I liked the last best because its leaves were
yellow. The wild garden behind the house contained a central apple-tree
and a few straggling bushes under one of which I found the late tenant's
rusty bicycle-pump. He had been a very charitable priest; in his will he
had left all his money to institutions and the furniture of his house to
his sister.
When the short days of winter came dusk fell before we had well eaten our
dinners. When we met in the street the houses had grown sombre. The space
of sky above us was the colour of ever-changing violet and towards it the
lamps of the street lifted their feeble lanterns. The cold air stung us
and we played till our bodies glowed. Our shouts echoed in the silent
street. The career of our play brought us through the dark muddy lanes
behind the houses where we ran the gauntlet of the rough tribes from the
cottages, to the back doors of the dark dripping gardens where odours
arose from the ashpits, to the dark odorous stables where a coachman
smoothed and combed the horse or shook music from the buckled harness.
When we returned to the street light from the kitchen windows had filled
the areas. If my uncle was seen turning the corner we hid in the shadow
until we had seen him safely housed. Or if Mangan's sister came out on the
doorstep to call her brother in to his tea we watched her from our shadow
peer up and down the street. We waited to see whether she would remain or
go in and, if she remained, we left our shadow and walked up to Mangan's
steps resignedly. She was waiting for us, her figure defined by the light
from the half-opened door. Her brother always teased her before he obeyed
and I stood by the railings looking at her. Her dress swung as she moved
her body and the soft rope of her hair tossed from side to side.
Every morning I lay on the floor in the front parlour watching her door.
The blind was pulled down to within an inch of the sash so that I could
not be seen. When she came out on the doorstep my heart leaped. I ran to
the hall, seized my books and followed her. I kept her brown figure always
in my eye and, when we came near the point at which our ways diverged, I
quickened my pace and passed her. This happened morning after morning. I
had never spoken to her, except for a few casual words, and yet her name
was like a summons to all my foolish blood.
Her image accompanied me even in places the most hostile to romance. On
Saturday evenings when my aunt went marketing I had to go to carry some of
the parcels. We walked through the flaring streets, jostled by drunken men
and bargaining women, amid the curses of labourers, the shrill litanies of
shop-boys who stood on guard by the barrels of pigs' cheeks, the nasal
chanting of street-singers, who sang a come-all-you about O'Donovan Rossa,
or a ballad about the troubles in our native land. These noises converged
in a single sensation of life for me: I imagined that I bore my chalice
safely through a throng of foes. Her name sprang to my lips at moments in
strange prayers and praises which I myself did not understand. My eyes
were often full of tears (I could not tell why) and at times a flood from
my heart seemed to pour itself out into my bosom. I thought little of the
future. I did not know whether I would ever speak to her or not or, if I
spoke to her, how I could tell her of my confused adoration. But my body
was like a harp and her words and gestures were like fingers running upon
the wires.
One evening I went into the back drawing-room in which the priest had
died. It was a dark rainy evening and there was no sound in the house.
Through one of the broken panes I heard the rain impinge upon the earth,
the fine incessant needles of water playing in the sodden beds. Some
distant lamp or lighted window gleamed below me. I was thankful that I
could see so little.
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