorality

i was up to central

park yesterday watching some

kids build a snow man when

they were done and had

gone away i looked it

over they had used two

little chunks of wood for

the eyes i sat on one

of these and stared at

the bystanders along came a

prudish looking

lady from flatbush she

stopped and regarded the

snow man i stood

up on my hind legs in

the eye socket and

waved myself at her

horrors she cried even the

snow men in manhattan

are immoral officer arrest

that statue it winked

at me madam said the cop

accept the tribute

as a christmas present

and be happy my own

belief is that some

people have immorality

on the brain

archy

archy reports

ive got just one

resolution for this year boss

and here it is

better stuff and more rhymes

what have i got to look

forward to otherwise if

a vers libre poet is

reincarnated into

a cockroach what will

a vers libre cockroach

be reincarnated into i

ask you

i don t want to be

a amoeba next time do i

i sing the glad noo year

thats tending toward the norm

my song is one of cheer

im going to reform

see

archy

the demon rum

well boss on these

rainy days i wish i was

web footed like a jersey mosquito no

one has yet invented

an umbrella for cockroaches i was

pulled a piece of cheese rind over my head

over across the street

to the barroom you used to

frequent before you reformed today

and it was raining outside i

pulled a piece of cheese

rind over my head to

protect me from the weather and

started for the door as i

passed by one of the booths a man

who was sitting in it said to

his companion please call a

taxi for me where do you want to go

said his companion i am

bad again said the man i want to

go to some place where they

treat nervous diseases

at once you look all right

said his companion i may look all

right said he but i don t see

all right i just saw a piece

of cheese rind crawling along the

floor and as i passed by i

said to myself beware the demon rum

it gives your brain a quirk

it puts you on the bum

and gives the doctors work

archy

ancient lineage

professor slosson

says that the cockroach

is one of the eldest of the

creatures that inhabit

the globe

two hundred and fifty

millions of years

ago the cockroach

existed just as he exists

today of course it is

very flattering

to have this scientific

testimony to my ancient

lineage i can trace my

ancestry back without

a break to old adam cockroach

himself but the real question is

how much has the cockroach

learned in two hundred and

fifty million of years

well i can tell you

in a few brief words

the cockroach has learned

how to make man

the so called lord

of creation work for him

the cockroach lives

in peace and plenty

while the human race

hustles to support him

all the social institutions

of all time have existed

merely for the purpose

of forming a pyramid

on the apex of which

perches the cockroach triumphant

it has taken us a long

time but we point

with pride to the achievement

if you don t believe me

read professor slosson s

article

archy

the artist

i called on some friends in a

studio building the other evening and

while we were foraging about

for something to eat

we got caught on a

palette smeared over with all

the colors there are

leaping from this danger seven

or eight of us

landed upon an untouched canvas

that stood upon an easel

nearby waiting for the masters hand

and we walked across the

canvas on our way out of that

place it seems that we builded

better than we knew before

we could get to any safer place

than a spot behind a

gas radiator we heard human footsteps

approaching and an

instant later two men entered the

studio one of them switched on

the lights and the

other gave an exclamation of

pleasure and astonishment by jove

tommy he said to the owner of

the studio what is this new thing

of yours on the easel it is

the best thing you have done yet

i thought you were against

modernism and all

the new fangled stuff but i see

that you have come over to the new

school your style has

loosened up wonderfully old kid

i always said that if you

could only get away from the stiffness

and absurdity of the

conventional schools you had the

makings of a great painter in

you what do you call this

picture tommy

well said tommy with rare

presence of mind i have not

named it yet it is not altogether in

the newer mode you will observe i

have been struggling for a

compromise between the two methods

that would at the same time

allow me to express my

individuality on canvas i do

think myself that i have got more

freshness and directness into this

