I thank you for

my venison, Master Shallow.

SHALLOW    Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it

your good heart. I wished your venison better, it was ill67

killed. How doth good Mistress Page? And I thank you

always with my heart, la69 — with my heart.

PAGE    Sir, I thank you.

SHALLOW    Sir, I thank you: by yea and no71, I do.

PAGE    I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

SLENDER    How does your fallow73 greyhound, sir? I he ard say he

was outrun on Cotsall74.

PAGE    It could not be judged75, sir.

SLENDER    You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.

SHALLOW That he will not.—

’Tis your fault78, ’tis your fault.— ’Tis a good dog.

Aside to Slender/To Page

PAGE    A cur79, sir.

SHALLOW    Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog, can there be

more said? He is good and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

PAGE    Sir, he is within: and I would82 I could do a good office

between you.

EVANS    It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

SHALLOW    He hath wronged me, Master Page.

PAGE    Sir, he doth in some sort86 confess it.

SHALLOW    If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that so,

Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed he hath, at88 a

word, he hath. Believe me: Robert Shallow esquire saith he is

wronged.

PAGE    Here comes Sir John.

[Enter Falstaff, Bardolph, Nim and Pistol]

FALSTAFF    Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the

king?

SHALLOW    Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer,

and broke open my lodge95.

FALSTAFF    But not kissed your keeper’s96 daughter?

SHALLOW    Tut, a pin! This shall be answered97.

FALSTAFF    I will answer it straight98: I have done all this. That is

now answered.

SHALLOW    The Council shall know this.

FALSTAFF    ’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel101.

You’ll be laughed at.

EVANS    Pauca verba103, Sir John, goot worts.

FALSTAFF    Good worts? Good cabbage. Slender, I broke104 your

head. What matter105 have you against me?

SLENDER    Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you,

and against your cony-catching107 rascals, Bardolph, Nim and

Pistol.

BARDOLPH    You Banbury cheese109!

SLENDER    Ay, it is no matter110.

PISTOL    How now, Mephostophilus111?

SLENDER    Ay, it is no matter.

NIM    Slice, I say! Pauca, pauca. Slice, that’s my humour113.

SLENDER    Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

EVANS    Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is

three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is, Master

Page — fidelicet117 Master Page — and there is myself — fidelicet

myself — and the three118 party is — lastly and finally — mine

host119 of the Garter.

PAGE    We three to hear it and end it between them.

EVANS    Fery goot, I will make a prief121 of it in my note-book,

and we will afterwards ’ork122 upon the cause with as great

discreetly123 as we can.

FALSTAFF    Pistol!

PISTOL    He hears with ears.

EVANS    The tevil and his tam126! What phrase is this? He hears

with ear? Why, it is affectations.

FALSTAFF    Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?

SLENDER    Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never

come in mine own great chamber again else, of seven groats130

in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards131, that cost

me two shilling and two pence apiece of Yead132 Miller, by these

gloves.

FALSTAFF    Is this true, Pistol?

EVANS    No, it is false135, if it is a pick-purse.

PISTOL    Ha, thou mountain-foreigner136! Sir John and master mine,

I combat challenge of this latten bilbo137.

Word of denial in thy labras138 here!

Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!

SLENDER    By these gloves, then, ’twas he.

Points to Nim

NIM    Be avised, sir, and pass good humours141: I will say

‘marry trap’ with you, if you run the nuthook142’s humour on

me. That is the very note143 of it.

SLENDER    By this hat, then, he in the red face144 had it: for

though I cannot remember what I did when you made me

drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

FALSTAFF    What say you, Scarlet and John147?

BARDOLPH    Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk

himself out of his five sentences.

EVANS    It is his five senses. Fie, what the ignorance is!

BARDOLPH    And being fap151, sir, was, as they say, cashiered: and

so conclusions passed the careers152.

SLENDER    Ay, you spake in Latin then too. But ’tis no matter. I’ll

ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly

company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those

that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

EVANS    So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind157.

FALSTAFF    You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen, you

hear it.

[Enter Anne, with wine]

PAGE    Nay, daughter, carry the wine in: we’ll drink within.

[Exit Anne]

Aside?

SLENDER    O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page!

[Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page]

PAGE    How now, Mistress Ford?

FALSTAFF    Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met.

By your leave164, good mistress.

Kisses her

PAGE    Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have

a hot venison pasty to166 dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we

shall drink down all unkindness.

[Exeunt all except Shallow, Slender and Evans]

SLENDER    I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of

Songs and Sonnets168 here.

[Enter Simple]

How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait on

myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles171 about you,

have you?

SIMPLE    Book of Riddles? Why, did you not lend it to Alice

Shortcake upon Allhallowmas174 last, a fortnight afore

Michaelmas175?

SHALLOW Come, coz. Come, coz, we stay176 for you. A word

with you, coz. Marry, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender177,

a kind of tender, made afar off178 by Sir Hugh here. Do you

understand me?

SLENDER    Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be so, I

shall do that that is reason181.

SHALLOW    Nay, but understand me.

SLENDER    So I do, sir.

EVANS    Give ear to his motions184. Master Slender, I will

description the matter to you, if you be capacity of185 it.

SLENDER    Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you

pardon me, he’s a Justice of Peace in his country, simple187

though I stand here.

EVANS    But that is not the question. The question is

concerning your marriage.

SHALLOW    Ay, there’s the point, sir.

EVANS    Marry, is it: the very point of it, to Mistress Anne

Page.

SLENDER    Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable

demands195.

EVANS    But can you affection the ’oman196? Let us command

to know that of your mouth or of your lips, for divers197

philosophers hold that the lips is parcel198 of the mouth.

Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to199 the maid?

SHALLOW    Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

SLENDER    I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would

do reason.

EVANS    Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies, you must speak

possitable, if you can carry her204 your desires towards her.

SHALLOW    That you must. Will you, upon205 good dowry, marry

her?

SLENDER    I will do a greater thing than that upon your

request, cousin, in any reason.

SHALLOW    Nay, conceive209 me, conceive me, sweet coz. What I do

is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

SLENDER    I will marry her, sir, at your request.