I now repeat the former and again beg your
indulgence for a time. I, Krestyan Ivanovich, have nothing to conceal from you. I am a little
man, you know that yourself; but, to my good fortune, I do not regret that I am a little man.
Even the contrary, Krestyan Ivanovich; and, to tell all, I am even proud that I am not a great
man, but a little one. Not an intriguer—and I am proud of that as well. I act not on the sly, but
openly, without cunning, and though I could do harm in my turn, could very well, and I even know
to whom and how to do it, Krestyan Ivanovich, I do not want to besmirch myself, and in that sense
I wash my hands. In that sense, I say, I wash them, Krestyan Ivanovich!” Mr. Goliadkin fell
expressively silent for a moment; he had spoken with meek animation.
“I walk, Krestyan Ivanovich,” our hero began to go
on, “straight ahead, openly, and without twisting paths, because I despise them and leave them to
others. I do not try to humiliate those who have gone one better than you and I…that is, I mean
to say them and I, Krestyan Ivanovich, I didn’t mean to say you. I dislike half-utterances; petty
duplicity is not in favor with me; I scorn slander and gossip. I put on a mask only for masked
balls, and do not go around in it before people every day. I will only ask you, Krestyan
Ivanovich, how would you go about taking revenge on your enemy, your worst enemy—someone you
consider as such?” Mr. Goliadkin concluded, casting a defiant glance at Krestyan
Ivanovich.
Though Mr. Goliadkin had spoken it all with the
utmost distinctness, clarity, and assurance, weighing his words and calculating their surest
effect, nevertheless it was with uneasiness, with great uneasiness, with extreme uneasiness, that
he now looked at Krestyan Ivanovich. Now he became all eyes, and timidly, with vexing, anxious
impatience, awaited Krestyan Ivanovich’s response. But, to the amazement and total shock of Mr.
Goliadkin, Krestyan Ivanovich muttered something to himself under his nose; then he moved his
chair to the desk and rather dryly, though courteously, announced to him that his time was
precious, that he somehow did not quite understand, or something of the sort; that, though he was
ready to be of any possible service, as far as he could, he would leave aside all the rest, which
did not concern him. Here he took a pen, drew a piece of paper towards him, cut a piece from it
for a doctor’s form, and announced that he would at once prescribe what was proper.
“No, sir, not proper, Krestyan Ivanovich! No, sir,
that is by no means proper!” said Mr. Goliadkin, getting up from his place and seizing Krestyan
Ivanovich by the right hand. “That, Krestyan Ivanovich, is by no means needed here…”
But while Mr. Goliadkin was saying all this, a
strange transformation was taking place in him. His gray eyes gleamed somehow strangely, his lips
trembled, all the muscles, all the features of his face began to move, to twitch. He was shaking
all over. Having followed his first impulse and stopped Krestyan Ivanovich’s hand, Mr. Goliadkin
now stood motionless, as if not trusting himself and awaiting the inspiration for further
actions.
Then a rather strange scene took place.
Slightly perplexed, Krestyan Ivanovich sat
momentarily as if rooted to his chair and, feeling at a loss, stared all eyes at Mr. Goliadkin,
who was staring at him in the same way. Finally Krestyan Ivanovich stood up, holding on slightly
to the lapel of Mr. Goliadkin’s uniform jacket. For a few seconds the two men stood thus,
motionless and not taking their eyes off each other. Then, however, in an extraordinarily strange
way, Mr. Goliadkin’s second movement resolved itself. His lips trembled, his chin quivered, and
our hero quite unexpectedly burst into tears.
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