B. Gilbert, Benjamin DeCasseres, and Clinton Scollard go. Or go yourself. But we gotter have Archy.—ELIZABETH.

SIR: There are three ways that the deplorable strike of Archy may end:

He may win.

You may win.

Or the pair of you may compromise.

I must say that I was horrified at the brutal capitalistic attitude taken up by you towards one of the brightest ornaments of modern American literature.—F.J.C.

poem from henry

liFe is Not aLL jazz and Joy)

      sMiles and suNNy weaTher!

EVERy golD has it’S aLloy!

toHOld tHe Stuff together!

!if LUCk is good! why maN aliVE!

      weLcoMe iT! And ch eer iT!

buT if THE drinK’S two seven five

      Try to griN! AND beer iT!

heNry!

Henry strikes us as being, on the whole, more cheerful than Archy.

As Henry left work last evening, he was attacked by a strange cockroach, no doubt a thug in the employ of Archy, who has been hanging about the building ever since Henry went on the job. The strange cockroach was easily disposed of, and Archy did not show himself in person.

We repeat what we said yesterday: If Archy is foolish enough to introduce violence into this strike, he will get his fill of it.

It has been reported to us that Archy has been drinking wood alcohol and is working himself into a rage against Henry. Candidly, we expect the worst. But the column is not to be intimidated.

progress of the strike

There is no offering from Henry today. Henry has disappeared. Frankly, we fear that Henry has been foully dealt with by a gang of rowdy cockroaches in the employ of Archy.

The column made an attempt at an early hour this morning to put another cockroach named Ernatz to work. Ernatz arrived at the office and succeeded in getting as far as the typewriter, but there he collapsed. An examination showed that Ernatz had been badly beaten up by the Archy faction in getting through the picket lines.

These picket lines have been extended by Archy and his gang until they now reach from the Press Club at Spruce and William up Spruce Street to Nassau, and down Nassau to what used to be the Umbrella Bar at the corner of Nassau and Beekman. We were informed today by an excited friend that he had seen thousands and thousands and thousands of cockroaches, led by Archy, hiding by the curbstones picketing this district, and that it seemed to him that they were maddened by benzine or something. They had chased him, he said, and he was so extraordinarily vivid and convincing in his recital and in his fright that we fancied, as he talked, that we could actually smell the benzine or something.

The column’s cockroach service has been interrupted for one day; but it will be resumed. We ask the public to be patient. As far as taking Archy back is concerned, that is now an impossibility; we are done with that ingrate forever.

a threat

We found on our desk this morning the following threat from the Archy faction, which we publish to show the public the length to which this creature is willing to go:

unless you yield to

archys demands the strike

will spread the water bugs

are going out in

sympathy with archy and the

vers libre poets union

are preparing a sympathetic

strike the public will know whom

to blame they will blame you

it is your capitalistic

attitude that is

prolonging the trouble take

warning by what

happened to henry and ernatz

So far the Mayor, the District Attorney, and the Governor have done nothing—less than nothing. We demand protection for our contributors, or we shall have a word or two to say about these officials. Several of our contributors have been threatened—C. B. Gilbert, Benjamin DeCasseres, Edward S. Van Zile, H. W., Edward Hope, and the Editor of the column have all received threatening letters from the Archy faction.

Whither is this country drifting?

The column hesitates to adopt the expedient of employing strikebreakers and guards for the purpose of getting contributors through the Archy lines; but if it becomes necessary, it shall be done. A dozen tarantulas have been offered to us by a steamship company which maintains a line of boats between this port and South and Central America, and unless the cockroaches cease to interfere with our employees, or the proper authorities wake up and give us protection, we shall be obliged to accept this offer.

the public and the strike

SIR: Restore the Archytect who made the column famous. Our Monarchy forever!!!—J.U.N.

SIR: I was amused at the suggestion of F.J.C. that Archy might win. The poor cockroach hasn’t even the chances of the proverbial snowball or the tallow cat hotly pursued by the asbestos pup. His chances are about those of law clerks on strike. My sympathies are with Archy as they surely are with law clerks, but roaches and law schools are equally prolific.—J.C.

SIR: Your column has so deteriorated that I shall never buy another paper until this Archy business is settled in Archy’s favor.—STEADY READER.

Don’t let Archy pine and die,
  We miss his gracious art,

Don’t grudge him half an apple pie;
  Recall him; have a heart!

Let me subscribe a dozen pies
  And keep the column bright—

Call Archy back and compromise
  Or kiss yourself good-night!

H.D.

SIR: This is to give you formal notice that unless Archy is reinstated within forty-eight hours the entire reportorial staff of the newspaper will walk out. It seems almost incomprehensible that anyone should throw over a cultured cockroach like Archy, one who shows the breeding and refinement of the butler’s pantry, for a low thing like Henry, who has probably spent most of his life roaming over musty pies and concrete doughnuts in Park Row basement restaurants.—E.B.

SIR: Siding entirely with Archy in his fight for living wages, if you will kindly give me his address in your daily column I will get in touch with him and induce him to accept a good position with a newspaper published by a large exporting firm. Do you think he would be averse to soliciting advertisements from any kind of people who may be willing to come across with the dough?

M. DE LA PENA. 

SIR: The truth about Archy’s strike: I myself have been threatened by a strike of my characters—Craig Kennedy, Walter Jameson, and all.