You said it was because there was too much of
yourself in it. Now, that is childish.”
“Harry,” said Basil Hallward, looking him straight in the face,
“every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist,
not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not
he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the
coloured canvas, reveals himself. The reason I will not exhibit this picture is
that I am afraid that I have shown in it the secret of my own soul.”
Lord Henry laughed. “And what is that?” he asked.
“I will tell you,” said Hallward; but an expression of
perplexity came over his face.
“I am all expectation, Basil,” continued his companion, glancing
at him.
“Oh, there is really very little to tell, Harry,” answered the
painter; “and I am afraid you will hardly understand it. Perhaps you will
hardly believe it.”
Lord Henry smiled, and leaning down, plucked a pink-petalled daisy from the
grass and examined it. “I am quite sure I shall understand it,” he
replied, gazing intently at the little golden, white-feathered disk, “and
as for believing things, I can believe anything, provided that it is quite
incredible.”
The wind shook some blossoms from the trees, and the heavy lilac-blooms,
with their clustering stars, moved to and fro in the languid air. A grasshopper
began to chirrup by the wall, and like a blue thread a long thin dragon-fly
floated past on its brown gauze wings. Lord Henry felt as if he could hear
Basil Hallward’s heart beating, and wondered what was coming.
“The story is simply this,” said the painter after some time.
“Two months ago I went to a crush at Lady Brandon’s. You know we
poor artists have to show ourselves in society from time to time, just to
remind the public that we are not savages. With an evening coat and a white
tie, as you told me once, anybody, even a stock-broker, can gain a reputation
for being civilized. Well, after I had been in the room about ten minutes,
talking to huge overdressed dowagers and tedious academicians, I suddenly
became conscious that some one was looking at me. I turned half-way round and
saw Dorian Gray for the first time. When our eyes met, I felt that I was
growing pale. A curious sensation of terror came over me. I knew that I had
come face to face with some one whose mere personality was so fascinating that,
if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my
very art itself. I did not want any external influence in my life. You know
yourself, Harry, how independent I am by nature. I have always been my own
master; had at least always been so, till I met Dorian Gray. Then – but I
don’t know how to explain it to you. Something seemed to tell me that I
was on the verge of a terrible crisis in my life. I had a strange feeling that
fate had in store for me exquisite joys and exquisite sorrows. I grew afraid
and turned to quit the room. It was not conscience that made me do so: it was a
sort of cowardice. I take no credit to myself for trying to escape.”
“Conscience and cowardice are really the same things, Basil.
Conscience is the trade-name of the firm. That is all.”
“I don’t believe that, Harry, and I don’t believe you do
either. However, whatever was my motive – and it may have been pride, for
I used to be very proud – I certainly struggled to the door. There, of
course, I stumbled against Lady Brandon. ‘You are not going to run away
so soon, Mr.
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