There lay in her manner, just out of sight, I felt,
this suggestion of the exact reverse—of unrest, shrinking, almost of
anxiety. Certain small strings in her seemed over-tight. ‘Keyed-up’
was the slang expression that crossed my mind. I looked rather
searchingly into her face as she was telling me this.
‘Only—the evenings,’ she added, noticing my query, yet rather
avoiding my eyes, ‘the evenings are—well, rather heavy sometimes, and
I find it difficult to keep awake.’
‘The strong air after London makes you drowsy,’ I suggested, ‘and
you like to get early to bed.’
Frances turned and looked at me for a moment steadily. ‘On the
contrary, Bill, I dislike going to bed—here. And Mabel goes so
early.’ She said it lightly enough, fingering the disorder upon my
dressing-table in such a stupid way that I saw her mind was working in
another direction altogether. She looked up suddenly with a kind of
nervousness from the brush and scissors.
‘Billy,’ she said abruptly, lowering her voice, ‘isn’t it odd, but
I hate sleeping alone here? I can’t make it out quite; I’ve never felt
such a thing before in my life. Do you—think it’s all nonsense?’
And she laughed, with her lips but not with her eyes; there was a
note of defiance in her I failed to understand.
‘Nothing a nature like yours feels strongly is nonsense, Frances,’
I replied soothingly.
But I, too, answered with my lips only, for another part of my mind
was working elsewhere, and among uncomfortable things. A touch of
bewilderment passed over me. I was not certain how best to continue.
If I laughed she would tell me no more, yet if I took her too seriously
the strings would tighten further. Instinctively, then, this flashed
rapidly across me: that something of what she felt, I had also felt,
though interpreting it differently. Vague it was, as the coming of
rain or storm that announce themselves hours in advance with their
hint of faint, unsettling excitement in the air. I had been but a
short hour in the house—big, comfortable, luxurious house—but had
experienced this sense of being unsettled, unfixed, fluctuating—a kind
of impermanence that transient lodgers in hotels must feel, but that a
guest in a friend’s home ought not to feel, be the visit short or
long. To Frances, an impressionable woman, the feeling had come in the
terms of alarm. She disliked sleeping alone, while yet she longed to
sleep. The precise idea in my mind evaded capture, merely brushing
through me, three-quarters out of sight; I realised only that we both
felt the same thing, and that neither of us could get at it dearly.
Degrees of unrest we felt, but the actual thing did not disclose
itself. It did not happen.
I felt strangely at sea for a moment. Frances would interpret
hesitation as endorsement, and encouragement might be the last thing
that could help her.
‘Sleeping in a strange house,’ I answered at length, ‘is often
difficult at first, and one feels lonely. After fifteen months in our
tiny flat one feels lost and uncared-for in a big house. It’s an
uncomfortable feeling—I know it well. And this is a barrack, isn’t
it? The masses of furniture only make it worse. One feels in storage
somewhere underground—the furniture doesn’t furnish.
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