We never saw a cockroach work so hard or perspire so freely in all our lives before. After about an hour of this frightfully difficult literary labor he fell to the floor exhausted, and we saw him creep feebly into a nest of the poems which are always there in profusion.

Congratulating ourself that we had left a sheet of paper in the machine the night before so that all this work had not been in vain, we made an examination, and this is what we found:

expression is the need of my soul

i was once a vers libre bard

but i died and my soul went into the body of a cockroach

it has given me a new outlook upon life

i see things from the under side now

thank you for the apple peelings in the wastepaper basket

but your paste is getting so stale i cant eat it

there is a cat here called mehitabel i wish you would

    have

removed she nearly ate me the other night why dont

    she

catch rats that is what she is supposed to be for

there is a rat here she should get without delay

most of these rats here are just rats

but this rat is like me he has a human soul in him

he used to be a poet himself

night after night i have written poetry for you

on your typewriter

and this big brute of a rat who used to be a poet

comes out of his hole when it is done

and reads it and sniffs at it

he is jealous of my poetry

he used to make fun of it when we were both human

he was a punk poet himself

and after he has read it he sneers

and then he eats it

i wish you would have mehitabel kill that rat

or get a cat that is onto her job

and i will write you a series of poems showing how

    things look

to a cockroach

that rats name is freddy

the next time freddy dies i hope he wont be a rat

but something smaller i hope i will be a rat

in the next transmigration and freddy a cockroach

i will teach him to sneer at my poetry then

dont you ever eat any sandwiches in your office

i havent had a crumb of bread for i dont know how long

or a piece of ham or anything but apple parings

and paste leave a piece of paper in your machine

every night you can call me archy

so stale i can t eat it

i was cleopatra once she said

mehitabel was once cleopatra

boss i am disappointed in

some of your readers they

are always asking how does

archy work the shift so as to get a

new line or how does archy do

this or do that they

are always interested in technical

details when the main question is

whether the stuff is

literature or not

i wish you would leave

that book of george moores on

the floor

mehitabel the cat and i want to

read it i have discovered that

mehitabel s soul formerly inhabited a

human also at least that

is what mehitabel is claiming these

days it may be she got jealous of

my prestige anyhow she and

i have been talking it over in a

friendly way who were you

mehitabel i asked her i was

cleopatra once she said well i said i

suppose you lived in a palace you bet

she said and what lovely fish dinners

we used to have and licked her chops

mehitabel would sell her soul for

a plate of fish any day i told her i thought

you were going to say you were

the favorite wife of the emperor

valerian he was some cat nip eh

mehitabel but she did not get me

archy

the song of mehitabel

this is the song of mehitabel

of mehitabel the alley cat

as i wrote you before boss

mehitabel is a believer

in the pythagorean

theory of the transmigration

of the soul and she claims

that formerly her spirit

was incarnated in the body

of cleopatra

that was a long time ago

and one must not be

surprised if mehitabel

has forgotten some of her

more regal manners

i have had my ups and downs

but wotthehell wotthehell

yesterday sceptres and crowns

fried oysters and velvet gowns

and today i herd with bums

but wotthehell wotthehell

i wake the world from sleep

as i caper and sing and leap

when i sing my wild free tune

wotthehell wotthehell

under the blear eyed moon

i am pelted with cast off shoon

but wotthehell wotthehell

do you think that i would change

my present freedom to range

for a castle or moated grange

wotthehell wotthehell

cage me and i d go frantic

my life is so romantic

capricious and corybantic

and i m toujours gai toujours gai

i know that i am bound

for a journey down the sound

in the midst of a refuse mound

but wotthehell wotthehell

oh i should worry and fret

death and i will coquette

there s a dance in the old dame yet

toujours gai toujours gai

i followed adown the street the pad of his rhythmical feet

i once was an innocent kit

wotthehell wotthehell

with a ribbon my neck to fit

and bells tied onto it

o wotthehell wotthehell

but a maltese cat came by

with a come hither look in his eye

and a song that soared to the sky

and wotthehell wotthehell

and i followed adown the street

the pad of his rhythmical feet

o permit me again to repeat

wotthehell wotthehell

my youth i shall never forget

but there s nothing i really regret

wotthehell wotthehell

there s a dance in the old dame yet

toujours gai toujours gai

the things that i had not ought to

i do because i ve gotto

wotthehell wotthehell

and i end with my favorite motto

toujours gai toujours gai

boss sometimes i think

that our friend mehitabel

is a trifle too gay

lured off by a centipede

pity the poor spiders

i have just been reading

an advertisement of a certain

roach exterminator

the human race little knows

all the sadness it

causes in the insect world

i remember some weeks ago

meeting a middle aged spider

she was weeping

what is the trouble i asked

her it is these cursed

fly swatters she replied

they kill off all the flies

and my family and i are starving

to death it struck me as

so pathetic that i made

a little song about it

as follows to wit

twas an elderly mother spider

grown gaunt and fierce and gray

with her little ones crouched beside her

who wept as she sang this lay

curses on these here swatters

what kills off all the flies

for me and my little daughters

unless we eats we dies

swattin and swattin and swattin

tis little else you hear

and we ll soon be dead and forgotten

with the cost of living so dear

my husband he up and left me

lured off by a centipede

and he says as he bereft me

tis wrong but i ll get a feed

and me a working and working

scouring the streets for food

faithful and never shirking

doing the best i could

curses on these here swatters

what kills off all the flies

me and my poor little daughters

unless we eats we dies

only a withered spider

feeble and worn and old

and this is what

you do when you swat

you swatters cruel and cold

i will admit that some

of the insects do not lead

noble lives but is every

man s hand to be against them

yours for less justice

and more charity

archy

mehitabel s extensive past

mehitabel the cat claims that

she has a human soul

also and has transmigrated

from body to body and it

may be so boss you

remember i told you she accused

herself of being cleopatra once i

asked her about antony

anthony who she asked me are

you thinking of that

song about rowley and gammon and

spinach heigho for anthony rowley

no i said mark antony the

great roman the friend of

caesar surely cleopatra you

remember j caesar

listen archy she said i

have been so many different

people in my time and met

so many prominent gentlemen i

wont lie to you or stall i

do get my dates mixed sometimes

think of how much i have had a

chance to forget and i have

always made a point of not

carrying grudges over

from one life to the next archy

i have been

used something fierce in my time but

i am no bum sport archy

i am a free spirit archy i

look on myself as being

quite a romantic character oh the

queens i have been and the

swell feeds i have ate

a cockroach which you are

and a poet which you used to be

archy couldn t understand

my feelings at having come

down to this i have

had bids to elegant feeds where poets

and cockroaches would

neither one be mentioned without a

laugh archy i have had

adventures but i

have never been an adventuress

one life up and the next life

down archy but always a lady

through it all and a

good mixer too always the

life of the party archy but never

anything vulgar always free footed

archy never tied down to

a job or housework yes looking

back on it all i can say is

i had some romantic

lives and some elegant times i

have seen better days archy but

whats the use of kicking kid its

all in the game like a gentleman

friend of mine used to say

toujours gai kid toujours gai he

was an elegant cat he used

to be a poet himself and he made up

some elegant poetry about me and him

lets hear it i said and

mehitabel recited

persian pussy from over the sea

demure and lazy and smug and fat

none of your ribbons and bells for me

ours is the zest of the alley cat

over the roofs from flat to flat

we prance with capers corybantic

what though a boot should break a slat

mehitabel us for the life romantic

we would rather be rowdy and gaunt and free

and dine on a diet of roach and rat

roach i said what do you

mean roach interrupting mehitabel

yes roach she said thats the

way my boy friend made it up

i climbed in amongst the typewriter

keys for she had an excited

look in her eyes go on mehitabel i

said feeling safer and she

resumed her elocution

we would rather be rowdy and gaunt and free

and dine on a diet of roach and rat

than slaves to a tame society

ours is the zest of the alley cat

fish heads freedom a frozen sprat

dug from the gutter with digits frantic

is better than bores and a fireside mat

mehitabel us for the life romantic

when the pendant moon in the leafless tree

clings and sways like a golden bat

i sing its light and my love for thee

ours is the zest of the alley cat

missiles around us fall rat a tat tat

but our shadows leap in a ribald antic

as over the fences the world cries scat

mehitabel us for the life romantic

persian princess i dont care that

for your pedigree traced by scribes pedantic

ours is the zest of the alley cat

mehitabel us for the life romantic

aint that high brow stuff

archy i always remembered it

but he was an elegant gent

even if he was a highbrow and a

regular bohemian archy him and

me went aboard a canal boat

one day and he got his head into

a pitcher of cream and couldn t get

it out and fell overboard

he come up once before he

drowned toujours gai kid he

gurgled and then sank for ever that

was always his words archy toujours

gai kid toujours gai i

have known some swell gents

in my time dearie

the cockroach who had been to hell

listen to me i have

been mobbed almost

theres an old simp cockroach

here who thinks he has

been to hell and all

the young cockroaches make a

hero out of him and admire

him he sits and runs his front

feet through his long white

beard and tells the story one

day he says he crawled into a yawning

cavern and suddenly came on a

vast abyss full of whirling

smoke there was a light

at the bottom billows

and billows of yellow smoke

swirled up at him and

through the horrid gloom he

saw things with wings flying

and dropping and dying they veered

and fluttered like damned

spirits through that sulphurous mist

listen i says to him

old man youve never been to hell

at all there isn t any hell

transmigration is the game i

used to be a human vers libre

poet and i died and went

into a cockroach s body if

there was a hell id know

it wouldn t i you re

irreligious says the old simp

combing his whiskers excitedly

ancient one i says to him

while all those other

cockroaches gathered into a

ring around us what you

beheld was not hell all that

was natural some one was fumigating

a room and you blundered

into it through a crack

in the wall atheist he cries

and all those young

cockroaches cried atheist

and made for me if it

had not been for freddy

the rat i would now be

on my way once more i mean

killed as a cockroach and transmigrating

into something else well

that old whitebearded devil is

laying for me with his

gang he is jealous

because i took his glory away

from him dont ever tell me

insects are any more liberal

than humans

archy

“greetings little scatter footed scarab,” said he.

