I have grated upon5 my good

friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow6

Nim, or else you had looked through the grate, like a gemini7

of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen

my friends you were good soldiers and tall fellows. And when

Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took’t upon10

mine honour thou hadst it not.

PISTOL    Didst not thou share12? Hadst thou not fifteen pence?

FALSTAFF    Reason13, you rogue, reason. Think’st thou I’ll

endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about14

me, I am no gibbet for you. Go — a short knife and a throng15

— to your manor of Picked-hatch16, go! You’ll not bear a letter

for me, you rogue. You stand upon your honour. Why, thou

unconfinable18 baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the

terms of my honour precise19. Ay, ay, I myself sometimes,

leaving the fear of heaven on the left hand20, and hiding mine

honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge and to21

lurch: and yet, you rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-22

a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-23

beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour? You will

not do it? You?

PISTOL    I do relent26. What would thou more of man?

[Enter Robin]

ROBIN    Sir, here’s a woman would speak with you.

FALSTAFF    Let her approach.

[Enter Mistress Quickly]

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Give29 your worship good morrow.

FALSTAFF    Good morrow, good wife.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Not so31, an’t please your worship.

FALSTAFF    Good maid, then.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    That I am, I’ll be sworn,

As my mother was the first hour I was born34.

FALSTAFF    I do believe the swearer. What with me?

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two?

FALSTAFF    Two thousand, fair woman, and I’ll vouchsafe37 thee

the hearing.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    There is one Mistress Ford, sir — I pray come

a little nearer this ways40— I myself dwell with master Doctor

Caius—

FALSTAFF    Well, on42. Mistress Ford, you say—

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Your worship says very true. I pray your

worship come a little nearer this ways.

FALSTAFF    I warrant thee nobody hears. Mine

Gestures toward Pistol and Robin

own people, mine own people.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Are they so? Heaven bless them, and make

them his servants.

FALSTAFF    Well, Mistress Ford: what of her?

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Why, sir, she’s a good creature. Lord, lord,

your worship’s a wanton51! Well, heaven forgive you, and all of

us, I pray—

FALSTAFF    Mistress Ford, come, Mistress Ford.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Marry, this is the short and the long of it: you

have brought her into such a canaries as ’tis wonderful55. The

best courtier of them all — when the court lay at Windsor —

could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has

been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches,

I warrant you —coach after coach, letter after letter, gift

after gift, smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so rushling60, I

warrant you, in silk and gold, and in such alligant61 terms, and

in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest that would

have won any woman’s heart: and, I warrant you, they

could never get an eye-wink of64 her. I had myself twenty

angels65 given me this morning, but I defy all angels — in any

such sort66, as they say — but in the way of honesty: and, I

warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a

cup with the proudest of them all. And yet there has been

earls, nay, which is more, pensioners69, but, I warrant you, all

is one with her.

FALSTAFF    But what says she to me? Be brief, my good she-71

Mercury.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Marry, she hath received your letter, for the

which she thanks you a thousand times; and she gives you to

notify75 that her husband will be absence from his house

between ten and eleven.

FALSTAFF    Ten and eleven.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Ay, forsooth, and then you may come and see

the picture, she says, that you wot79 of. Master Ford, her

husband, will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman leads an

ill life with him: he’s a very jealousy man. She leads a very

frampold82 life with him, good heart.

FALSTAFF    Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her. I will

not fail her.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Why, you say well. But I have another

messenger86 to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty

commendations to you too: and let me tell you in your ear,

she’s as fartuous a civil modest88 wife, and one, I tell you, that

will not miss you89 morning nor evening prayer, as any is in

Windsor, whoe’er be the other: and she bade me tell your

worship that her husband is seldom from home, but she

hopes there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote

upon a man. Surely I think you have charms93, la. Yes, in truth.

FALSTAFF    Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of my

good parts95 aside, I have no other charms.

MISTRESS QUICKLY    Blessing on your heart for’t!

FALSTAFF    But I pray thee tell me this: has Ford’s wife and

Page’s wife acquainted each other how they love me?

MISTRESS QUICKLY    That were a jest indeed! They have not so little

grace100, I hope — that were a trick indeed! But Mistress Page

would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves101. Her

husband has a marvellous infection to102 the little page, and

truly Master Page is an honest man.