One must never yield to fancies, though—’
Frances looked away towards the windows; she seemed disappointed a
little.
‘After our thickly-populated Chelsea,’ I went on quickly, ‘it seems
isolated here.’
But she did not turn back, and clearly I was saying the wrong
thing. A wave of pity rushed suddenly over me. Was she really
frightened, perhaps? She was imaginative, I knew, but never moody;
common sense was strong in her, though she had her times of
hypersensitiveness. I caught the echo of some unreasoning, big alarm
in her. She stood there, gazing across my balcony towards the sea of
wooded country that spread dim and vague in the obscurity of the dusk.
The deepening shadows entered the room, I fancied, from the grounds
below. Following her abstracted gaze a moment, I experienced a curious
sharp desire to leave, to escape. Out yonder was wind and space and
freedom. This enormous building was oppressive, silent, still.
Great catacombs occured to me, things beneath the ground,
imprisonment and capture. I believe I even shuddered a little.
I touched her shoulder. She turned round slowly, and we looked with
a certain deliberation into each other’s eyes.
‘Fanny,’ I asked, more gravely than I intended, ‘you are not
frightened, are you? Nothing has happened, has it?’
She replied with emphasis, ‘Of course not! How could it—I mean,
why should I?’ She stammered, as though the wrong sentence flustered
her a second. ‘It’s simply—that I have this ter—this dislike of
sleeping alone.’
Naturally, my first thought was how easy it would be to cut our
visit short. But I did not say this. Had it been a true solution,
Frances would have said it for me long ago.
‘Wouldn’t Mabel double-up with you?’ I said instead, ‘or give you
an adjoining room, so that you could leave the door between you open?
There’s space enough, heaven knows.’
And then, as the gong sounded in the hall below for dinner, she
said, as with an effort, this thing:
‘Mabel did ask me—on the third night—after I had told her. But I
declined.’
‘You’d rather be alone than with her?’ I asked, with a certain
relief.
Her reply was so gravely given, a child would have known there was
more behind it: ‘Not that; but that she did not really want it.’
I had a moment’s intuition and acted on it impulsively. ‘She feels
it too, perhaps, but wishes to face it by herself—and get over it?’
My sister bowed her head, and the gesture made me realise of a
sudden how grave and solemn our talk had grown, as though some
portentous thing were under discussion. It had come of
itself—indefinite as a gradual change of temperature. Yet neither of
us knew its nature, for apparently neither of us could state it
plainly. Nothing happened, even in our words.
‘That was my impression,’ she said, ‘—that if she yields to it she
encourages it. And a habit forms so easily. Just think,’ she added
with a faint smile that was the first sign of lightness she had yet
betrayed, ‘what a nuisance it would be—everywhere—if everybody was
afraid of being alone—like that.’
I snatched readily at the chance. We laughed a little, though it
was a quiet kind of laughter that seemed wrong. I took her arm and led
her towards the door.
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