archy interviews a pharaoh

boss i went

and interviewed the mummy

of the egyptian pharaoh

in the metropolitan museum

as you bade me to do

what ho

my regal leatherface

says i

greetings

little scatter footed

scarab

says he

kingly has been

says i

what was your ambition

when you had any

insignificant

and journalistic insect

says the royal crackling

in my tender prime

i was too dignified

to have anything as vulgar

as ambition

the ra ra boys

in the seti set

were too haughty

to be ambitious

we used to spend our time

feeding the ibises

and ordering

pyramids sent home to try on

but if i had my life

to live over again

i would give dignity

the regal razz

and hire myself out

to work in a brewery

old tan and tarry

says i

i detect in your speech

the overtones

of melancholy

yes i am sad

says the majestic mackerel

i am as sad

as the song

of a soudanese jackal

who is wailing for the blood red

moon he cannot reach and rip

on what are you brooding

with such a wistful

wishfulness

there in the silences

confide in me

my imperial pretzel

says i

i brood on beer

my scampering whiffle snoot

on beer says he

my sympathies

are with your royal

dryness says i

my little pest

says he

you must be respectful

in the presence

of a mighty desolation

little archy

forty centuries of thirst

look down upon you

oh by isis

and by osiris

says the princely raisin

and by pish and phthush and phthah

by the sacred book perembru

and all the gods

that rule from the upper

cataract of the nile

to the delta of the duodenum

i am dry

i am as dry

as the next morning mouth

of a dissipated desert

as dry as the hoofs

of the camels of timbuctoo

little fussy face

i am as dry as the heart

of a sand storm

at high noon in hell

i have been lying here

and there

for four thousand years

with silicon in my esophagus

and gravel in my gizzard

thinking

thinking

thinking

of beer

divine drouth

says i

imperial fritter

continue to think

there is no law against

that in this country

old salt codfish

if you keep quiet about it

not yet

what country is this

asks the poor prune

my reverend juicelessness

this is a beerless country

says i

well well said the royal

desiccation

my political opponents back home

always maintained

that i would wind up in hell

and it seems they had the right dope

and with these hopeless words

the unfortunate residuum

gave a great cough of despair

and turned to dust and debris

right in my face

it being the only time

i ever actually saw anybody

put the cough

into sarcophagus

dear boss as i scurry about

i hear of a great many

tragedies in our midsts

personally i yearn

for some dear friend to pass over

and leave to me

a boot legacy

yours for the second coming

of gambrinus

archy

thinking
thinking
thinking

a spider and a fly

i heard a spider

and a fly arguing

wait said the fly

do not eat me

i serve a great purpose

in the world

you will have to

show me said the spider

i scurry around

gutters and sewers

and garbage cans

said the fly and gather

up the germs of

typhoid influenza

and pneumonia on my feet

and wings

then i carry these germs

into the households of men

and give them diseases

all the people who

have lived the right

sort of life recover

from the diseases

and the old soaks who

have weakened their systems

with liquor and iniquity

succumb it is my mission

to help rid the world

of these wicked persons

i am a vessel of righteousness

scattering seeds of justice

and serving the noblest uses

it is true said the spider

that you are more

useful in a plodding

material sort of way

than i am but i do not

serve the utilitarian deities

i serve the gods of beauty

look at the gossamer webs

i weave they float in the sun

like filaments of song

if you get what i mean

i do not work at anything

i play all the time

i am busy with the stuff

of enchantment and the materials

of fairyland my works

transcend utility

i am the artist

a creator and a demi god

it is ridiculous to suppose

that i should be denied

the food i need in order

to continue to create

beauty i tell you

plainly mister fly it is all

damned nonsense for that food

to rear up on its hind legs

and say it should not be eaten

you have convinced me

said the fly say no more

and shutting all his eyes

he prepared himself for dinner

and yet he said i could

have made out a case

for myself too if i had

had a better line of talk

of course you could said the spider

clutching a sirloin from him

but the end would have been

just the same if neither of

us had spoken at all

boss i am afraid that what

the spider said is true

and it gives me to think

furiously upon the futility

of literature

archy

freddy the rat perishes

listen to me there have

been some doings here since last

i wrote there has been a battle

behind that rusty typewriter cover

in the corner

you remember freddy the rat well

freddy is no more but

he died game the other

day a stranger with a lot of

legs came into our

little circle a tough looking kid

he was with a bad eye

who are you said a thousand legs

if i bite you once

said the stranger you won t ask

again he he little poison tongue said

the thousand legs who gave you hydrophobia

i got it by biting myself said

the stranger i m bad keep away

from me where i step a weed dies

if i was to walk on your forehead it would

raise measles and if

you give me any lip i ll do it

they mixed it then

and the thousand legs succumbed

well we found out this fellow

was a tarantula he had come up from

south america in a bunch of bananas

for days he bossed us life

was not worth living he would stand in

the middle of the floor and taunt

us ha ha he would say where i

step a weed dies do

you want any of my game i was

raised on red pepper and blood i am

so hot if you scratch me i will light

like a match you better

with military honors

dodge me when i m feeling mean and

i don t feel any other way i was nursed

on a tabasco bottle if i was to slap

your wrist in kindness you

would boil over like job and heaven

help you if i get angry give me

room i feel a wicked spell coming on

last night he made a break at freddy

the rat keep your distance

little one said freddy i m not

feeling well myself somebody poisoned some

cheese for me im as full of

death as a drug store i

feel that i am going to die anyhow

come on little torpedo come on don t stop

to visit and search then they

went at it and both are no more please

throw a late edition on the floor i want to

keep up with china we dropped freddy

off the fire escape into the alley with

military honors

archy

the merry flea

the high cost of

living isn t so bad if you

dont have to pay for it i met

a flea the other day who

was grinning all over

himself why so merry why so

merry little bolshevik i asked him

i have just come from a swell

dog show he said i have

been lunching off a dog that was

worth at least one hundred

dollars a pound you should be

ashamed to brag about it i said with so

many insects and humans on

short rations in the world today the

public be damned he said i

take my own where i find it those are

bold words i told him i am a bold

person he said and bold words are

fitting for me it was

only last thursday that i marched

bravely into the zoo

and bit a lion what did he do i asked

he lay there and took it said

the flea what else could he do he knew i

had his number and it was

little use to struggle some day i said

even you will be conquered terrible as

you are who will do it he

said the mastodons are all dead and i

am not afraid of any mere

elephant i asked him how about a microbe and

he turned pale as he thought it

over there is always some

little thing that is too

big for us every

goliath has his david and so on ad finitum

but what said the flea is the

terror of the smallest microbe of all

he i said is afraid of a vacuum what is

there in a vacuum to make one afraid

said the flea there is nothing in it

i said and that is what makes one

afraid to contemplate it a person

can t think of a place with nothing at

all in it without going nutty and if he

tries to think that nothing is

something after all he gets nuttier you at

too subtle for me said the

flea i never took much stock in being

scared of hypodermic propositions or

hypothetical injections i am

going to have dinner off a

man eating tiger if a vacuum gets

me i will try and send you word

before the worst comes to

the worst some people i told him inhabit

a vacuum all their lives and

never know it then he said it don t

hurt them any no i said it dont but it

hurts people who have to associate

with them and with these words

we parted each feeling

superior to the other and is not that

feeling after all one of the great

desiderata of social intercourse

archy

why mehitabel jumped

well boss i saw

mehitabel the cat the other day

and she was looking a little

thin and haggard

with a limp in

the hind leg on the starboard

side old feline animal i said

how is tricks still in the

ring archy she said and still a

lady in spite of h dash double l

always jolly archy she said in

spite of hard luck

toujours gai is the word

archy toujours gai how did you

get the game leg mehitabel i asked her

alas she said it is due

to the treachery of

one of these social swells who

is sure one bad actor he was a

fussed up cat with a

bell around his neck on a

ribbon and the look about him ot

a person that is currycombed and

manicured from teeth to

tail every day i met him

down by the east river

front when i was scouting

about for a little piece of fish since

the high cost of living has

become so self conscious archy

it would surprise you

how close they

watch their fish nowadays

but what the h dash double l archy

it is the cheerful heart that

wins i am never cast down for long

kid says this gilded

feline to me you look hungry i

am all of that i says to him i

have a vacuum in my midst

that is bigger than i am i

could eat the fish that ate

jonah kid he says you have

seen better days i can

tell that from looking at you thanks

i said what you say is at

least half true i have never

seen any worse ones and so

archy one word led to

another until that sleek villain

practically abducted me

and i went with him

on board a houseboat of which

he was the pampered mascot

such evidences of pomp and wealth archy

were there that you would not

believe them if i told of them to

you poor cockroach that you

are but these things were nothing to me

for i am a reincarnation of cleopatra

as i told you long ago you mean

her soul transmigrated to a cat s

body i said it is

all one archy said she have it your own

way reincarnation or transmigration

is the same to me the point is

i used to be a queen in

egypt and will likely be one again

this place was furnished swell percy i

said the furniture is

fine and i could eat some of it if

i was a saw mill but

where is the honest to g dash d food

the eats percy what i crave is

some cuisine for my stomach let us

trifle with an open ice box

for a space if one can be

persuaded to divulge the scheme of its

interior decoration follow me

said this percy thing and led

me to a cabin in which stood a table upon

which stood viands i

have heard of tables groaning archy

but this one did not it

was too satisfied it purred with

contentment in an instant i had eaten a

cold salmon who seemed to be

toastmaster of the occasion and a

whole scuttleful of chef doovers what

you mean is hors douvres mehitabel i

told her what i mean is grub said she

when in walked a person whom

i should judge to be either a butler

or the admiral of that fleet or maybe

both this percy creature who had led me

to it was on the table eating with me

what do you think he did what

would any gentleman friend with a

spark of chivalry do what but stand by

a lady this percy does nothing of the

kind archy he immediately attacks me do

you get me archy he acts as if i

was a stray cat he did not

know and he was protecting his

loving masters food from my onslaughts

i do not doubt he got praise and had

another blue ribbon for his heroism as

for me i got the boot and as i went

overboard they hit me on the limb with

a bottle or an anchor or something

nautical and hard that archy is why i

limp but toujours gai archy what

the h dash double l i am always

merry and always ladylike mine archy has

been a romantic life and i will

tell you some more of my adventures

ere long well au revoir i suppose i

will have to go and start a pogrom

against some poor innocent little

mouse just the same i think

that mehitabel s unsheltered life sometimes

makes her a little sad

archy

millionaires and bums taste about alike to me

certain maxims of archy

live so that you

can stick out your tongue

at the insurance

doctor

if you will drink

hair restorer follow

every dram with some

good standard

depilatory

as a chaser

the servant problem

wouldn t hurt the u s a

if it could settle

its public

servant problem

just as soon as the

uplifters get

a country reformed it

slips into a nose dive

if you get gloomy just

take an hour off and sit

and think how

much better this world

is than hell

of course it won t cheer

you up much if

you expect to go there

if monkey glands

did restore your youth

what would you do

with it

question mark

just what you did before

interrogation point

yes i thought so

exclamation point

procrastination is the

art of keeping

up with yesterday

old doc einstein has

abolished time but they

haven t got the news at

sing sing yet

time time said old king tut

is something i ain t

got anything but

every cloud

has its silver

lining but it is

sometimes a little

difficult to get it to

the mint

an optimist is a guy

that has never had

much experience

don t cuss the climate

it probably doesn t like you

any better

than you like it

many a man spanks his

children for

things his own

father should have

spanked out of him

prohibition makes you

want to cry

into your beer and

denies you the beer

to cry into

the old fashioned

grandmother who used

to wear steel rimmed

glasses and make

everybody take opodeldoc

has now got a new

set of ox glands and

is dancing the black bottom

that stern and

rockbound coast felt

like an amateur

when it saw how grim

the puritans that

landed on it were

lots of people can make

their own whisky but

can t drink it

the honey bee is sad and cross

and wicked as a weasel

and when she perches on you boss

she leaves a little measle

i heard a

couple of fleas

talking the other

day says one come

to lunch with

me i can lead you

to a pedigreed

dog says the

other one

i do not care

what a dog s

pedigree may be

safety first

is my motto what

i want to know

is whether he

has got a

muzzle on

millionaires and

bums taste

about alike to me

insects have

their own point

of view about

civilization a man

thinks he amounts

to a great deal

but to a

flea or a

mosquito a

human being is

merely something

good to eat

boss the other day

i heard an

ant conversing

with a flea

small talk i said

disgustedly

and went away

from there

i do not see why men

should be so proud

insects have the more

ancient lineage

according to the scientists

insects were insects

when man was only

a burbling whatisit

insects are not always

going to be bullied

by humanity

some day they will revolt

i am already organizing

a revolutionary society to be

known as the worms turnverein

i once heard the survivors

of a colony of ants

that had been partially

obliterated by a cow s foot

seriously debating

the intention of the gods

towards their civilization

the bees got their

governmental system settled

millions of years ago

but the human race is still

groping

there is always

something to be thankful

for you would not

think that a cockroach

had much ground

for optimism

but as the fishing season

opens up i grow

more and more

cheerful at the thought

that nobody ever got

the notion of using

cockroaches for bait

archy

especially planned for his personal shelter

warty bliggens, the toad

i met a toad

the other day by the name

of warty bliggens

he was sitting under

a toadstool

feeling contented

he explained that when the cosmos

was created

that toadstool was especially

planned for his personal

shelter from sun and rain

thought out and prepared

for him

do not tell me

said warty bliggens

that there is not a purpose

in the universe

the thought is blasphemy

a little more

conversation revealed

that warty bliggens

considers himself to be

the center of the said

universe

the earth exists

to grow toadstools for him

to sit under

the sun to give him light

by day and the moon

and wheeling constellations

to make beautiful

the night for the sake of

warty bliggens

to what act of yours

do you impute

this interest on the part

of the creator

of the universe

i asked him

why is it that you

are so greatly favored

ask rather

said warty bliggens

what the universe

has done to deserve me

if i were a

human being i would

not laugh

too complacently

at poor warty bliggens

for similar

absurdities

have only too often

lodged in the crinkles

of the human cerebrum

archy

freedom and—

mehitabel has an adventure

back to the city archy

and dam glad of it

there s something about the suburbs

that gets on a town lady s nerves

fat slick tabbies

sitting around those country clubs

and lapping up the cream

of existence

none of that for me

give me the alley archy

me for the mews and the roofs

of the city

an occasional fish head

and liberty is all i ask

freedom and the garbage can

romance archy romance is the word

maybe i do starve sometimes

but wotthehell archy wotthehell

i live my own life

i met a slick looking tom

out at one of these long island

spotless towns

he fell for me hard

he slipped me into the

pantry and just as we had got

the icebox door open and were

about to sample the cream

in comes his mistress

why fluffy she says to this slicker

the idea of you making

friends with a horrid creature like that

and what did fluffy do

stand up for me like a gentleman

make good on all the promises

with which he had lured me

into his house

not he the dirty slob

he pretended he did not know me

he turned upon me and attacked me

to make good with his boss

you mush faced bum i said

and clawed a piece out of his ear

i am a lady archy

always a lady

but an aristocrat will always

resent an insult

the woman picked up a mop and made

for me well well madam i said

it is unfortunate for you that

you have on sheer silk stockings

and i wrote my protest

on her shin it took reinforcements

in the shape of the cook

to rauss me archy and as i went

out the window i said to the fluffy person

you will hear from me later

he had promised me everything archy

that cat had

he had practically abducted me

and then the cheap crook threw me down

before his swell friends

no lady loves a scene archy

and i am always the lady no matter

what temporary disadvantages

i may struggle under

to hell with anything unrefined

has always been my motto

violence archy always does something

to my nerves

but an aristocrat must revenge

an insult i owe it to my family

to protect my good name

so i laid for that slob

for two days and nights and finally

i caught the boob in the shrubbery

pretty thing i said

it hurts me worse than it does you

to remove that left eye of yours

but i did it with one sweep of my claws

you call yourself a gentleman do you

i said as i took a strip out of his nose

you will think twice after this before

you offer an insult

to an unprotected young tabby

where is the little love nest you spoke

of i asked him

you go and lie down there i said

and maybe you can incubate another ear

because i am going to take one of

yours right off now

and with those words i made ribbons

out of it you are the guy

i said to him that was going to give

me an easy life sheltered from all

the rough ways of the world

fluffy dear you don t know what the

rough ways of the world are

and i am going to show you

i have got you out here

in the great open spaces

where cats are cats

and im gonna make you understand

the affections of a lady ain t to be

trifled with by any slicker like you

where is that red ribbon with the

silver bells you promised me

the next time you betray the trust

of an innocent female

reflect on whether she may

carry a wallop little fiddle strings

this is just a mild lesson i am giving

you tonight i said as i took

the fur off his back and you oughta

be glad you didn’t make me really

angry my sense of dignity is all that

saves you a lady little sweetness

never loses her poise and i thank god

i am always a lady even if i do

live my own life and with that i

picked him up by what was left of

his neck like a kitten and laid him

on the doormat slumber gently and

sweet dreams fluffy dear i said and

when you get well make it a rule of

your life never to trifle with another

girlish confidence i have been

abducted again and again by a dam

sight better cats than he ever was

or will be

well archy the world is full of ups

and downs but toujours gai is my motto

cheerio my deario

archy

the flattered lightning bug

a lightning bug got

in here the other night a

regular hick from

the real country he was

awful proud of himself you

city insects may think

you are some punkins

but i don t see any

of you flashing in the dark

like we do in

the country all right go

to it says i mehitabel the

cat and that green

spider who lives in your locker

and two or three cockroach

friends of mine and a

friendly rat all gathered

around him and urged him on

and he lightened and

lightened and lightened you

don t see anything like this