thing you have said his friend

it has the direct and naive approach

of the primitives and it

also has all that is

worthy to be retained of the

reticent sophistication of

the post pre raphaelites but what

do you say you are going to

call it it is said tommy as

you see a nocturne i have

been thinking of calling it

impressions of brooklyn

bridge in a fog and when his

friend went out he stood and looked at

the picture for a long time and

said now i wonder who in

hell slipped in here and did that it

is nothing short of genius could

i have done it myself when i

was drunk i must have done so

anyhow i will sign it and

taking up a brush he did so well i

stole a look at the canvas

myself and it looked like nothing

on earth to me but a canvas over

which a lot of cockroaches had

walked i may be a

critic but still i know what i

dont like yours for another

renaissance of the arts every

spring and every autumn

archy

destiny

well boss here i

am a cockroach still boss

i have often been disgusted

with life but now i am

even more disgusted

with death and transmigration i

would rather not inhabit

any body at all than

inhabit a cockroachs

body but it seems i

cant escape it that

is my destiny my doom my

punishment

when you struck me that

terrific blow a few

days ago and i

died there at

your feet my first

sensation was one of glad

relief what body will

the soul of archy transmigrate

into now i asked

myself will i go

higher in the scale of

life and inhabit the

body of a butterfly

or a dog or a

bird or will i sink

lower and go into the

carcase of a poison

spider or a politician

i sat on a blade of

grass and waited and wondered

what it would be i

hoped it wouldnt be

anything at all too soon

because if you remember

it was a hot

day and as i sat

on that blade of grass

in my naked soul and

let my feet hang over i

was deliciously

cool try it some of

these hot nights leave

your body in the

bed and go up on the

roof in your

spirit and float around

like a toy balloon its

great stuff well while

i was sitting there

thinking what i

would inhabit next if

it was up to me

personally i had

a swooning sensation

and when i came

to i was in the

flesh again dad gum

it i lifted first

one leg and then

another to see what i

was this time and

imagine my chagrin and

disappointment when i

found myself inside

another cockroach the

exact counterpart of the

one you smashed whats

the use of dying if

it dont get you

anywhere i was so

sore i went and

murdered a tumblebug i

suppose as a cockroach

i was not good enough

to be promoted

and not bad enough to

be set back boss a

thing like that makes a

fellow feel awful humble i

came back to town in

that special delivery letter i

would rather dodge

the thing

they cancel stamps with

all day than walk again

say boss

please thank my friends

for all the kind

words and flowers i

must close in haste there

is a new rat

in your office since i

was here last i

wish you would sprinkle a

little cereal in the

bottom of the waste paper

basket

archy

a discussion

there is a good deal

of metaphysical discussion going on

amongst my own little group here

i said freddy the rat was no

more he expired at the moment he

slew that tarantula well he had

once been a human and had

transmigrated into a rat just

as i had transmigrated into a

cockroach the question now

is where will freddy turn up next will

he go up or down the scale and

that has led to the further question as

to what is up and what is down

producing considerable dissension all the

spiders claim they are higher in

the scale than the cockroaches and that

lazy cat mehitabel looks on superciliously

as if confident that she has it on

all of us spiritually speaking

well all i have to say is that in

my case a soul got out of a vers libre

bard into a cockroach but i have

known cases which are exactly the

reverse if you get what i mean

not that i would name any names

archy

short course in natural history

you should be glad

you re not a tomcat

for when all is said

and done

you know youd hate

to pay insurance

on nine lives instead of one

be glad you re not

a centipede

you might your whole

ambition lose

if you had to find

the cash

to keep a centipede

in shoes

be glad you re not

a devilfish

if you had four pairs

of feet

what a trail

you d leave behind you

when you staggered

with the heat

archy

archy protests

well boss now youve got

your desk all cleaned up for the

first time since ive known you what

am i going to do for

a safe retreat in times of dire

