As she
advanced towards the sculptor, the feebleness of her step was so
apparent that he made haste to meet her, apprehending that she
might sink down on the marble floor, without the instant support of
his arm.
But, with a gleam of her natural self-reliance, she declined his
aid, and, after touching her cold hand to his, went and sat down on
one of the cushioned divans that were ranged against the wall.
"You are very ill, Miriam!" said Kenyon, much shocked at her
appearance. "I had not thought of this."
"No; not so ill as I seem to you," she answered; adding
despondently, "yet I am ill enough, I believe, to die, unless some
change speedily occurs."
"What, then, is your disorder?" asked the sculptor; "and what
the remedy?"
"The disorder!" repeated Miriam. "There is none that I know of
save too much life and strength, without a purpose for one or the
other. It is my too redundant energy that is slowly—or perhaps
rapidly—wearing me away, because I can apply it to no use. The
object, which I am bound to consider my only one on earth, fails me
utterly. The sacrifice which I yearn to make of myself, my hopes,
my everything, is coldly put aside. Nothing is left for me but to
brood, brood, brood, all day, all night, in unprofitable longings
and repinings."
"This is very sad, Miriam," said Kenyon.
"Ay, indeed; I fancy so," she replied, with a short, unnatural
laugh.
"With all your activity of mind," resumed he, "so fertile in
plans as I have known you, can you imagine no method of bringing
your resources into play?"
"My mind is not active any longer," answered Miriam, in a cold,
indifferent tone. "It deals with one thought and no more. One
recollection paralyzes it. It is not remorse; do not think it! I
put myself out of the question, and feel neither regret nor
penitence on my own behalf. But what benumbs me, what robs me of
all power,-it is no secret for a woman to tell a man, yet I care
not though you know it, —is the certainty that I am, and must ever
be, an object of horror in Donatello's sight."
The sculptor—a young man, and cherishing a love which insulated
him from the wild experiences which some men gather—was startled to
perceive how Miriam's rich, ill-regulated nature impelled her to
fling herself, conscience and all, on one passion, the object of
which intellectually seemed far beneath her.
"How have you obtained the certainty of which you speak?" asked
he, after a pause.
"O, by a sure token," said Miriam; "a gesture, merely; a
shudder, a cold shiver, that ran through him one sunny morning when
his hand happened to touch mine! But it was enough."
"I firmly believe, Miriam," said the sculptor, "that he loves
you still."
She started, and a flush of color came tremulously over the
paleness of her cheek.
"Yes," repeated Kenyon, "if my interest in Donatello—and in
yourself, Miriam—endows me with any true insight, he not only loves
you still, but with a force and depth proportioned to the stronger
grasp of his faculties, in their new development."
"Do not deceive me," said Miriam, growing pale again.
"Not for the world!" replied Kenyon. "Here is what I take to be
the truth. There was an interval, no doubt, when the horror of some
calamity, which I need not shape out in my conjectures, threw
Donatello into a stupor of misery. Connected with the first shock
there was an intolerable pain and shuddering repugnance attaching
themselves to all the circumstances and surroundings of the event
that so terribly affected him. Was his dearest friend involved
within the horror of that moment? He would shrink from her as he
shrank most of all from himself. But as his mind roused itself,—as
it rose to a higher life than he had hitherto experienced,—whatever
had been true and permanent within him revived by the selfsame
impulse. So has it been with his love."
"But, surely," said Miriam, "he knows that I am here! Why, then,
except that I am odious to him, does he not bid me welcome?"
"He is, I believe, aware of your presence here," answered the
sculptor. "Your song, a night or two ago, must have revealed it to
him, and, in truth, I had fancied that there was already a
consciousness of it in his mind. But, the more passionately he
longs for your society, the more religiously he deems himself bound
to avoid it. The idea of a lifelong penance has taken strong
possession of Donatello. He gropes blindly about him for some
method of sharp self-torture, and finds, of course, no other so
efficacious as this."
"But he loves me," repeated Miriam, in a low voice, to herself.
"Yes; he loves me!"
It was strange to observe the womanly softness that came over
her, as she admitted that comfort into her bosom. The cold,
unnatural indifference of her manner, a kind of frozen
passionateness which had shocked and chilled the sculptor,
disappeared. She blushed, and turned away her eyes, knowing that
there was more surprise and joy in their dewy glances than any man
save one ought to detect there.
"In other respects," she inquired at length, "is he much
changed?"
"A wonderful process is going forward in Donatello's mind,"
answered the sculptor. "The germs of faculties that have heretofore
slept are fast springing into activity. The world of thought is
disclosing itself to his inward sight. He startles me, at times,
with his perception of deep truths; and, quite as often, it must be
owned, he compels me to smile by the intermixture of his former
simplicity with a new intelligence. But he is bewildered with the
revelations that each day brings. Out of his bitter agony, a soul
and intellect, I could almost say, have been inspired into
him."
"Ah, I could help him here!" cried Miriam, clasping her hands.
"And how sweet a toil to bend and adapt my whole nature to do him
good! To instruct, to elevate, to enrich his mind with the wealth
that would flow in upon me, had I such a motive for acquiring it!
Who else can perform the task? Who else has the tender sympathy
which he requires? Who else, save only me,—a woman, a sharer in the
same dread secret, a partaker in one identical guilt,—could meet
him on such terms of intimate equality as the case demands? With
this object before me, I might feel a right to live! Without it, it
is a shame for me to have lived so long."
"I fully agree with you," said Kenyon, "that your true place is
by his side."
"Surely it is," replied Miriam. "If Donatello is entitled to
aught on earth, it is to my complete self-sacrifice for his sake.
It does not weaken his claim, methinks, that my only prospect of
happiness a fearful word, however lies in the good that may accrue
to him from our intercourse. But he rejects me! He will not listen
to the whisper of his heart, telling him that she, most wretched,
who beguiled him into evil, might guide him to a higher innocence
than that from which he fell.
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