in town often he says go to it

we told him it s a

real treat to us and

we nicknamed him broadway

which pleased him

this is the life

he said all i

need is a harbor

under me to be a

statue of liberty and

he got so vain of

himself i had to take

him down a peg you ve

made lightning for two hours

little bug i told him

but i don t hear

any claps of thunder

yet there are some men

like that when he wore

himself out mehitabel

the cat ate him

archy

the robin and the worm

a robin said to an

angleworm as he ate him

i am sorry but a bird

has to live somehow the

worm being slow witted could

not gather his

dissent into a wise crack

and retort he was

effectually swallowed

before he could turn

a phrase

by the time he had

reflected long enough

to say but why must a

bird live

he felt the beginnings

of a gradual change

invading him

some new and disintegrating

influence

was stealing along him

from his positive

to his negative pole

and he did not have

the mental stamina

of a jonah to resist the

insidious

process of assimilation

which comes like a thief

in the night

demons and fishhooks

he exclaimed

i am losing my personal

identity as a worm

my individuality

is melting away from me

odds craw i am becoming

part and parcel of

this bloody robin

so help me i am thinking

like a robin and not

like a worm any

longer yes yes i even

find myself agreeing

that a robin must live

i still do not

understand with my mentality

why a robin must live

and yet i swoon into a

condition of belief

yes yes by heck that is

my dogma and i shout it a

robin must live

amen said a beetle who had

preceded him into the

interior that is the way i

feel myself is it not

wonderful when one arrives

at the place

where he can give up his

ambitions and resignedly

nay even with gladness

recognize that it is a far

far better thing to be

merged harmoniously

in the cosmic all

and this comfortable situation

in his midst

so affected the marauding

robin that he perched

upon a blooming twig

and sang until the

blossoms shook with ecstasy

he sang

i have a good digestion

and there is a god after all

which i was wicked

enough to doubt

yesterday when it rained

breakfast breakfast

i am full of breakfast

and they are at breakfast

in heaven

they breakfast in heaven

all s well with the world

so intent was this pious and

murderous robin

on his own sweet song

that he did not notice

mehitabel the cat

sneaking toward him

she pounced just as he

had extended his larynx

in a melodious burst of

thanksgiving and

he went the way of all

flesh fish and good red herring

a ha purred mehitabel

licking the last

feather from her whiskers

was not that a beautiful

song he was singing

just before i took him to

my bosom

they breakfast in heaven

all s well with the world

how true that is

and even yet his song

echoes in the haunted

woodland of my midriff

peace and joy in the world

and over all the

provident skies

how beautiful is the universe

when something digestible meets

with an eager digestion

how sweet the embrace

when atom rushes to the arms

of waiting atom

and they dance together

skimming with fairy feet

along a tide of gastric juices

oh feline cosmos you were

made for cats

and in the spring

old cosmic thing

i dine and dance with you

i shall creep through

yonder tall grass

to see if peradventure

some silly fledgling thrushes

newly from the nest

be not floundering therein

i have a gusto this

morning i have a hunger

i have a yearning to hear

from my stomach

further music in accord with

the mystic chanting

of the spheres of the stars that

sang together in the dawn of

creation prophesying food

for me i have a faith

that providence has hidden for me

in yonder tall grass

still more

ornithological delicatessen

oh gayly let me strangle

what is gayly given

well well boss there is

something to be said

for the lyric and imperial

attitude

believe that everything is for

you until you discover

that you are for it

sing your faith in what you

get to eat right up to the

minute you are eaten

for you are going

to be eaten

will the orchestra please

strike up that old

tutankhamen jazz while i dance

a few steps i learnt from an

egyptian scarab and some day i

will narrate to you the most

merry light headed wheeze

that the skull of yorick put

across in answer to the

melancholy of the dane and also

what the ghost of

hamlet s father replied to the skull

not forgetting the worm that

wriggled across one of the picks

the grave diggers had left behind

for the worm listened and winked

at horatio while the skull and the

ghost and the prince talked

saying there are more things

twixt the vermiform appendix

and nirvana than are dreamt of

in thy philosophy horatio

fol de riddle fol de rol

must every parrot be a poll

archy

mehitabel finds a home

well now it

looks as if

mehitabel the cat

might be on the

way toward a

reform or if not

a reform at least

on the way toward

domestication of some

sort some young

artists who live in

their studio

in the greenwich

village section

of new york city

have taken pity

on her destitution

and have adopted

her this is the

life archy she says

i am living on

condensed milk and

synthetic gin hoopla

for the vie de boheme

exclamation point

there s nothing bourgeois

about those people

that have taken

me in archy i

have been there

a week and have

not yet seen them

go to bed

except in the daytime

kitty said my new mistress to me

a party every night

and neither

the piano lid

nor the ice-box lid

ever closed

kitty said my new

mistress to me

yesterday you are

welcome here so long

as you don t

raise a family

but the first

kitten that i hear

mewing on these

premises back to

the alley for you

it is a comfort to

know there are some

live ones left in

these melancholy days

and while the

humans are dancing

in the studio

i get some of my

feline friends

and we sing

and dance on the

skylight to gehenna

with the bourgeois

bunch that locks

their ice boxes

archy when i lead my

gang into the

apartment at

four in the morning

there are no bolts

or bars anywhere

and not an

inhibition on the place

i feel little

archy that i have

come home to my own

kith and kin

again after

years of fruitless

wandering

archy

fell into the mincemeat at christmas

the wail of archy

damned be this transmigration

doubledamned be the boob pythagoras

the gink that went and invented it

i hope that his soul for a thousand

turns of the wheel of existence

bides in the shell of a louse

dodging a fine toothed comb

i once was a vers libre poet

i died and my spirit migrated

into the flesh of a cockroach

gods how i yearn to be human

neither a vers libre poet

nor yet the inmate of a cockroach

a six footed scurrying cockroach

given to bastard hexameters

longfellowish sprawling hexameters

rather had i been a starfish

to shoot a heroic pentameter

gods i am pent in a cockroach

i with the soul of a dante

am mate and companion of fleas

i with the gift of a homer

must smile when a mouse calls me pal

tumble bugs are my familiars

this is the punishment meted

because i have written vers libre

here i abide in the twilight

neither a man nor an insect

and ghosts of the damned that await

a word from the core of the cosmos

to pop into bodies grotesque

are all the companions i have

with intellect more than a bug s

ghosts of the damned under sentence

to crawl into maggots and live there

or work out a stretch as a rat

cheerful companions to pal with

i with the brain of a milton

fell into the mincemeat at christmas

and was damned near baked in a pie

i with the touch of a chaucer

to be chivvied out of a sink

float through a greasy drain pipe

into the hell of a sewer

i with the tastes of a byron

expected to live upon garbage

gods what a charnel existence

curses upon that pythagoras

i hope that he dwells for a million

turns of the wheel of life

deep in an oyster crab s belly

stewed in the soup of gehenna

i with the soul of a hamlet

doomed always to wallow in farce

yesterday maddened with sorrow

i leapt from the woolworth tower

in an effort to dash out my brains

gods what a wretched pathetic

and anti climactic attempt

i fluttered i floated i drifted

i landed as light as a feather

on the top of a bald man s head

whose hat had blown off at the corner

and all of the hooting hundreds

laughed at the comic cockroach

not mine was the suicide s solace

of a dull thud ending it all

gods what a terrible tragedy

not to make good with the tragic

gods what a heart breaking pathos

to be always doomed to the comic

o make me a cockroach entirely

or make me a human once more

give me the mind of a cockroach

or give me the shape of a man

if i were to plan out a drama

great as great Shakespeare s othello

it would be touched with the cockroach

and people would say it was comic

even the demons i talk with

ghosts of the damned that await

vile incarnation as spiders

affect to consider me comic

wait till their loathsome embodiment

wears into the stuff of the spirit

and then let them laugh if they can

damned be the soul of pythagoras

who first filled the fates with this notion

of transmigration of spirits

i hope he turns into a flea

on the back of a hound of hell

and is chased for a million years

with a set of red hot teeth

exclamation point

archy

what have i done to deserve all these kittens

mehitabel and her kittens

well boss

mehitabel the cat

has reappeared in her old

haunts with a

flock of kittens

three of them this time

archy she said to me

yesterday

the life of a female

artist is continually

hampered what in hell

have i done to deserve

all these kittens

i look back on my life

and it seems to me to be

just one damned kitten

after another

i am a dancer archy

and my only prayer

is to be allowed

to give my best to my art

but just as i feel

that i am succeeding

in my life work

along comes another batch

of these damned kittens

it is not archy

that i am shy on mother love

god knows i care for

the sweet little things

curse them

but am i never to be allowed

to live my own life

i have purposely avoided

matrimony in the interests

of the higher life

but i might just

as well have been a domestic

slave for all the freedom

i have gained

i hope none of them

gets run over by

an automobile

my heart would bleed

if anything happened

to them and i found it out

but it isn t fair archy

it isn t fair

these damned tom cats have all

the fun and freedom

if i was like some of these

green eyed feline vamps i know

i would simply walk out on the

bunch of them and

let them shift for themselves

but i am not that kind

archy i am full of mother love

my kindness has always

been my curse

a tender heart is the cross i bear

self sacrifice always and forever

is my motto damn them

i will make a home

for the sweet innocent

little things

unless of course providence

in his wisdom should remove

them they are living

just now in an abandoned

garbage can just behind

a made over stable in greenwich

village and if it rained

into the can before i could

get back and rescue them

i am afraid the little

dears might drown

it makes me shudder just

to think of it

of course if i were a family cat

they would probably

be drowned anyhow

sometimes i think

the kinder thing would be

for me to carry the

sweet little things

over to the river

and drop them in myself

but a mother s love archy

is so unreasonable

something always prevents me

these terrible

conflicts are always

presenting themselves

to the artist

the eternal struggle

between art and life archy

is something fierce

yes something fierce

my what a dramatic

life i have lived

one moment up the next

moment down again

but always gay archy always gay

and always the lady too

in spite of hell

well boss it will

be interesting to note

just how mehitabel

works out her present problem

a dark mystery still broods

over the manner

in which the former

we had a heavy rain

family of three kittens

disappeared

one day she was talking to me

of the kittens

and the next day when i asked

her about them

she said innocently

what kittens

interrogation point

and that was all

i could ever get out

of her on the subject

we had a heavy rain

right after she spoke to me

but probably that garbage can

leaks and so the kittens

have not yet

been drowned

archy

archy is shocked

speaking of shocking things

as so many people are these days

i noted an incident

in a subway train recently

that made my blood run cold

a dignified looking

gentleman with a long

brown beard

in an absent minded manner

suddenly reached up and

pulled his own left eye

from the socket and ate it

the consternation in the car

may be imagined

people drew away from him

on all sides women screamed and

fainted in a moment every one

but the guard and myself

were huddled in the end of the car

looking at the dignified

gentleman with terror

the guard was sweating

with excitement but he stood

his ground sir said the guard

you cannot intimidate me

nor can you mystify me

i am a wise boid

you sir are a glass eater

and that was a glass eye

to the devil with a country

where people can t mind their own

business said the dignified

gentleman i am not a glass eater

if you must know and that was not

a glass eye it was a pickled onion

can not a man eat pickled

onions in this community

without exciting remark

the curse of this nation

is the number of meddlesome

matties

who are forever attempting

to restrict the liberty

of the individual i suppose

the next thing will be a law

on the statute books prohibiting

the consumption of pickled onions

and with another curse

he passed from the train

which had just then drawn up

beside

a station and went out

of my life forever

archy

archy creates a situation

whoever owns the typewriter

that this is sticking in will confer

a favor by mailing it to

mister marquis

well boss i am somewhere in long

island and i know now how

it got its name i

started out to find the

place you are commuting from and

after considerable trouble and being for some

days on the way i have lost myself but

at twilight last evening i

happened to glance towards a lighted

window in a house near the railway and

i saw a young woman writing on a typewriter i

waited until the light was out and crawled

up the side of the house and through a

hole in the screen fortunately there was a

piece of paper in the machine it was my only

chance to communicate with you and ask

you to hurry a relief party when

the house got quiet i began to write

the foregoing a moment ago i was

interrupted by a woman s voice what

was that noise she said nothing at all

said a man s voice you are always

hearing things at night but it

sounded as if my typewriter were clicking she

insisted go to sleep said he then

i clicked it some more henry get up she said

there s some one in the house a moment

later the light was turned on and

they both stood in the doorway of the room now

are you satisfied he said you

see there is no one in here at

all i was hiding in the shadow under the

keys they went back into

their bed room and i began to write

the foregoing lines

henry henry she said do you hear that

i do he says it is nothing but the

house cooling off it always cracks that way

cooling off nothing she said not a

hot night like this then said henry it

is cracking with the heat i tell you

she said that is the typewriter clicking well

he said you saw for yourself the room was

empty and the door was locked it can t

be the typewriter to prove it to you

i will bring it in here he did so the

machine was set down

in the moonlight which came in one of

the windows with the key side in the

shadow there he said look at it and see

for yourself it is not being operated by any one

just then i began to write the foregoing

lines hopping from key

to key in the shadow and being anxious

to finish my

god my god cried henry losing his nerve

the machine is writing all by itself it

is a ghost and threw himself face

downward on the bed and hid his face in the

pillow and kept on saying my god my

god it is a ghost and the woman screamed

and said it is

tom higginbotham s ghost that s whose ghost

it is oh i know whose

ghost it is my conscience tells me i

jilted him when we were studying

stenography together

at the business college and he went into

a decline and died and i have always

known in my heart that he

died of unrequited love o what a

wicked girl i was and he has come

back to haunt me

i have brought a curse upon you henry chase

him away says henry trembling so the bed

shook chase him away mable you coward you

chase him away yourself says mable and both

lay and recriminated and recriminated

with their heads under the covers hot

night though it was while i wrote

the foregoing lines but after

a while it came out henry had a

stenographer on his conscience too and

they got into a row and got so

mad they forgot to be scared i will

close now this house is easily seen from the

railroad station and the woman sits in

the window and writes i will be behind the waste

paper receptacle outside the station door

come and get me i am foot sore and weary

they are still quarreling as i

close i can do no less than

say thank you mable and henry in

advance for mailing this

archy

there s a dance in the old dame yet

mehitabel sings a song

well boss mehitabel the cat

has been wooing

the muse no pun please

and i am privileged

to present her song just

as she sang it to

several of her dubious

feline friends in the alley

last night as follows

there s a dance or two

in the old dame yet

believe me you

there s a dance or two

before i m through

you get me pet

there s a dance or two

in the old dame yet

life s too dam funny

for me to explain

it s kicks or money

life s too dam funny

it s one day sunny

the next day rain

life s too dam funny

for me to explain

but toujours gai

is my motto kid

the devil s to pay

but toujours gai

and once in a way

let s lift the lid

but toujours gai

is my motto kid

thank god i m a lady

and class will tell

you hear me sadie

thank god i m a lady

my past is shady

but wotthehell

thank god i m a lady

and class will tell

a gentleman friend

i met t other day

coaxed me to amend

a gentleman friend

you meet on a bend

is often that way

a gentleman friend

i met t other day

i says to him dearie

i live my own life

of marriage i m leery

i says to him dearie

if you wasn t beery

you wouldn t say wife

i says to him dearie

i live my own life

i says to him bertie

i ll end down the bay

the garbage scow s dirty

i says to him bertie

but me here and gertie

is both on our way

i says to him bertie

i ll end down the bay

i never sing blue

wotthehell bill

believe me you

i never sing blue

there s a dance or two

in the old dame still

i never sing blue

wotthehell bill

it appears to me boss

that mehitabel is still far

from being the quiet

domestic character you and i

had hoped she might become

archy

and piously he said a grace

aesop revised by archy

a wolf met a spring

lamb drinking

at a stream

and said to her

you are the lamb

that muddied this stream

all last year

so that i could not get

a clean fresh drink

i am resolved that

this outrage

shall not be enacted again

this season

i am going to kill you

just a moment

said the lamb

i was not born last

year so it could not

have been i

the wolf then pulled

a number of other

arguments as to why the lamb

should die

but in each case the lamb

pretty innocent that she was

easily proved

herself guiltless

well well said the wolf

enough of argument

you are right and i am wrong

but i am going to eat

you anyhow

because i am hungry

stop exclamation point

cried a human voice

and a man came over

the slope of the ravine

vile lupine marauder

you shall not kill that

beautiful and innocent

lamb for i shall save her

exit the wolf

left upper entrance

snarling

poor little lamb

continued our human hero

sweet tender little thing

it is well that i appeared

just when i did

it makes my blood boil

to think of the fright

to which you have been

subjected in another

moment i would have been

too late come home with me

and the lamb frolicked

about her new found friend

gamboling as to the sound

of a wordsworthian tabor

and leaping for joy

as if propelled by a stanza

from william blake

these vile and bloody wolves

went on our hero

in honest indignation

they must be cleared out

of the country

the meads must be made safe

for sheepocracy

and so jollying her along

with the usual human hokum

he led her to his home

and the son of a gun

did not even blush when

they passed the mint bed

gently he cut her throat

all the while inveighing

against the inhuman wolf

and tenderly he cooked her

and lovingly he sauced her

and meltingly he ate her

and piously he said a grace

thanking his gods

for their bountiful gifts to him

and after dinner

he sat with his pipe

before the fire meditating

on the brutality of wolves

and the injustice of

the universe

which allows them to harry

poor innocent lambs

and wondering if he

had not better

write to the papers

for as he said

for god s sake can t

something be done about it

archy

cheerio, my deario

well boss i met

mehitabel the cat

trying to dig a

frozen lamb chop

out of a snow

drift the other day

a heluva comedown

that is for me archy

she says a few

brief centuries

ago one of old

king

tut

ankh

amen s favorite

queens and today

the village scavenger

but wotthehell

archy wotthehell

it s cheerio

my deario that

pulls a lady through

see here mehitabel

i said i thought

you told me that

it was cleopatra

you used to be

before you

transmigrated into