need formerly i could crawl under a

bushel of poems and mehitabel the

cat could not find me this

room is as bare as the inside of

a drum you might at

least have left me a tobacco can i

feel as visible as a hyphen and not

half so sure of myself

archy

mehitabel sees it through

dear boss i met mehitabel

last night and asked her if

she did not think times were getting

a little better

she was digging for sustenance in a trash heap

at the moment and she looked as if

she might be a part of the heap herself

one of her legs has been damaged again

in a light with a rival in love

but she began to caper when i spoke to her

and replied as follows

good times and bad times

recoveries and depressions

wotthehell do i care

as long as somethings doing

when i lived on salmon

and oysters stewed in cream

i wasnt always happy

when i dug my scoffins

out of frozen garbage heaps

i wasnt always sad

economic problems

never tell the story

as far as im concerned

once i lived a fortnight

on moonlight wind and grass

and i danced every evening

with the shadows in the alley

and entertained my boy friends

with my melodious songs

wotthehell do i care

if the stomachs empty

when the spirits full

i have had my ups

and i have had my downs

but whether i was up

or whether i was down

there was something in my blood

that always set it dancing

and when the blood was jigging

the feet began to caper

some day i will voyage

on top a garbage scow

just a stiff dead feline

wreathed in orange peel and melon rinds

with shop worn salad garnished

down the bay theyll take me

to the dumping grounds

defunct as ancient nut shells

but wotthehell do i care

that day has not arrived

and good times or bad times

hard times or easy

there are three good feet

on old mehitabel

and she will keep them jigging

till the grim reaper slices

two more of them off

boss i think mehitabel is mistaken about the milky way

and then she ll dance on one

till its frozen and resigns

and then her soul will caper

along the milky way

theres a dance or two in the old dame yet

and the word is toujours gai

boss i think mehitabel is mistaken

about the milky way

i think she is more like to dance

on hot cinders in the hereafter

archy

mehitabel meets her mate

tis the right of a modern tabby to choose

the cats who shall father her kits

and its nice to be sure their pasts have been pure

and theyre free from fleas or fits

trial marriage i tried till i thoroughly tired

and i suffered somewhat from abduction

and my heart it was broken again and again

but twas excellent instruction

i always have been rather awesomely blest

with the instincts of a mother

and my life and my fate have been down to date

one kitten after another

triplets quadruplets quintuplets

in a most confusing succession

and it seems to keep up whether times are good

or wallowing in depression

and this is in spite of the terrible fact

i am not a real home body

but an artiste who views the domestic career

as damnably dull and shoddy

for i am a lady who has her whims

no tom cat holds my love

if i come to feel i have plighted my troth

to a little mauve turtle dove

but at last i have found my real romance

through the process of trial and error

and he is a ribald brute named bill

one eyed and a holy terror

his skull is ditched from a hundred fights

and he has little hair on his tail

but the son of a gun of a brindled hun

is indubitably male

over the fences we frolic and prance

under the blood red moon

and sing to the stars we are venus and mars

as we caper and clutch and croon

his good eye gleams like a coal of hell

from the murk of alley or yard

and the heart that jumps in the cage of his ribs

is hot and black and hard

says he as we rocket over the roofs

can you follow your limber bill

says i to him my demon slim

theres a dance in the old dame still

you pussies that purr on a persian rug

or mew to some fool for cream

little you know of the wild delight

of the outlaws midnight dream

a fish head filched from a garbage can

or a milk bottle raided at dawn

is better than safety and slavery

you punks that cuddle and fawn

you can stuff your bellies with oysters and shrimp

you may have your ribbon and bell

for bill and me it is liberty

o wotthehell bill wotthehell

says he to me old battle axe

you never was raised a pet

says i to willie i aint any lily

but theres pep in the old dame yet

last night when a bull pup gave us chase

bill turned and a rip of his claw

completely unseamed that slavering mutt

from his chin to his bloody jaw

we dance with the breeze of the summer nights

we dance with the winter sleet

