Oh, my veal, my veal! The lout! He’s eaten the veal Help Help!

PA UBU. By my green candle, I’ll gouge your eyes out.

 

The door opens.

SCENE THREE

 

PA UBU, MA UBU, CAPTAIN MACNURE and his

MERRY MEN.

 

MA UBU. Good day, gentlemen, we have been awaiting your arrival with impatience. Pray be seated.

CAPTAIN MACNURE. Good day, Madam. But where is Mister Ubu?

PA UBU. Here I am, here I am! By my green candle, dammit, I shouldn’t have thought I was so easy to miss.

CAPTAIN MACNURE. Good day, Mister Ubu. Sit ye down, my merry men.

 

They all sit down.

 

PA UBU. Ouch! A little more and I’d have had stove in my chair.

CAPTAIN MACNURE. Well, Mistress Ubu, what succulent dishes have you prepared for us today ?

MA UBU. Here’s the menu.

PA UBU. That’s right up my street.

MA UBU. Polish broth, spare ribs of Polish bison, veal, chicken and hound pie, parsons’ noses from the royal Polish turkeys, charlotte russe ...

PA UBU. That’s enough, I should think. Is there any more?

MA UBU. Ice-pudding, salad, fruit, cheese, boiled beef, Jerusalem fartichokes, cauliflower à la pschitt.

PA UBU. Hey, do you think I’m an oriental potentate, shelling out all that money ?

MA UBU. Pay no attention to him. He’s off his rocker.

PA UBU. You wait. I shall sharpen my teeth on your shanks.

MA UBU. Just eat up and shut up, Old Ubu! Here, try the Polish broth.

PA UBU. Urghh, what muck!

CAPTAIN MACNURE. You’re right. It hasn’t quite come off.

MA UBU. Ill-mannered louts, what do you want then?

PA UBU (clapping his brow). Ah ! I’ve got an idea. Back in a jiffy.

 

He goes out.

 

MA UBU. Gentlemen, let’s try the veal.

CAPTAIN MACNURE. Excellent.