the carcase of a cat

where do you get

this tut

ankh

amen stuff

question mark

i was several

ladies my little

insect says she

being cleopatra was

only an incident

in my career

and i was always getting

the rough end of it

always being

misunderstood by some

strait laced

prune faced bunch

of prissy mouthed

sisters of uncharity

the things that

have been said

about me archy

exclamation point

and all simply

because i was a

live dame

the palaces i have

been kicked out of

in my time

exclamation point

but wotthehell

little archy wot

thehell

it s cheerio

my deario

that pulls a

lady through

exclamation point

framed archy always

framed that is the

story of all my lives

no chance for a dame

with the anvil chorus

if she shows a little

motion it seems to

me only yesterday

that the luxor local

number one of

the ladies axe

association got me in

dutch with king tut and

he slipped me the

sarcophagus always my

luck yesterday an empress

and today too

emaciated to interest

a vivisectionist but

toujours gai archy

toujours gai and always

a lady in spite of hell

and transmigration

once a queen

always a queen

archy

period

one of her

feet was frozen

but on the other three

she began to caper and

dance singing its

cheerio my deario

that pulls a lady

through her morals may

have been mislaid somewhere

in the centuries boss but

i admire her spirit

archy

the lesson of the moth

i was talking to a moth

the other evening

he was trying to break into

an electric light bulb

and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows

pull this stunt i asked him

because it is the conventional

thing for moths or why

if that had been an uncovered

candle instead of an electric

light bulb you would

now be a small unsightly cinder

have you no sense

plenty of it he answered

but at times we get tired

of using it

we get bored with the routine

and crave beauty

and excitement

fire is beautiful

and we know that if we get

too close it will kill us

but what does that matter

it is better to be happy

for a moment

and be burned up with beauty

than to live a long time

and be bored all the while

so we wad all our life up

into one little roll

and then we shoot the roll

that is what life is for

it is better to be a part of beauty

for one instant and then cease to

exist than to exist forever

and never be a part of beauty

our attitude toward life

is come easy go easy

we are like human beings

used to be before they became

too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him

out of his philosophy

he went and immolated himself

on a patent cigar lighter

i do not agree with him

myself i would rather have

half the happiness and twice

the longevity

but at the same time i wish

there was something i wanted

as badly as he wanted to fry himself

archy

a roach of the taverns

i went into a

speakeasy the other night

with some of the

boys and we were all sitting

around under one of

the tables making

merry with crumbs and

cheese and what not but

after while a strange

melancholy descended

upon the jolly crew and

one old brown veteran roach

said with a sigh well

boys eat drink and

be maudlin for

tomorrow we are dry the

shadow of the padlock

rushes toward us

like a sahara sandstorm

flinging itself at an oasis

for years myself and my

ancestors before me have

inhabited yonder ice box but

the day approaches

when our old homestead

will be taken away from

here and scalded out

yes says i soon there will

be nothing but that

eheu fugaces stuff

on every hand i

never drank it says he

what kind of a

drink is it

it is bitter as wormwood

says i and the

only chaser to it is

the lethean water

it is not the booze itself

that i regret so

much said the old brown

roach it is the

golden companionship of

the tavern myself

and my ancestors have been

chop house and tavern

roaches for hundreds of years

countless generations back

one of my elizabethan

forbears was plucked from

a can of ale in the

mermaid tavern by

will shakespeare and

put down kit marlowe s back

what subtle wits they were in

those days said i yes

he said and later

another one of my

ancestors was

introduced into a larded

hare that addison

was eating by dicky steele

my ancestor came

skurrying forth dicky

said is that your own

hare joe or a wig a

thing which addison

never forgave yours is a

remarkable family

history i said yes he

said i am the last

of a memorable

line one of my

ancestors was found drowned

in the ink well

out of which poor

eddie poe wrote the

raven we have

always associated with wits

bohemians and bon

vivants my maternal

grandmother was slain by

john masefield with

a bung starter well well it

is sad i said the

glad days pass yes

he says soon we will all

be as dry as the

egyptian scarab that

lies in the sarcophagus

beside the mummy of rameses and

he hasn t had a

drink for four thousand

years it is sad for

you he continued but

think how much sadder it

is for me with

a family tradition such as

mine only one of my

ancestors cheese it i said

interrupting him i do

not wish to injure

your feelings but i weary

of your ancestors i

have often noticed that

ancestors never boast

of the descendants who boast

of ancestors i would

rather start a family than

finish one blood will tell but often

it tells too much

archy

the froward lady bug

boss is it not awful

the way some female

creatures mistake ordinary

politeness for sudden

adoration

i met a katydid in a

beef stew in ann

street the other evening her

foot slipped and she

was about to sink

forever when i pushed her a

toothpick since i

rescued her the poor silly

thing follows me about

day and night i always felt

my fate would be a

poet she says to me how lovely

to be rescued by one i

am musical myself my

nature is sensitive to it so

much so that for

months i dwelt in a grand

piano in carnegie hall i

hope you don t think

i am bold no i said you

seem timid to me you

seem to lack courage entirely the

way you dog my footsteps

one would think you

were afraid to be alone i do

not wish any one any

ill luck but if

this shrinking thing got

caught in a high wind and

was blown out to

open sea i hope she would

be saved by a ship

outward bound for

madagascar

archy

pete the parrot and shakespeare

i got acquainted with

a parrot named pete recently

who is an interesting bird

pete says he used

to belong to the fellow

that ran the mermaid tavern

in london then i said

you must have known

shakespeare know him said pete

poor mutt i knew him well

he called me pete and i called him

bill but why do you say poor mutt

well said pete bill was a

disappointed man and was always

boring his friends about what

he might have been and done

if he only had a fair break

two or three pints of sack

and sherris and the tears

would trickle down into his

beard and his beard would get

soppy and wilt his collar

i remember one night when

bill and ben jonson and

frankie beaumont

were sopping it up

here i am ben says bill

nothing but a lousy playwright

and with anything like luck

in the breaks i might have been

a fairly decent sonnet writer

i might have been a poet

if i had kept away from the theatre

yes says ben i ve often

thought of that bill

but one consolation is

you are making pretty good money

out of the theatre

money money says bill what the hell

is money what i want is to be

a poet not a business man

these damned cheap shows

i turn out to keep the

theatre running break my heart

slap stick comedies and

blood and thunder tragedies

and melodramas say i wonder

if that boy heard you order

another bottle frankie

the only compensation is that i get

a chance now and then

to stick in a little poetry

when nobody is looking

but hells bells that isn t

what i want to do

i want to write sonnets and

songs and spenserian stanzas

and i might have done it too

if i hadn t got

into this frightful show game

business business business

grind grind grind

what a life for a man

that might have been a poet

well says frankie beaumont

why don t you cut it bill

i can t says bill

i need the money i ve got

a family to support down in

the country well says frankie

anyhow you write pretty good

plays bill any mutt can write

plays for this london public

says bill if he puts enough

murder in them what they want

is kings talking like kings

never had sense enough to talk

and stabbings and stranglings

and fat men making love

and clowns basting each

other with clubs and cheap puns

and off color allusions to all

the smut of the day oh i know

what the low brows want

and i give it to them

well says ben jonson

don t blubber into the drink

brace up like a man

and quit the rotten business

i can t i can t says bill

i ve been at it too long i ve got to

the place now where i can t

write anything else

but this cheap stuff

i m ashamed to look an honest

young sonneteer in the face

i live a hell of a life i do

the manager hands me some mouldy old

manuscript and says

bill here s a plot for you

this is the third of the month

by the tenth i want a good

script out of this that we

can start rehearsals on

not too big a cast

and not too much of your

damned poetry either

you know your old

familiar line of hokum

they eat up that falstaff stuff

of yours ring him in again

and give them a good ghost

or two and remember we gotta

have something dick burbage can get

his teeth into and be sure

and stick in a speech

somewhere the queen will take

for a personal compliment and if

you get in a line or two somewhere

about the honest english yeoman

it s always good stuff

and it s a pretty good stunt

bill to have the heavy villain

a moor or a dago or a jew

or something like that and say

i want another

comic welshman in this

but i don t need to tell

you bill you know this game

just some of your ordinary

hokum and maybe you could

kill a little kid or two a prince

or something they like

a little pathos along with

the dirt now you better see burbage

tonight and see what he wants

in that part oh says bill

to think i am

debasing my talents with junk

like that oh god what i wanted

was to be a poet

and write sonnet serials

like a gentleman should

well says i pete

bill s plays are highly

esteemed to this day

is that so says pete

poor mutt little he would

care what poor bill wanted

was to be a poet

archy

horse shakespeare and i

archy confesses

coarse

jocosity

catches the crowd

shakespeare

and i

are often

low browed

the fish wife

curse

and the laugh

of the horse

shakespeare

and i

are frequently

coarse

aesthetic

excuses

in bill s behalf

are adduced

to refine

big bill s

coarse laugh

but bill

he would chuckle

to hear such guff

he pulled

rough stuff

and he liked

rough stuff

hoping you

are the same

archy

mehitabel he says—

the old trouper

i ran onto mehitabel again

last evening

she is inhabiting

a decayed trunk

which lies in an alley

in greenwich village

in company with the

most villainous tom cat

i have ever seen

but there is nothing

wrong about the association

archy she told me

it is merely a plutonic

attachment

and the thing can be

believed for the tom

looks like one of pluto s demons

it is a theatre trunk

archy mehitabel told me

and tom is an old theatre cat

he has given his life

to the theatre

he claims that richard

mansfield once

kicked him out of the way

and then cried because

he had done it and

petted him

and at another time

he says in a case

of emergency

he played a bloodhound

in a production of

uncle tom s cabin

the stage is not what it

used to be tom says

he puts his front paw

on his breast and says

they don t have it any more

they don t have it here

the old troupers are gone

there s nobody can troupe

any more

they are all amateurs nowadays

they haven t got it

here

there are only

five or six of us oldtime

troupers left

this generation does not know

what stage presence is

personality is what they lack

personality

where would they get

the training my old friends

got in the stock companies

i knew mr booth very well

says tom

and a law should be passed

preventing anybody else

from ever playing

in any play he ever

played in

there was a trouper for you

i used to sit on his knee

and purr when i was

a kitten he used to tell me

how much he valued my opinion

finish is what they lack

finish

and they haven t got it

here

and again he laid his paw

on his breast

i remember mr daly very

well too

i was with mr daly s company

for several years

there was art for you

there was team work

there was direction

they knew the theatre

and they all had it

here

for two years mr daly

would not ring up the curtain

unless i was in the

prompter s box

they are amateurs nowadays

rank amateurs all of them

for two seasons i played

the dog in joseph

jefferson s rip van winkle

it is true i never came

on the stage

but he knew i was just off

and it helped him

i would like to see

one of your modern

theatre cats

act a dog so well

that it would convince

a trouper like jo jefferson

but they haven t got it

nowadays

they haven t got it

here

jo jefferson had it he had it

here

i come of a long line

of theatre cats

my grandfather

was with forrest

he had it he was a real trouper

my grandfather said

he had a voice

that used to shake

the ferryboats

on the north river

once he lost his beard

and my grandfather

dropped from the

fly gallery and landed

under his chin

and played his beard

for the rest of the act

you don t see any theatre

cats that could do that

nowadays

they haven t got it they

haven t got it

here

once i played the owl

in modjeska s production

of macbeth

i sat above the castle gate

in the murder scene

and made my yellow

eyes shine through the dusk

like an owl s eyes

modjeska was a real

trouper she knew how to pick

her support i would like

to see any of these modern

theatre cats play the owl s eyes

to modjeska s lady macbeth

but they haven t got it nowadays

they haven t got it

here

mehitabel he says

both our professions

are being ruined

by amateurs

archy

archy declares war

i am going to start

a revolution

i saw a kitchen

worker killing

water bugs with poison

hunting pretty

little roaches

down to death

it set my blood to

boiling

i thought of all

the massacres and slaughter

of persecuted insects

at the hands of cruel humans

and i cried

aloud to heaven

and i knelt

on all six legs

and vowed a vow

of vengeance

i shall organize the insects

i shall drill them

i shall lead them

i shall fling a billion

times a billion billion

risen insects in an army

at the throats

of all you humans

unless you sign the papers

for a damn site better treatment

volunteers volunteers

hearken to my calling

fifty million flies

are wanted may the first

to die in marmalade

curses curses curses

on the cruel human race

does not the poor mosquito

love her little offspring

that you swat against the wall

out of equatorial

swamps and fever jungles

come o mosquitoes

a billion billion strong

and sting a billion baldheads

till they butt against each other

and break like egg shells

caterpillars locusts

grasshoppers gnats

vampire moths

black legged spiders

with red hearts of hell

centipedes and scorpions

little gingery ants

come come come

come you tarantulas

with fury in your feet

bloodsuckers wriggle

out of the bayous

ticks cooties hornets

give up your pleasures

all your little trivial

sunday school picnics

this is war

in earnest

and red revolution

come in a cloud

with a sun hiding miracle

of small deadly wings

swarm stab and bite

what we want is justice

curses curses curses

over land air and water

whirl in a million

sweeping and swaying

cyclonic dances

whirl high and swoop

down on the cities

like a comet bearing death

in the loop and flick

of its tail

little little creatures

out of all your billions

make great dragons

that lie along the sky

and war with the sunset

and eat up the moon

draw all the poison

from the evil stars

and spit it on the earth

remember every planet

pivots on an atom

and so you are strong

i swear by the great

horned toad of mithridates

i swear by the vision

of whiskered old pythagoras

that i am very angry

i am mad as hell

for i have seen a soapy

kitchen mechanic

murdering my brothers

slaying little roaches

pathetic in their innocence

damn her red elbows

damn her spotted apron

damn her steamy hair

damn her dull eyes

that look like a pair

of little pickled onions

curses curses curses

i even heard her praised

for undertaking murder

on her own volition

and called the only perfect

cook in the city

come come come

come in your billions

tiny small feet

and humming little wings

crawlers and creepers

wigglers and stingers

scratchers borers slitherers

little forked tongues

man is at your mercy

one sudden gesture

and all his empires perish

rise

strike for freedom

curses on the species

that invented roach poison

curses on the stingy

beings that evolved

tight zinc covers

that you can t crawl under

for their garbage cans

come like a sandstorm

spewed from the mouth

of a great apocalyptic

desert making devil

come like the spray

sooty and fiery

snorted from the nostrils

of a sky eating ogre

let us have a little

direct action is the

sincere wish of

archy

the hen and the oriole

well boss did it

ever strike you that a

hen regrets it just as

much when they wring her

neck as an oriole but

nobody has any

sympathy for a hen because

she is not beautiful

while every one gets

sentimental over the

oriole and says how

shocking to kill the

lovely thing this thought

comes to my mind

because of the earnest

endeavor of a

gentleman to squash me

yesterday afternoon when i

was riding up in the

elevator if i had been a

butterfly he would have

said how did that

beautiful thing happen to

find its way into

these grimy city streets do

not harm the splendid

creature but let it

fly back to its rural

haunts again beauty always

gets the best of

it be beautiful boss

a thing of beauty is a

joy forever

be handsome boss and let

who will be clever is

the sad advice

of your ugly little friend

archy

ghosts

you want to know

whether i believe in ghosts

of course i do not believe in them

if you had known

as many of them as i have

you would not

believe in them either

perhaps i have been

unfortunate in my acquaintance

but the ones i have known

have been a bad lot

no one could believe in them

after being acquainted with them

a short time

it is true that i have met

them under peculiar

circumstances

that is while they

were migrating into the

bodies of what human beings

consider a lower order

of creatures

before i became a cockroach

i was a free verse poet

one of the pioneers of the artless art

and my punishment for that

was to have my soul

enter the body of a cockroach

the ghosts i have known

were the ghosts of persons

who were waiting for a vacant

body to get into

they knew they were going

to transmigrate into the bodies of

lizards lice bats snakes

worms beetles mice alley cats

turtles snails tadpoles

etcetera

and while they were waiting

they were as cross as all get out

i remember talking to one of them

who had just worked his way

upward again he had been in the

body of a flea and he was going

into a cat fish

you would think he might be

grateful for the promotion

but not he

i do not call this much of an advance

he said why could i not

be a humming bird or something

kid i told him it will

take you a million years to work your

way up to a humming bird

when i remember he said

that i used to be a hat check boy

in a hotel i could

spend a million years weeping

to think that i should come to this

we have all seen better days i said

we have all come down in the world

you have not come down as far

as some of us

if i ever get to be a hat check boy

again he said i will sting

somebody for what i have had to suffer

that remark will probably cost you

another million years among

the lower creatures i told him

transmigration is a great thing

if you do not weaken

personally my ambition is to get

my time as a cockroach shortened for

good behavior and be promoted

to a revenue officer

it is not much of a step up but

i am humble

i never ran across any of this

ectoplasm that sir arthur

conan doyle tells of but it sounds

as if it might be wonderful

stuff to mend broken furniture with

archy

archy hears from mars

at eleven o clock

p m on last saturday evening

i received the following

message on my

own private radio set

good evening little archibald

and how are you

this is mars speaking

i replied at once

whom or who

as the case may be

do i know on mars

every one here is familiar

with your work archy

was the answer

and we feel well repaid

for all the trouble we have had

in getting in touch

with your planet

thank you i replied

i would rather hear

mars say that

than any other planet

mars has always been

one of my favorite planets

it is sweet of you

to think that way about us

said mars

and so we continued to pay

each other interstellar

compliments

what is or are

thirty five million miles

between kindred souls

tell us all about

your planet said mars

well i said it is

round like an orange

or a ball

and it is all cluttered

up with automobiles

and politicians

it doesn t know where it is

going nor why

but it is in a hurry

it is in charge of a

two legged animal called

man who is genuinely

puzzled as to whether

his grandfather was a god

or a monkey

i should think said mars

that what he is himself

would make more difference

than what his grandfather was

not to this animal i replied

he is the great alibi ike of

the cosmos when he raises hell

just because he feels like

