Out of a massive visage, placid for all its ruggedness, shone eyes
large and timid as those of an animal or child bewildered among so
many people. There was an expression in them not so much cowed or
dismayed as “un-refuged”—the eyes of the hunted creature. That, at
least, was the first thing they betrayed; for the same second the
quick-blooded Celt caught another look: the look of a hunted creature
that at last knows shelter and has found it. The first expression had
emerged, then withdrawn again swiftly like an animal into its hole
where safety lay. Before disappearing, it had flashed a wireless
message of warning, of welcome, of explanation—he knew not what term
to use—to another of its own kind, to himself.
O’Malley, utterly arrested, stood and stared. He would have
spoken, for the invitation seemed obvious enough, but there came an
odd catch in his breath, and words failed altogether. The boy, peering
at him sideways, clung to his great parent’s side. For perhaps ten
seconds there was this interchange of staring, intimate staring,
between the three of them … and then the Irishman, confused, more
than a little agitated, ended the silent introduction with an
imperceptible bow and passed on slowly, knocking absent-mindedly
through the crowd, down to his cabin on the lower deck.
In his heart, deep down, stirred an indescribable sympathy with
something he divined in these two that was akin to himself, but that
as yet he could not name. On the surface he felt an emotion he knew
not whether to call uneasiness or surprise, but crowding past it, half
smothering it, rose this other more profound emotion. Something
enormously winning in the atmosphere of father and son called to him
in the silence: it was significant, oddly buried; not yet had it
emerged enough to be confessed and labelled. But each had recognized
it in the other. Each knew. Each waited. And it was extraordinarily
disturbing.
Before unpacking, he sat for a long time on his berth, thinking .
. . trying in vain to catch through a thunder of surprising emotions
the word that might bring explanation. That strange impression of
giant bulk, unsupported by actual measurements; that look of startled
security seeking shelter; that other look of being sure, of knowing
where to go and being actually en route,—all these, he felt, grew
from the same hidden cause whereof they were symptoms. It was this
hidden thing in the man that had reached out invisibly and fired his
own consciousness as their gaze met in that brief instant. And it had
disturbed him so profoundly because the very same lost thing lay
buried in himself. The man knew, whereas he anticipated merely—as
yet. What was it? Why came there with it both happiness and fear?
The word that kept chasing itself in a circle like a kitten after
its own tail, yet bringing no explanation, was Loneliness —a
loneliness that must be whispered. For it was loneliness on the verge
of finding relief. And if proclaimed too loud, there might come those
who would interfere and prevent relief. The man, and the boy too for
that matter, were escaping. They had found the way back, were ready
and eager, moreover, to show it to other prisoners.
And this was as near as O’Malley could come to explanation.
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