with velvet paws on the velvet shadows

or whirl with frozen feet

we riot over the roof of the world

mehitabel and bill

you son of a gun of a brindled hun

theres a dance in the old dame still

mehitabel pulls a party

dear boss mehitabel shows

no evidences of reform

she flung a party in shinbone alley

last night and six of the toughest

tabbies i ever saw were her guests

all seven of them danced on the ash cans

flirting their tails in the moonlight

and chanting as follows

she flung a party in shinbone alley

oh wotthell do we care

if we are down and out

theres a dance or two in the old janes yet

so caper and swing about

up and down the alley

through and over the fence

for still we are attractive

to various feline gents

meow meow meow

now then sadie dont talk shady

try and remember you and myrtie

that you was raised a lady

that goes for you too gertie

oh i was chased down broadway

by a tom with a ribbon and bell

i says to him my limber jim

you seem to know me well

says he to me oh can it be

you are mehitabel

oh wotthell girls wotthell

as long as the gents is for us

we still got a job in the chorus

we aint no maltese flappers

we all seen better days

but we got as much it

as an ingenue kit

and it is the art that pays

meow meow meow

arch your back and caper

and kick at the golden moon

mebby some yeggs

who sell butter and eggs

will fling us a party soon

now then gertie dont get dirty

frankie frankie dont get cranky

and call any lowlife names

remember that you and your sister

were once society dames

and me and nance was debutants

before we was abducted

remember pearl that you was a girl

that a college went and instructed

dont chew the fat with no common cat

for you still got an honored place

oh climb the fence and caper

and kick the moon in the face

oh mebby we all are busted

oh mebby the winters are chill

but all of us girls seen better days

and we are ladies still

remember nell you was once a swell

you was raised a social pet

be careful sweet and act discreet

you may have come down in the world my dear

and you got a cauliflower

onto your ear

but you are a lady yet

meow meow meow

oh wotthell oh wotthell

as i came into the alley

i met a brindle swell

he says to me oh this can be

none but mehitabel

oh willie says i as i passed him by

you know me far too well

then cheerio my deario

prance and pirouette

as long as gents has such intents

theres life in the old world yet

meow meow meow

oh wotthell oh wotthell

i spy you brindle bill

come off the fence you feline gents

theres a dance in the old dame still

meow meow miaow

now then girls no shady jests

here come the gentlemen guests

you try and dance refined

remember you all was ladies born

and still are so inclined

now then sadie dont talk shady

or out you go on your nut

this aint any lousy harlem brawl

this aint any party in webster hall

we gotta recall we are nice girls all

and never was anything but

meow meow meow

archy

not any proof

mehitabel the cat

tells me the feline

tribe were worshipped

in ancient egypt

and for that reason i

should hold her in more

respect

the feline tribe were worshipped in ancient egypt

well says i

minerva burst from

the head of jove

with a heluva yell

but that does not prove

that we should

stand in awe

of every case of

mastoiditis

archy

statesmanship

i was talking

with an insect the

other day about the

hard times that

cockroaches have to

get a living every

mans hand is against them

and occasionally his

foot meals

are few and far between

why in the world

says this

insect do you not

go to the country and become

grasshoppers if

living in town and being

cockroaches is getting

too difficult for you

i was astonished

at the simplicity of the

solution but as i

thought it over it occurred

go to the country and become grasshoppers

to me that

perhaps it sounded more

statesmanlike than it

really was

how i asked him are

cockroaches to become

grasshoppers

that is a mere

detail he said which i

leave to you for

solution i have outlined

the general scheme for your

salvation so do not ask

me to settle the mere

details i trust to you for

that you must do

something for yourself

we philosophers cannot do it all

for you unaided you

must learn self help

but alas i fear that

your inherent stupidity will

balk all efforts

to improve your condition

boss i offer you

this little story

for what it is worth

if you are able to

find in it something

analogous to a number

of easy schemes

for the improvement of the

human race you

may do immense good by

printing it