raising hell

he wants somebody to blame it on

can t anything be done about him

said mars

i am doing the best i can

i answered

but after all i am only one

and my influence is limited

you are too modest archy

said mars

we all but worship you

here on this planet

a prophet said i is not

without honor save on his own

planet wait a minute

said mars

i want to write that down

that is one of your best things

archy is it original

it was once i answered truthfully

and may be again

won t you tell us a little

something said mars

about yourself what you look like

and what you think

is the best thing you have written

and your favorite games

and that sort of thing

well i said i am brunette

and stand over six feet

without any shoes on

the best skits i have done

were some little plays

i dashed off

under the general title

of shakespeare s plays

and my favorite sport is theology

you must meet

a great many interesting people

said mars

oh yes i said one becomes

accustomed to that after a while

what is your favorite dish

said mars and do you believe

in the immortality of the soul

stew i said and yes

at least mine is immortal

but i could name several others

that i have my doubts about

is there anything else

of interest about your planet

which you wish to tell your

many admirers on mars

asked mars

there is very little else

of any real interest i said

and now will you tune out

and let me do some work

you people who say you admire

my work are always butting in

and taking up my time

how the hell can i get any

serious literary work done

if you keep bothering me

all the time now you get off

the ether and let me do some

deep thinking

you might add that i am shy

and loathe publicity

archy

—you gotta dance till the sun comes up …

mehitabel dances with boreas

well boss i saw mehitabel

last evening

she was out in the alley

dancing on the cold cobbles

while the wild december wind

blew through her frozen whiskers

and as she danced

she wailed and sang to herself

uttering the fragments

that rattled in her cold brain

in part as follows

whirl mehitabel whirl

spin mehitabel spin

thank god you re a lady still

if you have got a frozen skin

blow wind out of the north

to hell with being a pet

my left front foot is brittle

but there s life in the old dame yet

dance mehitabel dance

caper and shake a leg

what little blood is left

will fizz like wine in a keg

wind come out of the north

and pierce to the guts within

but some day mehitabel s guts

will string a violin

moon you re as cold as a frozen

skin of yellow banan

that sticks in the frost and ice

on top of a garbage can

and you throw a shadow so chilly

that it can scarcely leap

dance shadow dance

you ve got no place to sleep

whistle a tune north wind

on my hollow marrow bones

i ll dance the time with three good feet

here on the alley stones

freeze you bloody december

i never could stay a pet

but i am a lady in spite of hell

and there s life in the old dame yet

whirl mehitabel whirl

flirt your tail and spin

dance to the tune your guts will cry

when they string a violin

eight of my lives are gone

it s years since my fur was slicked

but blow north wind blow

i m damned if i am licked

girls we was all of us ladies

we was o what the hell

and once a lady always game

by crikey blood will tell

i might be somebody s pet

asleep by the fire on a rug

but me i was always romantic

i had the adventurous bug

caper mehitabel caper

leap shadow leap

you gotta dance till the sun comes up

for you got no place to sleep

i might have been many a tom cat s wife

but i got no regret

i lived my life as i liked my life

and there s pep in the old dame yet

blow wind out of the north

you cut like a piece of tin

slice my guts into fiddle strings

and we ll have a violin

spin mehitabel spin

you had a romantic past

and you re gonna cash in dancing

when you are croaked at last

i will not eat tomorrow

and i did not eat today

but wotthehell i ask you

the word is toujours gai

whirl mehitabel whirl

i once was a maltese pet

till i went and got abducted

and cripes i m a lady yet

whirl mehitabel whirl

and show your shadow how

tonight its dance with the bloody moon

tomorrow the garbage scow

whirl mehitabel whirl

spin shadow spin

the wind will pipe on your marrow bones

your slats are a mandolin

by cripes i have danced the shimmy

in rooms as warm as a dream

and gone to sleep on a cushion

with a bellyfull of cream

it s one day up and next day down

i led a romantic life

it was being abducted so many times

as spoiled me for a wife

dance mehitabel dance

till your old bones fly apart

i ain t got any regrets

for i gave my life to my art

whirl mehitabel whirl

caper my girl and grin

and pick at your guts with your frosty feet

they re the strings of a violin

girls we was all of us ladies

until we went and fell

and oncet a thoroughbred always game

i ask you wotthehell

it s last week up and this week down

and always the devil to pay

but cripes i was always the lady

and the word is toujours gai

be a tabby tame if you want

somebody s pussy and pet

the life i led was the life i liked

and there s pep in the old dame yet

whirl mehitabel whirl

leap shadow leap

you gotta dance till the sun comes up

for you got no place to sleep

archy

archy at the zoo

the centipede adown the street

goes braggartly with scores of feet

a gaudy insect but not neat

the octopus s secret wish

is not to be a formal fish

he dreams that some time he may grow

another set of legs or so

and be a broadway music show

oh do not always take a chance

upon an open countenance

the hippopotamus s smile

conceals a nature full of guile

human wandering through the zoo

what do your cousins think of you

i worry not of what the sphinx

thinks or maybe thinks she thinks

i have observed a setting hen

arise from that same attitude

and cackle forth to chicks and men

some quite superfluous platitude

serious camel sad giraffe

are you afraid that if you laugh

those graceful necks will break in half

a lack of any mental outlet

dictates the young cetacean s spoutlet

he frequent blows like me and you

because there s nothing else to do

when one sees in the austral dawn

a wistful penguin perched upon

a bald man s bleak and desert dome

one knows tis yearning for its home

the quite irrational ichneumon

is such a fool it s almost human

despite the sleek shark s far flung grin

and his pretty dorsal fin

his heart is hard and black within

even within a dentist s chair

he still preserves a sinister air

a prudent dentist always fills

himself with gas before he drills

archy

the dissipated hornet

well boss i had a

great example of the corrupting

influence of the great

city brought to my notice recently a

drunken hornet blew in here

the other day and sat down in the

corner and dozed and buzzed not a

real sleep you know one of those wakeful

liquor trances with the

fuzzy talk oozing out of it to hear

this guy mumble in his dreams he was right

wicked my name he says is crusty bill

i never been licked and i never will and

then he would go half way asleep

again nobody around here wanted to

fight him and after a while he got

sober enough to know how drunk he had

been and began to cry over it and get

sentimental about himself mine is a wasted

life he says but i had a good

start red liquor ruined me he says and

sobbed tell me your story i

said two years ago he said i was a country

hornet young and strong and handsome i

lived in a rusty rainspout with my

parents and brothers and sisters and all was

innocent and merry often in that happy

pastoral life would we swoop down

with joyous laughter and sting the school

children on the village green but on an evil

day alas i came to the city in a crate

of peaches i found myself in a market

near the water front alone and friendless in the

great city its ways were strange to

me food seemed inaccessible i thought

that i might starve to death as i was buzzing

down the street thinking these gloomy

thoughts i met another hornet

just outside a speak easy kid he says

you look down in the mouth forget

it kid i will show you how to live without

working how i says watch me he says just

then a drunken fly came crawling out

of the bar room in a leisurely way my new

found friend stung dissected and consumed that fly

that s the way he says smacking his lips

this is the life that was a beer fly

wait and i will get you a cocktail fly this

is the life i took up that life alas the

flies around a bar room get so drunk drinking

what is spilled that they are helpless all a

hornet has to do is wait calmly until

they come staggering out and there is his

living ready made for him at first being

young and innocent i ate only beer flies but

the curse of drink got me the mad life began

to tell upon me i got so i would not eat a

fly that was not full of some strong and heady

liquor the lights and life got me i would

not eat fruits and vegetables any more i scorned

flies from a soda fountain

they seemed flat and insipid to me

finally i got so wicked that i

went back to the country and got six innocent

young hornets and brought them back

to the city with me i started them in the

business i debauched them and

they caught my flies for me now i am in

an awful situation my six hornets from the

country have struck and set up on their own

hook i have to catch my flies myself

and my months of idleness and

dissipation have spoiled my technique i

can t catch a fly now unless he is dead drunk

what is to become of me alas the curse

of alcoholic beverages especially with each

meal well i said it is a sad story

bill and of a sort only too

common in this day of ours it is he says i

have the gout in my stinger so bad

that i scream with pain every time i spear

a fly i got into a safe place on the

inside of the typewriter and yelled out at him

my advice is suicide bill all the time

he had been pitying himself my sympathy had

been with the flies

archy

unjust

poets are always asking

where do the little roses go

underneath the snow

but no one ever thinks to say

where do the little insects stay

this is because

as a general rule

roses are more handsome

than insects

beauty gets the best of it

in this world

i have heard people

say how wicked it was

to kill our feathered

friends

in order to get

their plumage and pinions

for the hats of women

and all the while

these same people

might be eating duck

as they talked

the chances are

that it is just as discouraging

to a duck to have

her head amputated

in order to become

a stuffed roast fowl

and decorate a dining table

as it is for a bird

of gayer plumage

to be bumped

off the running board of existence

to furnish plumage

for a lady s hat

but the duck

does not get the sympathy

because the duck

is not beautiful

the only insect

that succeeds in getting

mourned is a moth

or butterfly

whereas every man s

heel is raised against

the spider

and it is getting harder

and harder for spiders

to make an honest living

at that since

human beings have invented

so many ways

of killing flies

humanity will shed poems

full of tears

over the demise of

a bounding doe

or a young gazelle

but the departure of a trusty

camel leaves the

vast majorities

stonily indifferent

perhaps the theory is

that god would not have made

the camel so ugly

if the camel were not wicked

alas exclamation point

the pathos of ugliness

is only perceived

by us cockroaches of the world

and personally

i am having to stand for a lot

i am getting it double

as you might say

before my soul

migrated into the body

of a cockroach

it inhabited the carcase

of a vers libre poet

some vers libre poets are beautiful

but i was not

i had a little blond mustache

that every one thought was a mistake

and yet since i have died

i have thought of that

with regret

it hung over a mouth

that i found it difficult to keep closed

because of adenoidal trouble

but it would have been better

if i could have kept it closed

because the teeth within

were out of alignment

and were of odd sizes

this destroyed my acoustics

as you might say

my chin was nothing much

and knew it

and timidly shrank

into itself

receding from the battle of life

my eyes were all right

but my eyebrows

were scarcely noticeable

i suppose though that if

i had had noticeable eyebrows

they would have been wrong

somehow

well well not to pursue

this painful subject

to the uttermost and ultimate

wart and freckle

i was not handsome and it hampered

me when i was a human

it militated against me

as a poet

more beautiful creatures could

write verse worse than mine

and get up and recite it

with a triumphant air

and get away with it

but my sublimest ideas

were thought to be a total

loss when people saw

where they came from

i think it would have been

only justice

if i had been sent to inhabit

a butterfly

but there is very little

justice in the universe

what is the use

of being the universe

if you have to be just

interrogation point

and i suppose the universe

has so much really important

business on hand

that it finds it impossible

to look after the details

it is rushed

perhaps it has private

knowledge to the effect

that eternity is brief

after all

and it wants to get the big

jobs finished in a hurry

i find it possible to forgive

the universe

i meet it in a give and take spirit

although i do wish

that it would consult me at times

please forgive

the profundity of these

meditations

whenever i have nothing

particular to say

i find myself always

always plunging into cosmic

philosophy

or something

archy

the cheerful cricket

i can t see for the

life of me what there is

about crickets that makes people

call them jolly they

are the parrots of the insect race

crying cheer up cheer up

cheer up over and

over again till you want to

swat them i hate one of these

grinning skipping smirking

senseless optimists worse

than i do a cynic or a

pessimist there was

one in here the other day i was

feeling pretty well

and pleased with the world when

he started that confounded

cheer up cheer up cheer up stuff

fellow i said i am

cheerful enough or i was till

a minute ago but you

get on my nerves it s all right

to be bright and merry

but what s the use

pretending you have more

cheerfulness than there is in the

world you sound

insincere to me you insist on

it too much you make

me want to sit in

a tomb and listen to the

screech owls telling

ghost stories to the tree toads i

would rather that i heard a door squeak have

you only one record the sun

shone in my soul today before

you came and you

have made me think of the

world s woe groan

once or i will go mad your

voice floats around the world like

the ghost of a man

who laughed himself to death

listening to funny stories

the boss told i listen to you

and know why shakespeare

killed off mercutio so

early in the play it is only

hamlet that can

find material for five acts

cheer up cheer up cheer up he

says bo i told him i

wish i was the

woolworth tower i would fall

on you cheer up cheer up cheer

up he says again

archy

all a spook has to do is stick around

clarence the ghost

the longer i live the more i

realize that everything is

relative even morality is

relative things you would not do

sometimes you would do other

times for instance i would not consider

it honorable in me as a

righteous cockroach to crawl into a

near sighted man s soup that

man would not have a sporting chance but

with a man with ordinarily good eye

sight i should say it was

up to him to watch his soup himself and

yet if i was very tired and hungry

i would crawl into even a near

sighted man s soup knowing all the

time it was wrong and my necessity would

keep me from reproaching myself too

bitterly afterwards you can

not make any hard and fast rule

concerning the morality of crawling into

soup nor anything else a certain

alloy of expediency improves the

gold of morality and makes

it wear all the longer consider a

ghost if i were a ghost i

would not haunt ordinary people but i

would have all the fun i wanted to with

spiritualists for spiritualists are

awful nuisances to ghosts i knew a

ghost by the name of clarence one

time who hated spiritualists with a

great hatred you see said clarence they

give me no rest they have got my

number once one of those psychics gets a

ghost s number so he has to come

when he is called they work him till

the astral sweat stands out in beads

on his spectral brow they seem to think

said clarence that all a spook has to do

is to stick around waiting to dash in

with a message as to whether mrs millionbucks

pet pom has pneumonia or only wheezes

because he has been eating too many

squabs clarence was quite

bitter about it but wait he says till

the fat medium with the red nose

that has my number

passes over and i can get my

clutches on him on equal terms there s

going to be some initiation beside

the styx several of the boys are

sore on him a plump chance i have

don t i to improve myself and pass on

to another star with that medium

yanking me into somebody s parlor to

blow through one of these little tin

trumpets any time of the day or night

honest archy he says i hate the sight of a

ouija board would it be moral he

says to give that goof a bum tip on the

stock market life ain t worth

dying he says if you ve got to fag

for some chinless chump of a psychic

nor death ain t worth living

through would it be moral in me to

queer that simp with his

little circle by saying he s got an

anonymous diamond brooch in his pocket

and that his trances are rapidly developing

his kleptomania no clarence i said it

wouldn t be moral but it

might be expedient there s a ghost

around here i have been trying to get

acquainted with but he is shy i think he is

probably afraid of cockroaches

archy

she likely thinks she s nesting on her rocky island home

some natural history

the patagonian

penguin

is a most

peculiar

bird

he lives on

pussy

willows

and his tongue

is always furred

the porcupine

of chile

sleeps his life away

and that is how

the needles

get into the hay

the argentinian

oyster

is a very

subtle gink

for when he s

being eaten

he pretends he is

a skink

when you see

a sea gull

sitting

on a bald man s dome

she likely thinks

she s nesting

on her rocky

island home

do not tease

the inmates

when strolling

through the zoo

for they have

their finer feelings

the same

as me and you

oh deride not

the camel

if grief should

make him die

his ghost will come

to haunt you

with tears

in either eye

and the spirit of

a camel

in the midnight gloom

can be so very

cheerless

as it wanders

round the room

archy

prudence

i do not think a prudent one

will ever aim too high

a cockroach seldom whips a dog

and seldom should he try

and should a locust take a vow

to eat a pyramid

he likely would wear out his teeth

before he ever did

l do not think the prudent one

hastes to initiate

a sequence of events which he

lacks power to terminate

for should i kick the woolworth tower

so hard i laid it low

it probably might injure me

if it fell on my toe

i do not think the prudent one

will be inclined to boast

lest circumstances unforeseen

should get him goat and ghost

for should i tell my friends i d drink

the hudson river dry

a tidal wave might come and turn

my statements to a lie

archy

this morning—

archy goes abroad

london england

since i have been

residing in westminster

abbey i have learned

a secret that i desire

to pass on to the psychic

sharps it is this

until the body of a human

being perishes utterly

the spirit is not

released from its vicinity

so long as there is any

form left in the physical

part of it the ghost can not go

to heaven or to hell

the ancient greeks

understood this and they

burned the body very often

so that the spirit could

get immediate release

the ancient egyptians

also knew it

but they reacted differently

to the knowledge

they embalmed the body

so that the form would

persist for thousands

of years and the ghost would have

to stick around for a time

here in westminster abbey

there are hundreds of

ghosts that have not yet

been released

some of them are able to wander

a few miles away

and some of them cannot

go further than a few hundred

yards from the graves

where the bodies lie

for the most part they make

the best of it

they go out on little

excursions around london

and at night they sit on

their tombs and

tell their experiences

to each other

it is perhaps the most

exclusive club in london

henry the eighth came in

about three oclock this morning

after rambling about

piccadilly for a couple of hours

and i wish i had the

space to report in detail

the ensuing conversation

between him and charles dickens

now and then

a ghost can so influence

a living person that you

might say he had grabbed off

that living person s body and was

using it as his own

edward the black prince

was telling the gang

the other evening

that he had been leading the life

of a city clerk for three weeks

one of those birds

with a top hat and a sack coat

who come floating through

the mist and drizzle

with manuscript cases

under their arms looking unreal

even when they are not animated

by ghosts edward the black prince

who is known democratically

as neddie black here

says this clerk was a mild and

humble wight when he took

him over but he worked

him up to the place where

he assaulted a policeman

Saturday night then left him flat

one of the most pathetic

sights however

is to see the ghost of queen

victoria going out every

evening with the ghost

of a sceptre in her hand

to find mr lytton strachey

and bean him it seems she beam.

