I had the original photograph somewhere, but couldn't put my
hand on it."
She had reached the fatal page; she was spreading it open. Her
smile caressed it; her mouth looked like a pink pod bursting on a
row of pearly seeds. She turned to Manford almost tenderly.
"After you prevented my going to Ardwin's I had to swear to send
this to Klawhammer, to show that I really CAN dance. Tommy
telephoned at daylight that Klawhammer was off to Hollywood, and
that when I chucked last night they all said it was because I knew
I couldn't come up to the scratch." She held out the picture with
an air of pride. "Doesn't look much like it, does it? … Why,
what are you staring at? Didn't you know I was going in for the
movies? Immobility was never my strong point…" She threw the
paper down, and began to undo her furs with a lazy smile, sketching
a dance step as she did so. "Why do you look so shocked? If I
don't do that I shall run away with Michelangelo. I suppose you
know that Amalasuntha's importing him? I can't stick this sort of
thing much longer… Besides, we've all got a right to self–
expression, haven't we?"
Manford continued to look at her. He hardly heard what she was
saying, in the sickness of realizing what she was. Those were the
thoughts, the dreams, behind those temples on which the light laid
such pearly circles!
He said slowly: "This picture—it's true, then? You've been
there?"
"Dawnside? Bless you—where'd you suppose I learnt to dance? Aunt
Kitty used to plant me out there whenever she wanted to go off on
her own—which was pretty frequently." She had tossed of her hat,
slipped out of her furs, and lowered the flounce of the lamp–shade;
and there she stood before him in her scant slim dress, her arms,
bare to the shoulder, lifted in an amphora–gesture to her little
head.
"Oh, children—but I'm bored!" she yawned.
Book II
XI
Pauline Manford was losing faith in herself; she felt the need of a
new moral tonic. Could she still obtain it from the old sources?
The morning after the Toys' dinner, considering the advisability of
repairing to that small bare room at Dawnside where the Mahatma
gave his private audiences, she felt a chill of doubt. She would
have preferred, just then, not to be confronted with the sage; in
going to him she risked her husband's anger, and prudence warned
her to keep out of the coming struggle. If the Mahatma should ask
her to intervene she could only answer that she had already done so
unsuccessfully; and such admissions, while generally useless, are
always painful. Yet guidance she must have: no Papist in quest of
"direction" (wasn't that what Amalasuntha called it?) could have
felt the need more acutely. Certainly the sacrament of confession,
from which Pauline's ingrained Protestantism recoiled in horror,
must have its uses at such moments. But to whom, if not to the
Mahatma, could she confess?
Dexter had gone down town without asking to see her; she had been
sure he would, after their drive to and from the Toys' the evening
before. When he was in one of his moods of clenched silence—they
were becoming more frequent, she had remarked—she knew the
uselessness of interfering. Echoes of the Freudian doctrine,
perhaps rather confusedly apprehended, had strengthened her faith
in the salutariness of "talking things over," and she longed to
urge this remedy again on Dexter; but the last time she had done so
he had wounded her by replying that he preferred an aperient. And
in his present mood of stony inaccessibility he might say something
even coarser.
She sat in her boudoir, painfully oppressed by an hour of
unexpected leisure. The facial–massage artist had the grippe, and
had notified her only at the last moment. To be sure, she had
skipped her "Silent Meditation" that morning; but she did not feel
in the mood for it now. And besides, an hour is too long for
meditation—an hour is too long for anything. Now that she had one
to herself, for the first time in years, she didn't in the least
know what to do with it. That was something which no one had ever
thought of teaching her; and the sense of being surrounded by a
sudden void, into which she could reach out on all sides without
touching an engagement or an obligation, produced in her a sort of
mental dizziness. She had taken plenty of rest–cures, of course;
all one's friends did. But during a rest–cure one was always busy
resting; every minute was crammed with passive activities; one
never had this queer sense of inoccupation, never had to face an
absolutely featureless expanse of time. It made her feel as if the
world had rushed by and forgotten her. An hour—why, there was no
way of measuring the length of an empty hour! It stretched away
into infinity like the endless road in a nightmare; it gaped before
her like the slippery sides of an abyss. Nervously she began to
wonder what she could do to fill it—if there were not some new
picture show or dressmakers' opening or hygienic exhibition that
she might cram into it before the minute hand switched round to her
next engagement. She took up her list to see what that engagement
was.
"11.45. Mrs.
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