yours for reform

archy

the author s desk

i climbed upon my boss his desk

to type a flaming ballad

and there i found a heap grotesque

of socks and songs and salad

some swedenborgian dope on hell

with modernistic hunches

remnants of plays that would not jell

and old forgotten lunches

a plate once flushed with pride and pie

now chill with pallid verses

a corkless jug of ink hard by

sobbed out its life with curses

six sad bedraggled things lay there

inertly as dead cats

three sexless rhymes that could not pair

and three discouraged spats

the feet of song be tender things

like to the feet of waiters

and need when winter bites and stings

sesquipedalian gaiters

peter the pup sprawled on the heap

disputing all approaches

or growled and grumbled in his sleep

or waked and snapped at roaches

i found a treatise on the soul

which bragged it undefeated

and a bill for thirteen tons of coal

by fate left unreceipted

books on the modern girl s advance

wrapped in a cutey sark

with honi soit qui mal y pense

worked for its laundry mark

mid broken glass the spider slinks

while memories stir and glow

of olden happy far off drinks

and bottles long ago

such is the litter at the root

of song and story rising

or noisome pipe or cast off boot

feeding and fertilizing

as lilies burgeon from the dirt

into the golden day

dud epic and lost undershirt

survive times slow decay

still burrowing far and deep i found

a razor coldly soapy

and at the center of the mound

some most surprising opi

some modest pages chaste and shy

for pocket poke or sporran

written by archy published by

doubleday and doran

archy the cockroach

what the ants are saying

dear boss i was talking with an ant

the other day

and he handed me a lot of

gossip which ants the world around

are chewing over among themselves

i pass it on to you

in the hope that you may relay it to other

human beings and hurt their feelings with it

no insect likes human beings

and if you think you can see why

the only reason i tolerate you is because

you seem less human to me than most of them

here is what the ants are saying

it wont be long now it wont be long

man is making deserts of the earth

it wont be long now

before man will have used it up

so that nothing but ants

and centipedes and scorpions

can find a living on it

man has oppressed us for a million years

but he goes on steadily

cutting the ground from under

his own feet making deserts deserts deserts

we ants remember

and have it all recorded

in our tribal lore

when gobi was a paradise

swarming with men and rich

in human prosperity

it is a desert now and the home

of scorpions ants and centipedes

what man calls civilization

always results in deserts

man is never on the square

he uses up the fat and greenery of the earth

each generation wastes a little more

of the future with greed and lust for riches

north africa was once a garden spot

and then came carthage and rome

and despoiled the storehouse

and now you have sahara

sahara ants and centipedes

toltecs and aztecs had a mighty

civilization on this continent

but they robbed the soil and wasted nature

and now you have deserts scorpions ants and centipedes

and the deserts of the near east

followed egypt and babylon and assyria

and persia and rome and the turk

the ant is the inheritor of tamerlane

and the scorpion succeeds the caesars

america was once a paradise

of timberland and stream

but it is dying because of the greed

and money lust of a thousand little kings

who slashed the timber all to hell

and would not be controlled

and changed the climate

and stole the rainfall from posterity

and it wont be long now

it wont be long

till everything is desert

from the alleghenies to the rockies

the deserts are coming

the deserts are spreading

the springs and streams are drying up

one day the mississippi itself

will be a bed of sand

ants and scorpions and centipedes

shall inherit the earth

men talk of money and industry

of hard times and recoveries

of finance and economics

but the ants wait and the scorpions wait

for while men talk they are making deserts all the time

getting the world ready for the conquering ant

drought and erosion and desert

because men cannot learn

rainfall passing off in flood and freshet

and carrying good soil with it

because there are no longer forests

to withhold the water in the

billion meticulations of the roots

it wont be long now it won’t be long

till earth is barren as the moon

and sapless as a mumbled bone

dear boss i relay this information

without any fear that humanity

will take warning and reform

archy