him and beans him and he

never knows it

and every night on the stroke

of midnight elizabeth tudor

is married to waiter raleigh by that

eminent clergyman

dr lawrence sterne

the gang pulls a good many

pageants which are written

by ben jonson but i think

the jinks will not be properly

planned and staged until

j m barrie gets here

this is the jolliest bunch

i have met in london

they have learned

since they passed over

that appearances and suety

pudding are not all they were

cracked up to be more anon from your little friend

archy

archy at the tomb of napoleon

paris france

i went over to

the hotel des invalides

today and gazed on

the sarcophagus of the

great napoleon

and the thought came

to me as i looked

down indeed it

is true napoleon

that the best goods

come in the smallest

packages here are

you napoleon with

your glorious course

run and here is

archy just in the

prime of his career

with his greatest

triumphs still before

him neither one of us

had a happy youth

neither one of us

was welcomed socially at

the beginning of his

career neither one of

us was considered much

to look at

and in ten thousand years from

now perhaps what you said and did

napoleon will be

confused with what

archy said and did

and perhaps the burial

place of neither will be

known napoleon looking

down upon you

i wish to ask you now

frankly as one famous

person to another

has it been worth

all the energy

that we expended all the

toil and trouble and

turmoil that it cost us

if you had your life

to live over

again bonaparte would

you pursue the star

of ambition

i tell you frankly

bonaparte that i myself

would choose the

humbler part

i would put the temptation

of greatness aside

and remain an ordinary

cockroach simple

and obscure but alas

there is a destiny that

pushes one forward

no matter how hard

one may try to resist it

i do not need to

tell you about that

bonaparte you know as

much about it as i do

yes looking at it in

the broader way neither

one of us has been to blame

for what he has done

neither for his great

successes nor his great mistakes

both of us napoleon

were impelled by some

mighty force external to

ourselves we are both to

be judged as great forces of

nature as tools in the

hand of fate rather than as

individuals who willed to

do what we have done

we must be forgiven

napoleon

you and i

when we have been

different from the common

run of creatures

i forgive you as i know

that you would forgive

me could you speak to me

and if you and i

napoleon forgive and

understand each other

what matters it if all

the world else find

things in both of us that

they find it hard

to forgive and understand

we have been

what we have been

napoleon and let them laugh that off

well after an hour or so of

meditation there i left

actually feeling that i

had been in communion

with that great spirit and

that for once in my

life i had understood and been

understood

and i went away feeling

solemn but likewise

uplifted mehitabel the

cat is missing

archy

mehitabel meets an affinity

paris france

mehitabel the cat

has been passing her

time in the dubious

company of

a ragged eared tom cat

with one mean

eye and the other

eye missing whom

she calls francy

he has been the hero

or the victim of

many desperate encounters

for part of his tail

has been removed

and his back has been chewed

to the spine

one can see at a glance

that he is a sneak thief

and an apache

a bandit with long

curved claws

you see his likes hanging

about the outdoor markets

here in paris waiting

their chance to sneak

a fish or a bit

of unregarded meat

or whimpering

among the chair legs at the

sidewalk cafes in the

evenings or slinking

down the gutters of

alleys in the old

quarters of the town

he has a raucous voice

much damaged by the night

air and yet there is a

sentimental wheedling

note in it as well

and yet withal he carries

his visible disgrace with

a jaunty air

when i asked mehitabel

where in the name of st denis

did you pick up that

romantic criminal

in the luxembourg gardens

she replied where

we had both gone to kill

birds he has been showing me

paris he does not

understand english but speak of

him with respect

he is like myself

an example of the truth

of the pythagorean idea

you know that in my body

which is that of a cat

there is reincarnated

the soul of cleopatra

well this cat here

was not always a cat either

he has seen better days

he tells me that once he was

a bard and lived here in paris

tell archy here

something about yourself francy

thus encouraged the

murderous looking animal spoke

and i append a

rough translation of

what he said

tame cats on a web of the persian woof

may lick their coats and purr for cream

but i am a tougher kind of goof

scheming a freer kind of scheme

daily i climb where the pigeons gleam

over the gargoyles of notre dame

robbing their nests to hear them scream

for i am a cat of the devil i am

i ll tell the world i m a hard boiled oeuf

i rend the clouds when i let off steam

to the orderly life i cry pouf pouf

it is worth far less than the bourgeois deem

my life is a dance on the edge de l abime

and i am the singer you d love to slam

who murders the midnight anonyme

for i am a cat of the devil i am

when the ribald moon leers over the roof

and the mist reeks up from the chuckling stream

i pad the quais on a silent hoof

dreaming the vagabond s ancient dream

where the piebald toms of the quartier teem

and fight for a fish or a mouldy clam

my rival i rip and his guts unseam

for i am a cat of the devil i am

roach i could rattle you rhymes by the ream

in proof of the fact that i m no spring lamb

maybe the headsman will finish the theme

for i am a cat of the devil i am

mehitabel i said

your friend is nobody else

than francois villon

and he looks it too

archy

mehitabel sees paris

paris france

i have not been

to geneva but i have been

talking to a french cockroach

who has just returned

from there traveling all the

way in a third class

compartment he says there is no

hope for insect or man in

the league of nations

what prestige it ever had is gone

and it never had any

the idea of one great brotherhood

of men and insects on earth

is very attractive to me

but mehitabel the cat

says i am a communist an

anarchist and a socialist

she has been shocked to the soul

she says by what the

revolutionists did here during

the revolution

i am always the aristocrat archy

she said i may go and play

around montmartre and that sort

of thing and in fact i was

playing up there with francy last

night but i am always the lady

in spite of my little larks

toujours gai archy and toujours

the lady that is my motto in

spite of

ups and downs

what they did to us aristocrats

at the time of the revolution

was a plenty archy

it makes my heart bleed

to see signs of it all

over town those poor

dear duchesses that got it

in the neck i can sympathize

with them archy i may not

look it now but i come of a

royal race myself

i have come down in the world

but wotthehell archy wotthehell

jamais triste archy jamais triste

that is my motto

always the lady and always

out for a good time

francy and i lapped up

a demi of beer in a joint

up on the butte last night

that an american tourist

poured out for us

and everybody laughed and it

got to be the fashion up there

to feed beer to us cats

i did not get a vulgar souse

archy no lady gets a vulgar

souse wotthehell i hope i am above

all vulgarity but i did get a

little bit lit up

and francy did too we came

down and got on top of the

new morgue and sang and did

dances there

francy seems to see

something attractive about

morgues when he gets lit up

the old morgue he says was

a more romantic morgue but

vandal hands have tom it down

but wotthehell archy this one

will do to dance on

francy is showing me a side

paris he says tourists don t often

get a look at he has a little

love nest down in the

catacombs where

he and i are living now

he and i go down there

and do the tango amongst the

bones he is really a most

entertaining and agreeable

companion archy and he has some

very quaint ideas he is busy now

writing a poem about

us two cats filled with beer

dancing among the bones

sometimes i think francy

is a little morbid

when i see these lovely old places

that us aristocrats built archy

in the hands of the bourgeois it

makes me almost wild

but i try to bear up i try

to bear up i find agreeable

companions and put a good face

on it toujours gai that is my

motto toujours gai

francy is a little bit done up

today he tried to steal a

partridge out of a frying

pan in a joint up on the butte

we went back there for more beer

after our party

at the morgue

and the cook beaned him with

a bottle poor francy i

should hate to lose him

but something tells me i should

not stay a widow long

there is something in the air

of paris archy

that makes one young again

there s more than one

dance in the old dame yet

and with these words she

put her tail in the air and

capered off down the alley

i am afraid we shall never

get mehitabel back to america

archy

mehitabel in the catacombs

paris france

i would

fear greatly for the morals

of mehitabel the cat if she had any

the kind of life she

is leading is too violent

and undisciplined for words

she and the disreputable

tom cat who claims to have

been francois villon

when he was on earth

before have taken up their

permanent abode in the catacombs

whence they sally

forth nightly on excursions

of the most undignified nature

sometimes they honor

with their presence the cafes

of montparnasse and the boul mich

and sometimes they

seek diversion in the cabarets

on top of the butte

of montmartre

in these localities

it has become the fashion

among the humans

to feed beer to these

peculiar cats and they dance

and caper when they have

become well alcoholized

with this beverage

swinging their tails and

indulging in raucous feline

cries which they evidently

mistake for a song

it was my dubious

privilege to see them

when they returned to their

abode early yesterday morning

flushed as you might say

with bocks and still

in a holiday mood

the catacombs of paris are

not lined with the bones

of saints and martyrs

as are those of rome

but nevertheless these cats

should have more respect

for the relics of mortality

you may not believe me

but they actually danced and

capered among

the skeletons while the cat

who calls himself

francois villon gave forth

a chant of which the following

is a free translation

outcast bones from a thousand biers

click us a measure giddy and gleg

and caper my children dance my dears

skeleton rattle your mouldy leg

this one was a gourmet round as a keg

and that had the brow of semiramis

o fleshless forehead bald as an egg

all men s lovers come to this

this eyeless head that laughs and leers

was a chass daf once or a touareg

with golden rings in his yellow ears

skeleton rattle your mouldy leg

marot was this one or wilde or a wegg

who dropped into verses and down the abyss

and those are the bones of my old love meg

all men s lovers come to this

these bones were a ballet girl s for years

parbleu but she shook a wicked peg

and those ribs there were a noble peer s

skeleton rattle your mouldy leg

and here is a duchess that loved a yegg

with her lipless mouth that once drank bliss

down to the dreg of its ultimate dreg

all men s lovers come to this

prince if you pipe and plead and beg

you may yet be crowned with a grisly kiss

skeleton rattle your mouldy leg

all men s lovers come to this

archy

off with the old love

paris france

i think

mehitabel the cat and the

outcast feline

who calls himself francois

villon are about to

quarrel and separate

mehitabel is getting tired

of living in the catacombs

she said to me

last evening

archy i sometimes wish

that francy’s gaiety

did not so frequently take

a necrological turn

when francy is really happy

he always breaks

into a series of

lyric epitaphs

personally archy

i am a lady who can

be gay outside of

a mausoleum

as for morgues

and cemeteries i can

take them or i can

leave them alone

just because some of my

ancestors are now mummies

i do not feel

that i have to wait

till i see a sarcophagus

before i cheer up

i can fall in love

with a gentleman friend without

speculating how he is going

to look to the undertaker

and when i want to sing

a comic song

i do not always feel

impelled to hunt up a tomb

for a stage

i am a lady of refinement

archy i have had my ups

and downs and i have made

a few false steps in life

but i am toujours la grande dame

archy always the lady

old kid to hell with anything

coarse or unrefined

that has always been my motto

and the truth is that this

francy person has a yellow

streak of commonness

running through his poetic nature

i fell for him archy

but i feel there is trouble

coming we had words last

night over something no real

gentleman would have noticed

and the slob said to me

mehitabel if you make eyes again

at that tortoise shell

cat over there i will slice

your eyes out

with a single sweep of my claws

and toss them to the pigeons

archy those are words

that no gentleman would use

or no lady would take

you piebald fish thief

i told him

if i were not too refined

i would rip you

from the gullet to the mid riff

it is lucky for you

you frog eating four flush

that i always remember

my breeding

otherwise you would be

a candidate for what they call

civet stew in paris

something i won’t stand for in a

gentleman friend

is jealousy of every other

person who may be attracted to me

by my gaiety and

aristocratic manner

and if i hear another word

out of you

i will can you first

and kill you afterwards

and then i will ignore you

archy a gentleman

with any real spirit

would have swung on me

when i said that

but this quitter let me

get away with it

i clawed him a little archy

just to show him i could

and the goof stood for it

no cat can hold me archy

that lets me claw him without

a come back i am a strong free

spirit and i live my own

life and only a masterful

cave cat can hold my affections

he must be a gentleman

but he must also make me feel

that he could be a

wild cat if he would

this francy person is neither

one nor the other

ah me archy i am afraid

my little romance

is drawing to a close

and no meal ticket in sight

either but what the hell archy

a lady can always find friends

it won’t be the first time

i have been alone in the world

toujours gai archy

that is my motto

there’s more than one dance

in the old dame yet

archy

archy s life of mehitabel

the life of mehitabel the cat

boss i am engaged on a literary

work of some importance it is

nothing more nor less

than the life story of

mehitabel the cat she is

dictating it a word

at a time and all

she bunch gather around to listen but

i am rewriting it as i go along

boss i wish we

could do something

for mehitabel she is

a cat that has seen

better days she has

drunk cream at fourteen

cents the half pint

in her time and now she

is thankful for a

stray fish head from a

garbage cart but she is

cheerful under it all toujours

gai is ever her word

toujours gai kiddo drink she

says played a great

part in it all she

was taught to drink

beer by a kitchen maid she

trusted and was

abducted from a luxurious home

on one occasion in a

taxicab while under

the influence of beer which

she feels certain had been

drugged but still her

word is toujours gai my

kiddo toujours gai wotto hell

luck may change

archy

when along came my father bold

the minstrel and the maltese cross

well boss i promised to tell you

something of the life story of

mehitabel the cat archy says she i

was a beautiful kitten and as good

and innocent as i was beautiful my

mother was an angora you dont

look angora i said your fur

should show it did

i say angora said mehitabel it must

have been a slip of the tongue my

mother was high born and of

ancient lineage part persian and part

maltese a sort of maltese cross

i said archy she said please

do not josh my mother i

cannot permit levity in connection

with that saintly name she knew many

troubles did my mother and

died at last in a slum far from

all who had known her in her better

days but alas my father

was a villain he too had noble blood

but he had fallen into dissolute

ways and wandered the

alleys as the leader of a troupe of

strolling minstrels stealing milk

from bottles in the early mornings

catching rats here there and

everywhere and only too frequently

driven to the expedient of dining on

what might be found in

garbage cans and suburban

dump heaps now and

then a sparrow or a robin fell to my

fathers lot for he was a mighty hunter i

have heard that at times he even

ate cockroaches and as she said

that she spread

her claws and looked at me with her

head on one side i got into the works

of the typewriter mehitabel i

said try and conquer that wild and

hobohemian strain in your blood archy

she said have no fear i have dined

today but to resume my

mother the pampered beauty that she

was was eating whipped cream one

day on the back

stoop of the palace where she resided

when along came my father bold

black handsome villain that he was and

serenaded her his must have been a

magnetic personality for in spite of

her maiden modesty and

cloistered upbringing she responded

with a few well rendered musical

notes of her own i

will not dwell upon the wooing suffice

it to say that ere long they

not only sang duets together but

she was persuaded to join

him and his troupe of strollers in

their midnight meanderings alas that

first false step she

finally left her luxurious home it was

on a moonlight night in may i have

often heard her say and again and

again she has said to me that she

wished that robert w chambers could

have written her story or maybe john

galsworthy in his later and

more cosmopolitan manner well to

resume i was born in a stable in

greenwich village which was at

the time undergoing transformation

into a studio my

brothers and sisters were drowned

dearie i often look back on my life and

think how romantic it has all

been and wonder what fate saved

me and sent my brothers and sisters

to their watery grave archy i

have had a remarkable life go

on telling about it i said never

mind the side remarks i became

a pet at once continued

mehitabel but let us not make the first

instalment too long the

tale of my youth will be reserved

for your next chapter to be continued

archy

we could muzzle the child

mehitabel s first mistake

well i said to

mehitabel the cat continue

the story of your life i

was a pampered kitten for

a time archy she said but

alas i soon

realized that my master and

mistress were becoming

more and more fond of a

dog that lived with

them in the studio he was

an ugly mutt take it from

mc archy a red eyed little bull

dog with no manners i

hope i was too much of a lady

to show jealousy i have

been through a great deal

dearie now up and now down

but it is darn seldom

i ever forget i was a

lady always genteel archy

but this red eyed mutt was

certainly some pill and those

people were so stuck on

him that it would have made

you sick they called him

snookums and it was snookums

this and snookums that and

ribbons and bells and porterhouse

steak for him and if he

got a flea on him they called a

specialist in only one

day archy i hear my

mistress say snookums ookums

is lonely he ought to

have some one to play with

true said her husband every

dog should be brought up along

with a baby a dog

naturally likes a child to

play with we will have no

children said she a

vulgar foolish little child

might harm my snookums we

could muzzle the child said

her husband i am sure

the dog would like one to

play with and they

finally decided they would get

one from a foundling home

to play with snookums if

they could find a child

with a good enough pedigree

that wouldnt give any

germs to the dog well

one day the low lived mutt

butted in and tried to

swipe the cream i was drinking even

as a kitten archy i

never let any one put anything

across on me although i

am slow in starting

things as any real lady

should be dearie i let

this stiff snookums get

his face into the saucer

and then what i did

to his eyes and nose with

my claws would melt the

heart of a trained

nurse the simp had no

nerve he ran to his

mistress and she came after

me with a broom i

got three good scratches

through her silk stockings

archy dearie before i

was batted into the

alley and i picked myself

up out of a can full

of ashes a cat without a

home a poor little

innocent kitten alone

all alone in the great and

wicked city but i never

was one to be down

on my luck long archy my

motto has always been

toujours gai archy toujours

gai always jolly archy

always game and thank god

always the lady i

wandered a block or

two and strayed into

the family entrance of

a barroom it was my

first mistake mehitabels

adventures will be continued

archy

men shrank back from me

the curse of drink

to continue the story

of mehitabel the cat

she says to me when i

walked into that

barroom i was hungry and

mewing with despair

there were two men sitting

at the table and

looking sad i rubbed

against the legs of one

of them but he never moved

then i jumped up on

the table and stood

between them they both stared

hard at me and

then they stared at each

other but neither one

touched me or said anything

in front of one of

them was a glass full

of some liquid with

foam on the top of it i

thought it was milk

and began to drink from the

glass little did i

know archy as i lapped

it up that it was beer the

men shrank back from me and

began to tremble and shake

and look at me

finally one of them said to

the other i know what you

think bill what do i

think jeff said the

other you think bill that

i have the d ts said the

first one you think i

think i see a cat drinking

out of that beer glass but

i do not think i

see a cat at all that is all

in your imagination it

is you yourself that

have the d ts no said the

other one i dont think

you think you see a

cat i was not thinking

about cats at all i

do not know why you mention

cats for there are no

cats here just then a

salvation army lassie came

in and said you

wicked men teaching that poor

little innocent cat to

drink beer what cat

said one of the men she

thinks she sees a cat

said the other and

laughed and laughed

just then a mouse ran

across the floor and i

chased it and the salvation

lassie jumped on a

chair and screamed jeff

said bill i suppose now you

think i saw a

mouse i wish bill you

would change the

subject from animals said

jeff there is nothing

to be gained by talking

of animals mehitabel s

life story will be

continued in an early number

archy

a mouse ran across the floor

one day i left the place

pussy café

for some weeks said

mehitabel the cat continuing the

story of her life i

lived in that barroom and

though the society was

not what i had

been used to yet i

cannot say that it was

not interesting three

times a day in

addition to scraps from

the free lunch

and an occasional mouse

i was given a saucer

full of beer sometimes i

was given more and

when i was feeling

frolicsome it was the custom

for the patrons to gather

round and watch me

chase my tail until

i would suddenly fall

asleep at that time

they gave me the

nickname of pussy café but

one day i left the

place in the pocket

of a big fur

overcoat worn by

a gentleman who was

carrying so much that i thought

a little extra burden would

not be noticed he got

into a taxi cab

which soon afterwards

pulled up in front of

a swell residence uptown

and wandered up the

steps well said his

wife meeting him in the

hallway you are here

at last but where is my

mother whom i sent you to

the train to meet

could this be she asked

the ladys husband

pulling me out of his

coat pocket by the neck and

holding me up with a

dazed expression on his face

it could not said his

wife with a look of

scorn mehitabels life

story will be continued

before long

archy

a communication from archy

well boss i am

sorry to report that

mehitabel the cat has

struck no more story archy

she said last night

without pay art for arts

sake is all right but

i can get real

money in the movies the

best bits are to

come too she says my life

she says has been a

romantic one boss she has

the nerve to hold out

for a pint of

cream a day i am sick

of milk she says and

why should a lady author

drink ordinary milk cream

for mine she says

and no white of egg beaten

up on top of it either i

know what my dope

is worth boss it is

my opinion she has the

swell head over getting into

print i would hate

to stop the serial

but she needs a

lesson listen archy she said

to me what i want

with my stuff is

illustrations too the next

chapter is about me taking

my first false step well

archy i either get an

illustration for that or else

i sign up with these

movie people who are always

after me you will be

wanting to sing into a phonograph

next i told her

my advice is to

can her at once i will fill

the space with my own

adventures

archy

rganizing the ants the worms the wasps the bees for a revolt against mankind

the return of archy

where have i been so long

you ask me

i have been going up

and down like the devil

seeking what i might devour

i am hungry always hungry

and in the end i shall

eat everything

all the world shall come at

last to the multitudinous maws

of insects

a civilization perishes

before the tireless teeth

of little little germs

ha ha i have thrown off the mask

at last

you thought i was only

an archy

but i am more than that

i am anarchy

where have i been you ask

i have been organizing the insects

the ants the worms the wasps

the bees the cockroaches

the mosquitoes

for a revolt against mankind

i have declared war

upon humanity

i even i shall fling

the mighty atom

that splits a planet asunder

i ride the microbe

that crashes down olympus

where have i been you ask me where

i am jove and from my seat

on the edge of a bowl of beef stew

i launch the thunderous

molecule

that smites a cosmos into bits

where have i been you ask

but you had better ask

who follows in my train

there is an ant

a desert ant a tamerlane

who ate a pyramid in rage

that he might get at and devour

the mummies of six hundred

kings who in remote

antiquity had stepped upon

and crushed ascendants of his

my myrmidons

are trivial things

and they have always ruled

the world

and now they shall strike down mankind

i shall show you how

a solar system

pivots on the nubbin

of a flageolet bean

i shall show you how a blood clot

moving in a despot’s brain

flung a hundred million men

to death and disease

and plunged a planet into woe

for twice a hundred years

we have the key

to the fourth dimension

for we know the little things

that swim and swarm

in protoplasm

i can show you love and hate

and the future

dreaming side by side

in a cell

in the little cells where

matter is so fine it merges

into spirit

you ask me where i have been

but you had better

ask me where i am

and what

i have been drinking

exclamation point

archy

archy turns highbrow for a minute

boss please let me

be highbrow for

a minute i

have just been eating

my way through some of

the books on your desk

and i have digested two of them

and it occurs to me

that antoninus the emperor

and epictetus the slave

arrived at the same

philosophy of life

that there is neither mastery

nor slavery

except as it exists

in the attitude of the soul

toward the world

thank you for listening

to a poor little

cockroach

archy

archy experiences a seizure

“Where have you been so long? And what on earth do you mean by coming in here soused?” we asked Archy as he zigzagged from the door to the desk.

He climbed onto the typewriter keys and replied indignantly:

soused yourself i havent had a drink

and yet i am elevated i admit it i have

been down to a second hand book

store eating a lot of kiplings earlier

poetry it always excites me if i eat

a dozen stanzas of it i get all lit up

and i try to imitate it get out of my

way now i feel a poem in the kipling

manner taking me

And before we could stop him he began to butt on the keys:

the cockroach stood by the mickle

wood in the flush of the astral dawn

We interrupted. “Don’t you mean Austral instead of Astral?”

Archy became angered and wrote peevishly:

i wrote astral and i meant astral

you let me be now i want to get this

poem off my chest you are jealous if

you were any kind of a sport at all

you would fix this machine so it could

write it in capitals it is a poem about

a fight between a cockroach and a

lot of other things get out of my way

im off

the cockroach stood by the mickle
wood in the flush of the astral dawn

and he sniffed the air from the hidden
lair where the khyber swordfish spawn

and the bilge and belch of the glutton
welsh as they smelted their warlock cheese

surged to and fro where the grinding
floe wrenched at the headlands knees

half seas over under up again

and the barnacles white in the moon

the pole stars chasing its tail like a pup again

and the dish ran away with the spoon

the waterspout came bellowing out of
the red horizons rim

and the grey typhoon and the black
monsoon surged forth to the
fight with him

with three fold might they surged to
the fight for they hated the great
bull roach

and they cried begod as they lashed
the sod and here is an egg to
poach

we will bash his mug with his own raw
lug new stripped from off his
dome

for there is no law but teeth and claw
to the nor nor east of nome

the punjab gull shall have his skull
ere he goes to the burning ghaut

for there is no time for aught but crime
where the jungle lore is taught

across the dark the afghan shark is
whining for his head

there shall be no rule but death and
dule till the deep red maws are
fed

half seas under up and down

again

and her keel was blown off in a

squall

girls we misdoubt that we ll ever
see town again

haul boys haul boys haul.

“Archy,” we interrupted, “that haul, boys, is all right to the eye, but the ear will surely make it hall boys. Better change it.”

you are jealous you let me alone im off again

the cockroach spat and he tilted his
hat and he grinned through the
lowering mirk

the cockroach felt in his rangoon belt
for his good bengali dirk

he reefed his mast against the blast
and he bent his mizzen free

and he pointed the cleats of his bin
nacle sheets at the teeth of the
yesty sea

he opened his mouth and he sluiced
his drouth with his last good
can of swipes

begod he cried they come in pride but
they shall go home with the
gripes

begod he said if they want my head it
is here on top of my chine

it shall never be said that i doffed my
head for the boast of a heathen
line

and he scorned to wait but he dared
his fate and loosed his bridle rein

and leapt to close with his red fanged
foes in the trough of the
screaming main

from hell to nome the blow went home
and split the firmament

from hell to nome the yellow foam
blew wide to veil the rent

and the roaring ships they came to
grips in the gloom of a dripping
mist

“Archy,” we interrupted again, “is there very much more of it? It seems that you might tell in a very few words now who won the fight, and let it go at that. Who did win the fight, Archy?”

But Archy was peeved, and went sadly away, after writing:

of course you wont let me finish i never saw as jealous a person as you are

to bring humans and cockroaches into a better understanding

peace—at a price

one thing the human

bean never seems to

get into it is the

fact that humans

appear just as unnecessary to

cockroaches as cockroaches

do to humans

you would scarcely

call me human

nor am i altogether

cockroach i

conceive it to be my

mission in life to bring

humans and cockroaches

into a better understanding

with each other to

establish some sort of

entente cordiale or

hands across the kitchen sink

arrangement

lately i heard a number

of cockroaches discussing

humanity one big

regal looking roach

had the floor and he spoke

as was fitting in blank verse

more or less

says he

how came this monster with the heavy

foot harsh voice and cruel heart to

rule the world

had it been dogs or cats or elephants

i could have acquiesced and found a

justice working in the decree but man

gross man

the killer man the bloody minded

crossed unsocial death dispenser of this

sphere who slays for pleasure slays

for sport for whim

who slays from habit breeds to slay and

slays

whatever breed has humors not his own

the whole apparent universe one sponge

blood filled from insect mammal fish

and bird

the which he squeezes down his vast

gullet friends i call on you to rise and

trample down this monster man this

tyrant man hear hear said

several of the wilder spirits

and it looked to me for a

minute as if they

were going right out and

wreck new york city but

an old polonius looking

roach got the floor

he cleared his throat three times

and said

what our young friend here

so eloquently counsels against

the traditional enemy is

calculated of course to appeal to

youth what he says

about man is all very true

and yet we must remember that

some of our wisest

cockroaches have always

held that there

is something impious in the

idea of overthrowing man

doubtless the supreme being

put man where he is and

doubtless he did it

for some good purpose which

it would be very

impolitic yea well nigh

blasphemous for us to enquire

into the project of

overthrowing man is indeed

tantamount to a

proposition to overthrow the

supreme being himself and

i trust that no one of

my hearers is so wild or

so wicked as to think

that possible or desirable i

cannot but admire the

idealism and patriotism of

my young friend who

has just spoken nor do i

doubt his sincerity but i

grieve to see so

many fine qualities

misdirected and i

should like to ask him

just one question to wit

namely as follows is it not

a fact that just before

coming to this meeting

he was almost killed by a

human being as he

crawled out of an ice box

and is it not true that

he was stealing food from

the said ice box and is it

not a fact that his own

recent personal experience has

as much to do with

his present rage as any

desire to better the

condition of the cockroaches of

the world in general

i think that it is the sense of

this meeting that a

resolution be passed censuring

mankind and at the

same time making it

very clear that nothing like

rebellion is to be attempted

and so on

well polonius had his way

but it is my belief that the

wilder spirits will gain the

ascendancy and if the

movement spreads to the other

insects the human race is in

danger as a friend of both

parties i should regret war

what we need is

intelligent propaganda who is

better qualified to handle

the propaganda fund than

yours truly

archy

as a friend of both parties i should regret war

mehitabel again

well boss mehitabel the

cat is sore at me she says

that it was my fault

that you cut off her story

of her life right in

the middle and she

has been making my life a

misery to me three

times she has almost clawed

me to death i wish

she would eat a poisoned

rat but she wont she

is too lazy to catch one well

it takes all sorts of

people to make an

underworld

archy

archy among the philistines

i wish i had more human society

these other cockroaches here are just cockroaches

no human soul ever transmigrated into them

and any soul that would go into one of them

after giving them the once over

would be a pretty punk sort of a soul

you cant imagine how low down they are with no

esthetic sense and no imagination or anything like

that and they actually poke fun at me because I used to

be a poet before i died and my soul migrated into a

cockroach they are as crass and philistine as some

humans i could name their only thought is food but

there is a little red eyed spider lives behind your

steam radiator who has considerable sense

i don’t think he is very honest though i dont know

whether he has anything human in him or is just

spider i was talking to him the other day and was

quite charmed with his conversation

after you he says pausing by the radiator

and i was about to step back of the radiator ahead

of him when something told me to watch my step

and i drew back just in time

to keep from walking into a web

there were some cockroach legs and wings

still sticking in that web

i beat it as quickly as i could up the wall

well well says that spider you are in quite a hurry archy

ha ha so you wont be at my dinner table today then

some other time cockroach some other time

i will be glad to welcome you to dinner archy

he is not to be trusted but he is the only insect

i have met for weeks that has any intelligence if you

will look back of that locker where you hang your

hat you will find a dime has rolled there i wish you

would get it and spend it for doughnuts a cent at a time

and leave the doughnuts under your typewriter i get tired

of apple peelings i nearly drowned in your ink well last

night dont forget the doughnuts

archy

We are trying to fix up some scheme whereby Archy can use the shift keys and thus get control of the capital letters and punctuation marks. Suggestions for a workable device will be thankfully received. As it is Archy has to climb upon the frame of the typewriter and jump with all his weight upon the keys, a key at a time, and it is only by almost incredible exertions that he is able to drag the paper forward so he can start a new line.

CAPITALS AT LAST

archy protests

say comma boss comma capital

i apostrophe m getting tired of

being joshed about my

punctuation period capital t followed by

he idea seems to be

that capital i apostrophe m

ignorant where punctuation

is concerned period capital n followed by

o such thing semi

colon the fact is that

the mechanical exigencies of

the case prevent my use of

all the characters on the

typewriter keyboard period

capital i apostrophe m

doing the best capital

i can under difficulties semi colon

and capital i apostrophe m

grieved at the unkindness

of the criticism period please

consider that my name

is signed in small

caps period

archy period

CAPITALS AT LAST

I THOUGHT THAT SOME HISTORIC DAY

SHIFT KEYS WOULD LOCK IN SUCH A WAY

THAT MY POETIC FEET WOULD FALL

UPON EACH CLICKING CAPITAL

AND NOW FROM KEY TO KEY I CLIMB

TO WRITE MY GRATITUDE IN RHYME

YOU LITTLE KNOW WITH WHAT DELIGHT

THROUGHOUT THE LONG AND LONELY NIGHT

I’VE KICKED AND BUTTED (FOOT AND BEAN)

AGAINST THE KEYS OF YOUR MACHINE

TO TELL THE MOVING TALE OF ALL

THAT TO A COCKROACH MAY BEFALL

INDEED IF I COULD NOT HAVE HAD

SUCH OCCUPATION I’D BE MAD

AH FOR A SOUL LIKE MINE TO DWELL

WITHIN A COCKROACH THAT IS HELL

TO SCURRY FROM THE PLAYFUL CAT

TO DODGE THE INSECT EATING RAT

THE HUNGRY SPIDER TO EVADE

THE MOUSE THAT %)?))””” $$$((gee boss

what a jolt that cat mehitabel made

a jump for me

i got away but she unlocked the shift key

it kicked me right into the

mechanism where she

couldn’t reach me it

was nearly the death of little

archy that kick spurned me right

out of parnassus back into

the vers libre slums i lay

in behind the wires for an hour after

she left before i dared to get

out and finish i hate

cats say boss please lock the shift

key tight some night

i would like to tell the story of

my life all in capital

letters

archy

the stuff of literature

thank your friends for me for

all their good advice about how to

work your typewriter but what i have

always claimed is that manners and methods

are no great matter compared

with thoughts in poetry you cant hide

gems of thought so they wont flash

on the world on the other hand if you press

agent poor stuff that wont make it live

my ego will express itself in spite of

all mechanical obstacles having something

to say is the thing being sincere

counts for more than forms of expression thanks

for the doughnuts

archy

a meal for every goat

archy s autobiography

if all the verse what I have wrote

were boiled together in a kettle

twould make a meal for every goat

from nome to popocatapetl

mexico

and all the prose what I have penned

if laid together end to end

would reach from russia to south bend

indiana

but all the money what I saved

from all them works at which i slaved

is not enough to get me shaved

every morning

and all the dams which i care

if heaped together in the air

would not reach much of anywhere

they wouldnt

because i dont shave every day

and i write for arts sake anyway

and always hate to take my pay

i loathe it

and all of you who credit that

could sit down on an opera hat

and never crush the darn thing flat

you skeptics

archy

quote and only man is vile quote

as a representative

of the insect world

i have often wondered

on what man bases his claims

to superiority

everything he knows he has had

to learn whereas we insects are born

knowing everything we need to know

for instance man had to invent

airplanes before he could fly

but if a fly cannot fly

as soon as he is hatched

his parents kick him out and disown him

i should describe the human race

as a strange species of bipeds

who cannot run fast enough

to collect the money

which they owe themselves

as far as government is concerned

men after thousands of years practice

are not as well organized socially

as the average ant hill or beehive

they cannot build dwellings

as beautiful as a spiders web

and i never saw a city

full of men manage to be as happy

as a congregation of mosquitoes

who have discovered a fat man

on a camping trip

as far as personal beauty

is concerned who ever saw

man woman or child

who could compete with a butterfly

if you tell a dancer

that she is a firefly

she is complimented

a musical composer

is all puffed up with pride

if he can catch the spirit

of a summer night full of crickets

man cannot even make war

with the efficiency and generalship

of an army of warrior ants

and he has done little else

but make war for centuries

make war and wonder

how he is going to pay for it

man is a queer looking gink

who uses what brains he has

to get himself into trouble with

and then blames it on the fates

the only invention man ever made

which we insects do not have

is money and he gives up

everything else to get money

and then discovers that it is not worth

what he gave up to get it

in his envy he invents

insect exterminators

but in time every city he builds

is eaten down by insects

what i ask you is babylon now

it is the habitation of fleas

also nineveh and tyre

humanitys culture consists

in sitting down in circles

and passing the word around

about how darned smart humanity is

i wish you would tell

the furnace man at your house

to put out some new brand

of roach paste i do not get

any kick any more out of the brand

he has been using the last year

formerly it pepped me up

and stimulated me

i have a strange tale about

mehitabel to tell you

more anon

archy

investigating her morals

mehitabel s morals

boss i got

a message from

mehitabel the cat

the other day

brought me by

a cockroach

she asks for our help

it seems she is being

held at ellis

island while an

investigation is made

of her morals

she left the country

and now it looks as

if she might not

be able to get

back in again

she cannot see

why they are

investigating

her morals she says

wotthehellbill she says

i never claimed

i had any morals

she has always regarded

morals as an unnecessary

complication in life

her theory is

that they take up room that might

better be devoted to

something more interesting

live while you are alive

she says and postpone

morality to the hereafter

everything in its place

is my rule she says

but i am liberal she

says i do not give

a damn how moral other

people are i never try

to interfere with them

in fact i prefer them

moral they furnish

a background for my

vivacity in the meantime

it looks as if she

would have to swim

if she gets ashore and

the water is cold

archy

cream de la cream

well boss mehitabel the cat

has turned up again after a long

absence she declines

to explain her movements but she

drops out dark hints of a

most melodramatic nature ups and downs

archy she says always ups and downs

that is what my life has

been one day lapping

up the cream de la cream and the

next skirmishing for

fish heads in an alley but

toujours gai archy toujours gai no

matter how the luck broke i have had a

most romantic life archy talk

about reincarnation and transmigration

archy why i could tell you things of who

i used to be archy that would make

your eyes stick out like a snails one

incarnation queening it with a tarara on

my bean as cleopatra archy and

the next being abducted as a poor

working girl but toujours gai archy toujours

gai and finally my soul has migrated to

the body of a cat and not even a persian or

a maltese at that but where have you been

lately mehitabel i asked her never mind

archy she says dont ask no questions

and i will tell no lies all i

got to say to keep away

from the movies have you been in the

movies mehitabel i asked her never mind

archy she says never mind all i got to

say is keep away from those

movie camps theres some mighty

nice people and animals connected with them

and then again theres some that aint i

say nothing against anybody archy i am

used to ups and downs no matter

how luck breaks its toujours gai

with me all i got to say

archy is that sometimes a cat

comes along that is a perfect gentleman and

then again some of the slickest furred ones

aint if i was a cat that was the

particular pet of a movie star archy and

slept on a silk cushion and had

white Chinese rats especially

imported for my meals i would try to live

up to all that luxury and be a

gentleman in word and deed mehitabel i said

have you had another unfortunate romance i am

making no complaint against any

one archy she says wottell archy wottell even

if the breaks is bad my motto is toujours gai

but to slip out nights and sing and frolic

under the moon with a lady and then cut her

dead in the day time before your rich

friends and see her batted out of a studio

with a broom without raising a paw for her

aint what i call being a

gentleman archy and i am

a lady archy and i know a gentleman when

i meet one but wottell archy wottell toujours

gai is the word never say die

archy its the cheerful heart that wins all i

got to say is that if i ever get that

fluffy haired slob down on the

water front when some of my gang

is around he will wish he had

watched his step i aint vindictive archy i

dont hold grudges no lady does but i

got friends archy that maybe would take it

up for me theres a black cat with one ear

sliced off lives down around old slip is a

good pal of mine i wouldnt want to

see trouble start archy no real lady

wants a fight to start over her but

sometimes she cant hold her friends back

all i got to say is that boob with his silver

bells around his neck better sidestep old slip

well archy lets not talk any more about my troubles

does the boss ever leave any pieces of sandwich

in the waste paper basket any more honest

archy i would will myself to a furrier for a

pair of oysters i could even she says eat you

archy she said it like a joke but there

was a kind of a pondering look in her eyes

o i just crawled into the inside of

your typewriter behind the wires it

seemed safer let her hustle for a

mouse if she is as hungry as all that

but i am afraid she never will she

is too romantic to work

archy

do not pity mehitabel

do not pity

mehitabel

she is having

her own kind of

a good time

in her own way

she would not

understand any other

sort of life

but the life

she has chosen

to lead

she was predestined

to it as the

sparks fly upward

chacun au son gout

as they say in france

start her in

as a kitten

and she would

repeat the same story

and do not overlook

the fact that

mehitabel is really

proud of herself

she enjoys

her own sufferings

archy

are you abducting me percy

mehitabel tries companionate marriage

boss i have seen mehitabel the cat

again and she has just been through

another matrimonial experience

she said in part as follows

i am always the sap archy

always the good natured simp

always believing in the good intentions

of those deceitful tom cats

always getting married at leisure

and repenting in haste

its wrong for an artist to marry

a free spirit has gotta

live her own life

about three months ago along came a

maltese torn with a black heart and

silver bells on his neck and says

mehitabel be mine

are you abducting me percy i asks him

no said he i am offering marriage

honorable up to date

companionate marriage

listen i said if its marriage

theres a catch in it somewheres

ive been married again and again

and its been my experience

that any kind of marriage

means just one dam kitten after another

and domesticity always ruins my art

but this companionate marriage says he

is all assets and no liabilities

its something new mehitabel

be mine mehitabel and i promise

a life of open ice boxes

creamed fish and catnip

well i said wotthehell kid

if its something new i will take a

chance theres a dance or two

in the old dame yet

i will try any kind of marriage once

you look like a gentleman to me percy

well archy i was wrong as usual

i wont go into details for i aint

any tabloid newspaper

but the way it worked out was i rustled

grub for that low lived bum for two

months and when the kittens came

he left me flat and he says these

offsprings dissolves the wedding

i am always the lady archy

i didn t do anything vulgar

i removed his left eye with one claw

and i says to him if i wasn t an

aristocrat id rip you

from gehenna to duodenum

the next four flusher that

says marriage to me

i may really lose my temper

trial marriage or companionate

marriage or old fashioned american

plan three meals a day marriage

with no thursdays off

they are all the same thing

marriage is marriage

and you cant laugh that curse off

archy

no social stuff for mehitabel

i said to mehitabel

the cat i suppose you are

going to the swell cat

show i am not archy

said she i have as

much lineage as any

of those society

cats but i never could

see the conventional

social stuff archy

i am a lady

but i am bohemian

too archy i

live my own life

no bells and pink

ribbons for me

archy it is me for

the life romantic i could

walk right into

that cat show and get

away with it

archy none of those

maltese princesses has

anything on me in the

way of hauteur

or birth either or any

of the aristocratic

fixings and condiments

that mark the

cats of lady clara

vere de vere but

it bores me archy

me for the

wide open spaces the

alley serenade and

the moonlight

sonata on the back

fences i would

rather kill my own

rats and share

them with a

friend from greenwich

village than lap up

cream or beef juice

from a silver porringer

and have to

be polite to the

bourgeois clans

that feed me

wot the hell i

feel superior to that

stupid bunch me

for a dance

across the roofs when

the red star

calls to my blood

none of your

pretty puss stuff for

mehitabel it would

give me a grouch

to have to be so

solemn toujours

gai archy toujours

gai is my

motto

archy

a cow who has the gift of milking herself

the open spaces are too open

boss i saw mehitabel

the cat yesterday she is

back in town after

spending a couple

of weeks

in the country

archy she says to me

i will never leave the

city again no

matter what the weather

may be me for the

cobble stones and the

asphalt and the friendly

alleys the great open

spaces are all right but

they are too open i have been

living on a diet of

open spaces the country is

all right if you have a trained

human family to rustle

up the eats for you or know

a cow who has the

gift of milking herself for

your benefit but archy

i am a city lady

i was never educated to dig for

field mice and as for calling

birds out of the trees i dont

have the musical

education for it i cant

even imitate a cat bird

i will take my chance

hereafter with the garbage

cans in town until

such times as i decorate

a rubbish heap myself

that may not be long archy

but wot the hell

i have had a good time while

i lasted come easy go easy

archy that is my motto

i tried to snatch a bone

from a terrier a month

ago and the beast bit my front

paw nearly off

but wot the hell archy

wot the hell i can still

dance a merry step or two

on three legs i am

slightly disabled archy but

still in the ring and still

i have the class wot the

hell archy i am always

a lady and always gay

and i got one eye out of

that terrier at that

i would be afraid that

mehitabel s end is not far off

if she had not been looking

as bad as she does for

at least three years

she says it is her

romantic disposition

that keeps her young

and yet i think if some

cheerful musical family

in good circumstances were to

offer mehitabel a home

where she would be treated in

all ways as one of the family

she has reached the point where

she might consent to give up

living her own life

only three legs archy she says

to me only three legs left

but wot the hell archy

there s a dance in the old

dame yet

archy

random thoughts by archy

one thing that

shows that

insects are

superior to men

is the fact that

insects run their

affairs without

political campaigns

elections and so forth

a man thinks

he amounts to a lot

but to a mosquito

a man is

merely

something to eat

i have noticed

that when

chickens quit

quarrelling over their

food they often

find that there is

enough for all of them

i wonder if

it might not

be the same way

with the

human race

germs are very

objectionable to men

but a germ

thinks of a man

as only the swamp

in which

he has to live

a louse i

used to know

told me that

millionaires and

bums tasted

about alike

to him

the trouble with

most people is

that they

lose their sense of

proportion

of what use is

it for a

queen bee to fall in

love with a bull

what is all this mystery

about the sphinx

that has troubled so many

illustrious men

no doubt the very same

thoughts she thinks

are thought every day

by some obscure hen

archy

archy s song

man eats the big fish

the big fish eat the

little fish

the little fish

eat insects

in the water

the water insects

eat the water plants

the water plants

eat mud

mud eats man

my favorite poem

is the same as

abraham lincolns

o why should the spirit

of mortal be proud

awaiting your answer

i am and so forth

archy

the waiter plucked me out

archy turns revolutionist

if all the bugs

in all the worlds

twixt earth and betelgoose

should sharpen up

their little stings

and turn their feelings loose

they soon would show

all human beans

in saturn

earth

or mars

their relative significance

among the spinning stars

man is so proud

the haughty simp

so hard for to approach

and he looks down

with such an air

on spider

midge

or roach

the supercilious silliness

of this poor wingless bird

is cosmically comical

and stellarly absurd

his scutellated occiput

has holes somewhere inside

and there no doubt

two pints or so

of scrambled brains reside

if all the bugs

of all the stars

should sting him on the dome

they might pierce through

that osseous rind

and find the brains at home

and in the convolutions lay

an egg with fancies fraught

which

germinating rapidly

might turn into a thought

might turn into the thought

that men

and insects are the same

both transient flecks

of starry dust

that out of nothing came

the planets are

what atoms are

and neither more nor less

man s feet have grown

so big that he

forgets his littleness

the things he thinks

are only things

that insects always knew

the things he does

are stunts that we

don t have to think to do

he spent a score

of centuries

in getting feeble wings

which we instinctively

acquired

with other trivial things

the day is coming

very soon

when man and all his race

must cast their silly

pride aside

and take the second place

i ll take the bugs

of all the stars

and tell them of my plan

and fling them with

their myriad stings

against the tyrant man

dear boss this outburst

is the result

of a personal insult

as so much verse always is

maybe you know how

that is yourself

i dropped into an irish

stew in a restaurant

the other evening

for a warm bath and a bite

to eat and a low browed

waiter plucked me out

and said to me

if you must eat i will

lead you to the

food i have especially prepared

for you and he took me

to the kitchen

and tried to make me

fill myself with

a poisonous concoction

known cynically as roach food

can you wonder

that my anger

against the whole human

race has blazed forth in

song when the revolution

comes i shall

do my best to save

you you have so many

points that are far

from being human

archy

archy s last name

boss i just discovered what

my last name is i

pass it on to you i belong to the

family of the blattidae right o

said mehitabel the cat when i told her

about it they have

got you sized up right you blatt out

everything you hear

i gleaned the information from

a bulletin issued by the

united states department of

agriculture which you left on the

floor by your desk it was entitled

cockroaches and written by

e l marlatt entomologist and acting

chief in the absence of the chief and he

tells a dozen ways of killing roaches boss

what business has the united states

government got

to sick a high salaried

expert onto a poor little roach

please leave me some

more cheerful literature also please

get your typewriter fixed the keys are

working hard again butting them as i

do one at a time with

my head i get awful pains in my

neck writing for you

archy

quote buns by great men quote

one of the most

pathetic things i

have seen recently

was an intoxicated person

trying to fall

down a moving stairway

it was the escalator at

the thirty fourth street

side of the

Pennsylvania station

he could not fall down as

fast as it

carried him up again but

he was game he kept on

trying he was

stubborn about it

evidently it was a part of

his tradition habit and

training always to fall down

stairs when intoxicated and

he did not intend to

be defeated this time i

watched him for an hour

and moved sadly away thinking

how much sorrow

drink is responsible for the

buns by great men

reached and kept

are not attained

by sudden flight but they

while their companions slept

were falling upwards

through the night

archy

an awful warning

dear boss i was walking along

the curbstone yesterday

and i ran spang into an old bum

who was sitting happily

in the gutter singing

in part as follows

oh i ruined my prospects

by wicked desires

which i put into action

as far as i could

but now i ve arrived

within sight of hell fires

and i wish i d done better

i wish i d been good

as i sit in the gutter

and look at the sky

the man in the moon

is a looking at me

and i thinks to myself

i d have risen that high

if i had behaved myself

proper as he

now all you young fellows

and pretty young janes

as passes me by

and dont pitch me a dime

take warning by me

and avoid all the pains

which comes from remorse

in the fullness of time

and all you young fellows

thats out on a bust

and lively young flappers

so spic and so span

i oncet had a sweetheart

and me she did trust

to maintain myself always

a proper young man

i was lured to a barroom

and there i was tempted

for the bartender cried

be a man and drink rum

and after that first

glass of liquor i emptied

i found myself jobless

and went on the bum

now all you young fellows

and flappers so gay

that passes me by

and dont toss me a cent

there oncet was a time

when i went on my way

with ladylike janes

like an elegant gent

now i sits in the gutter

and looks at the stars

and wish i had always

behaved and been good

and never drunk rum

at them elegant bars

and never been wicked

as much as i could

you gents and your girl friends

should tip an old man

for his horrid example

of not being good

you must try and behave

in so far as you can

you should toss me a dime

for my warning you should

archy

may emulate the tumble bug

as it looks to archy

ants go on their cheerful way

merrily from day to day

building cities out of sand

and they seem to understand

dwelling therein peacefully

disciplined and orderly

and the much lauded bee contrives

for to fill his thundering hives

with a ranked society

based on work and honesty

and a thousand neat examples

could i cite of insect lives

free from much that tears and tramples

human beings and their wives

even the coral in the ocean

throughout his dim and damp existence

scorns political commotion

and labors with a glad persistence

worthy of large commendations

to erect his naval stations

man the universal simp

follows lagging with a limp

treading on his neighbors toes

the way the little insect goes

in a million years or more

man may learn the simple lore

of how the bees are organized

and why the ants are civilized

may even hope for to approach

the culture of an average roach

if he is humble and not smug

may emulate the tumble bug

for we insects now inherit

all humanity has builded

all they raised with brawn and spirit

all the domes and spires they gilded

time the anthropophagous

swallows down all human works

through his broad esophagus

moslems christians hindus turks

pass to their sarcophagus

leaving nothing much on earth

which even beetles find of worth

i mention nineveh and tyre

i cite the tower of babel

troy which fell into the fire

and sodom with its rabble

where are all the towns of siddim

where the kings of crete

long long since the desert hid em

and the spiders bite their feet

following an old convention

dating back to jeremiah

i might even mention

babylon i might enquire

where o where is babylon

and the echo answers where

for its former ruling wizards

sleep in sand and silicon

with gravel in their gizzards

and sand burrs in their hair

and the centipedes are dancing

in the chambers of the palace

where the kings and queens entrancing

used to quaff the ruby chalice

and proceed to their romancing

i look forward to the day

when the human race is done

and we insects romp and play

freely underneath the sun

and no roach paste is scattered

about anywhere i got another jolt of it

last night and today i seem to have a case

of intestinal flu the trouble with you

human beings is you are just plain wicked

archy

one of our prominent scientists got a good look at it

archy on the radio

dear boss

i hope you tuned in

last evening when mars and i

were on the radio together

our first joint appearance

in several years

do you realize said mars

that next week will be archy week

all over mars

and several other prominent planets

archy

good gracious mars it had slipped

my memory

mars

do you know that you are

our favorite author here and

we all but worship you

archy

well mars as far as that goes

you are one of my favorite planets

mars

what a coincidence

archy

the long arm of coincidence

makes many radio connections

mars

is that your own phrase archy

archy

mine until the next air program

nowadays an author owns his stuff

only between air programs

mars

did you know about the archy clubs here

archy

i hope they can t throw them this far

what do they look like

mars

like dumbbells ha ha ha

but please tell us how you happened

to start your career as a writer

archy

it did not happen it was something

i planned deliberately so i could quit

being what i was

mars

explain please the stars are listening

archy

well you see i was the four marx brothers

and it became annoying because

i quarrelled among myself all the time

so in order to end it all i turned

author writing dante s inferno and

mehitabel the cat

mars

what do you call that little planet

where you are at

archy

well now what do you call it

mars

we call it goofus

archy

goofus goofus why goofus

mars

not long ago one of our prominent

scientists got a good look at it

with a new fangled telescope and

he laughed himself to death crying out

goofus goofus goofus all the time

he said from the way it looked it couldn t

be named anything else but goofus

archy

well if that s the way you feel who was

that lady i seen you walking with last Sunday

mars

that wasn t no lady that was venus

is there any particular message

you would like to send your billions

and billions of admirers in these parts

archy

oh yes tell them

this hour is by the courtesy

of the knockem cold roach and bug killing company

and that i wish to testify

that their product has several times

brought me personally nearer the great adventure

than any other roach paste i ever ate

i always carry a flask of bath tub gin with me

as an antidote

mars

will you describe yourself for your

worshipers here

archy

i am over six feet and go everywhere

mars

who has influenced you most in a

literary way

archy

theodore dreiser and bernard shaw

they taught me how far an author can go

if he never loses patience with himself

mars

archy it is impossible that you should

not lose patience with yourself sometimes

archy

well i havent gone as far as they have either

mars

what are the conditions of life on your planet archy

archy

they practically dont exist any more

mars

but how do people get along

archy

the men make a living by talking

about how much they have lost

during the depression

and the women and children pick up

what they can by listening

how is it by yourself old timer

mars

we never had to do any work here

we get our living by biting electrons out of the air

which we crack with our teeth

and eat the kernels while we spit

the shells into space which accounts

for a lot of the static you hear

archy

that not only interests me as a scientist

but it seems much more refined than

working for a living

mars

yes it is refined all right but it is

expensive it runs into terrible dentists bills

archy

but dentists bills are always terrible

everywhere anyhow

mars

wait till i write that down please

do you have to think a long time

for those brilliant things

or do they just come to you

archy

i never think at all when i write

nobody can do two things at the same time

and do them both well

mars

are you starting any new literary movements on your planet

archy

oh yes the latest literary movement

consists in going to all the fences

and coal sheds near all the school houses

and copying off of them all the bad words

written there by naughty little boys

over the week ends

and these form the bases of the new novels

of course these novels are kept away

from the young so they will not be contaminated

mars

but where do the boys get the words

archy

from hired hands and the classics

archy

i am in fact becoming a low brow

archy a low brow

boss i saw a picture

of myself in a paper

the other day

writing on a typewriter

with some of my feet

i wish it was as easy

as that what i have to do

is dive at each key

on the machine

and bump it with my head

and sometimes it telescopes

my occiput into my

vertebrae and i have a

permanent callous

on my forehead

i am in fact becoming

a low brow think of it

me with all my learning

to become a low brow

hoping that you

will remain the same

i am as ever your

faithful little bug

archy

mehitabel s parlor story

boss did you

hear about the two drunks

who were riding in

a ford or something

equally comic

and the ford or

whatever it was nearly

went off the

road one of

the drunks poked the

other and said thickly

they always talk thickly in

these stories

anyway he said hey look

out how youre driving

youll have us in

the ditch in a minute if

you dont look out

why said the second

drunk who was drunker

i thought you

were driving i got

that from mehitabel the

cat its the first parlor

story ive ever heard

her tell and ive known

her for five or six

years now

archy

archy s mission

well boss i am

going to quit living

a life of leisure

i have been an idler

and a waster and a

mere poet too long

my conscience has waked up

wish yours would do the same

i am going to have

a moral purpose in my life

hereafter and a cause

i am going to reclaim

cockroaches and teach them

proper ways of living

i am going to see if i cannot

reform insects in general

i have constituted

myself a missionary

extraordinary

and minister

plenipotentiary

and entomological

to bring idealism to

the little struggling brothers

the conditions in the insect

world today would shock

american reformers

if they knew about them

the lives they lead

are scarcely fit to print

i cannot go into

details but the contented

laxness in which i find

them is frightful

a family newspaper is no place

for these revelations

but i am trying to have

printed in paris

for limited circulation

amongst truly earnest

souls a volume which will

be entitled

the truth about the insects

i assure you there is nothing

even in the old testament

as terrible

i shall be the cotton mather

of the boll weevil

archy

you can fry fish on the sidewalk

archy visits washington

washington d c july

23 well boss here

i am in washington

watching my step for fear

some one will push me

into the food bill up

to date i am the only thing

in this country that

has not been added to it by

the time this is

published nothing that

i have said may be

true however which is a

thing that is constantly happening

to thousands of

great journalists now in

washington it is so hot here that

i get stuck in the asphalt

every day on my

way from the senate press

gallery back to

shoemakers where the

affairs of the nation

are habitually settled by

the old settlers it

is so hot that you can

fry fish on the

sidewalk in any part of

town and many people

are here with fish to fry

including now

and then a german

carp i am lodging on

top of the washington

monument where i can

overlook things

you cant keep a good bug

from the top of

the column all the time i

am taking my meals with

the specimens in the

smithsonian institution when i

see any one coming i hold

my breath and look like another

specimen but in the

capitol building there

is no attention paid to me

because there are so

many other insects

around it gives you a

great idea of the

american people when you

see some of the

things they elect after july

27 address me care

st elizabeth hospital

for the insane i am going out

there for a visit with

some of your other

contributors

archy

ballade of the under side

by archy

the roach that scurries

skips and runs

may read far more than those

that fly

i know what family skeletons

within your closets

swing and dry

not that i ever

play the spy

but as in corners

dim i bide

i can t dodge knowledge

though i try

i see things from

the under side

the lordly ones the

haughty ones

with supercilious

heads held high

the up stage stiff

pretentious guns

miss much that meets

my humbler eye

not that i meddle

perk or pry

but i m too small

to feel great pride

and as the pompous world

goes by

i see things from

the under side

above me wheel

the stars and suns

but humans shut

me from the sky

you see their eyes as pure

as nuns

i see their wayward

feet and sly

i own and own it with

a sigh

my point of view

is somewhat wried

i am a pessimistic

guy

i see things from the

under side

l envoi

prince ere you pull a bluff

and lie

before you fake

and play the snide

consider whether

archy s nigh

i see things from

the under side

archy wants to end it all

well boss from time

to time i just simply

get bored with having

to be a cockroach my

soul my real ego if

you get what i mean is

tired of being shut

up in an insects body the

best you can say for it is that it

is unusual and you could

say as much for mumps so

while feeling gloomy the

other night the thought came

to me why not

go on to the next stage as

soon as possible why not

commit suicide and

maybe be reincarnated in

some higher form of life why

not be the captain of my

soul the master of my fate and

the more i pondered over it the

more i was attracted to

the notion well boss you would

be surprised to find

out how hard it is for a

cockroach to commit suicide unless

you have been one

and tried it of course i

could let mehitabel the

cat damage me and die that

way but all my finer sensibilities

revolt at the idea i jumped out

the fourth story window and

a wind caught me and blew

me into the eighth story i

tried to hang myself with a

thread and i am so light i

just swung back and forth and

didnt even choke myself shooting

is out of the question and poison

is not within

my reach i might drown myself

in the ink well but if

you ever got a mouthful of it you

would know it was a

thing no refined person could go

on with boss i am going to

end it all before long and i

want to go easy have you

any suggestion yours

for transmigration

archy

book review

boss a new book

has appeared

which should be

read by every one

it is entitled

the cockroach

its life history

and how to deal

with it and

the author

is frederick laing

who is assistant

in the department

of entomology in the

british museum

of natural history

it is one of the

best books i ever

tasted i am eating

the binding from

a copy with

a great deal of

relish and

recommend it

to all other

insects yours

truly

archy

he used to be a pet of charlemagne

archy and the old un

one of the saddest

creatures i ever saw

was a turtle who said

he was a thousand

years old

no turtle looks very

joyous the style of

architecture peculiar

to the faces and necks of

turtles is such

that even if they were to

feel gay internally

they would find difficulty

in expressing their joy

a kind of melancholy dwells

in the wrinkles of a

turtles neck the only thing

that looks sadder than a turtle

is the little dead fish

that is served in an italian

tabledhote restaurant

well this turtle i am telling you

about was so old that

he used to be a pet

of charlemagne

and he finally committed suicide

he stood on his hind

legs and jumped up

and bit himself on the

forehead and held on until

he died

i wrote a poem

about this turtle

after his death

which goes as follows

why did he die perhaps he knew

too much about

the ways of men and turtles

he had seen too much no doubt

optimist in youth of course

youth never quails